I don't care if it's summer, it's already dark at 6 p.m. in winter. I got off the train and went through the gates ...... but I couldn't bring myself to go straight home.
The wind that blew in the air was cold. I'm wearing a coat that I'm allowed to wear at school, but it's still a bit chilly.
I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make the most of your time with us.
...... I didn't want to go home.
It's not an unusual thing. I'm not usually happy to go home. I'm just going back there because there's no place else to go back to.
Eventually, after thinking about it for a bit, I made up an excuse in my mind that, come to think of it, I didn't have any more stock of red ballpoint pen ink and started walking towards the stationery store.
If you're cold, you can walk or run faster. That will warm you up.
But right now, I don't want to arrive at my destination right away, so I walk sluggishly. The more you do so, the more the wind sinks into your body. My body, which doesn't warm up easily, becomes slower and slower. My hands, tucked in my pockets, are not warm enough.
It's cold, I think, and I just look at the ground. The street in front of the station, paved with brick-like tiles, I watch the pattern of the street as I walk, vaguely watching it.
...... And so I walked, and while I was walking, I arrived at a stationery store.
But.
I did .......
The stationery store was closed. I'm probably the only customer who would be this happy to read a notice on the shutters that it was closed.
Since the stationery store was closed, I had to go to another store. Around here, I could either backtrack to the station and go into the shopping mall, or I could head back to the convenience store a little further away from my house.
...... I hesitated for a bit before choosing the convenience store, which was a bit farther away. It's a little farther away.
I walk through the chilly night. I walk. I'm going to be able to move my body, which is not warmed up at all, and walk.
...... As I did so, thoughts popped in and out of my head, sinking in and out again.
I'll be so angry.
That's what I'm thinking, and I'm depressed. It's not that big of a deal. It's not a big deal, it's just that being pissed off is always a normal part of the process ...... but it's definitely a bad part of the process. So it's depressing, but it's inevitable and I know how to deal with it .......
If you wait for the time to pass when you get home, then even your parents will fall asleep. When your parents are asleep, you can stay in bed with me, not sleep, and I'll be asleep. Then the bad feelings will fade away.
I know, it's okay. I know it's going to be okay.
Thinking that, I'll walk. I walked and walked, and within a while I arrived at the convenience store.
The brightest convenience store in the middle of the night in a residential area is somehow strange to me.
It was late in the evening, so there were not so many people there. It's not so crowded in this convenience store, especially since it's not that crowded.
...... So, I buy a red ballpoint pen there. I'm going to take as much time as I can, and I'm going to take my time.
And then I took the red ballpoint pen, which I had scrutinized for no reason, to the cashier and paid for it. The change is perfect. I take the receipt, put the ballpoint pen and my wallet in my bag, and then leave the store.
Hey, Togo. Hey, Togo. Have you picked out a red pen? It looks like you were pretty picky about what you chose.
Then I ran into the teacher.
...... Um, since when?
"Hmm? That's while you were choosing a red pen. I ran away from ...... for a bit because I had a lot on my plate, but I ran into a convenience store, and lo and behold, there was Togo, seriously examining a red pen!
The teacher said that and laughed, making a bit of an exaggerated gesture. I'm sure you can be a stage actor as well. I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make the most out of this. ...... As for herself, she may prefer to stay in her living room or study rather than on stage.
I've been waiting for you at the exit since you didn't seem to notice me with ....... Here.
The teacher rummaged through the paper bag inside the plastic bag and held out something to me.
"Meat buns. Do you want some?
The steam was rising.
In the cold dark blue night, the steamed buns, illuminated by the outdoor light in front of the convenience store, looked very bright.
Then we moved to a nearby park and ate the buns there.
"Oh my God, they're so good! These days, buns are delicious! Especially when eaten outdoors on a winter night, it's extraordinarily delicious!
I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to make the most of your time with us," he said, smiling and taking a bite of the nikuman.
...... I don't usually eat nikuman, so I'm not really used to eating them, so I'll be nibbling on them. I'm not going to be able to get it right.
...... By the way, Togo. You're a bit of a rarity, aren't you? Looking for a red pen in a place like that?
The teacher quickly finished his nikuman and asked me this while grabbing the next nikuman, "Is there something you don't want to leave?
Is there something you don't want to leave?
The ...... teacher is amazing. It's like he knows everything I want to say but can't, and everything I'm thinking because I can't. And yet, I know he wouldn't make fun of me no matter what I'm thinking.
I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to say that.
The test came back to me, but my score was ...... bad, so I don't want to go home.
So I decided to be honest and say so.
The test scores, huh? ...... Your parents certainly seem to be very strict about such things. It's true that children are not able to choose their parents, but they are a different creature from their parents ......
The teacher glances at me and then scratches his neck a little awkwardly. I'm not sure what to think.
Well, ...... test scores don't mean much to me. I'm not trying to be philosophical. The only thing your test scores determine is your school grades, right? It's only when you're going to be recommended to a school that your school's grades will determine your success. That means, well, if you're taking an entrance exam, the score of the school's final exam doesn't matter.
"Yes.
So it's not the score that matters, but what you do afterwards. You've taken the test. You can see where you are not doing well, so you should work hard on your studies to strengthen those areas.
...... Yeah. That's right. I know. Having a bad test score is not a bad thing. It's good to have a positive attitude, and it's not about the score, it's about what you did and what you didn't do, and that's all you need to do for the next time. That's enough to make sense. I know. I know, I know, but .......
I know, I know, but I'm not going to die because of a bad test score. It's not going to stop you from drawing or ...... no, that's not ...... exclusive to you, is it?
"Yes.
If my grades were to deteriorate, maybe again, my parents would try to thoroughly expose what I was doing there for whatever reason. If they found out I was painting there, it would probably be even worse than it is now.
...... I don't think my grades would go up if I stopped painting, though. It's not that I don't want to draw if I'm not allowed to draw.
And the parents must be in a good mood.
Yeah. You're right. You're right. ......
Then, when parents get angry, the air gets tingly. They ask me how I'm doing at school and at school more than usual. They ask me about the amount of study I'm doing. If I do even the slightest thing wrong, they get more angry, so I can't relax. It's always a bit tiring.
Why are my parents not like me? If my parents were like me, I'm sure they would enjoy every day.
...... No, they're not.
I'm not sure why I couldn't be like them.
I'm not sure why I couldn't be like them. They are so desired.
...... I'm sure my parents are thinking, too. I'm not going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to say that I'm not going to be able to do this, I'm not going to be able to do this.
That is frustrating. And yet, I'm sorry. And yet, I can't help it.
It was so painful.
It's okay. Don't cry, Togo. I don't mind crying.
"I'm not crying. ...... Wow, what a thing you're trying to wipe with, doctor.
"Pizza buns
To my surprise, there was something warm touching my face with a swoosh, and it was a pizza bun in my teacher's hand! Surprise! I was really surprised! This teacher, really, I don't know what to do!
Sorry, I don't have any tissues or handkerchiefs or anything else to help you out.
"I thought you would be ......
I don't have the image of the teacher carrying a handkerchief and tissues properly, though. I'm sorry, though.
...... Separately, I didn't cry, but if anything, the pizza man's surprise made me pull back, but I did get a little snotty, so I used the pocket tissues I carry in my bag to deal with it. The teacher gently holds out a plastic bag with a piece of paper removed from the buttocks of a steamed bun in it, and I'm going to throw it there.
The sound of a ball of tissue falling out of the plastic bag is heard, and the teacher, seeing this, bites into the pizza man without regard to it. And the steam leaking from the edge of the teacher's mouth as she chews on the pizza bun looks like the dragon's breath in the story, which is kind of funny.
...... Well, don't let the parental problems follow you all your life. Once you're on your own, you can't be completely irrelevant.
When the teacher swallowed a pizza bun and said so, he looked a little awkward ...... and then spoke.
...... actually. Togo. I'm the same as you. I ran away from my parents.
You will be able to get a lot more out of it. But from your parents," she said at .......
I didn't get the impression that the teacher had parents, either.
"Oh, come on, Togo. What do you think I am? I'm a man's baby too, okay?
It's not that I have the impression that you were born from cabbage or anything like that, but I don't have that impression of you. But I don't get the impression that he was born from a cabbage. He rarely talks about his family.
Well, my parents are not very good ...... parents. I'm not a good parent. At least, for me. ...... 'I'm worried about you,' they say. I want to tell you that you're really worried about yourself, not me.
The teacher then makes a sarcastic face. It's a bit of a pompous teacher, unusually.
I'm not a parent, so I can't do anything about it if I'm called a parent without knowing my parents' hearts and minds. But I have a feeling that it's not as bad as it seems.
Furthermore, the teacher gets up from the park bench and walks around there in a slightly theatrical motion like he did earlier.
I still don't understand what was said to me, 'You'll understand when you grow up,' and I'm not troubled by what was said to me, 'You'll be in trouble when you grow up. So, I guess you don't have the 'I'm not a parent, so I don't understand' either. What do you think, Togo? My reasoning is.
I hope it's a good guess.
I see. Well, maybe it's a lost cause. The answer is in our lives, I guess. Well, that's beside the point: ......
The teacher let out a deep sigh, fluffy white breath, and then said,
...... After all, at my age, I'm still my parents' child. It's depressing. If anything, a little bit abominable.
Maybe I want to be recognized. As cruel as it is, parents are huge for kids. Even if they deny everything you do, even if they throw away what you make, even if they make fun of you, even if they flip you off, even if they don't ask you for money, you still have to go to .......
He said so with a dark face ...... and then looked at me, smiled awkwardly, and said nothing more beyond that.
...... Somehow, though, I knew what she meant.
...... Well, my case has improved considerably since we started living apart. It's a good way to show people that we're different from each other. So, Togo. Wait, but hope. We'll just have to be patient until we get to the bottom of this. And I'll join you in that patience. Make the most of it.
The teacher said, tying the mouth of the plastic bag into a tight knot, crumpling it up and tucking it into his tired coat pocket.
So, well, come to my house tomorrow after school and contribute to my family's rice cake consumption. And contribute to the consumption of rice cakes in my house.
"Mochi, are there more?
No, I ate it up over the summer. You. ...... However, the new rice cake is here, and it's the end of the year! It's the end of the year, you know!
The teacher said this with a desperate momentum, and then shrugged his shoulders a bit. You don't like rice cakes very much," he says.
By the way, Togo, what was your score on the test to be scolded? By the way, Togo, what was your score on the test to be scolded? What are the subjects?
69 points. Math A
"Are you kidding me? Your parents are too strict, aren't they? I went home with a score of 18 in Math I. And I got hit badly, but
You'll be surprised to hear that while the teacher starts walking leisurely. ...... Maybe today's theatrical gesture is because the teacher is a bit hurt.
I'm sure you'll be able to find it. Don't tell me that wasn't the worst thing that could have happened?
Nope. I got an 88 in modern English. I got an 88 in modern writing.
"What? That's awesome, Togo!
The teacher said that he was pleased with my test scores with a face that let me know that he was seriously pleased with me, even though he was acting like it.
I don't know why, but it makes me happy.
I got an 82 on modern society, and a 94 on home economics. I scored 82 on Modern Society, 94 on Home Economics.
How. It's great. I have to give credit where credit is due.
I scored a perfect 90 in English grammar and a bit of a no-no in reading, 75. I got a 75, which made me angry yesterday. And I got a perfect score in health and physical education.
"A perfect score? Did I say a perfect score? Are you kidding me? How is that even possible?
I have.
It makes me feel a little proud. It's funny. For some reason, when I talk to my teachers, I get this kind of light and fluffy feeling. I don't know why. I've just been told that getting a perfect score in health and physical education means nothing.
I'm so proud of you! I have no reason to be proud of you, but you should share your pride with an open mind!
He said and patted me on the head as he walked next to me.
...... You're doing really well, Togo.
I get choked up and can't say anything. So, turn over and walk next to the teacher in silence.
He looked into my face, was about to say something, then instead of saying something, he laughed a little, and then he ran his hand over my head again.
Togo," he said, "it's a nice moonlit night today. It's a nice moonlit night," he said. You should look at the moon before you go to bed. The moon is beautiful, the stars twinkle, and the buns are delicious, no matter how bad things get. Don't forget that.
"...... yeah
I manage to squeeze out a response, and then I let out a breath.
I won't forget about the white, fluffy breaths, the beautiful moon, the twinkling stars, the delicious steamed buns, or the surprisingly soft pizza buns.
I'll never forget, so maybe I can go home now.
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Chapter 8: Want to see the formless
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To ...... Carnelia, asking for marriage.
No, because, how old is Carnelia now ......? Uh, about 10 years old, right? Huh? I guess I'm 11 years old.
No, but to a 10 or 11 year old, asking for marriage. ...... It's a crime, it's a crime!
No, Faye! I'll have to turn that person away now!
Carnelia was originally about to be forced into an unwanted marriage in the Ziolen family as well, and she ran away from it. I don't want to get involved in this whole marriage thing again.
Oh, I see.
...... but Faye looked a bit puzzled.
"...... You know what, Tougo,
Yes. Absolutely not.
No, I'm sorry. I didn't explain it well enough either. Uh, ......
Faye said something I don't understand, and thought for a moment .......
I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that ...... is, you know, a bit premature. You know, I hope you'll forgive a 12-year-old boy for asking for your hand in marriage.
...... eh.
Ah, such as .......
...... forgive me.
"Oh, oh.
I thought it was another courtship from a guy in his 40s or something. But, I see. If it's a courtship from your age group, well, ....... I'm sure.
So, I told Carnelia about it. Just in case.
"...... me Kyukondo? That's a common story!
Carnelia was surprisingly calm. Maybe she's a lot more mature than we thought.
And then? What kind of uncle are you this time?
No, I mean Osama, he's the same age, 12 years old.
When Faye explained this to Carnelia, she looked surprised.
'Well, I've never seen anything like that before!
Yeah. I see. Yeah. ....... It's hard to know. I can't help but pat Carnelia's head. She says, 'It tickles! I received a cute protest, "So?
'So what? What kind of person is the other person?
"Huh? Do you mind?
"Of course I'm curious!
Carnelia is bouncing around holding my hand with a twinkle in her eye.
"Because, because, because ...... he liked me, didn't he?
Ugh, yes.
"Then maybe I can fall in love!
...... Yeah?
"I've been longing for it! I want to! Love!
...... So, I see. That .......
"What? Tougo! Why are you petting me! Tickle me!
Very ...... very, very hard! Oh, please, I want her to be happy!
It's a good thing that you're able to get a good idea of what you're looking for. It's not just a matter of time before you get a chance to see the model.
And since then, Carnelia has been in a very happy mood.
Love! Love! I wonder what it looks like! I wonder if it's fluffy, or if it's choppy! I'm looking forward to it!
Sounds like fun. I'm sure it will be. I'm sure you'll be able to find a way to get along with your partner, but if you're able to get along with him or her, that's probably a good thing ...... For now, I'll think about keeping her safe, but basically I'm going to keep an eye on her.
M. ...... has mixed feelings.
On the other hand, Ms. Intaglia seems to be complicated.
"I can't give Carnelia-sama to someone who doesn't know the bones of any horse ...... but if you think about Carnelia-sama's happiness, to a certain extent ...... hmmm
For Intaglia, Carnelia is her husband, whom she has been protecting with great care. It's not just a matter of time before you get married, it's also a matter of how you feel about it.
...... No, I'm sorry. Thanks, I'm in a bit of a bind. ......
"I know how you feel,
I've been with Carnelia for much less time than I have with you, Intaglia. It's not just a matter of how many times you've been in the past, it's also a matter of how many times you've been in the past.
It's not just a matter of time before you're ready to go. What I can do for Lady Carnelia is ......
Yeah, I think so, too. I think so, too. In the end, only she can decide what makes her happy, and if she wants to try to fall in love, I think that's a good thing. ...... I don't know.
Let's stick with it, so I served mochi for today's snack. A mochi with grated daikon. It's the one my teacher used to make when he was a little bit energetic. Let's be tenacious and twisted, so that's what I'm saying.
This is delicious! Even the salty ones go together!
Yes. Here's another one.
...... but it seems that rice cakes have become Carnelia's favorite food, and she is the one who eats them the most.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get the same amount of weight as I did if I eat too much. I'm sure they would hate me for it. ......
I don't think so.
"Yeah? Then I'll just take one more!
Carnelia is having a lot of fun, poking at the rice cake she drew on a plate with the tip of her fork. It's not just a matter of how you look at it, it's a matter of being in love.
...... I got a little choked up and had a little bit of a hard time with it!
Eat slowly.
Carnelia is doing very well, so she's fine, even if she's a little stuffed with rice cakes. But you have to be really careful. Rice cakes are dangerous.
I know! Next time I'll eat slowly! ...... But I thought that the feeling of being a little bit choked up and bitter might be similar to love. I'm not sure if it's the same as love, Tougo. Do rice cakes resemble love?
"Huh? No, come on, how about ......
"Hey, hey, Intaglia. Do you think rice cakes are like love? I wonder what it's like to be in love? I've read about it in a book! Choking," he said.
...... Dear Carnelia. It's also a little different or not ......
Well, yeah. Let's persevere and go to ....... Yeah.
"Huh.
I went outside to get a little water and found Leanne sitting there. I was startled.
"What's up, Leanne? I'm having a snack.
...... I'm not really hungry.
That's unusual. I have the impression that Liane has been eating more and more lately, maybe because she's in a growth phase.
You look down.
"Not really, but ......
...... Hmmm, I knew Leanne wasn't feeling well. What is it?
As I was wondering, I heard Carnelia's voice calling me from inside the house. Maybe it's another rice cake.
Do you want some? Mochi
"Eh, uh, no, I'm ......
I'm going to try to talk to Leanne again, but she's kind of bewildered. ...... And then she said, "I'm going to go take care of my horse.
I'm going to go take care of the horses,
Quickly, he ran off.
...... Hmm, I wonder what's going on. I'm a little worried.