The Laziest God Mortal Reincarnation

The night air was crisp and cool, carrying the faint scent of damp earth and campfire smoke as Valerian led me to an open stretch of terrain just beyond the border camp.

The moon hung high, casting silver light over the empty field, and shadows moved like quiet whispers across the grass.

I clutched my pillow in both arms, still half asleep, my feet dragging reluctantly behind him. The world felt too big and too awake for my taste.

"We’re... not going back to the tent, are we?" I asked, my voice heavy with drowsy hope.

Valerian didn’t even look back. "No. Tonight is for physical training."

I frowned and hugged my pillow tighter. "I thought I was a healer, not a soldier."

He stopped in the middle of the field and turned, his brown eyes calm but unyielding in the moonlight.

"A healer who can’t survive long enough to heal is worthless on the battlefield. Your stamina is remarkable, but stamina is useless if your body is soft and untrained. Tonight, we start fixing that."

Before I could argue, he reached into his storage ring and pulled out four plain metal bracelets. They glinted coldly under the moonlight.

"Put these on," he instructed.

I hesitated, staring at the bracelets suspiciously. "They don’t... bite, do they?"

"Not yet," he replied smoothly.

I sighed and obediently slipped them on, two on my wrists and two on my ankles. For a brief moment, they felt like nothing more than cool metal against my skin.

Then the weight hit me.

"Ugh!" I staggered forward, my knees buckling under the sudden resistance. "What... what is this?!"

"Weighted bracelets," Valerian said calmly, crossing his arms. "Start with those. You’ll get used to it."

"Used to it?!" I looked down at my trembling legs. "I feel like the earth is trying to eat me!"

Valerian knelt slightly, his fingers brushing over the pillow I still clutched. "Good. Now hold onto that and don’t let go."

Before I could question him, a faint ripple of mana surged from his hand. The pillow grew heavier in my arms, sinking my shoulders until my knees bent again.

My jaw dropped. "You... you used gravity magic on my pillow?!"

He raised a single brow. "Yes. Consider it your training partner."

"But... but why the pillow?!" I sputtered, clutching the now‑oppressive weight against my chest.

"Because you seem unable to part with it," he said with a faint, amused smile. "If you’re going to cling to it like a lifeline, then it will share in your training. Now, run laps around the field. Do not drop it."

"Run?!"

"Yes, run. And keep running until I tell you to stop. With your high stamina, and after all that sleeping, I expect you to last until morning."

I stared at him in pure horror. "You’re sending me to my death."

"Then die running," he said simply.

I muttered under my breath as I began to jog, each step heavier than the last. "I hate this... I hate this so much..."

"It’s good that you’re finally sweating for something other than nightmares," Valerian’s voice called after me.

The first lap was agony. My legs felt like stone, my arms trembled from the weight of the pillow, and each breath seemed to scrape my throat. By the third lap, my silver hair clung to my damp forehead and my small frame shook with effort.

"This... is... hell," I groaned, my voice breaking between gasps.

"Not hell," Valerian said mildly as he walked along the edge of the field, hands clasped behind his back. "Physical conditioning. Hell would be worse."

"I’m... pretty sure... this counts!" I wheezed.

"Then be grateful. Hell will prepare you for the real world."

I wanted to glare at him, but I was too busy trying not to collapse.

***

By the time he finally called for me to stop, sweat clung to my skin and soaked the pyjama I was still wearing.

My pillow was damp in my arms, sticking to my chest like a second, heavier body. My legs shook, and I flopped to the ground with a groan that sounded more like a dying animal than a proud heir of House Vortex.

Valerian loomed over me, his expression calm and unpitying. "Get up. We’re not done yet."

"Wha, what do you mean, not done?!" I croaked.

"Strength is not built by running alone. Push‑ups, sit‑ups, squats. Start now."

I rolled onto my back and threw my pillow over my face. "I’m going to haunt you when I die."

He crouched down and tapped the pillow lightly. "You will do ten push‑ups first. Or I will double the weight."

I peeked out from under the pillow, horrified. "You wouldn’t."

He smiled faintly. "Try me."

With a groan worthy of a condemned soul, I pushed myself up and began the exercises. My arms burned, my legs trembled, and I was certain my pillow judged me silently with every drop of sweat that fell onto it.

By the end, I was sprawled flat on the grass, soaked in sweat, trembling and sore from head to toe. The night sky spun above me, and even the stars seemed to laugh at my misery.

Valerian finally crouched beside me, his voice calm but firm. "Good. This is the first real step to making your body worthy of your potential. Get used to this feeling, Alash. It will become your new normal."

I groaned into my pillow. "I want my old normal back..."

He chuckled softly. "Too late. Rest for half an hour, then we continue."

"There’s more?"

But Valerian didn’t answer, and I was too tired to even turn my face.

The night air pressed against my sweat‑damp skin, cool and sharp, but I couldn’t summon the strength to shiver. My arms clutched the pillow like an anchor, its familiar weight, now doubled with his insufferable magic, resting against my chest as if mocking my exhaustion.

Valerian’s shadow loomed over me, steady and calm, the moonlight glinting off his blonde hair. He didn’t speak, didn’t reassure, and didn’t relent. He only watched, his brown eyes holding that same quiet insistence that had driven me to run, lift, and crawl through this midnight torment.

I knew he was waiting, waiting for me to rise, to take the next step, to prove that I could still move despite the heaviness pressing down on me like a second earth.

I thought of my bed, my tent, the sweet cocoon of silence and dreams I had left behind.

My lips barely moved as I muttered into the pillow, "I... hate this..."

Valerian’s quiet chuckle carried through the field, soft but unyielding.