Chapter 136: More Than Hand-Holding
"Cassian!" I shrieked.
To say I was panicked was a massive understatement. Even Samuel’s eyes widened, and he immediately gestured for me to get up to make more room for him to work.
I didn’t need to be told twice. Quickly, I darted to one side, but Cassian’s fingers were still fiercely interlocked with my own. I couldn’t be rid of him, the same way I couldn’t get rid of my own arm. No matter how I tried to shake him free for the good of his own health, he refused to let go. If anything, Cassian merely seemed to grab on even tighter than before.
Then again, I couldn’t in good conscience pull away from him. Guilt crawled up my spine and curdled in my gut as I saw Cassian’s pale face, made worse by his bloodstained lips. If I wasn’t so stubborn and contrary, and just held his fucking hand despite my dislike, he wouldn’t be spitting out blood now.
Healer Samuel quickly helped Cassian to lie on his side, so that he wouldn’t choke on his own blood. His expression was grim as he examined him, and I bit the inside of my cheek in worry.
"Is he... going to die?" I asked weakly, peering over Samuel’s shoulder in an attempt to get a good look at Cassian.
With the awkward angle, Samuel’s body was now blocking my view of Cassian, despite our hands still linked. I was entirely depending on my upper arm strength right now to keep us connected.
That, and Cassian’s grip strength.
If Cassian died right here on this sofa, both Healer Samuel and I were as good as dead. Samuel, since he hid the severity of Cassian’s condition, and me, because I was me. And of course, Briar Argyris would always get in trouble whenever someone was presumed dead or dying in this pack.
Rowan and Soren had wanted me dead when they thought I killed Willow. Once they knew Cassian was dead because of me, I wouldn’t even have an intact body left for burial. They would have to piece me back together again like a fallen egg― of course, that was assuming anyone would bother to even hold a funeral to bury me, the Alpha mate killer.
I wouldn’t even be surprised if Rowan had the rest of the pack — or even the entire world’s worth of scientific geniuses — band together to figure out how to safely remove the mate bond he had on me just so he could bury me alive and leave me to rot.
Killing Willow was one thing― she was merely a chosen mate at best, and she wasn’t even chosen yet at that time. On the other hand, Cassian was their flesh and blood, the brother they grew up with and actually liked for the most part.
Feeling even more distraught, I glanced at Samuel. Surely he could save him. I had to believe that. He was the best healer in this entire pack!
Samuel finally finished examining and turned towards me, his expression grimmer than ever before.
"Well?" I prompted, trying my damndest to smile, as though doing so would help make the situation any better. Maybe I could fool myself into thinking positively. "How is he?"
"The good news is he isn’t dead," Samuel said plainly. My eyes darted to Cassian’s chest, which I could still see faintly rising and falling.
"Well, yes, I can see that," I muttered. "And the bad news?"
Samuel’s lips parted, ready to speak, but my body suddenly went cold with dread.
"Oh goddess," I said with a gasp. "Don’t tell me that the bad news is that he isn’t dead, but he’s dying?"
I started to freak out. If I concentrated hard enough, I could even feel Cassian’s grip turning a little weaker. Maybe he wouldn’t even last the next hour at this rate.
I should be happy. After all he had done to me, I should be ecstatic that he would be kicking the bucket in a matter of minutes. But I couldn’t conjure up a single spark of joy - instead, all I felt was dismay and dread, and a sudden, crippling fear.
Maybe it was the thought of our shared fates that made it impossible for me to relish in his potential death. Or maybe, perhaps a part of me wanted him to be alive and well, just so that I could kick him in the nuts again. I couldn’t fight a dead werewolf. No matter what, it wasn’t because I suddenly loved Caius and I couldn’t do without him. That was impossible, no matter how much blood he vomited.
"Sorry to disappoint you, but that’s a no," Samuel said with a deadpan expression on his face. His reply interrupted my train of thought. "The bad news is, you’ve got to do a little more than hand-holding if you want to fully cure him. The method seems to be working. My hypothesis is correct after all."
"What?" I asked dumbly.
All of a sudden, I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or upset that Cassian hadn’t just died instead. My eyes darted back to Cassian’s pale face in disbelief. Him spitting out blood was a good thing?
Samuel dusted his hands and got to his feet.
"Yep," he said, enthusiastically popping the ’p’. If I looked hard enough, I could even see a faint smile of amusement curving the corner of his lips upward.
"It seems like the Alpha had vomited quite a bit of the remaining poison," he explained. "The actual wolfsbane tea leaf had been regurgitated last night, but it had already seeped through and spread around his body. Coughing up blood is good. It shows that his body is purging it on its own."
"So..." I trailed off, staring at Cassian’s ghastly face. He looked like he was ready to meet the Goddess herself, actually. "He’s not dead nor dying? Are you sure?" I asked.
"Unfortunately for you, he’s not," Samuel said. "Now get back on the couch and nurse him back to health."
If it weren’t for Samuel’s confirmation, I would’ve even considered preparing Cassian’s casket already. His lips were so pale that they seemed practically purple. There was even a dribble of blood still stubbornly clinging to the corner of his mouth. His eyes were shut, and other than the faint rise and fall of his chest to show that he was breathing, he looked more like a corpse than a living werewolf.
I had never seen werewolves in such a miserable state, considering how most of them were able to heal themselves fairly efficiently. Even Willow seemed to have more color in her cheeks, and that was saying a lot, considering she looked horrifyingly pale as well.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked. Then, I raised our connected hand. "I’m already holding his hand. Do I need to hold him with both hands?"
"Didn’t you hear a single word I just said?" Samuel snapped, frowning. "You need to do more than hand-holding. Have your comprehension skills gone down the gutter, or are you just shy and require privacy? I can leave the room, if that’s what you wish."
"No!" I yelled a little too hurriedly. I coughed, smacking my lips together in embarrassment. "I mean... you shouldn’t. Rowan would get pissed if you left."
I could only imagine the amount of explaining I would have to do when Rowan found out that I was left in a room alone with one of his brothers, touching them. It wasn’t as though I wanted to explain, but if I didn’t, I was worried that Rowan would go to extreme measures to remind me of how possessive he could be, which was something I would rather not deal with.
"Suit yourself," Samuel said, shrugging. "If you prefer locking lips with a third party present, I can turn the other way. Unfortunately, I do not have a voyeurism kink."
Instantly, I could feel my cheeks burn.
"Locking lips?" I squeaked out in shock. "Surely there’s no need for that!"
I didn’t want to kiss Cassian when he was in the pink of health. I had even less desire to kiss Cassian when he looked like he was on death’s doorstep. Even if I didn’t hate him with every fibre of my being, that was simply impossible!
"There must be some other method!" I exclaimed.
My mind immediately went into overdrive, thinking of every single possible alternative to kissing.
"I know, maybe I can hug him instead. That’s more skin contact than a kiss! I’m sure that’ll be more effective, right?" I asked, my words coming out in a desperate, torrential ramble, as I shot Samuel a hopeful expression.
"Only if you’re willing to hug him naked," Samuel said with a shrug. "If you are, be my guest. He’ll also need to be naked. You’ll also need to hug him for quite a while... I think you might find it even more awkward than kissing once Alpha Cassian regains his health."