My mother held me in silence until I cried, cried, and it turned into a whimper.
I wonder what you're doing on the doorstep, and it took me quite a while to calm down. I'm ashamed to be a lady.
But I couldn't contain my heart.
"Are you calm, Carol"
"... eh, gu. Yes, Mother."
"Okay, let's go inside. So I'm going to talk to you in more detail."
Mother took me around the front door, and I went straight upstairs - to Mother's room.
I've never been in this room much. Essentially, when you report something to your mother, it's because it's enough in the dining room. Besides, if my mother had errands, she'd basically come to my room. It's aggressive, Mother.
Sitting on a sofa in my mother's room, I began to explain to my mother who sat in front, suppressing the whimpering I still couldn't stop.
The difficult explanation must have been hard for your mother to hear.
But you can't explain it fluently to me right now, etc.
Instead - because while I'm explaining it, I'm so overflowing with tears again.
Mr. Wilhelm's duties are diverse and he doesn't know when to lose his life again.
Mr. Wilhelm told me that you are a person who does not care about your family.
Mr. Wilhelm told me that I should find a more deserving partner and build a family.
To Master Wilhelm - the moment I said I was going to bite my tongue and die, I said go home, that I was so rejected.
My mother used to listen to me in silence until I finished explaining myself.
And together when my words are over.
"Natalia."
"Yes."
"You can't go wrong with Carol's words earlier."
"Yes. There is no mistake. I heard it with you."
"Okay."
I'll check with Natalia for some reason.
Probably because there are so many parts of me that are confused. Or so I don't falsely report it to my mother.
"Don't be offended, Carol. I just wanted to hear your objective opinion, too. My mother will not imitate her delusions by listening to only one word."
"I know, Mother"
I snort. My mother is a prudent person.
That's why you wanted to hear Natalia's opinion as well as mine. Because words can have different meanings from what the parties can hear and objectively sound like.
"Carol, stop crying"
That's what my mother ordered me to do to tears that seemed to overflow.
But I can't afford it.
I'm a weak woman. I can't do anything but cry.
"... Mother"
"Let me tell you something good. It's hard, and crying women are third-rate."
……
Because it is.
I'm the weak one, that's why.
"I put my thoughts to Master Wilhelm and he refused to do so. What's wrong with that?"
"... eh"
"Carol, more than the ex, you thought so when you were bound without any obstacles and naturally with Master Wilhelm?
I thought so.
That's what I thought if I admired Master Wilhelm and if Master Wilhelm only responded to that, my relationship with Master Wilhelm would be immutable.
I also have the assent of my parents.
There is also the King's authorization.
And my thoughts are certain.
Yet...
"No, is that what you say...?
"Yeah. Marriage isn't that easy. Some are neither compassionate nor united, while others are unacceptable no matter how passionate one is. There are also many who marry without love. There is no obstacle."
"So how do I..."
"It's a simple story. You just have to be a top woman."
"... What kind of woman do you think she is? Even if it's hard, is it the kind of woman who naturally recieves it that's top notch......?
To my question, but my mother shakes her head.
Was it different?
"A woman who naturally receives hard things is second-rate."
"Really...?
"Reciprocating is just running away from it. I'm just pretending not to see it. It was somewhat more than a grieving, crying woman, but nothing more."
Then what kind of woman, is top notch?
A first-rate woman to me is my mother.
So, how did your mother, for the hard things...
"The woman who accepts hard things from the front, eats and binds her teeth and endures them is the best"
"-!"
"No matter how hard it is, we need the courage to face it. You must not run away. Carol. You were rejected by Master Wilhelm. That would be hard and sad. But don't run away from it."
For example, it's to Zach's kindness.
For example, it's for the comfort of the house.
For example, it is to the warmth of the mother.
Don't run, don't run.
"... but I am"
"That's your bad habit"
"Huh..."
"But, but don't repeat it. Against whom are you going to make excuses? Who are you going to get permission to run as you wish? Your thoughts are fulfilled by no one but you. If you have time to make excuses, act in the meantime."
My mother's words seemed to pierce me.
I used to make excuses all the time, but, but...
I wonder who that was for. Said there was no way anyone but me could get in the way of my actions.
"... Mother"
"What's up, Carol?"
"I'm... Mr. Wilhelm's, isn't that annoying...?
Mr. Wilhelm said he didn't need a wife or anything because he couldn't take care of his family.
My continued admiration of Master Wilhelm is nothing but annoying to Master Wilhelm.
And if it's annoying, it's worth living for me, etc...
"Carol."
"... Yes"
"Are you also confident that you will live the rest of your life without bothering anyone?
"-!"
My heart, it shook.
There's no way I can do that.
There will be no such thing as a person who could have spent a lifetime without annoying anyone.
"You will live the rest of your life, very small and annoying to others"
"... Yes"
"What's wrong with annoying a partner who wants to live such a life together? Love and other annoying things. It's just a push of my emotions."
"Ugh..."
My mother is right.
I wasn't prepared for anything.
So what am I supposed to do?
"Mother... I, from now on... what should I do?"
"Let me tell you something good about my mother."
Phew, and my mother smiles.
It's a loving, just like a goddess smile. It illuminates my whereabouts, it's like the sun.
"Be a good woman."
"... good woman, is it?
It's too vague, I don't know.
But if my mother says so, I guess so.
"Yep. It's like being pushed with a passion for love makes you think it's happiness, not annoyance. Like addicting to being together. It's like making me feel comfortable talking... be such a good woman. That way, Master Wilhelm will be obsessed with Carol too."
I'll go for it.
It's too vague, I don't know.
But we've got a goal.
I, Carol Ambrose, sixteen.
I'll do my best to be a good woman.