Chapter 13 - Little Oopsie
The old Way-Guide finally blinked his bloodshot eyes and noticed Vincent standing in the teleportation circle. He let out a slurred laugh as he pointed a weak finger at him, swaying dangerously back-and-forth.
"Oh! Oh, hey baby~! *Hiccup* B-Back so soo– *hiccup* –oon? Did ya miss your mama already?"
The transparent lost soul sitting beside him, who was clearly just as hammered as the old man, hiccuped and also pointed a shaky finger at Vincent. "H-Hey... hey, old man. Is this the guy? The one you were just talking about?"
"Yeah, yeah! *Sluurp* *Gulp* Aahh~ That’s the one. That’s the guy I made the little oopsie with. My bad, yo."
"I-Is that right!?" The lost soul stumbled to his feet, wobbling precariously as he marched toward the edge of the podium to find some support.
"H-Hey! Hey, you! I’m the one who’s supposed to be reincarnated as a majestic dragon and be by the beautiful princess’s side! Not you! You stole my fantasy life, you dumb normie!"
"Steal? Look, man, I didn’t steal anything–"
"Give it baaack!" the lost soul waved his transparent arms dramatically. "Give it back! Give it, give it, give it! Give. It. BAAA–!"
"Can you shut up for a second!" Vincent snapped. The volume of his voice made both the drunk soul and the old man flinch.
"You can have your stupid fantasy life for all I care! Just, stop nagging for crying out loud! I already have a headache because of what just happened."
"Yay! Woohoo! I’m gonna be a dragon! I’m gonna burn down kingdoms! Ahahaha! I’m gonna be a dragon♪〜 I’m gonna be a dragon♪〜" He began to do a clumsy, celebratory jig.
Vincent ignored him and marched straight up to the Way-Guide. "Alright, old man. Partytime’s over. Send me back to Earth. Properly this time."
The old man rested his head on the clouds, completely out of it as he mumbled, "Maaan... Her Majesty is so gonna fire me... I’m definitely gonna lose my pension. That’s not sick, yo. That’s totally un-sick..."
"Hey! Old man!"
CLAP!
Vincent crouched down next to him and clapped his hands right at his face. The Way-Guide flinched and snapped his glazed over eyes open as he looked up, completely disoriented.
"H-HUH!? Oh, hey!" a goofy grin spread across his red face. "Look who’s back! My favourite mama’s boy! How’s it hanging?"
*Grrrr!* "Come to think of it, how are you still drunk?! I was gone. In that "fantasy world". Even if it was only for a couple of minutes to me, shouldn’t a few months have passed by here in the Divine Realm because of the time dilation?"
"Hmmm? Fantasy world...? Wait. What are you doing here anyway? Didn’t I send you to Earth? How long has it been? Did I black out?"
"NO! YOU DIDN’T SEND ME TO EARTH, YOU DRUNKEN MORON! Now send me to Earth right now, before I decide to sober you up with my fist! To your face!"
"Ok! Ok! Geez, lower the volume!" the Wayguide yielded. He stumbled up and waddled on to his podium, Vincent following close behind. "Maaan, I remembers you wasn’t this quick to violence two hundred years ago. I blame Natasha. That red head is a bad influence."
Finally making it behind his podium, the old man shook his head and held out his golden stamp toward Vincent. "You know the drill, kid. Tippy-tap it."
Vincent exhaled deeply, forcing his anger down as he tapped the flat of the stamp, channeling a sliver of his mastered divine power into it. The stamp glowed for a brief moment, successfully registering his identity.
"I-It’s *hiccup* done."
"Thank you," Vincent said flatly. He then turned and walked back to the circle.
"H-Hey... how come I didn’t have to do that tippy-tap thingy on the stamp, old man?"
"Geheheheh! That’s because you’re a dead lost soul, silly! You don’t have divine powers! It’s my job as a Way-Guide to manually–"
"Stop getting distracted and stamp the paper, you drunken idiot!"
"Ok, yeesh! Tough crowd tonight!"
The old man shuffled through the messy piles of papers on his desk until he finally dug out a golden sheet labeled Earth. He lifted his stamp high into the air and yelled,
*Hiccup* "A-And... away you go, mama’s boy!"
THUD!
Vincent closed his eyes and braced himself for the familiar pillar of light to engulf him.
"......"
"......"
"......"
But nothing happened. The runes beneath his feet remained dim.
Vincent opened one eye. "Uh... what’s going on?"
The Way-Guide’s drunken smile slowly faded into a look of sober confusion as he stared down at the paper. "Oh. Well, that’s weird. Looks like you can’t go back to Earth."
".... Huh?"
"I’m gonna be a dragon♪〜I’m gonna be a– Huh?"
"You literally just stamped it! I’ve seen you work! This never happened before! W-What do you mean I can’t go back?!"
"Yeah! What do you mean he can’t go back?! If he’s stuck here, does that mean I can’t go to the fantasy world?!"
"Unfortunately so."
"WHY?! But I wanna be a dragon! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!" The soul fell to his knees and slammed his transparent fists against the clouds, crying hysterically.
"Oh, don’t worry, buddy, I can still do that part for you," the old man said dismissively.
"Y-You can–?"
He then grabbed a different sheet of paper – the one meant for the lost soul – and slammed his stamp down on it.
bzzt–SHEEN!!!
A flash of purple light instantly struck the crying lost soul. His transparent, humanoid form began to rapidly shrink, morphing and hardening. Within seconds, the soul completely vanished, replaced by a medium-sized, mottled green-and-gold egg.
Vincent stared down at the object in shock, then slowly looked up at the old man. "What... what did you just do to him?"
"I turned him into a dragon."
"A dragon?! He’s a fucking egg!"
"Well, he has to hatch out first, silly. That’s how biology works," the old man chuckled.
"Now... about your situation. Well... I’m honestly in quite the pickle here. The gate to Earth is uhm... rejecting you for some reason. I’m gonna have to ask Her Majesty about what to do."
"Rejecting me? Haaaa.... Alright. How long will that take?"
"I dunno. Her Majesty is always pretty busy with, you know, maintaining the fabric of reality and stuff. It’s going to take a pretty long time before she’s available to meet with anyone."
"Is it going to take over a hundred years? Because I swear to God–"
"Goodness, no!" the old man interrupted, waving his hand. "Maybe a couple of months? A few years at most."
"Ok, ok. A couple of months? A few years? Good. That’s great. As long as I don’t miss my first day at university..."
Taking a deep breath, Vincent activated his divine form. In a flash of light, his chestnut brown hair shifted back to a vibrant sky-blue, his eyes turned to match his hair, and his white wings spread wide from his back.
"I’ll be waiting at my mama’s place for the news. Make sure you call the second you hear anything."
"Wait!" the old man screamed out as Vincent prepared to take off. "Before you leave, take this egg with you!"
"HAH?! Why the hell would I take it!? This isn’t my problem!"
"B-But I can’t just leave him here at the threshold! It’s policy! It’s either he goes with you, or I throw him into the cosmic void where he’ll probably get eaten by a void-beast and die. He is a dragon, after all. They’re quite rare and fragile in egg form."
As Vincent stared at the egg, he could practically hear the annoying soul’s voice echoing in his head. Then again, he couldn’t just let him die... again, that is.
’Stupid morals...’
*Grrrrr* "Fine! Fine, I’ll take the stupid baby dragon!" Vincent snapped.
He flew down, scooped the smooth egg up under his left arm, and kicked off the ground. With a powerful, majestic sweep of his wings, he shot into the sky and flew back toward his mother’s estate.
The Way-Guide cupped his hands around his mouth, screaming toward the horizon, "THANK YOU, BABYYYYYY!"
"... shut up...!"
Once Vincent’s silhouette vanished into the clouds, the old man’s smile dropped. He let out an exhausted sigh, rubbing his face.
"Welp. Time to face the music, yo."
He reached deep into his disheveled robes and pulled out a sleek silver smartphone. He scrolled through his contacts, hit a number, and held it to his ear.
Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring– Click.
*Ahem* "Uh, yes, hello? I’d like to make an emergency appointment with Her Majesty..."
.
..
...
Meanwhile, back at Maribelle’s estate, a somber silence filled the master bedroom.
Deina slowly lowered her phone from her ear, letting out a soft sigh as she turned around.
Natasha, who was anxiously pacing by the edge of the bed, immediately snapped her head up. "And? What did the medical division say?"
"They’re sending a recovery specialist to check on her, don’t worry, Nat."
Both of them turned their gazes to the center of the bed where Maribelle was lying perfectly still beneath the sheets.
Natasha clenched her fists, her eyes welling with fresh tears as she looked away. "This is all his fault... Why did he have to leave us? Why did he have to go back to that stupid mortal realm?"
"Nat..."
"I know, I know! I know he has a family there. I know he has another life to live! I just... I just miss him, Deina. It hurts..."
Deina let out a sad chuckle as she walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. She wrapped an arm around Natasha’s shoulders, pulling the fierce Goddess into a comforting side-hug while gently rubbing her back.
"It hasn’t even been ten minutes since he left, you know. At this rate, you’re going to faint from a broken heart right alongside Mari."
"I... *Sob* I didn’t even get to tell him, Deina. I never told him that I love him."
Deina’s smile softened as a trace of her own hidden sorrow reflected in her golden eyes. "Well, well. Look who finally decided to be honest with her feelings."
She rested her chin on Natasha’s head and stared blankly at the open door. "If it makes you feel any better... despite the fact that I also came to love him deeply over the centuries... I never confessed to him either."
*Sniff* "Why? You’re always so confident and teasing. Why didn’t you say anything?"
"Because I was scared... I always kept it in the back of my mind that he would eventually have to leave this place and go back to Earth. I knew that if I fully committed myself to him, if I let my walls crumble... his inevitable departure would only spell disaster for my own sanity. So I kept my distance. I kept it playful."
Natasha stared at up her for a moment when a wet laugh escaped her lips. She wiped her eyes and shook her head.
"Look at us... a pair of idiots. We literally tongue-kissed the guy we liked right in front of his "mama", all before actually confessing our feelings to him."
"Hahaha! Yeah, we really are a mess, aren’t we?"
Deina turned her head back toward the bed, gently smoothing a stray blue lock of hair away from Maribelle’s forehead. "I just hope our mama bird wakes up soon... The wait will be lonely without her being here."