After dinner, Nate visited my room a long time ago.
Because he's been boarding at this mansion since he came to the village, but as I mentioned, he often comes home late at night to find a new master.
So we don't usually have dinner together or chat after dinner this way. For that reason, we never ran out of conversation when we said it was midnight, and we were so obsessed with conversation that we forgot time had passed.
As the two of us sat back in bed, flowering into the conversation, suddenly Nate brought up the subject of a previous life.
"This reminds me of my past life."
"Huh...?
"Look, it was the first time you came to my house."
That's what they say, and I remember one day in my previous life when they said, "If you say so..."
That was definitely the first day I went to the house I needed. That time, me and the point was, we had a good vibe, but we couldn't even kiss each other after all because we cared about each other's expectations.
It's also a weird story that even though I was socializing with my brother's approval, I hesitated to even kiss my lover because I cared about my brother, but for some reason at the time I couldn't progress my relationship with the need.
Now that I think about it, maybe it's because I was unconsciously feeling his favor.... If so, what a disgusting woman I am.
"Do you remember?
"Ah...... yeah. I remember."
Answering that as she fell into self-loathing, Nate put her breath down and eventually opened her mouth with hesitation.
"I couldn't even kiss you back then... but I regret remembering that now."
"Huh...?
"Oh no... Originally, I guess it was because I was your wife, but for some reason I wouldn't have progressed my relationship with you, would I? I thought that might have made me feel quite sad... So, um... I never had any attraction for you as a woman or anything like that. Ning Lo, it's so fascinating that I've always thought, 'I'm a girlfriend with no body'..."
Seeing Nate dye her cheeks red with a slight wolf and talk about it, she accidentally spills a grin.
"Pfft... you cared about that? It's okay. It conveyed what you cared about, and you never thought you'd be sad, did you?
When I said that and made her smile, Nate exhaled loudly as she was relieved.
"But now I feel like I can be aggressive."
Nate shrugged so, turning her hand around my hips, pulling her body and blocking her lips. But that mouthpiece isn't just lip-to-lip touching, as it was before.
When Nate slowly inserted his tongue into my mouth, it had tangled his tongue, albeit unscrupulous. From the way it is, I can see that he's nervous at any rate.
"... Huh... Huh..."
I sometimes breathe, while intertwining my tongue to respond to Nate. Licking his tongue and mouth up violently as it was, Nate reached into my chest looking more excited than earlier and began to rub her breasts hard from above the nightgown.
Because he is not wearing a bra before bedtime, or his fingertips are strongly stimulated hitting the tip of his chest over a thin cloth. Because of this, I accidentally shook my body and lowered my voice.
"─ Huh!
"Ceres......?
Seeing that reaction, Nate peered into my face with an anxious look.
"... sorry. You're in too much shape. I have heard of the beatings Ceres has received so far, and I know of course that he is suffering from heartbreaks, not just his body. So now you're more afraid than anything of being touched by a man? I should have known that, but I..."
I leaned down to apologize and let Nate apologize I panicked and shook my head to the side. Apparently, he's mistaken that I was shivering because of the trauma.
"Ne, Nate... you know... no"
"No...? But I did seem trembling earlier..."
"Well... it's an embarrassing story... but I seem to be more sensitive than normal people... So I just got a little touched earlier and I reacted like that..."
"Huh...?
I keep talking to Nate, who has listened back with a slightly distracted voice.
"Of course, I have feelings that I'm afraid of men. Because of that, my casual uncle, who lives in the house next door, sometimes just slaps me on the shoulder and says hello to me and I get scared... But I don't feel that way about Nate."
I was never pushing it, it was true. Sometimes the reason I think so is that Nate is a friendly and thoughtful opponent I've known well since my last life, but most importantly, I feel safe with him.
"I'm glad you said that. But... I still think we should stop now. I've been up all night, and I'm going back to my room."
"Wait! Don't go!
That's how he screams and pulls the sleeve of Nate's clothes reflexively up out of bed.
"It's me... but I still dream of Richter offending me every day. Though I had some pale expectations when I first got here that 'the environment has changed, and I guess I'll gradually stop dreaming about that'... that wasn't true at all. I'm busy working during the day, and I can manage to stay calm because I'm focused on my work... after all, I still can't seem to make it at night. I really dream about those days.... So, please"
In tears, Nate looked wide open at me desperately.
"I... want to love you here and now"
When I looked straight into Nate's eyes, I told him again what I intended.
Purely, there is also a desire to be held by Nate, a lover from a previous life. But on the other hand, there was a strong desire that "if you love Nate here, you might no longer be able to do it in that nightmare". Of course, there is no guarantee that Nate will stop having that nightmare because he held me. But... Still, I appealed to Nate, wanting to separate myself from the 'filthy self I had with my real brother'.
I think it's a real contradiction, even though I remember him every now and again when I show him who he is, but at the same time I want to forget about him because I don't like having nightmares anymore.
Perhaps my mental state is still unstable around me taking contradictory words and actions like this.
"... ok. I'll make you forget."
Nate said that quietly, looking at my chest, he put his hand on the nightgown I was feathering.