"Ma'am, dinner is ready"
"... Yep"
I stayed inside all the time without ever leaving the room. Materials from today's lecture, prepared during yesterday, are rolling into the room. My heart remains dominated by despair and I don't feel like doing anything.
How did this happen?
Both Natalia and Mary have an attitude that touches the swelling. You won't say anything.
……
Shut up and get out of the room and head to the dining room.
Honestly, I'm not hungry at all. Rather, it's the truth that I don't want to eat it.
Pompous, mind like a hole in it.
They're not going to fill that hole.
Tears stopped, for some reason.
I always thought it was something that kept me crying, but it's stopped me wondering. Instead, your mind is dominated by so much nothingness that you can't help it.
I don't care about everything, so much so that I think.
A world of lost colour has nothing fun. All I can feel is despair for the future that comes.
"... thank you for waiting, Father, Mother"
"Oh... sit down, Carol"
"Okay, Chris. Dinner."
"Yes, sir"
There were already fathers and mothers in the dining room. My father seems somewhat confused, and my mother looks just like she usually does.
I don't see him up there. They just did a triumph today, and I guess it's some kind of job.
Dinner that Chris arranges in front of me - and that, too, doesn't feel like one tasty thing.
Kachacha, you can only hear the dishes.
There is no conversation.
Just carry the meal to your mouth, chew it without flavor, and put it through your narrow throat.
While I was eating a bite, two bites, it made me sick.
"... that's enough. Lower it."
"Carol, we need to eat some more..."
"I'm already hungry..."
Throat, you won't go through any more.
I didn't eat lunch in my room, but I still can't eat at all.
You've gone mad with your tongue sensation, and you don't even feel the taste.
This is - the world that lost its color.
"... Now excuse me"
"Yeah, get some rest, Carol"
……
I can't give anything back to such words of labor from my mother.
Get some rest, and then what do I do?
What should I do from tomorrow?
The future, etc., even though it has been closed.
As it is - so much so that I want to die.
"Carol."
"... Yes, Father"
"The... don't let it get too distracting. I'm really sorry about Lord Wilhelm..."
……
Don't be too distracted.
Why do you ask such difficult questions, Father?
Who will bury this heart by losing Master Wilhelm, whom I admired wholeheartedly?
My sinking heart doesn't move at all anymore.
"No, but you are, Carol"
……
"Well, unfortunately, it was good before we got married yet. If this had been a marriage, I would have been widowed at sixteen, haha."
……
"Ha..."
"Gilliam."
"... sorry"
I can only return it in silence to Father's such inconsiderate words.
What was good, and I don't even go mad at anger. Why are you laughing, and I don't even accuse you.
Because you can't move your mind.
People's minds are like the water (all of them).
If there is a stimulus, the waves will stand there and shake with a slight movement. Sometimes like a rough sea plain, sometimes like a calm lake.
Then my heart must be freezing right now.
It doesn't waver, it doesn't waver. All you have to do is - smash and break.
So even in your father's words, nothing moves your mind.
"... if that's all I have to say, I'll go back to my room"
"Ma, wait, Carol!
"... Yes"
My father stopped me from taking a seat.
What more can I do for you? I'm tired already.
My father coughed up.
"Actually, Carol."
"... Yes"
"The other day, His Royal Highness Edward, the eldest son of His Royal Highness King Raul's younger brother, was visiting our home."
"... Yes"
Mr. Edward, right? You saw him the other day.
But what happened to it? It has nothing to do with me.
Already no longer engaged to His Highness Rayford, nor to Master Wilhelm.
Shall we return to the temple now?
"At that time, make sure you tell Carol to your fiancée... yes, they did."
……
"Yes, no, I said no. By then, Carol had already decided to get engaged to Lord Wilhelm. So... uh, after I asked Carol how she felt, I wanted to go home..."
……
"Gilliam, this is the first time I've heard of you."
"That's why I said no. I said no, and I said I didn't have to put it in your ear..."
……
Oh, really?
Is that what you think of me as your fiancé, Mr. Edward?
"So why are you saying it now?"
"No, well... well, Lord Wilhelm was killed in action, and..."
"How far-fetched are you! Ignore Carol's feelings so much......!
"Yes, but...!
Your father and mother started arguing like that.
Were you thinking of making someone you didn't even know your face at that point, Mr. Edward?
Perhaps the Queen recommended it. I appreciate the fact that you're buying me so much, in and of itself.
"Engagement with His Highness Rayford is also on your own......!
"Wouldn't that be over! Besides, I said no to the matter with His Highness Edward! But more than this, Carol doesn't have a partner..."
"Don't you see how inexcusable that is! How much Carol loved Master Wilhelm......!
"Yes, no, that's...!
"... that's enough. Father. Mother."
To your mother, who stands up and blames your father, I say so.
That's enough.
If you want to use me so much, you can.
Carol Ambrose is the daughter of the Duke's family.
Because I didn't have the right to choose who to marry.
Being bound to Master Wilhelm is a miracle.
God just gave me a little bit, a reward for me.
Dream time is over.
"Go ahead, Father."
"Carol......?
"Carol, say what...!
"It's just..."
This just went back to normal.
At a time when we had fiancées who had no love for each other, His Highness Rayford, we just went back.
I was just having a little happy dreams in those gaps.
But.
Still.
"I don't think I can love His Highness Edward if he marries him."
My love.
To Master Wilhelm alone, it was a sacrifice...