The Best Point Guard

The Miami People were sad, distraught, and gripped by an indescribable fear.

They couldn’t believe how a legitimate title run had devolved into a desperate struggle to defend their home court—a fight for their dignity to avoid a 0-4 sweep.

Their roster was solid, wasn’t it? A still-dominant O’Neal, the incredible Wade, and a group of capable and experienced veterans. How had they ended up in this state?

By any metric, the Knicks shouldn’t have been able to compete with Miami. Outside of Su Xi, weren’t they just a ragtag bunch of misfits?

Even with Zach Randolph’s recent surge, did he really have any advantage against Miami’s frontcourt?

What made things even more infuriating for Miami was that Isaiah Thomas kept apologizing. ’What the hell is he apologizing for? You’re already up 3-0!’

Wasn’t that just twisting the knife?

Before the fourth game, Pat Riley laid down an ultimatum: "If we get swept this season, I will step down as head coach for good. It will prove I’m no longer fit for today’s NBA."

His words galvanized all of Miami, filling them with the resolve of an army with its back against the wall. They did not want to be swept.

Every Miami fan and every Miami player knew full well: they had no room for retreat. Defeat might be imminent, but at the very least, it couldn’t end in a sweep.

Furthermore, everyone knew this season was their best chance at glory for years to come.

Just as an air of desperate resolve settled over Miami, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba ran into each other at Miami International Airport. And as all eyes turned to them, they did not disappoint the onlookers.

When their suitcases collided in the bustling crowd, Scarlett lashed out at Jessica. Jessica immediately shot back with a sarcastic retort.

Scarlett then shoved Jessica. Their years of pent-up animosity exploded in that instant. The two Hollywood stars couldn’t restrain themselves. Both were furious that the other had come to Miami to see Su Xi at this exact moment. ’By what right? It’s my turn to have my fun, what gives you the right to interfere?’

When women get jealous, their celebrity status does little to rein them in.

If security hadn’t intervened in time, Miami International Airport might very well have hosted the spectacle of two Hollywood actresses pulling each other’s hair and screaming obscenities.

Thankfully, they quickly regained their composure after being separated, put on their sunglasses, and left the scene by their separate ways.

Although the physical confrontation was brief, the landmark incident triggered a media frenzy throughout Hollywood and across the nation.

What was once just a war of words had now escalated into a public, physical altercation.

Many people were baffled. Why would two gorgeous Hollywood bombshells come to blows over Little Sheep Su Xi? He was handsome, rich, and strong, and rumor had it he was skilled at... taking women to heaven. But even so, for Hollywood stars, shouldn’t they have more composure than this? This is insane!

It’s worth noting that some women’s rights organizations immediately demanded that Su Xi take responsibility, calling for him to issue an explanation and an apology.

When Su Xi saw the news, he was completely floored.

’What does this have to do with me?’

’I’m just a guy who two women happen to be madly in love with. That’s all there is to it.’

In bed, Su Xi reprimanded Scarlett.

Scarlett was defiant at first, but as Su Xi’s ’pressure’ on her grew stronger and more intense, her voice became as faint as a whisper. "Fine. As long as she doesn’t start with me, I won’t go after her."

Su Xi was actually quite frustrated. He said, "I think you two are perfectly capable of getting along peacefully. Am I not enough to satisfy you both? Why do you have to be so jealous and fight over me?"

"You need to think like philosophers. If you look at it from a different angle, you’ll see you’ve gained a close family member, not an enemy who’s stealing your candy."

"After all, the candy is unlimited."

Su Xi delivered his earnest lecture, though he had no idea if Scarlett was actually taking any of it to heart.

In any case, he had to get to the American Airlines Center Arena for Game 4 of the East Semifinals.

The basketball media had been tearing Su Xi apart for the past two days, even more ferociously than the women’s rights groups. You’d think Su Xi had stolen their wives. ’It was clearly two celebrities who couldn’t control their tempers and got into a fight at the airport,’ he thought. ’How did I end up being the one accused of lacking male virtue?’

Especially the so-called basketball experts, who were spouting all sorts of self-righteous bullshit.

They claimed that with such a chaotic personal life, Su Xi didn’t deserve to win. That he had no respect for the game, no respect for the NBA.

They were blowing things completely out of proportion, slapping one damning label on him after another.

Su Xi felt like these people had to be nuts. ’Have they completely abandoned logic just for the sake of hating on me?’

’How do I disrespect the game? How do I disrespect the NBA?’

’Isn’t being in a relationship better than those players who do drugs and sleep around indiscriminately?’

’In the NBA, I’m practically a moral paragon.’

Su Xi was that confident.

This was especially true when Su Xi heard Michael Jordan come out and say, "Today’s young players should learn from LeBron. Care for your family, be passionate about charity, constantly improve your skills, and use your influence on the court to give back to society..."

Damn it. Su Xi was absolutely fuming.

As soon as he got to the American Airlines Center Arena, he went straight to the TNT crew to state his piece. "I don’t think certain basketball legends who have gambling addictions and a history of frequenting establishments like the Gold Club have any right to judge me. Furthermore, I believe that being in love is a beautiful thing. We’re open and honest about it, we conduct ourselves with integrity, and we’re not afraid of people trying to sling mud."