Chapter 129: Jealous & Possessive
"I am not running back to anyone," I said, gritting my teeth in frustration.
Then, I realized something. Was Rowan jealous of Cassian? A perplexed expression crossed my face, and I had to blink repeatedly to make sense of this new thought.
There had to be some sort of misunderstanding happening right now, because the streak of possessive jealousy that danced through his eyes couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. It was so strong that I could almost feel it pulsing between us through the cursed mark.
But just because I felt it, it didn’t mean I understood it one bit. How could he possibly be feeling jealous of Cassian out of all people? Cassian, who had just unwittingly poisoned himself with his own stupidity.
If Rowan was indeed jealous of him, he might as well be jealous of Jessie next.
Surely he could not be this foolishly unreasonable. But when I looked into his eyes, that streak of possessive jealousy was still present. He was, indeed, that foolishly unreasonable, and unreasonably foolish.
"You’re already thinking of looking for him," Rowan said. "You’ve just left the infirmary. You can’t even bear being apart from him for thirty minutes?"
"You’re spouting nonsense," I said, frowning. "The last thing I want is to be in the same room as Cassian. Did you already forget what happened when I was alone in a room with one of you three?"
In the safehouse, the two times alone with either of the triplets had resulted in one of them almost marking me, and the other successfully doing so. I didn’t think that Cassian would lose control like his brothers would, but at the same time, I wasn’t willing to bet on it.
Rowan’s mark on my neck was more than enough. If I had a say in it, neither of them should’ve marked me. They weren’t just dooming me, but themselves as well. Considering Cassian’s explosive tendencies, if he marked me, he might accidentally or willingly kill himself while torturing me.
On second thought, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. At least if I were suffering, he would also have to pay the price for it.
As if Rowan could read my thoughts, his eyes fell onto my neck. Even with the room veiled in darkness, his eyes still easily found my mark. His gaze lingered there, and for every passing second, my mark went from a slight tickle to a roaring burn.
I shifted my position uncomfortably, allowing my hair to fall over to cover it. That was the only way Rowan would break eye contact with the damned thing he tattooed into my soul.
"So..." he said, his eyes slowly moving back to burn into mine. "You want him to mark you. Is that it?"
I nearly snorted in disbelief. How did he jump to such a ridiculous conclusion?
"Are you poisoned too?" I demanded. If I cared more about his well-being, I would have reached out to touch his forehead to see if he had a fever. Instead, I merely glared up at him balefully. "You’re acting like an idiot."
"If I were, would you save me?" he asked, a growl in his voice as he pinned me down with the weight of his stare.
I swallowed at the intensity of his gaze and found myself unable to meet his eyes as I considered his question.
Would I save him? I bit my lip. Rowan had been terrible to me. But could I actually let him die, with the bond of fated mates tying us together?
If he did die, I might not be able to live for long. I wasn’t sure how it worked if I technically had four fated mates. Would one dying be countered by the fact that the other three were alive, especially in the hypothetical event that all three of them marked me?
The seconds ticked on, and I found myself unable to give a definite answer.
I could have clarified that I had to save Cassian because if he died, I would be charged with the murder of an alpha. But that would mean telling Rowan that I had wolfsbane in my possession. That would open up a huge can of worms, and it might even alert Violet that I was onto her.
I didn’t want to be punished, not until I found out the exact proof of who was poisoning Willow.
The silence went on for too long. I could have said something, but then again, why should I? Why would Rowan care if I wanted to save him or not? After all he had done to me, he should be thankful I’m not spitting in his face every time we crossed paths.
As though he could sense my less-than-charitable thoughts, a brief expression of hurt and pain crossed Rowan’s eyes, before they darkened as they gazed at my unmoving lips.
"I see..." Rowan let out a soft, long exhale of disbelief.
He moved his arms away from me and whirled around, one of his hands tugging at his own hair in anger. I heard the sound of grinding teeth before he turned back towards me.
"So, even though Cassian caused you to miscarry, you would save him." He choked out the words slowly through gritted teeth, disappointment clear in every word that rolled off his tongue. "After everything he put you through, you would still do that for him, but not for me."
I rolled my eyes, determined to ignore his hurt. He certainly had a lot of nerve to feel upset about my treatment of him when he had also done his fair share of atrocities against me.
Perhaps Rowan himself had already forgotten, but it didn’t just start when Willow was found ’dead’, but even longer before that. The small crimes built up over time, with the final blow being the fact that he was the one who declared my death sentence.
"You’re ridiculous. Why would I, a wolfless woman, ever need to save you? If you’re stupid enough to get into this mess and can’t save yourself, how are you an alpha?" I shot back coldly, rubbing at my sore wrist.
His eyes darted towards my reddened wrist, and a muscle twitched in his jaw.
I caught his glance, and I held it up for him to take a better look. Let him see what his actions are capable of.
"Why would I want to save someone who hurt me over and over again? Am I a fool?" I asked rhetorically, not expecting an answer.
I narrowed my eyes at Rowan.
"Or did you hope I was one? Did you think moving me to a shiny new prison — one that I did not ask for, mind you — makes up for all your actions? Cassian may have done the deed, but you were behind him every step of the way. Not once did you stop him. Not once did you bother to help me."
"And unlike Cassian, at least he didn’t force himself on me and discard me the next day," I finished vehemently.
At least with Cassian, I knew what we had was pure, unadulterated loathing for each other. He hated me, and he was very loud and obnoxious about it. That, at least, made his attitude towards me abundantly clear. It was reliable and dependable in a way Rowan and Soren’s feelings for me were not. In a sense, it was even a mercy.
"Tell me, if you were me, who would you save?"
I waited for a reply, my words landing in the silence of the room like a hail of pebbles thrown into a lake, stirring up the ripples of our twisted relationship.
This time, I was the one who scoffed loudly when Rowan remained silent, a shameful flush crawling up his neck at my words.
"Don’t feel too bad," I added, a fake conciliatory tone in my voice. "If it were up to me, I would save none of you. Not a single one," I said, stressing the last few syllables, hoping they would get into his thick skull. "All three of you are detestable to me in different, yet equal ways. Rest assured. Now, are you going to leave so I can get a good night’s sleep, or are you just going to stand here all night?"
Just then, a crisp knock came from the door. Rowan and I both turned in sync to look. Rowan was the first to clear his throat.
Just like that, he had schooled his expression. The desperation and pleading in his eyes quickly frosted into cold nonchalance. However, I could still see a tint of red around the corner of his eyes, as though they were flushed due to unshed tears.
"Come in," he said.
The door creaked open, and Samuel walked in, carrying a small bag with him.
When Rowan noticed that it was none other than Samuel, he straightened up and took a step away, choosing to sit on the adjacent armchair instead as though nothing had happened.
There were no words passed between the two of them. I naturally assumed that they were using the mind link to converse.
Fine by me. I had nothing else I wanted to say to them.
Samuel came over and removed his trusty notepad from his bag. As he began to scribble, I watched from my peripheral vision as Rowan stiffened, then frowned. A moment later, he stood up and glared at Samuel.
"No."