The Most Random System

"Hahahahahahaha, Ze Yu, you’re fucking awesome!!!"

"You probably didn’t notice how Old Jian was totally dumbfounded in that instant, but we were literally dying of laughter. Thank you, man. Without you, who would be willing to sacrifice himself just to make the bros laugh."

"...This is too busted, bro! After seeing a development like this, even if you skip the whole route and demand my special CG straight up, then plan to go to the gallery and rewatch it on loop, I’d still hand it over to you, man!"

When the bell for the end of evening self-study rang, after Xue Jian left the classroom—no one knew if he went out for a smoke or to the bathroom for a quick one—Class Four’s back row instantly exploded into roaring laughter.

Or you could call it mockery.

As for the person involved, Qin Zeyu just sat there kind of numb, rubbing his temples.

The sorrow of one person never really connects with another; Qin Zeyu just felt like drawing a little curse circle and hexing this bunch of assholes.

It was Sunday, the break after the first period of evening self-study after returning to school.

This round of everyone roasting Qin Zeyu actually had nothing to do with mating behavior.

It was just that an hour earlier, Qin Zeyu had been sleeping during evening self-study.

And halfway through, Xue Jian came to the classroom as usual to do his sit-in.

Zhou Baowei noticed Xue Jian at the door and pushed at Qin Zeyu a few times, intending to wake him up.

But Qin Zeyu, seemingly groggy as hell, got pushed half-awake. In his dazed state he clicked his tongue, and chose the most bullet-screen-style response.

—He got up and turned off the classroom lights.

"Next time, press it yourself."

After complaining like that and dissing the lazy pig Bao Wei, Qin Zeyu went right back to his seat and continued sleeping.

The classroom light switches control the front and back separately, so he didn’t plunge the room into total darkness in one shot.

But half the light sources went out at once, which was still something everyone could feel immediately. So the whole class, including Xue Jian who had just come in, all turned around in confusion and watched live as Qin Zeyu walked back from the switch to his seat and lay down to sleep.

Honestly, even people like Lin Li and Bai Bufan, our ultimate lifeforms, didn’t immediately figure out the logical chain behind Ze Yu’s light-switch operation.

Only later did they get it: my heart remembers; this is the dorm.

After Xue Jian processed what happened, he didn’t say much. Instead, he gently asked Qin Zeyu to come sit at the front near the podium to self-study with him, occasionally checking in: "Still sleepy, kid? If you’re still sleepy I’ll have your mom and dad take you home so you sleep till you’re fully awake before coming back to school, okay?"

That’s what a good teacher’s like.

Well, to be fair, Xue Jian really isn’t a bad guy.

The main thing is that he helplessly said at the time, "Ze Yu, why do you always come to school half-asleep."

And Qin Zeyu reflexively shot back, "If I came after waking up, I’d be late, wouldn’t I."

Kinda deserved what he got.

"Ze Yu, we only played till like four in the morning today, right? Don’t tell me you secretly played more after that and basically never slept at all." Wang Ze was having the time of his life.

After all, it’s rare to have a bro exiled to the front half of the classroom; he was moved.

"In the videos, the husband always sleeps through the whole thing not knowing anything. But you’re even scarier, Ze Yu. Feels like if you played the husband, you’d get up halfway through the NTR and walk over to give her a push on the ass."

Under this group assault, Qin Zeyu rested one elbow on the desk, rubbing his brow with one hand, his expression flipping back and forth between stone-faced and about to break into laughter himself.

He was feeling emo, pissed off; this week he wasn’t going to go lose his meal card anymore.

"It’s all Bao Wei’s fault. In the dorm he always makes me, the one closest to the switch, get up to turn off the lights. And I really was sleep-addled just now, so I went on autopilot." Qin Zeyu said gloomily.

Faced with blame-shifting at this level, Zhou Baowei couldn’t even be bothered to reply.

"Honestly, it’s not totally incomprehensible," Lin Li chuckled. "There was this one time I was completely zoned out in class too; I felt my vision getting darker and darker, so I tapped my textbook twice, afraid the screen was going to sleep."

"Right, right! There’s really nothing you can do about it!!" Qin Zeyu instantly chimed in, then made up his mind: "Decision made. As soon as I get back to the dorm tonight, I’m going straight to sleep!"

Bai Bufan: "Ze Yu, I’ll lend you my phone tonight."

Qin Zeyu: "1111 for real, bro? Perfect, I can play till four in the morning and grind some new Genshin daily activity."

Zhang Haoyang: "1111 Ze Yu then help me grind a bit after four too."

Wang Ze: "1111 Haoyang, why you asking Ze Yu to do it, he’s in the next dorm, that’s so much trouble. We’re in the same dorm, I’ll do it for you. Four o’clock, right? I’ll set an alarm right now."

Zhang Haoyang: "Fuck off, man, what kind of ’do it’ are you talking about."

Lin Li: "Guys like Wang Ze are the sneakiest. At the noodle shop he’ll just keep staring at the big bro across from him, licking his lips and swallowing. The bold big bro sees this and goes, ’Bro, want a mouthful?’ and Wang Ze immediately ducks under the table to start eating the big bro."

Zhou Baowei: "Then in that case, do they still eat the noodles? If they don’t, that’s kind of a waste."

"..."

Even though their urge to pee was already like a torrent pouring down a mountain, completely unstoppable, Huang Yi and Zhou Jiana still held their ground in their seats.

The lines from the back row drifted over one by one.

They relaxed and laughed.

Happy.

Being able to hear all this, even if they got bladder-busted to death, it was worth it.

...

School’s out, heading home.

The signal transmitters I set up yesterday were all behaving themselves, no sign of being triggered. Looks like my animal buddies didn’t immediately run into disaster as soon as I left, and none of them got spoiled and arrogant.

I didn’t share that classic fable "The priest is coming" with them for nothing—

Once upon a time, there was a sheep that watched kids, every day it went up the mountain to watch little boys. One day it got really bored and thought up a prank to mess with everyone for laughs, so it looked down the mountain at the devils harvesting souls and shouted loudly: "The priest is coming! The priest is coming! Help!"