Chapter 366: I Want This Daddy Too
The moment the Book of Gospels appeared on its own, Iger's mind immediately raced to a singular, desperate thought. How do I calm a furious Annan?
As far as he was concerned, the Funeral Agency had walked away from the second ranking utterly empty-handed.
This particular exam tested love and family, and looking at their four-man lineup, the prospects were abysmal. Lys hadn't even qualified to sit for the test. Harvey wouldn't manage a single correct answer beyond successfully spelling his own name. As for Iger himself? Ever since the first day he met that mind-shattering invigilator, he had skipped every class and neglected every assignment. His GPA was a guaranteed zero.
That left Ashe as their sole, microscopic sliver of hope.
It wasn't that Iger looked down on the man. It was just that Ashe, no matter how you sliced it, radiated the distinct energy of someone who would cheerfully say, "The exam was a great experience! Participation is what matters. I'll try again next time."
Iger had not interacted much with Ashe recently, but a Mind Class sorcerer did not need close contact to read someone. A simple observation of his gaze, scent, tone of voice, and walking speed was all it took. Based on those exact details, Iger concluded that Ashe was still a virgin. Frankly, it was terrifying.
From their very first meeting, Iger had pegged Ashe as an innocent-looking but deeply dangerous cult leader, and this only confirmed it. For a human male in his twenties to still exhibit the behavioral patterns of a virgin, the only logical explanation was heavy religious indoctrination and a particularly extreme, sinister sect at that.
In the Blood Moon, nothing was more unnatural than a total lack of a sex life.
Out of the four candidates, one was disqualified, one was incapable of choosing a correct answer, one was a chronic truant, and one was a textbook underachiever. Iger felt exhausted just imagining the toll this would take on Annan.
To be fair, the exam should have been a cakewalk. Love and Family wasn't a complex subject. For most people, affection came as naturally as breathing. On top of that, Annan had deliberately brought them to Vanmura, where the Family Reincarnation Dream acted like a veritable hormone steam bath. You could throw an icy, aloof cat-type personality into that mix and still get a warm, affectionate dog-type back. Annan must have thought the second ranking was a guaranteed victory. Yet, every single one of his candidates had somehow deviated from basic human nature.
The moment the future rankings unrolled, Iger realized all his carefully prepared excuses were utterly useless. Not that it mattered. They were still going to face a furious Annan anyway.
***
[Family Ranking No. 10: Mist Spirit Clan · Senheiser]
...
[Family Ranking No. 9: Machina Spirit Clan · Aldo]
...
[Family Ranking No. 8: Specter Spirit Clan · Vastonio]
Specter Spirit Clan: A new undead unit type formed primarily from the Vastonio clan. They possess the following innate traits:
1. Life Absorption...
2. Memory Absorption...
3. Weakened Gaze...
[Family Ranking No. 7: Shadow Spirit Clan · Mercury]
Shadow Spirit Clan: A new undead unit type formed primarily from the Mercury clan. They possess the following innate traits:
1. Shadow Stealth...
2. Shadow Binding...
3. Shadow-to-Physical Transformation...
[Family Ranking No. 3: Wraith Knight Clan · Roland]
Wraith Knight Clan: A new undead unit type formed primarily from the Roland clan and Nightmare Steeds. They possess the following innate traits:
1. Summon Nightmare Steed...
2. Death-Strike Execution...
3. Terror Aura...
4. Life Drain...
[Family Ranking No. 2: Dragon Lich Clan · Kessriel]
Dragon Lich Clan: A new undead unit type formed primarily from the Kessriel clan and Runed Dragons. They possess the following innate traits:
1. Dragon Lich Transformation...
2. Dragon Lich Mantle...
3. Withering Breath...
4. Dread Aura...
It was a situation hard to put into words. While not a single one of the outlanders had technically made the list, Iger's prediction had been fulfilled in the most twisted way possible. In truth, they had completely hijacked the rankings, as Ashe Heath's name appeared on the projected reward list for every single family.
"Mercury, hunt down those who have fallen into darkness."
"Roland, prepare to carve out a river of blood for me."
"Kessriel, purify this world."
In all of those projections, Ashe had displayed overwhelming dominance, sinister charm, and unrivaled arrogance!
Lys, still nestled in Ashe's arms as she watched the rankings, looked up and pointed at the Book of Gospel's projection. "Daddy, I want that daddy."
"I want that daddy too," Ashe responded.
Annan gave them a flat look. "Ashe, do you happen to have a long-lost Legendary sorcerer for a father, a Legendary sorcerer for an elder brother, or maybe a Legendary sorcerer mother?"
"Miss, all of us Blood Moon people are orphans. But hey, I'll gladly accept the blessing."
"You think I'm joking?" Annan suddenly slammed her fist into the wall, then casually blew on her knuckles. "If you actually made it onto the rankings, that would be one thing. But why do you keep popping up in them without ever actually winning a place?"
Ashe spread his hands helplessly. "Good question! I'm the one getting exploited by the Gospel here. I don't even get any rewards, so why am I featured every single time? I don't discriminate, I don't abuse animals, I don't run bots, and I don't scalp tickets. Do I really deserve this kind of framing?"
Annan waved him over.
Ashe obediently stepped forward, only to be instantly locked in a chokehold by Annan.
The Purple Moth sneered, "Putting everything else aside, why did you make Quinna and Nona call you Master? Tell me, are you secretly planning to turn my mother and aunt into your personal maids?"
Ashe struggled desperately against her grip. "Cough, cough... Miss, let me explain!"
He signaled frantically to Lys for backup. Catching on immediately, his daughter rushed over, only to pin down his legs and glare at him with fierce, childish suspicion. "Tell us the truth, Daddy! Are you planning to get me two stepmothers?"
Ashe thought, Damn it! I should have just grabbed her and slammed her into the dirt with a suplex back when I had the chance.
"That's all slander from the Gospel! Don't you guys trust me?"
Annan countered, "The Gospel doesn't slander. It only predicts. You must have had some kind of private, intimate contact with Quinna for it to deduce that!"
Lys chimed in, "Daddy, I believe in you, so I'm absolutely sure you did something bad!"
"Please try to see it from my perspective," Ashe said, pleading with absolute sincerity. "Miss, if I really had a thing for your mother and aunt, do you honestly think I'd admit it?"
Iger blinked, utterly speechless. No, at this point, that isn't even sophistry anymore. That's just straight-up a confession.
Right then, Harvey clapped his hands, drawing everyone's attention. "Ah, it makes sense now. I get why the Gospel set up the prediction that way, with Quinna and the others calling him Master."
Annan asked, "Why?"
"Because a few days ago, we so happened to be talking about you, Miss," Harvey said.
"I am me, and Quinna is Quinna," the Purple Moth grumbled, tightening her grip until Ashe's eyes began to roll back. "The one in the projection wasn't me."
"Exactly," Harvey continued thoughtfully. "Back then, Ashe mentioned that you don't pay, don't contribute points, have sky-high demands with zero benefits, and are basically the perfect candidate to be strung up on a lamppost. Then he said something else about your mother. If I recall, the line went something like..."