The Marquis’ Daughter Acts As A Pawn

- Lista! Hey, Lista!

I scream desperately in my heart, but no response from Lista.

When I exhaled deeply, I nodded in the corner of the library where no one was.

"Hey, aren't you my dream? Are you currently (depressed)...?

During a tea party with Grandma Julianna, she did call me - no, she looked behind me and called me "Prince Lista".

Until now I thought Lista was the product of an imagination that I could see in my dreams.

(... No, you don't. The truth is I thought something was wrong, too)

It makes me lie when I say that I hadn't noticed the memory of falling out from time to time. When my emotions shook strong, I lost consciousness, and when I woke up, it always resolved what had caused me.

What if, unlike Listasha (me) | if the existence of Lista was solving them... it all fits.

Doesn't that mean I've been pushing all my hard parts against Lista? Such thoughts swirled in my chest, and I wet myself in tears.

"Please... Lista... don't hate me..."

Pleading in a plundered voice makes the back of my chest zingly hot.

- I felt good sleeping in the corner, but Shea is rambling...

"Lista!"

Hear the voice of my beloved, and I will raise my voice of joy.

Not in my dreams, in the present (depressed) world, me and Lista exchanged words for the first time.

"... good... I thought I'd never see you again"

- Don't you think it's disgusting about me? Put you to sleep, use your body at will... I'm sure you were doing something Shea didn't want.

I shake my neck vigorously to the side, and hold my hands together before my chest. May it convey how I feel about Lista?

"I don't think that's disgusting! It was me... I was stuck in my shell pressing all the nasty things against Lista so she wouldn't hurt herself alone. Hey, Lista doesn't like me, does she?

- There's no way I don't like Shea! There's no reason to protect you... any child you like! Even if I...

Lista tried to say something, but clogged the words. I can't read his mind when he says he's a personality in me.

Only one thing, his spinning words shake my heart.

"... like...? Me...?

- You think it's disgusting, don't you? It's just an alternative. I fell in love with Shea.

"There's no such thing as a rush! Lista saved me. He was on my side in this royal palace full of enemies. Me, a crybaby and a coward... you loved me. So I... fell in love with Lista."

There will be no one who can understand my relationship with Lista. Some may make a fool of themselves that it is just self-love. But still, me and Lista fell in love.

Even if it were a brittle and fragile statute, I couldn't stop this feeling.

- Really, you're stronger. As much as you don't need me... Hey, Shea. Now that you recognize the personality Lista, you know I'm about to disappear.

"... I feel something."

Lista was born to protect my heart. If my heart grows stronger, his presence will cease to have existential meaning. And having two personalities in one person is probably a load on the spirit. So it becomes inevitable that Lista disappears, not me, the Lord personality.

(I met the Marquis of Blobel, and I knew the Kingdom of Samorta, and I also learned to be prepared for royalty. And I interacted with the nobles I had avoided so much, and met Julianna and the others. So little by little, I grew stronger)

In the back of my brain, Julianna floats with a flashy figure.

When I saw you, Julianna, with the same divine eye, I wanted to be strong for the first time.

- I like strong Shea. So don't worry about me. Just don't forget me.

"I don't forget or anything.... Forget something you can't..."

If you forget Lista, I will be no longer me. So much so that he took root in me and changed me.

There is no option in me to erase my memories with Lista, even if I experience and regret thoughts that are going to tear my heart apart.

- Can I ask you to do me another favor?

I smiled, smiling heartily at my reluctant voice.

"If Lista asks me, I'll ask you anything."

- Pfft. Shea's nostalgic.

Lista appealed to me with a tense voice when she breathed down.

- Then... be king, Shea.

Lista's desire I've heard so many times in the dream world. I laughed and denied it in my dreams, but now I realize that this word of Lista weighs heavily.

"... hey, why would Lista want me to be king?

- Because if you don't, you'll be killed. A princess with only one eye, my mother's low status, is in a precarious position. Unless you become king of the supreme power, you cannot find Shea's place. Being king is the only way to keep you alive.

"It's kind of weird that if you don't be king, you're gonna die."

- Shea, what's your answer? I don't think I deserve a king other than you. Shea is no match for more than a few, my compliment.

Lista will be the only one who praises me so much. It's called an inner circle.

Unexpectedly, my bitter smile leaks.

"I told you earlier. I'll ask you anything Lista wants."

- Well, good for you.... Shea.

"Yeah. What's up, Lista?

- It was always a hard hit on you, Konrat, but he's not a bad person. I think it's an honest category among the nobles. A man I can trust. Definitely helps Shea.

"... is that right? I don't like contorts."

- Foreword withdrawn. The man who grieves my Shea is sentenced to death.

"Ugh, lie, Lista! As for Konrat, I trust him too!

- He's using his eyes on Shea...

"Kee, as a knight! I trust you as a Samorta nobleman!

I screamed in haste.

(... I'm kind of tired...)

But my love is twitching from Lista.

My personality, my gender, my way of thinking. Me and Lista are different. Again, this feeling is not self-loving. Even if my body is one, me and Lista are different people.

"Hey, Lista. I hate myself. A coward with no guts, to the point of a foolish picture. I'm a low profile, and Julianna complimented me, but my hair is white like an old man's, and one eye is creepy red. I have no confidence in myself. But..."

I walked to the window.

In the blue night sky, the little stardust is brilliant, but it melts into a distorted vision.

"I will be king. Lista believes in me... and I can be a good king. Yes, I believe it."

If you go for king, you'll be hostile to that Ardalbert. From an early age, he was the object of my fear. To be honest, I'm afraid of those strong willed divine eyes.

(... That's why I'm not sure I'll make a great country. Still, we have to do it. My - I have to protect Lista's beloved country)

- Be a good king, huh? That's something you can't do overnight. Shea won't be bored with life, will she?

"... right. It's going to be a wonderful life, not boring."

I did not mind the wrinkles in my dress, and I gathered the dough on my chest.

I rush out to the signs of Lista getting smaller and smaller like a candle fire. Weak noises and stupid ramblings are about to pop out of my mouth, but I bite off my lower lip and desperately hold it in.

"So, I'll be fine."

Laughing with all my strength, I shook my voice and said:

-... I'm in Shea, but I'm kind of sleepy.... just a little... sleep, huh? Shea... Goodbye, that's it...

Finally, Lista stopped responding to my voice.

In the depths of my heart, my chest was tightened with cleavage to the feeling of a big hole.

But that's also for a while. Then I learn the illusion that Lista's memory, knowledge, and experience flow into my brain and become a part of my flesh.

(… Lista…… you have given me so much…)

I weep in Lista's heart, so full of seemingly overflowing.

Of course it wasn't just beautiful, to factional strife, economic inequality, bribery, the blood of overly harsh royalty and high nobility, the divine eye faith on the verge of collapse, I understood correctly the status quo of the Kingdom of Samorta, which has been hidden for my ever weak self.

"Good night, Lista.... See you later."

I walked out of the library to meet my father for the first time in my life.