Chapter 190: Looking To Make Pups
LUCIAN’S POV
Selene was walking around like Wonder Woman or some shit.
She and her husband had been on a winning streak for a while now. I was an evil person, and I knew it. Something in me had wanted William to die at that mating festival. When I saw him at the general meeting, alive and breathing, I was so disappointed it scared me. How the fuck did that shit of an Alpha survive?
I had looked at him with open contempt, and I hadn’t even tried to hide it.
He had defeated death. He did that shit. I saw him get shot, just like my Celeste, but he didn’t die. Celeste did. The universe had flipped a coin, and it landed against me again.
Fuck!
I still felt like Selene belonged to me. It had only gotten more obvious since Celeste died. I had nothing now. Everything that should have been mine belonged to Selene and her beloved, stupid Alpha. Everything that was mine had been taken from me, and it wasn’t supposed to be that way.
I sat on the edge of my bed with my elbows on my knees. My hands were shaking, and I stared at them like they belonged to someone else.
Should I go full arc on my old self?
Something in me was calling. You’re a wolf of chaos. You can’t be this gentle.
"No," I said out loud, to nobody. "I’ve moved past that. It’s not me."
What if it is the real you? What if it has always been the real you, and you’ve just been suppressing it? How long will you keep doing that? Let it out, you motherfucker!
Damn, the voice was loud as fuck. My head throbbed with it. If I wasn’t careful, I could have walked off a cliff just to make it shut up. I knew I had to leave my room before it won.
𝗳𝗿𝐞𝕖𝘄𝗲𝕓𝗻𝚘𝚟𝕖𝐥.𝚌𝕠𝕞
Because if I became my old self, the one Selene had eliminated, the one Celeste had tried so hard to love, then Morvaine’s problem wouldn’t just be the humans anymore. It would be a big, bad Alpha too. And I wasn’t sure anyone could stop me.
I found Valerie in the corridor.
"Valerie, I hope you wrote down everything that was said in that fucking meeting?"
"Yes, sir. I compiled everything into a document and sent it to your email already," she said.
"Do you think Selene and her husband’s idea was a good one?"
"Umm, yes, I do. But if you had been given the chance to speak, you would have offered a better one."
Hmm. She was saying that to please me. My face wasn’t exactly friendly, so she knew I could put on a display of madness. Smart wolf. Good of her. I gave her a light bump with my shoulder, the closest thing to a thank-you I could manage.
"Broadcast the information to the entire territory. Mobilise the people who will create the awareness. Anything they need, they come to me."
"Alright, Alpha." She turned and left.
I watched her ass bounce as she walked away, and then I tore my eyes off it. What the hell was wrong with me? I had promised myself I wouldn’t fuck my Beta, and now it looked like I wasn’t going to keep that promise. Any woman with a decent pair of breasts made me think about fucking. It was like something inside me was starving and couldn’t tell the difference between hunger and grief.
Something was wrong with my inner person.
I wondered what it would have been like with Selene. Was she ever thinking of me that way? Except she had never loved me. Not once.
I’d thought about it a couple of times, and every time, it infuriated me more. Whenever I pictured William with my Selene, kissing her, pressing his mouth to her breasts, putting his dick in her...
Fuck no! Selene belonged to me. He had no right to touch her. And now they were doing this conception and pregnancy shit, which meant she was going to carry his child.
Ohh fuck! Goddess, what kind of punishment was this? What sin did I commit in my past life to deserve this shit? Or was it my father, or my forefathers, who sinned, and I was just paying their debt? My whole life had been one long punishment. Maybe love was the punishment. I should never have loved.
The person I hated most in the world was about to have a second version of himself. A little William. A little piece of her, wearing his face.
It was the most devastating day of my life. It hit harder than every other day, even the day Celeste died, and I didn’t know how that was possible. I carried the weight all over my body, and I still couldn’t cry. All I could do was crash out.
What was the worst that could happen? Selene would get pregnant for that motherfucker, and she would give birth. That was it. That was all.
So why did it feel like the end of the world?
I had a dick of my own. I could fuck someone who would carry my child and give birth for me too. I could do that.
But who was fit to carry my child? I didn’t think anyone was. No one came to mind.
I decided to take a stroll through my territory, Winterwood. It had been a long time since I’d looked at it properly. All the troubles I’d been facing had made me walk straight from one place to my chambers without seeing anything.
This time I walked slowly, looking at everyone as they minded their business.
"Good day, Alpha." It was the only thing echoing in my ears as I passed.
They didn’t know why I was out there. Some of them probably did, because they must have dreamed and fantasized about it. But I was never going to make their dreams come true.
The ladies were fine as fuck, but I couldn’t send my child up any pussy among them. Some of them were even pushing their chests out as I approached, fixing their hair, laughing a little too loudly.
I didn’t need them. I could never love again.
I was only observing my environment, and things were going well. The market was busy and the children were running. Everyone looked peaceful. I wondered when I had last felt like that. Maybe all I was looking for was the gratification of looking at big asses and fine breasts, anything to feel something that wasn’t pain.
"Which one would you pick?" Valerie said from behind me.
I didn’t even jump. "Ohh, have you been following me?"
"Yeah. Just a Beta following her Alpha, that’s all." This Valerie would never change.
"None of them are attractive to me," I said, knowing she knew very well that I could pick and take anyone I wanted.
"One might not be attractive, but maybe three or four will suffice," she said.
I just looked at her. Bad girl. She wanted to bring out that version of me again, and she knew it.
"I’m looking to make babies, not have a bad bitches’ night," I said.
"Both can be enjoyed. You’re the Alpha, anyway."
Hmm. This girl was driving me crazy.
Who cares anyway? Something could happen in the next minute. We could all be dead by tomorrow, and I might as well enjoy what I had at the moment, even if what I had was hollow.
"I’m still thinking about it," I said.
But deep down, in the quiet place the voice couldn’t reach, I already knew none of them would ever be Selene.