Chapter 231: See Reason
Ryan’s POV
Ryan watched the rise and fall of Vivian’s chest with the same intensity that most sports fans reserved for games in which their favorite team was playing. Given how invested he was in each inhale and exhale, he’s supposed that that made sense. After all he was a very big fan of Vivian Rose staying alive.
Looking up at her face he found her eyes still closed and that made his heart sting. The doctor had said that it would be a day or two at most, that she just needed to get her strength back. Yet they were now on the fourth day and she was still not showing any signs of waking.
That morning he’d had the doctors run more tests over and over again to ensure that their original diagnosis had been right. That there truly was no brain damage, that she’d gotten away without any long lasting effects.
The extra tests had produced the same positive results as the initial ones, but until Vivian woke up, Ryan could not trust them completely. Machines were not always accurate after all.
Not wanting to scare her with his doubt filled thoughts, he ran the pad of his thumb over the back of her hand and began speaking softly.
"It’s alright if you need a bit more rest. You do not have to rush to wake up for my sake, just rest for however long you need. As long as you come back to me. I don’t mind ok?" As expected, Ryan got no answer, but he did not let that bother him. Instead he continued to rub soothing circles over the back of her hand. Unable to take seeing her face so unresponsive, he went back to watching her chest moving up and down as she breathed, reassuring himself that she was still with him.
Sometime later the door opened as somebody came in, and Ryan did not even bother looking up to see who it was, either it was Mark, Amy or both of them. He did not have the energy to fight, but it seemed that that was all that those two wanted to do.
You should eat more, you should get some sleep, you should get some exercise, you should get some sun....
No, he did not need any of that, what he needed was his Vivian. The person who had just come in cleared their throat, obviously trying to get his attention. Still not looking up, Ryan tightened his hold on Vivian’s hand. There came another loud throat clearing and this time he did not ignore the intruder.
"Go away," He finally snapped.
It was a show of bad manners from his end, but he was sick and tired of being told to leave his Vivian side, she needed him, and he needed her.
"Well, that is rather rude of you. I did not raise you with such foul manners," His head snapping up, Ryan stared at his grandfather in shock.
***
His grandfather had come.
He’d taken ill recently and Ryan had not thought that he would be able to make it in person. He’d made his peace with giving updates and receiving comfort through the phone.
But the old man had come!
Unshed tears making his eyes sting, Ryan smiled up at his grandfather. With a soft kiss to her hand, Ryan let go of Vivian and stood, going over to his grandfather and hugging the old man before leading him back to the very seat that he had just vacated. The old man looked up at him, his eyes narrowing as they raked over Ryan in a way that they had not done since childhood, it was a look that his grandfather had often given him when he had been convinced that Ryan was hiding something.
"How are you holding up?" The old man finally asked, his voice soft, like he was talking to someone fragile, ( it wasn’t right, Ryan was not weak, he had to be strong for Vivian’s sake).
Forcing a smile, Ryan looked down at his grandfather and tried to lie, ’I am doing fine.’ He wanted to say, but his throat closed up and the words just would not come. All that he managed was a soft whimper that he quickly cut off before it could turn into a cry.
No, no, he could not cry. He would not-
"Oh child," His grandfather said, his worry clear and Ryan forced himself to find words that were not a lie.
"I am still here and right now that is the best that I can do," He told his grandfather. The old man nodded, reaching out, he patted Ryan gently on the elbow, then his gaze slid over to Vivian before he looked back up at Ryan.
"Is she any better than the last time when you updated me on the phone?" Ryan shook his head. "There is still no change, but the doctors are still optimistic," The old man hummed softly as he rested his chin against the top of his cane.
"What about you, are you optimistic?" Having not expected the question, Ryan was too stunned to do anything but answer truthfully.
"Grandfather, I am scared," He whispered, his voice cracking. The old man nodded, "That is to be expected, this is a scary situation," Sitting up, Langston Terrell raised a hand and beckoned Ryan closer, seeing the gesture he leaned in, and the old man drew him into another hug. When he let go, he lightly slapped Ryan on the cheek.
"It is alright, to be scared to be worried, but in doing that, try not to scare and worry, those who care about you as much as they care about her,"
***
"I am not doing that grandfather, I just have to make sure that I keep an eye on her and make sure that she is safe," Ryan knew that his tone was a little too defensive. But he could not help himself.
Instead of arguing, his grandfather merely shrugged. "You can do that, but also remember that, you are not alone in this. You can lean on us for support," Ryan opened his mouth to disagree, ready to tell his grandfather that he needed to keep an eye on her 24/7. That it was the only way he could reassure himself that she was really safe. But then the old man said something that killed the argument before he even began.
"If you carry on like this you will worry her," The words reached him in a way that nothing had since Vivian had been attacked, and Ryan felt like he’d just been struck by a bolt of lightning.
Suddenly he felt an unbelievable amount of guilt at all of the times that he had dismissed Amy and Mark when they had tried to help. All he had felt whenever they had suggested that he rest was irritation, but his grandfather had just made him see things in a new light. He had been so worried about Vivian that he had not noticed that he was worrying other people...that he would be worrying her too if she were awake to see him.
He had been selfish.
"I just want her to be okay," He said, his voice cracking, his grandfather smiled sadly at him.
"With time she will be, but when she wakes up she needs to find you doing well. Otherwise she will also begin to suffer, because she will see you hurting," The old man was absolutely right. His Vivian was the kind to put her well-being, way below other people’s. If he let himself fall apart and she woke up to find him like that, she would push back her own healing in order to take care of him, he could not do that to her, the focus needed to be on her. Leaning down, Ryan hugged his grandfather tight, when he straightened, he looked over at Vivian and very deliberately began walking towards the door.
"I am going to my hotel suite to shower again, and sleep for a few hours, I will return after I have eaten," Unable to trust himself not to go back if he saw her again, Ryan did not look away from the door as he said that. His message delivered, he exited the room without a backwards glance. After a hug from both Mark and Amy, who had not even tried to hide the fact that they had been listening in, Ryan set about to do exactly what he had just promised.