Chapter 305
At dawn the next day, as soon as the sun rose, I headed to the Senate building.
The recently expanded Senate house was incomparably larger than before.
Thanks to the extra space, even on days without an official session, young senators could gather in groups to hold various discussions and meetings.
“How long has it been since I came here on a day without an official session...?”
Honestly, I couldn't even remember.
I suddenly realized just how idly I had been letting the time slip by.
The small meeting room, restricted to members of the Senate, was filled with a staggering mountain of documents.
A quick glance told me someone had prepared these materials in advance for today's meeting.
“Points of consideration regarding bond acquisition and the legal conditions for unjust enrichment; discussions on the upcoming insurance enterprise, fraud prevention, and the formation of a countermeasures committee...”
Even skimming through, I couldn't understand a single word.
In other words, it showed exactly how disengaged I had been from recent societal issues.
For a member of the Senate, it was nothing to be proud of.
It was no wonder the young senator Laenas had snapped at me, asking, ‘You do nothing but preach about tradition, but what have you actually contributed to society?’
In their eyes, I must have looked like a pathetic old fool left behind by the times—someone who refused to study anything, selfishly occupying a seat just to spout outdated lectures.
The fact that he wasn't entirely wrong stung my chest.
I hadn't remained silent yesterday out of shock, nor because I was too furious to speak.
He had simply hit the mark, and my mind couldn't conjure a single argument to refute him.
There were only two paths left for me.
The first was to accept that they were right, admit defeat, and retire.
If I chose to step down, Marcus would undoubtedly arrange a grand retirement ceremony in honor of my past achievements.
He would surely make every arrangement to ensure I didn't suffer from loneliness after leaving the Senate.
In fact, my colleagues who had already retired spoke of it with immense satisfaction.
More than a few had advised me to simply drop everything and leave rather than stubbornly cling to my seat and suffer further humiliation.
But fleeing with my tail tucked like a defeated dog was not my way—not Cato's way.
On the contrary, with the dying embers inside me roaring back to life, now was the time to prove my worth.
Once your mind is made up, act immediately.
It was a phrase Marcus repeated like a habit.
It was an easy thing to say, but a difficult thing to practice.
I pulled up another chair in the corner of the pre-arranged seating and began looking through the books stacked to one side. Shortly after, several young senators filed into the meeting room.
Among them was Laenas, the very man I had argued with yesterday. His eyes went wide with shock the moment he saw me.
“Senator Cato?”
“Good morning—no, good dawn to you. Have you all been coming here at this hour every day? Truly diligent.”
“Um, that is...”
“After your harsh scolding yesterday, I felt so ashamed I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. But then I made a decision. It might be late, but I will start fulfilling my duties as a member of the Senate from now on.”
I had known for a long time that I was failing to adapt to an era that grew more complex by the day.
Had I sought instruction from someone, I might have been able to keep up, but my pride simply hadn't allowed it.
Bowing my head to young men over twenty years my junior and asking them to teach me was by no means an easy thing to do.
In truth, the majority of the senators who had already retired likely stepped down precisely because they refused to go to such lengths just to maintain their seats.
However, there is no shame in learning what you do not know.
Only now, having wrung out every drop of my courage, did I finally realize this simple truth.
I continued speaking, dipping my head slightly.
Underneath it all, I had made the calculated bet that they would be unable to refuse a much older man showing such a humble posture.
“I fall woefully short when compared to the rest of you. Even with my renewed resolve, my knowledge remains too inadequate to debate with you on equal footing. So please, allow me to simply observe for now. I plan to sit quietly in the corner, figure out where my knowledge is lacking, and study.”
“Sir Cato...”
“Thanks to your blunt words yesterday, I was able to put an end to those lethargic days of wasting away. I feel as if I've returned to my youth. I can hardly contain my urge to explore new knowledge and engage in fierce debates with all of you.”
“B-but I spoke far out of turn...”
“Why don't you put that aside and simply accept his gratitude?”
Octavian, who had walked in right behind Laenas, flashed a refreshing smile.
It was something I had been feeling lately—the more I looked at the young man, the more he resembled Marcus.
He seemed to prioritize efficiency a bit more than Marcus did, but his foundational demeanor was practically identical.
If one were to combine Octavian and Sophia and divide the result in half, the outcome might just be someone with Marcus's exact disposition.
The one absolute certainty was that, just like Marcus, it was impossible to discern Octavian's true inner thoughts.
That wasn't necessarily a flaw.
In fact, it only proved the high caliber of his political acumen.
It would undoubtedly be young men like him, not men like me, who would shoulder the future of Rome.
Octavian looked my way, never once dropping his polite smile as he continued.
“Sir Cato has been active in the Senate since we were still receiving our basic education. His wealth of experience is a realm that we, with our youthful vigor alone, cannot easily catch up to. We have much to learn from one another, so let us brush aside yesterday's little mishap on good terms. Besides, hasn't Sir Cato already graciously offered his forgiveness?”
With that, Octavian offered a polite bow.
“I am grateful for your generous decision. I am certain my friend here has learned a great deal from this as well.”
Laenas hurriedly followed Octavian's lead, deeply apologizing for his disrespect from the day before.
The words he had spoken yesterday were undoubtedly his true, unvarnished feelings.
I had even sensed a fierce sort of conviction in them.
That was why I hadn't made an issue out of it, though the act itself had indeed been an act of staggering disrespect.
I had served as a member of the Senate for over twenty years, and my relationship with Marcus Augustus was highly favorable.
I was not in a position where some fresh-faced newcomer to the Senate could openly hurl such insolence at me.
Had I brought this matter publicly before the auditing committee, it was an offense severe enough to warrant official punishment.
Of course, escalating the issue would have inevitably alienated me from the rest of the Senate, making it difficult to retain my seat anyway.
Regardless, having already resolved to wedge myself among these young senators and polish my knowledge from scratch, I had zero intention of making enemies out of them.
The only remaining issue had been figuring out how to break the awkward tension between us. Fortunately, thanks to Octavian's smooth mediation, the situation was clearing up quite effortlessly.
Laenas finally raised his gaze from the floor and mustered the courage to speak.
“While what I said to you yesterday represented the frustrations of us young senators... I cannot deny that I was also taking my own impatience and irritation out on you. I can only imagine how much deliberation and resolve it took for you to come here today. I still have a mountain of things to study myself, but in return for your forgiveness, I swear to share everything I know with you. Furthermore, I hope to emulate that very same noble attitude you have displayed today.”
“Very well. I look forward to working with you. Please explain this modern knowledge in a way that is easy to understand.”
“The honor is entirely mine.”
Laenas firmly gripped my outstretched hand.
The fiery resolve burning within us both was clearly transmitted through the warmth of our grip.
※※※
From that day onward, every single day was profoundly fulfilling.
It felt remarkably similar to my youth, back when I had studied fresh knowledge under the renowned scholars of Rhodes.
Catching up to the brilliant young minds at this age was no simple task, but it was far from impossible.
Any gaps in my knowledge could simply be bridged by pouring enough time into my studies.
I suddenly found myself profoundly grateful for my long-standing habit of taking vigorous daily walks to maintain my physical stamina.
The study materials Laenas gifted me—books filled with his own personal annotations—proved to be an immense help.
I politely declined every single banquet invitation sent by the nobility.
While I had never been particularly fond of such gatherings to begin with, my current lack of attendance was purely due to a complete lack of time.
After my repeated absences, Marcus and Cicero grew worried enough to seek me out in person.
“Stories about you have been spreading like wildfire among us lately.”
“Stories about me?”
“I heard you've been mingling with the junior senators, studying with them, and actively participating in their debates? What sudden gust of wind blew over you at this late stage?”
Cicero wore an expression of genuine concern.
Although we had experienced a falling out in the past, our relationship had largely recovered after he retired.
Back when I had an abundance of free time, I had even assisted him with his writing endeavors.
Ever since then, he had been continuously trying to persuade me, telling me, ‘You should retire as well and join us so we can all enjoy a pleasant old age together.’
Up until recently, I had seriously considered taking his advice, but my mind was completely changed now.
“I suppose it is a sudden gust. Recently, I've simply found the motivation to push myself as far as I can go.”
“I would think you've already worked more than hard enough...”
“No. That might be true for you, but in my case, I was merely pretending to work hard.”
Marcus, who had been quietly listening, scratched his head and stepped into the conversation.
“Since you brought up retirement the other day, Sir Cato, I had actually been looking into an open position for you. Should I scrap those plans? I was planning to ask you to accept a position as a philosophy professor at the university once you retired.”
“If it were me, I would accept without a second thought. Isn't a respected professorship where you can foster the next generation far more appealing than the headache-inducing life of a senator? I've been teaching rhetoric myself, and it brings me immense satisfaction. It would be wonderful if you joined us.”
“I am truly grateful for the offer, but my mind is already set. I must also apologize for making Augustus worry over nothing. Please, strike everything I said the other day from the record.”
“That is easily done. Still, pushing yourself this hard could take a toll on your health. I'll keep the position open, so please tell me anytime if things become too difficult.”
It was an incredibly considerate offer, but I knew I would never take him up on it.
“A new goal has formed in my mind recently. To remain a member of the Senate until my very last breath. That is my greatest wish now. I may become a nuisance to others, but I intend to stubbornly uphold my convictions until I reach my absolute limit.”
“Your dedication to your senatorial duties until the bitter end is truly worthy of respect. I will be sure to offer whatever support I can in a way that honors your newfound resolve.”
Cicero shook his head in disbelief and let out a long sigh.
“After all the suffering you've been through, one would think you'd finally want to live a little comfortably.”
“It can't be helped. This is simply the way I am. Besides, right now is the most fulfilling and exciting period of my entire life. Telling me to walk away from a life this enjoyable... well, that's just an impossible request.”
My journey was far from over.
Right now, I was merely playing catch-up, but the day would soon come when I could once again proudly pull my weight as a proper member of the Senate.
The Senate-led order of the Roman Republic that I had once dreamed of had already shattered.
But the Roman Republic itself had not ended.
That being the case, I would shape the future of this new Republic with my own two hands, and I would make it shine brighter than ever before.
It might be an impossibly distant era, a future I would never live to see with my own two eyes, but none of that mattered to me anymore.
Until the day I draw my final breath, I will live a life completely devoid of shame as a member of the Senate.
That was the new dream I, Porcius Cato, now held.