White ceiling at the end of the gaze. Feeling the softness of the bed on his back, he watched its whiteness without even seeing it.
On his right hand is a book that he has just finished reading. On the cover, the title was printed "Kokoro".
Cut your gaze off the ceiling. After reading it, I hit a turnaround, feeling a distinct sense of tiredness.
... Takahashi Sensei, in charge of the current country, said egoism was the subject of this novel.
Indeed, within the novel, the teacher betrays his best friend, K, in order to be tied to his daughter. As a result, K chooses to die, and the teacher also kills himself at the end of the day because of his conscience.
If you're saying betrayal to K is ego, I guess so.
In the light of normal ethics, betrayal of friends is an unacceptable vice.
But still, I don't think the teacher was a bad guy.
But... if so, does it mean that people have an unforgivable sense of selfishness, even if they're not bad people?
Even at the end of the novel, the teacher exposes his own ego.
Confess your sins to me and commit suicide from the blame of your conscience.
Seeing only that, the way it is, it also looks like an innocent person trying to repent of his own deeds, regardless.
But this is what the teacher writes to me in his suicide note.
Only to the lady who became my wife, don't tell me the truth.
While making death current, I don't want only my loved ones to know how ugly I am. At the end of the day, he writes his own untouchable wishes in his will.
"... this is just a story in a novel."
I didn't make anyone listen, I zeroed the word.
Yes, this is only fiction.
As a result of being portrayed by a rare, famous writer's brush, Natsume Soushi, I feel a tremendous sense of reality, but the interpretation is a story in a novel.
It's not real. It has to be.......................................................
Muri, get up. I walked over to the learning desk to bag a finished novel.
On the desk, the student bag used to go to school. And beside it, two books are placed.
- "I'm sure you'll like it," Fujido says.
I stopped moving and stared at those two books.
"What do you need to be afraid of?
I stretched out my hand to two terrifying books, back-to-back with those words, when I punished "Kokoro" in my bag.
On the blackboard is a round clock. Its short and long needles overlap. At the same time, the commonplace chime sounded.
Signal of the end of class that many students have been waiting for. - It's the start of the lunch break.
"Ha... Mmm."
While I'm eating lunch, I accidentally slay a zero-out flaw.
"What, Shizuku. Were you so bored with Kihara's class?
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
My friends, who have surrounded their seats together, continue to speak.
"Um, no, actually, I stayed up late yesterday..."
I smile bitterly and explain why.
Yes, yesterday, I ended up missing the book that Fujido pushed me into, and when I realized it was quite late.
"What, what were you doing late?
"It's up to you! I was encouraging delusions you shouldn't have!
"Wow, that's filthy! No Shizukuishi with you!
I just smile back at their multiplication.
As usual. Eating lunch with each other, women are casually blooming into conversation.... Yes, as painful as a headache from lack of sleep.
That, why not? I usually don't care at all, rather, I'm supposed to be having fun listening...... today is terrible......
I'm sure it's because of the lack of sleep. Yeah, so...
"... hey, Shizuku would think so too, wouldn't you?
"What! No, I'm not..."
In my reply, the look on my face changes the one I've been asking.
I opened my eyes and gave him a surprised look. Then he gets a tight, disgruntled look.
Shit! Why did you reply like this?!?
Obviously, 'You're right,' even though I'm about to agree.
Awkward air flows. Miho, who reacted sensitively to it, spoke out loud.
"Hey, hey, 'nothing...' Are you Erica!
"Eh, broken? Actually..."
Get on Miho's help ship. Phew, and a laugh leaked.
Thanks to her driving, the awkward air is relieved. And nothing. The conversation resumed.
Still, I get out of sight of the awkwardness and, above all, the inner upset, fumbling in the middle of a conversation.
At the end of a deviant gaze, bump into another gaze.
The Lord of that gaze, Fujido, gave me a deep grin when my gaze matched mine.
Shortly after I finished eating my own lunch, I said I was going to the bathroom and left the classroom.
Thinking about walking alone in the hallway is about the conversation earlier.
How could I have said that?... No, that's not a big deal. The real problem is………….
Fujido's meaningful grin is reminiscent.
I... at that time... talking to you two, what the hell did you think?
"Hasegawa, do you have a minute?
I didn't notice the footsteps approaching from behind because I was thinking.
Or does this guy like surprise attacks from behind, called last time, called this time?
Looking back slowly, thinking about what no benefit.
I checked the faces of my classmates calling from behind and then opened my mouth.
"... Fine. I wonder what you're talking about, Fujido."
"Thanks, but shall we walk a little before then?"
With that said, Mr. Fujido does not wait for a reply and walks out past me.
As usual, he's a selfish man.
But I didn't find the indiscretion strange.
Cross the hallway and down the stairs.
We even came out to the courtyard between the school building and the school building. There was a rare appearance of a person, but avoided it and walked over to the edge.
"So, why have you been calling me, Mr. Fujido?
Ask Fujido, who stopped walking.
"Um, I don't have any business with this in particular... Well, I mean, I wanted to talk to Hasegawa for a bit... is that the place?
"Ha..."
Mr. Fujido tilts his little neck with his hands on his chin.
I want you to stop questioning me there. I can only return a raw reply.
"Right, Hasegawa... yeah? Haceri............ Shizuku, okay? There's a big difference between six and three letters."
"............... yeah, fine"
"Then that's the thing.... that, what were you trying to say?
That's what I said, Mr. Fujido tilting his little neck again. Brightly dyed hair flows sarally.
But you stopped to think, and as soon as you put your tilted neck back, you open your mouth.
"Well, come on. If you tell me what you want to talk about now, so..."
……………………
Too free. It's called the carriage of conversation, its contents, exactly Freedom.
I get a little worried while I'm in other HR.
At this rate, this guy is a huge guy... no, speaking of which, he was a guy who didn't have a relationship with people in particular.
Not to mention redoing, Fujido stares straight back at this one and throws the word at me again.
"Right, then a few questions. Shizuku, this is the conversation we had earlier during the meal, but what the hell did you think and what did you think?
"... what? … it…………"
Exactly what I was wondering myself.
Accidentally stuck in words. But if you don't respond to something......
"At that time,..................... yeah, I don't know actually"
I tried to give some appropriate answers, but the deep grin came to life at that time.
Then I honestly revealed my inner heart because I also felt ridiculous to delude myself now.
"... don't know,"
Hmm nodding, Fujido overlapping questions.
"Hey, Shizuku. Have you read Yesterday's Human Disqualification?
The direction of the question has no context whatsoever and will fly away to the day after tomorrow.
What the hell does she want to hear?
"... I read that, is that it?
"Oh well, have you read it yet? How did you feel?
How did it feel? 'Human disqualification' I...
Recall the contents of "Human Disqualification".
Taizai's masterpiece Human Disqualification. “I've had a shameful lifetime," a novel that begins with an overly impressive sentence.
What was the shame for Otani Ip Zao in this novel?
There are many things, but one of them would be to not think of normality to others, and thus not understand and be afraid of people.
As a result, he plays a clown and takes care of himself… takes care of himself?
"............... Fujido wants to say that I'm faking and taking care of myself like Daiya Ip Zao to hide who I really am?
Unconsciously a low voice sounds. But Fujido didn't pay attention to the voice at all, and on the contrary, let him even laugh.
As if, well done, but as I say.
"... If that's what you think, that's Fujido's mistake"
"Really?
"That's right."
They stare at each other silently for a while. It was Mr. Fujido who broke the silence first.
"... I used to be a good lady."
"Yes?"
Oh... jeez... you? Unexpectedly, I see brightly dyed hair and a disintegrated uniform.
Instead of being angry at my uncanny gaze, rather the other way around, Fujido grinned with his stomach.
I round my eyes to see Fujido like that for the first time.
After a while, she talks with laughter.
"Psst... Psst... Kuk, right? You don't look like a lady at all...... huf"
I don't know what to say and keep quiet.
Fujido keeps talking to me without worrying about me.
"I'll be proud, but I'm the lady of the so-called good house. But, you know, that's why it was tough. My surroundings asked me to behave as a lady. … As I continued to respond to that request, something black accumulated in my body, and at one point, I couldn't stand it…"
Black stuff builds up? Didn't I feel similar one day?
It's as if you're wearing a black jar......
"Stop the lady, live as you wish, and so the black things that accumulated in her body, many of them, disappeared. It was a wonderful liberation..."
Fujido gives a sunny look, as if he remembered the sense of liberation at the time.
I'm on that look......
"... but you know, it didn't disappear completely and go away. Naturally, my surroundings don't change when I'm alone. There are fences (smudges), common sense, or ethics in the world... I can't live free in the true sense.... I gave up that I had no choice, until before this..."
When Fujido turns his back on me, he slowly walks out one or two steps.
Talk as if you were a troupe member who emits a dialogue like you sing......
"... yes, an ideal home existed for me. The place is a much more immature society than here, and therefore less ethical, where people are faithful to the desire of stripping...... I was actually going to go alone. But..."
Mr. Fujido turns roughly. Fluffy, swinging skirts, bright, windy hair, and a lustrous (ah-ah), dewy grin.
"- I'm sure Shizuku will love it."
I can't hide my confusion in her words.
Whatever, I have no idea what you're talking about. No, I don't think it's sane, not to say I don't know, but ideal places, etc.
Together, even if I was hooked on some suspicious religion, I would be evil pushed.
Yes, my reason is revolting against her words. That's for sure.
And yet, why not?
I was instinctively attracted to her words and, above all, to that laugh.
It's like the first time I read "Kohlo" in a textbook......
And at the end of the day, Fujido Zhu disappeared from school.