Chapter 323
News of Han dispatching an expeditionary force immediately reached Roman ears.
Agrippa, who was already out on a brief inspection tour for final checks, could not hide his bewilderment.
“This isn't flawed intelligence? They actually deployed troops?”
“Yes. They seem to have scraped together quite a force—reportedly close to forty thousand men.”
“With an enemy already entrenched entirely on their opposite border, expanding their front all the way out here... I can't tell if they're bold or just stupid...”
No matter how advantageous the situation, Agrippa never underestimated his enemies.
If the Romans were not fools, naturally, the enemy were not fools either.
This was Agrippa's foundational mindset.
“Should we request reinforcements? If we pull just one legion each from North India and the Kingdom of Karen, we'll have three legions on our side as well.”
“Even if we summon reinforcements, the distance means they will take time to arrive. We will have to fight on our own at least once or twice.”
The force Agrippa had brought with him consisted of just over ten thousand soldiers, slightly more than a single standard legion.
In truth, he had never intended to stay here for long.
His original objective was merely to show his face and signal that Rome was keeping a close eye on this region before turning back.
So hearing that the enemy was suddenly marching on them was utterly baffling, even to him.
If there was a silver lining, it was that he had brought an artillery battalion.
As cannons continuously developed in both range and power, the organization of the Roman army had evolved.
With an artillery battalion attached to a standard legion, troop counts had increased, and the supply system had changed accordingly.
The only reason he had bothered to haul artillery all the way out here was to show off the Roman army’s firepower to the Tokharians and create a propaganda effect.
From that perspective, this battle might actually present a perfect opportunity to directly demonstrate the Roman army's might.
The single overriding problem was that their defensive lines hadn't been properly established yet.
No force was better at constructing makeshift forts than the Roman army, but a single legion would be hard-pressed to hold every strategic point in this region.
Since the twenty thousand Tokharians would be of little help in a siege, engaging in a pitched battle was ultimately the most realistic option.
They wouldn't have invaded without a countermeasure, so I need to figure out what that is first.
Looking back, all of his battles so far had been fought with an overwhelming advantage in combat power.
This might be the first time he faced even a slight chance of defeat.
This battle would be a fierce psychological war of seeing through the opponent's schemes and deploying the right countermeasures.
Agrippa was certain the opportunity to fully demonstrate his abilities had finally arrived.
A rotten gizzard shad was still a gizzard shad. The army of Han, the overlord of the East, surely possessed substantial combat power and brilliant tactics.
Anticipating the impending bloodbath, Agrippa could hardly control the excited pounding of his heart.
Yes. That was exactly how it was supposed to go...
“What is that? What are those bastards holding?”
The Han soldiers visible in the distance were carrying something far too small to be shields.
He entertained the absurd thought that since a shield wouldn't block artillery anyway, maybe they had simply reduced the size.
The scouts had reported that the Han Dynasty forces were carrying something of unknown purpose, and seeing it firsthand, they were absolutely right.
It went without saying, but Rome had chamber pots too.
However, Eastern and Western chamber pots looked slightly different, and above all, the very idea of bringing chamber pots to a battlefield was so incomprehensible that it was hard to identify the objects in the Han soldiers' hands.
Furthermore, what made even less sense was that they were thrusting those objects forward like shields.
What the hell are they trying to block with those?
Looking closely, he also noticed them splashing some water-like liquid onto the ground.
Is it some kind of pre-battle ritual?
If that were the case, it made sense.
Offering prayers to the gods or performing a ritual to pray for victory before an important battle was a matter of course.
Figuring it was just some bizarre foreign custom, Agrippa lost interest and issued the order to prepare for battle.
The Roman army, practically war machines forged through strict training and multiple real-combat experiences, sprang into action the moment the order fell.
The artillerymen manning the cannons moved with practiced speed.
Their hand movements as they loaded the explosive shells and adjusted the angles were as swift and natural as flowing water.
“Once they enter range, bombard them without mercy.”
The Roman army's artillery was far more advanced than when it first debuted in India.
Since the rumors had spread just as fast, he hadn't thought the enemy would foolishly close the distance.
The only thing he didn't quite understand was that the enemy lacked sufficient cavalry to execute a flanking maneuver and attack from multiple directions.
Advancing with slow-moving infantry naturally meant they would become targets for the artillery, inevitably ruining their formation.
Do they seriously have absolutely no information on the Wrath of Mars?
A slight possibility he had dismissed as impossible now muddied Agrippa's thoughts.
Regardless, they would find out once they fired.
Even if an unexpected variable arose, Agrippa trusted his ability to improvise.
Finally, the Han soldiers casually closing the distance entered the artillery's firing range.
“Fire!”
The muzzles of the cannons aimed at the enemy in unison.
Kaboom!
Along with billowing black smoke, the explosive shells flew at terrifying speed.
As soon as they heard the roar, the Han Dynasty soldiers aimed their chamber pots forward in unison, as if on cue.
If what they had heard was true, those weapons—forged by the sorcery of the western barbarians—should not be able to touch them, armed as they were with Yin energy.
The fiercely flying artillery shells miraculously bypassed the Han Dynasty soldiers... not at all. Naturally, they demonstrated perfect accuracy.
Kaaaa-boom! Boom!
Consecutive explosions shook the surroundings.
Dozens of Han Dynasty troops collapsed to the ground on the spot.
Ruptured flesh and blood instantaneously flew into the sky.
Shattered fragments of the chamber pots scattered vainly through the air, raining down upon the soldiers' heads.
“A-Aaaagh!”
“What is this! It doesn't work at all!”
“F-Fall back! We'll die if we go forward!”
As the confident vanguard was reduced to a bloody massacre, the army's morale plummeted to rock bottom in an instant.
Their belief that they would suffer zero casualties had been entirely shattered.
Had they been told from the start that some sacrifices were inevitable and ordered to charge as fast as possible, their reaction wouldn't have been this severe.
Whether the enemy soldiers panicked or not, the Roman army diligently finished reloading and lit the fuses.
Explosive shells continued to rain down on the heads of the noticeably slowed enemy forces.
Every time the air-tearing shriek rang out, the Han Dynasty soldiers instinctively threw themselves to the ground, clutching their heads.
“You fools! If you stop, you die! If you turn back now, you still die! Just attack! If you want to live, attack!”
The officers belatedly tried to take command, but the soldiers, thrown into chaos from the very beginning, could no longer move as a cohesive unit.
Those with strong mental fortitude charged forward following their officers' orders, but the terrified ones fled backward instead.
Among them, some completely lost their minds and simply slumped onto the ground.
In truth, the terror of experiencing explosive shells for the first time in their lives was no exception for the officers.
Honestly, they had held their own doubts about whether those weapons would really miss just because they held up chamber pots.
But upon seeing that it did not have even a sliver of an effect, they felt their very energy to command draining away.
The despair that their ink-brained higher-ups had done something completely stupid once again filled their hearts.
What followed developed into something closer to a massacre than a battle.
There was no need for the Roman army to even step in.
For the Tokharians, equipped with an excellent cavalry force, trampling over soldiers whose formations had completely collapsed was hardly a difficult task.
In fact, the battle ended even more anticlimactically than when they had fought Satavahana.
Back then, even when their ranks broke, the enemy had tried to fight on somehow; this time, they simply crumbled entirely on their own.
There were even scenes where the officers who should have been in command were the first to turn their horses around and flee faster than anyone else.
The most dumbfounded person of all was Agrippa.
Faced with the reality of a battle flowing completely opposite to his expectations, he couldn't tell if he should be happy or angry.
A fierce tactical battle where he had to demonstrate his command abilities to the fullest?
A clash of commanders' capabilities, seeing through each other's schemes, deploying countermeasures, and tearing them down again?
Such things did not exist.
No, in the first place, he simply couldn't understand why they had come all this way just to turn and run in terror after taking a few cannon shots.
If they were going to collapse like that, why did they even pick a fight to begin with?
The Tokhara tribal chiefs piled on the admiration, declaring it was exactly what one would expect of the Roman army, but receiving such praise was embarrassing in itself.
What the hell are those guys?
The shattered fragments of chamber pots suddenly entered the dumbfounded Agrippa's line of sight.
A cavalry captain approaching his side let out a hollow laugh and spoke.
“Upon closer inspection, it turns out these really are chamber pots used for holding piss.”
“...But why did they bring chamber pots all the way here?”
“That much, I do not know.”
Agrippa recalled the behavior the Han Dynasty army had shown earlier when the artillery fired.
At that moment, they had clearly thrust those chamber pots forward.
“You don't think... they were trying to block the artillery with those chamber pots, do you?”
“......”
A bizarre silence descended.
Not only the cavalry captain, but also the centurions who followed him, simply stared in silence at the smashed chamber pot fragments.
“...Surely not. How could they possibly come up with such a ridiculous idea? Maybe if they were trying to block it with shields...”
“I think so too. Even for them, that's just absurd.”
“I believe you are evaluating the enemy's intelligence far too poorly, Legion Commander.”
As his subordinates' rebuttals followed one after another, Agrippa nodded and withdrew his deduction.
“Right? They put on such an absurd display that I actually entertained such a ridiculous thought. Perhaps the ones who came today were nothing more than a probing force to gauge our level.”
“Are you saying they threw away a massive army of forty thousand just for probing?”
“I know, but there's no other way to explain it. Good grief... not knowing the enemy's true intentions leaves a bitter taste even after winning the battle. For now, contact the garrison in North India and have them deploy one additional legion. Tell them to pay closer attention to Han's movements as well.”
“Yes, sir!”
Judging that the enemy's offensive couldn't possibly end with just this, Agrippa and the Roman army under his command did not let their guard down.
The Han Dynasty side would undoubtedly make a further move.
Convinced of this, the Roman army diligently built defensive lines alongside the Tokharians and sent out reconnaissance units.
A few months later, as expected, a shocking report reached Agrippa's ears.
However, its contents were completely different from his expectations.
A completely absurd report rested in his hands, stating that the Son of Heaven had been dethroned following a fierce political battle over the responsibility for this war, leading to a conflict bordering on a civil war.
Ultimately, Agrippa spent an additional two months just to verify the authenticity of this nonsensical report.
After confirming the exact same results multiple times, only then did he send his report to Marcopolis.
Lady Sophia. The East truly seems to be an unfathomable, chaotic realm.
Agrippa concluded his missive with an apology for the delayed report, briefly noting down his own impressions.