Tensei Shoujo no Rirekisho

"... you okay? Lew, you're trembling."

I heard Alan sounding worried and I looked up in a hurry.

"I'm fine. I'm just a little surprised. But it's not if you're naughty. We need to clarify the spell of slave magic... because with slave magic, it doesn't matter......"

My voice trembles even though I'm trying to make an energetic voice out of it.

"Slave Magic..."

I nodded slightly at Alan's whining.

"Consciously, I don't know exactly what magic it is because I've never used it, but given the meaning of the word and the context of His Highness at that time, I think maybe slave magic is magic that makes people obey. In other words, magic that can force people to manipulate..."

It was so horrible while I said it myself that the last one's words were blurred.

Biomagic is, in other words, maybe a kind of magic that allows you to manipulate what's alive as you please.

Because you can manipulate the body of a living thing, you can treat injuries, take poison out of your body, or force up your strength.

And I'm sure, my heart......

"... you know what the spell says?

"I know some spells that don't work. I think one of them is slave magic."

"Isn't that with you barely knowing? If Liu is hard, don't rely on it."

"That's the only way I can count on it anymore......!

That's what I shouted to block Alan's words.

"Besides, Henry said I already used slave magic. So you weakened me by saying you couldn't kill me"

That's what I said, crawling my own hand around my neck. I still feel Gesley's hand earlier.

Gesley did say that.

If that were true, it would mean that I already knew and used the spell.

"His Highness couldn't kill Liu... not because of slave magic. That's a different reason."

"Why not, what? Why couldn't His Highness have killed me then?

"It's..."

That said Alan strayed his gaze.

"I don't want to say it out of my mouth"

That's what Alan says. He shuts his mouth.

I don't know what Alan thought and said that.

But the only thing I can count on right now is Henry's said slave magic...

"Either way...... I have to find slave magic. That's the best way to round this place up... Alan will take Master Cain back. Because I'm going to try any of the slave magic spells now."

That said I turned my gaze to Gesley.

Now I'm asleep as if nothing happened.

"You can't leave Liu behind. I'm going out too. I'm here, too. You can try."

"It's..."

Alan's suggestion should be something to be thankful for.

Even unforeseen things can happen as we try new things. It's comforting to have someone by your side.

Yet I thought it was like instinct not to like it.

I probably don't want Alan to see me use slave magic.

I have a consciousness to do terrible things, and I doubt myself.

I don't remember using it. But Gesley said I used slave magic.

I open my mouth to escape the unpleasant thoughts.

"... but I don't know how slave magic works, and if it even affects Alan..."

"Is Lew's magic not just the person you want to play, but the magic that affects you all the way around?

"... no, basically when you call someone else, it should be just the person I touched directly with my own blood"

"Then no problem. Magic always has rules. Nothing that Liu's worried about is going to happen because he won't break that rule."

"... but. Could it be... even before..."

Earlier Alan said that Gesley's failure to kill me had nothing to do with slave magic, but I don't know how I can say all that.

Maybe I was using that magic unconsciously.

And if so, it's possible Henry wasn't the only one who got magical.

Alan, Mother Koo, Charles, Master Cain, Miss Katerina, Miss Salome, Mr. Ritz, and Master Bash... what if I was magically distorting the feelings of everyone I'd ever met?

Suppose that feeling that everyone thinks of me as a friend or companion is the feeling that I was forced to make with my magic...?

That's right. If you think about it normally, that's more convincing.

Because...

Because I wasn't even loved by my real parents...

The face of the parents of the village of Galigari was good. Something back in my previous life that I hardly remembered now.

Cow, I met your mother, I met a friend, and she told me that she loved me, that she was okay now, and I've been pushing her into the depths of my heart, that drooling feeling overflows.

I thought it was something I didn't have anymore. I thought it was gone...

It's not gone. All this time, it just builds up at the bottom of my mind.

I felt like it was getting dark in front of me.

I knew no one loved me.

Someone loved me. I wished, I wished too much, and I borrowed the cowardly hand of magic.

Koo Mother's kindness, Charles' smile, Alan's feelings, it's all a fake made out of my selfish magic...

"Liu......!!

A soft one wrapped my cheek.

Relying on the voice that came into my ear, my sight opens that I was about to catch in the darkness.

Focusing, I had Alan with both hands on my face and a worried peek.

I thought it was a gentle hand. The look also conveys that you are seriously worried about me.

But this, too, maybe, is fake...

"Lew, listen to me. It's unlikely what Liu thinks. Magic isn't so versatile, it conveniently doesn't activate on its own."

"No, I don't know...!

"I know."

I gave Alan a self-derisive grin when I assured him so.

"... maybe even that word of Alan is just saying it because that's what I want"

Alan opened his eyes like he was hurt by that word of mine.

"Liu, no. This is how I feel. I mean it. It's not made of magic, if it wasn't something someone forced it to do."

"But..."

"I know exactly why Liu is so special to me. There's no room for magic in there. I remember everything. When I met Liu, I also wondered how busy he was. I saw Liu smile when he looked back, and I also thought he was cute. How much do you think I moaned when I heard Lew was exposed to bandits? And it was in Liu again at the school, and as I had various firsts with Liu, I was attracted more and more. I remember everything I felt when I met Liu and everything I thought. This is definitely how I feel. I won't allow Lyo to decide that everything I feel when I meet Lyo is magic on my own."

Alan's straight words echoed in his chest and his vision seeped in.

When I accidentally close my eyelids, tears overflow from my eyes.

I lay my own hand over Alan's hand and tilted it so that I could keep my face.

Alan's hand, touched, felt bigger than Alan's hand I remember.

It's even harder than I thought, and it's very warm.

When I felt the warmth on my skin, I was just a little relieved.

This warmth is real. Even Alan's words......

"I'm fine. A lot of things happen all at once, and I'm just confused. 'Cause it's okay."

When Alan said that, he smiled.

A smile that always inspires me.

The usual, reassuring smile.

Overlapping Alan's face, the faces of Mother Koo, Charles and Miss Katerina all pass.

Would there have been a lie there?

Would I have felt at least a little bit of a lie in the words that everyone put to me......

I'm an idiot.

Oh, my God. I must have told Alan earlier.

That can't be true that everyone's feelings are lies.

I know that because it was me with everyone. I should have known.

It's really me, stupid.

"Alan, I'm sorry..."

I looked over and deposited it in Alan's chest. I heard Alan beating.

Alan's heartbeat, which I feel just a little faster, was so comforting.