Chapter 196: Closure
AYLA
"Where have you been?" Astrid rounded on me the moment I stepped into the room.
I spun around at the sound of her voice.
"I just went for a walk." I answered.
"A walk." Astrid’s gaze swept over me from head to toe, and her mouth curved into a slow, wicked smile. "A walk that left you looking like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you have been kissed within an inch of your life." Astrid planted her hands on her hips. "Ayla Evermere. Did you just..."
"Sshh!" I lunged forward, clapping a hand over Astrid’s mouth. "The whole palace will hear you."
"Well, let them!" Astrid squealed.
I groaned.
"Fine, fine." she laughed.
"You know for a moment, I was worried about you." She muttered, suddenly serious. "I thought perhaps everything that happened had finally broken something inside you. I thought you would never return to being yourself but it would seem..."
She winked and my cheeks grew hotter.
"So... which prince was it?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Astrid, please."
"What? I am nosy."
"What prince was it?"
I was saved from having to respond when the door clicked and my mother breezed in without knocking.
She took one look at me and her eyes narrowed.
"You are looking very well this morning, Ayla."
Astrid immediately nodded.
"She is indeed."
I shot her a warning look.
"She had a good night’s rest." Astrid winked at me again.
My mother did not seem to notice the weird exchange between us.
Instead, she had her eyes on me, a soft smile on her face.
"That is good." she approached me. "I was wondering when the nightmares would finally be over and you would be back to normal."
My heart skipped.
I had not told anyone about the nightmares since I returned so how...
I slowly turned toward Astrid, my eyes narrowing.
"She asked about you." Astrid shrugged. "I just had to tell her. It has been scary watching you jolt awake every night screaming."
I swallowed.
I didn’t want anyone to know and it wasn’t because of anything other than the fact that I did not want them worrying about me.
"Don’t look at her like that," my mother chided. "I asked her and she told me the truth."
My mother reached out and gently held my arms.
"You have been through more than any girl should have to endure. It is no shame to be haunted by it."
I looked at my mother’s hands on my arms. I could not reconcile this woman with the mother I remembered who had slapped me the night I refused to mate with the princes and threatened to strangle me if I ruined things for her.
I had spent years believing she did not love me but now, in this moment, I realized it was only because she had simply had no idea how to show it.
She released my arms.
"Besides..." She released my arms, clapping her hands suddenly as she spun around. "You are going to be a princess in a couple of hours. You will need to look your best, and you must stand tall amongst all of them. Every lord and every lady will be watching you so you have to give them nothing to whisper about."
There she was. I smiled.
I was wondering when this part of her would make her appearance.
My mother’s clap it would seem had summoned some maids. They filed into my room now, four of them, carrying armful of silk and lace, boxes of jewelry and a crown on a velvet cushion.
I stared at them.
"What is all that?"
"Everything you need for your coronation." My mother answered, tsking like she could believe I was asking her that.
"Astrid, prepare Ayla’s bath. I am going to wash her myself."
"Mom, I can wash myself." I argued.
"Nonsense."
I sighed.
I knew that tone and I knew that there was no point arguing with my mother.
The next hour was torture.
My mother scrubbed me from head to toe with a cloth rough as bark, working soap into my scalp until my fingers ached from gripping the edges of the tub. She began inspecting my nails, ears, as if she expected to find dirt that had been hiding there since childhood. The water was scalding, then cold, then scalding again.
By the time she was done, I was certain I had lost all feeling in my body.
The maids descended next, forcing me into a chair and circling me like birds.
I was poked and prodded and pinned and brushed while my mother stood to the side firing off orders until at last I was shoved into a gown of lavender silk that pooled at my feet.
My mother stepped back, her hands coming up to cover her mouth.
"You are utterly beautiful, daughter," she whispered.
I looked at myself in the mirror.
The woman staring back at me was regal, the silk making my skin glow.
I did look like the daughter of a king... like I belonged.
"Perhaps," I felt my throat constrict as I turned to my mother. "You can do me the honor of walking me into the hall, Mom."
My mother’s gasp was audible.
She pressed a hand to her chest, her eyes filling up with tears. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure" I nodded.
"Of course." her voice cracked. "Of course, I will walk you. I should get ready then I will be back."
She crossed the room in three quick steps and kissed my forehead and then she was gone, the door closing softly behind her.
The maids followed, taking their boxes with them.
I turned again to look at myself in the mirror.
Maybe I had nothing to worry about and the strange feeling from earlier had been nothing.
Just exhaustion and my mind playing tricks on me.
Just then, there was another knock.
Astrid crossed the room to answer the door.
The silence that followed was long enough that I turned from the mirror.
"Who is it?" I asked her.
When she turned, her face was carefully blank.
"It is Lord Soren," she said. "He wants to have a word."
My heart skipped at this.
I had not seen Soren since I arrived.
Someone mentioned in passing that he had left the palace and taken up residence at the east wing, far away from everything going on.
He was still a traitor, regardless of his help in trying to save me from Lucius and my father, Kieran had refused to see him at all.
What did he want with me?
I remembered everything now.
The way he had treated me with hatred and contempt. The fear he had made me feel. I remembered shrinking whenever he entered a room and wondering what I had done to deserve his anger.
But now I wasn’t that girl anymore...I had walked through hell and come back.
I lifted my chin and squared my shoulders.
"Let him in."
Astrid looked at me as if to ask if I was sure I wanted to do this here and now.
I nodded at her in reassurance.
I wanted to look him in the eye for the first time, unafraid of him.
...
Astrid opened the door wider and Soren stepped inside.
For a moment, I barely recognized him. He looked thinner than I remembered.
His clothes still carried the same polished quality they always had, but they no longer seemed to fit him the way they once had. His shoulders appeared narrower, his face more hollow, and there were dark circles beneath his eyes.
But it wasn’t only his appearance that had changed.
There was something subdued about him. This was not the proud Beta of the Northern Territory I remembered.
He looked tired and defeated.
Our eyes met but neither of us spoke. I could feel the tension settling over the room.
"You look good." Soren finally broke the silence. "I am happy to see you are returned safe and sound."
I stared at him.
That was it? That was what he had come here to say?
After the years of hatred and the way he had treated me?
You look good.
I almost laughed.
"What do you want?" I asked.
His throat worked like he was having difficulty speaking.
"Willow..." he paused. "She did not return with you. Is she..."
"Willow is alive."
He released a breath of relief before his eyebrow furrowed in confusion.
"Then why did she not..." He stopped.
I knew what he wanted to ask.
"She decided to remain in Emberfall of her own free will." I answered.
"Why would she do that?" he appeared confused. "Why would she want to stay there after everything."
I almost sighed.
"You should ask her yourself when you can."
He looked away, seemingly lost in thought. I couldn’t tell what was going through his mind.
"She is safe and happy." I added.
I did not know why I had said that. He did not deserve the closure he was looking for.
Soren looked at me, his expression softening.
"Thank you, Ayla." His fingers flexed at his sides. "I cannot...I cannot expect that you will ever forgive me but I am sorry for how I treated you."
The old me would have been desperate for these words. I used to crave an apology or an explanation from him.
I used to imagine him standing in front of me and admitting that he had been wrong and I did not deserve the way he treated me.
But now that he stood in front of me and finally said the words I had wanted to hear so badly, they did not give me the satisfaction I thought they would.
Maybe because too much had happened and too much had changed...or maybe because I had changed.
I wasn’t that girl anymore.
"I should tell you this, however." His voice pulled me from my thoughts. "I saw the witch Amara returned with you."
My eyes narrowed. "Yes. Why?"
"She is not to be trusted. You will do well to remember that."