The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

The first thing I learned about traveling with three elite beastkin was that they walked too fast.

The second was that none of them cared about my opinion on the matter.

"Slow down."

Nobody slowed down.

I stared at the three figures moving through the moonlit forest ahead of me.

Nyra was leading.

The cat woman moved between trees so naturally that half the time I lost sight of her despite knowing exactly where she was.

Caelum walked behind me, his enormous spear strapped across his back and his pale antlers occasionally forcing him to duck beneath low branches.

Vessa walked beside me.

Unfortunately,

"Your legs are really short," she observed.

I looked at her.

"You are barely taller than me."

"Still taller."

"By what? Three centimeters?"

"Three very important centimeters."

I ignored her.

We had left the hidden refuge less than an hour ago.

I was already reconsidering the entire journey.

"How long are we walking?"

"Until sunrise," Nyra answered from somewhere ahead.

I nearly stopped.

"Sunrise?"

"Yes."

"That’s several hours away."

"Very observant."

I looked toward Caelum.

He seemed like the reasonable one.

"Is she serious?"

"Yes."

Betrayal.

I sighed and tightened Lyssairia’s cloak around myself.

At least it was comfortable.

That was currently the only positive thing about this journey.

Then Vessa leaned closer.

"Want me to carry you?"

I looked at her tiny body.

"No."

"Caelum could."

"No."

Caelum glanced down at me.

"I would not mind."

I stared at him.

Then at his enormous shoulders.

Then back toward the path.

For perhaps three seconds, I seriously considered it.

My dignity won.

Barely.

"I can walk."

Vessa grinned.

"We’ll ask again in two hours."

"I’ll still say no."

I lasted another hour and twenty minutes.

***

The first week passed faster than I expected.

Mostly because Nyra seemed determined to make sure we never remained in one place long enough for time to feel normal.

We traveled at night.

We slept during the day.

Sometimes.

Apparently, Nyra and I possessed very different definitions of sleep.

My definition involved a pillow, several uninterrupted hours, and preferably no one speaking to me.

Nyra’s definition was:

"Four hours."

I stared at her.

"That’s not sleep."

"Yes, it is."

"That’s an extended nap."

"Then take an extended nap."

"I need eight hours."

"No."

"Seven?"

"No."

"Six?"

"No."

"Five?"

She stared at me.

I stared back.

"Four."

"You’re worse than Master Valerian."

"I don’t know who that is."

"You’re fortunate."

She walked away.

I disliked her.

At first.

Then, on the fourth day, she let me sleep six hours.

She claimed it was because the route ahead was clear and we had time.

I chose to interpret it as affection.

When I informed her of this, she threatened to reduce it back to four.

I stopped mentioning it.

Caelum was considerably easier to deal with.

The man barely spoke unless someone addressed him, but unlike Mia, his silence wasn’t uncomfortable.

He simply enjoyed quiet.

Which meant we got along wonderfully.

On the fifth night, we walked together near the rear of the group while Nyra scouted ahead.

Vessa had disappeared somewhere.

Nobody seemed concerned.

Apparently, that was normal.

I looked up at Caelum.

"Do your antlers ever get caught on branches?"

"Yes."

I blinked.

I hadn’t expected him to admit it.

"Often?"

"More often when I was younger."

"What happens?"

"I become caught."

I stared at him.

"That’s it?"

"What else would happen?"

"I don’t know. I expected a more interesting answer."

Caelum thought for a moment.

"Once, when I was fourteen, I panicked and pulled down a small tree."

I stopped walking.

He continued for several steps before noticing.

He turned.

I stared at him.

"You pulled down a tree?"

"It was small."

"How small?"

He considered.

"Perhaps twice my current height."

I looked at the enormous deer man.

Then at the trees surrounding us.

"Your definition of small concerns me."

For the first time since leaving the refuge, Caelum laughed.

It was quiet.

Deep.

But genuine.

I decided I liked him.

***

The first patrol appeared on the seventh night.

Nyra stopped so suddenly that I nearly walked into her.

Her hand immediately rose.

Everyone froze.

Even Vessa.

That was when I knew something was wrong.

Nyra crouched.

"Bear patrol."

My sleepiness vanished.

"How many?"

"Five."

Caelum moved closer to me.

His hand settled around the shaft of his spear.

"Can we avoid them?" I whispered.

Nyra looked toward Vessa.

Vessa was smiling.

I immediately disliked that smile.

"Probably," Nyra said.

"Then let’s do that."

"But they’ve already found our trail."

"...Of course they have."

Nyra looked at Caelum.

"Stay with Al."

He nodded.

Then she looked at Vessa.

The rabbit woman was already gone.

I blinked.

"Where did she..."

A muffled grunt came from somewhere between the trees.

Then another.

Then silence.

Nyra disappeared.

I stared into the darkness.

"Should we help?"

"No," Caelum said.

Another muffled sound.

Something heavy hit the ground.

I slowly looked at Caelum.

"Are they killing them?"

"Only if necessary."

That was not particularly reassuring.

Less than a minute later, Vessa emerged from behind a tree.

She was dragging a bear beastkin almost twice her size by one ankle.

The soldier was unconscious.

She dropped him.

"Found one."

I stared at her.

Nyra appeared several seconds later.

"All five secured."

I looked between them.

That was it?

No dramatic battle.

No shouting.

No clashing weapons.

Five soldiers had simply...

Stopped being a problem.

Nyra looked toward me.

"What?"

"I expected that to take longer."

"They were weak."

Vessa crouched beside the unconscious bear.

"And careless."

She began searching his pockets.

I frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"Gathering intelligence."

"You just stole his money."

"Financial intelligence."

"Put it back."

"No."

Nyra walked away.

I looked at Caelum.

He sighed.

"Vessa."

"Fine."

She reluctantly returned the pouch.

I learned something important that night.

Nyra was dangerous.

Vessa was dangerous.

But only one of them enjoyed it.

***

By the second week, something strange happened.

I started enjoying the journey.

Not the walking.

Never the walking.

But the people.

Nyra stopped treating me like cargo.

Mostly.

She started teaching me small things as we traveled.

How to recognize a recently disturbed branch.

How to tell whether footprints were hours old or days old.

How to listen for silence instead of sound.

"Birds," she whispered one evening.

I looked upward.

"What about them?"

"There aren’t any."

I listened.

Nothing.

The forest was completely silent.

My expression changed.

"Something scared them away."

Nyra nodded.

"Good."

I smiled.

She immediately frowned.

"Don’t look so pleased."

"You praised me."

"I said good."

"That’s praise."

"It was an observation."

"Still counts."

She walked faster.

Definitely praise.

Caelum, meanwhile, discovered my interest in herbs.

That happened after we stopped beside a stream and I noticed several clusters of blue-veined leaves growing between the rocks.

"Frostwort," I said.

Caelum looked down.

"You know it?"

"Useful for reducing inflammation. Terrible taste."

He crouched beside the plants.

"My people use the roots."

I frowned.

"The roots?"

"For fever."

That caught my attention.

We spent the next hour comparing medicinal plants used by humans and beastkin.

Apparently, several plants humans considered useless had completely different applications among beastkin healers.

I mentally recorded everything.

Izabella would probably interrogate me for hours once I returned.

Assuming Master Valerian didn’t kill me first.

That thought was strangely comforting.

I missed them.

I even missed the border camp.

Which was something I never expected to think.

Then, on the twelfth day, tragedy struck.

I woke up.

Reached beside my head.

And found nothing.

My eyes opened.

I searched again.

Nothing.

I sat upright.

My pillow was gone.

For three full seconds, my mind refused to accept reality.

Then I saw Vessa.

She was sitting beside the fire.

With my pillow.

Under her head.

I stared.

She smiled.

"Morning."

My voice came out dangerously calm.

"Vessa."

"Al."

"Why do you have my pillow?"

"It’s comfortable."

"Give it back."

"No."

Nyra glanced toward us.

Caelum wisely remained silent.

I stood.

Vessa hugged the pillow.

"I understand you now."

"What?"

"All this time, I thought your obsession was strange."

She pressed her face into it.

"But this thing is incredible."

"Give."

"No."

"Vessa."

"I found it unattended."

"It was underneath my head!"

"You were asleep. Poorly attended."

My eye twitched.

Nyra turned away.

Her shoulders moved.

She was laughing.

Traitor.

Vessa hugged my pillow tighter.

"Maybe I’ll keep it."

I stared at her.

Then sighed.

"Fine."

Vessa blinked.

The disappointment on her face was immediate.

Clearly, she had expected more resistance.

I raised my hand.

My storage ring flashed.

A second pillow appeared.

Identical.

Soft.

Perfect.

I placed it beneath my arm.

Silence.

Vessa stared at me.

Then at the pillow she had stolen.

Then back at mine.

"You have another one?"

"Of course."

"How many pillows do you have?"

I smiled.

"Enough."

Nyra slowly turned toward me.

"How many is enough?"

"That’s personal information."

Caelum rubbed his forehead.

Vessa immediately dropped my stolen pillow and lunged toward my storage ring.

"Show me."

I stepped backward.

"No."

"How many?"

"Stay away from my ring."

"Al!"

That was the beginning of the Great Pillow Conflict.

It lasted four days.

Vessa never discovered the true number.

I intended to take that secret to my grave.

***

By the third week, our rhythm had become natural.

Nyra ahead.

Me somewhere in the middle.

Caelum near the rear.

Vessa wherever she felt like being.

Sometimes she vanished for hours and returned with information.

Sometimes food.

Once with someone’s boots.

I chose not to ask.

We encountered two more Bear patrols.

Neither became a real fight.

Nyra and Vessa handled the first.

Caelum scared away the second simply by stepping from behind a tree with his spear in hand.

I found that deeply impressive.

Then, on the twentieth night, Nyra stopped beside a ridge.

She pointed beyond the trees.

"Human territory is close."

I followed her gaze.

Far in the distance, barely visible beneath the night sky, small points of orange light dotted the horizon.

Campfires.

My chest tightened.

Humans.

After weeks in beastkin territory...

I was almost home.

"How far?" I asked.

"If we maintain pace, less than a day."

Less than a day.

I smiled.

Master Valerian was somewhere beyond those lights.

Izabella.

The soldiers.

The camp.

My tent.

My bed.

My beautiful bed.

I could almost feel it.

Vessa appeared beside me.

"You’re smiling."

"I’m imagining sleeping for three consecutive days."

"You really are strange."

"You stole my pillow."

"Because it was a good pillow."

"Exactly."

Caelum approached from behind.

"We should move."

Nyra nodded.

"We cross the final forest before dawn."

And so we continued.

For perhaps another hour.

Then Nyra stopped.

I had learned enough during the past three weeks to recognize the difference between her normal stops and this one.

Her entire body went rigid.

Her ears flattened.

One hand slowly moved toward her dagger.

"Caelum."

He was beside me instantly.

His spear came free.

Vessa’s smile vanished.

That frightened me more than anything else.

"What?" I whispered.

Nyra didn’t answer.

She looked left.

Then right.

Then behind us.

My stomach tightened.

I extended my senses.

At first...

Nothing.

Then—

Movement.

Everywhere.

Heavy footsteps.

Branches shifting.

Metal scraping against leather.

One.

Five.

Ten.

More.

A lot more.

Caelum stepped in front of me.

Vessa moved to my left.

Nyra moved to my right.

The forest came alive.

Bear beastkin emerged from between the trees.

Soldiers.

Dozens.

Heavy armor covered their bodies. Axes, swords, spears, and shields reflected the moonlight.

More appeared behind us.

Then to our sides.

Within seconds, every direction was blocked.

I slowly turned.

No opening.

No escape.

Nyra’s voice was quiet.

"We’re surrounded."

"I noticed."

Vessa reached toward one of the pouches at her waist.

Caelum lowered his spear.

"Stay behind me, Al."

For once, I didn’t argue.

The bear soldiers didn’t attack.

That was worse.

If they had wanted us dead immediately, arrows would already be flying.

Instead, they simply stood there.

Waiting.

Then the soldiers ahead of us moved apart.

A path opened through their formation.

Something changed.

The air itself seemed to become heavier.

My skin prickled.

Mana.

No.

Not merely mana.

Pressure.

The same instinct that had warned me whenever Master Valerian became serious now screamed inside my skull.

Someone powerful was approaching.

Very powerful.

Nyra’s expression changed.

For the first time in three weeks...

I saw fear in her eyes.

Caelum tightened his grip around his spear.

Vessa whispered something under her breath.

I couldn’t hear it.

Then a figure stepped through the soldiers.

Huge.

Even among the bear beastkin, he towered over everyone.

Dark brown fur covered the portions of his body not protected by black armor. Several old scars crossed his face, including one running from his forehead through his left eyebrow and down toward his cheek.

A massive battle-axe rested across one shoulder.

He walked slowly.

Casually.

Like the dozens of soldiers surrounding us were unnecessary.

Like if he wanted us dead, he could simply do it himself.

The System reacted.

[Warning.]

[Warning.]

My eyes narrowed.

[Huge amount of demonic energy detected.]

Wonderful.

Exactly what I needed.

The bear stopped several meters away.

His eyes passed over Nyra.

Then Caelum.

Then Vessa.

Finally...

They settled on me.

Even with my hood covering my silver hair and most of my face, his attention remained fixed on me.

A terrible feeling formed in my stomach.

He knew.

Nyra stepped slightly forward.

"Leader Garron."

So.

This was him.

The Bear faction leader.

One of the two leaders responsible for driving the neutral factions from their homes.

One of the people whose actions had helped turn beastkin territory into this mess.

Garron’s eyes remained on me.

Then his mouth slowly curved upward.

"Interesting."

Nobody moved.

His voice was deep enough that I felt it more than heard it.

"I received word that three clan elites were traveling south."

His gaze shifted briefly toward Nyra.

"Naturally, I became curious."

Then toward Caelum.

"Three warriors from three different clans."

Then Vessa.

"Traveling together."

His eyes returned to me.

"Protecting one small, hooded traveler."

My fingers tightened beneath my cloak.

He took one step forward.

Caelum immediately moved.

His spear lowered.

"Stop."

The bear soldiers around us raised their weapons.

Dozens of blades shifted at once.

Garron didn’t even look at them.

His eyes remained on me.

"Remove your hood."

Nobody spoke.

I could hear my own heartbeat.

Vessa moved closer.

Nyra’s hand tightened around her dagger.

Caelum’s body became completely still.

I didn’t move.

Garron’s smile disappeared.

"Boy."

Pressure exploded through the forest.

My knees nearly buckled.

Mana Aegis reacted instantly.

The invisible barrier wrapped around my body as the sheer force pressed against it.

Leaves ripped from branches.

The ground beneath Garron’s feet cracked.

Several nearby trees groaned.

And suddenly, one thing became painfully clear.

Those patrols we had encountered during the journey?

They had never been dangerous.

Not really.

This was danger.

Real danger.

The kind Lyssairia had spent an entire week trying to prepare me for.

I looked at the dozens of soldiers surrounding us.

Then at Garron.

Then at the three beastkin who had spent the last three weeks becoming something more than escorts.

Nyra.

Caelum.

Vessa.

There was no route to run.

No place to hide.

And human territory was less than a day away.

So close.

Of course.

After three weeks of traveling through enemy territory without anything truly disastrous happening...

The world had finally remembered who I was.

Garron’s eyes narrowed.

"Remove."

His grip tightened around the enormous axe resting against his shoulder.

"Your hood."

I slowly raised one hand.

And for once...

Nobody was laughing.