Chapter 5: Find Me
Hanchuan’s lips touched her forehead, then her temple. He kissed the tears from beneath one eye even though more replaced them.
"When we get to the lake," he murmured, "I’ll build the shelves properly."
Zhiyi closed her eyes.
"You’ll need a level."
"I’ll find one."
"And brackets."
"I’ll find those too."
"The wall may not support the weight."
"Then you’ll tell me where to put them."
"You don’t listen when I explain weight distribution."
"I’ll listen next time."
His words grew quieter.
Zhiyi concentrated on them.
"And I’ll get you every book you want," he continued. "The complete series. Nothing unfinished."
"You can’t guarantee publication schedules."
"I’ll threaten the authors."
"That won’t improve writing speed."
"Then I’ll lock them somewhere comfortable until they finish."
"That is unlawful confinement."
"No laws. Remember?"
"Liang Shichen would still object, and Rong Jingwei would protest about there being no laws." Zhiyi didn’t know if that was true or not, but she knew that thinking about his friends always made Hanchuan relax just a bit.
"Shichen would help me design the room while Jingwei had a breakdown."
"Wen Qinghe would say isolation is unhealthy."
"Song Zeyu would bring them snacks and tell them to shut up," Hanchuan replied.
"Jingwei would guard the door."
"There. We have a plan."
There were too many names inside it.
Too many people Zhiyi had never met, crowded into a future that didn’t exist.... but she wanted it anyway.
Her heart stumbled again, and this time, the pause lasted longer.
"Hanchuan," whispered Qiao Zhiyi.
"I’m here," he replied just as softly.
"I can’t hear the fan."
"It’s all right."
"It stopped."
"I know."
"We need to—"
"No." His hand covered the back of her head. "We’re done now."
Done.
The word should have brought relief.
Completed tasks stopped demanding her attention. Closed equations allowed her to move to the next problem.
This didn’t feel complete.
"Hanchuan?"
"Yes?"
"If there is another life..."
"There is."
"If there is," she repeated, because accuracy still mattered, "you need to believe me immediately."
"I will."
"You can’t ask me to prove it. There won’t be enough time."
"I won’t."
"We don’t know how long we have to prepare for the end of the world. It might just be a few days or even a few hours. There will be no time to waste."
"I know."
"You don’t know when you’ll wake up."
"Then you’ll tell me."
"What if I can’t find you?"
"You will."
His confidence made no logical sense, but still, Zhiyi accepted it.
"And your friends," she said. "We need them."
"We’ll keep them alive."
"All four."
"All four."
"But no outsiders." This was one thing that she wasn’t willing to back down on.
"No outsiders," he agreed.
The words left them in the same tone.
A mirror image.
Zhiyi’s mouth moved against his shirt. She thought she might have smiled, but she could no longer feel her lips.
The pain in her lungs had disappeared.
That was worse, but she didn’t tell him. He already knew.
He always knew when her body failed before she did.
"Tell me about the house," she said.
His fingers combed weakly through her hair. "It has a red door."
"I don’t like red."
"A blue door."
"Dark blue."
"Dark blue," he agreed. "And there’s a room underground for the summers."
"Flood risk?"
"None."
"That’s impossible."
"Not in this house."
She couldn’t picture it anymore.
His voice built it for her instead.
A dark-blue door. A small kitchen. Five cabinets. Straight shelves. A room beneath the ground where the heat couldn’t reach them. Four men arguing somewhere beyond the walls while Hanchuan sat beside her in the quiet and pointed to the place where she should begin.
His heartbeat slowed beneath her ear.
The rhythm was no longer fast enough to sustain him.
"Hanchuan."
"I’m here."
"Still?"
"Still."
Her body jerked once as it tried to draw air. Pain tore through her chest, sudden and brutal, but Hanchuan held her through it. His mouth pressed against her forehead.
"You’re all right," he whispered.
It wasn’t true, but she didn’t correct him.
"You’re with me. That’s all that matters."
Her fingers tightened weakly in his shirt.
"Next time," he continued, his voice breaking against her hair, "you won’t have to survive alone. You won’t have to find me in that shelter. I’ll come for you."
Zhiyi tried to answer, but no sound came.
"You’ll finish university if you want to. If you don’t, you won’t. I’ll make sure that no one makes you do anything you don’t want to do."
Her thoughts scattered as she hummed in agreement.
"You can have every book after the final volume is released. Every show after it ends. Five cabinets. Straight shelves." His hand shook violently against her head, but still, he continued to push the words past his dry lips.
"And me," he whispered. "You’ll have me from the beginning."
Zhiyi listened.
There was something she needed to say.
A conclusion she should have reached years ago.
Her mind attempted to follow the sequence, but the beginning had disappeared. There was only Hanchuan’s arm around her, Hanchuan’s hand in her hair, Hanchuan promising her a house they would never see.
Her body went still and he stopped speaking. For one terrible second, his hand pressed harder against the back of her head.
"Zhiyi?"
She heard him.
She couldn’t respond.
His fingers found the pulse beneath her jaw.
Waited.
Moved.
Searched again.
"Zhiyi."
There was no instruction inside her name.
Nothing she could follow.
His forehead pressed against hers. Something wet struck her cheek, cooler than the air for the fraction of a second before it evaporated.
Hanchuan pulled her against his chest and began speaking again.
He told her about the lake.
He described a table beside the kitchen and a chair that would belong only to her. He promised that no one would ask her what she wanted for dinner. They would make food and place it in front of her, and if she didn’t like it, Zeyu would complain loudly enough to distract everyone while he replaced it.
He told her Jingwei would keep strangers away.
Shichen would build whatever she needed.
Qinghe would make sure that she was always happy and healthy.
He promised that his friends would love her.
He promised she would never have to earn her place among them.
He promised she would never be alone again.
He continued making promises long after Zhiyi’s heart had stopped.
The temperature display reached fifty-two degrees.
His voice faded, but his arms didn’t loosen for even a second.
"Even just twenty-seven days," he whispered against her forehead. "That would have been enough to change everything."
The warning light flashed red across the shelter wall and Hanchuan closed his eyes.
"Find me," he breathed his last.
Then there was nothing left but the heat.