Actor, Search for Hope

Another glimpse of momentary memory. Kim Yun-sik's future is not in the drama. A past where I made money, went through surgery. Or the future? It's hard to see because the time line is blurry. And I don't think emotions and memories flow, like the usual observations, but I think I'm watching the video completely in a third party.

There are two main ways to perform sex-reversive surgery. It used to be a lot of pain, but not these days. Medical technology has evolved these days. Anesthesia and analgesics were the same, and most people stay in a dazed state shortly after surgery.

Previously experienced, but slightly different senses.

"Yes, @ % # $"

‘! ^ % $$’

And the remote location, the third party, echoes. Like the wind blowing over the sea, causing waves.

‘Ah, ah. H ^ # @ %A’

Sometimes it's unnecessary, and sometimes it's just a scar that's slowly forgotten. Memories of the distant past. I can see the sky in the hospital where he killed himself. Perhaps it is Yun-sik Kim who is looking at the memories of this time. This time we are definitely looking at each other.

‘Yes, not $. ’

If you tell each other their lives are on stage. So each other's stages gradually move back and forth between locations. Intense at the same time. Back and forth. Sometimes it's completely spectator to spectator. From audience to actor, from actor to stage choreographer sometimes. Or a part-time student.

Usually, the water and oil that are not mixed shake hands forcefully. It was a phenomenon that I was waiting for, but now that I'm approaching, I don't know what to say.

“Sunwoo, turn around this time, and move your right hand a little higher! ”

But I was happy to know that my guess was right. I don't know if there's another condition. Once you create a tug-of-war, you basically have to use the word "red action" and "slate sound" in an outdoor shot.

Can you hear me now? ’

‘Oh, yeah. Hey, I can hear you now. ’

And this time it was similar. It was essentially a sense of self-awareness of Sunwoo, but Kim Yoon-sik's feelings were more influential than the body's movements. Especially when it comes to hands. It's probably because Kim Yun-sik majored in art. There was no basis, but I had a hunch that Chosun would.

But a photo shoot? It's not that much fun. ’

‘That too. An answer I hadn't heard before, by the way. Can you hear me? ’

It's just a part of everything.

Plus, we don't know how far this is going to go.

‘Friend stories. ’

‘No, I knew it was about a friend. How can you be so sure of happiness? ’

Kim Yun-sik's life as Sun Woo saw it was difficult. Family, money. Friend, in the process of becoming a woman there. Especially the appearance sector was also hurt a lot. I didn't think it was because I was borrowing the body of Sunwoo in the drama. Kim Yun-sik, who saw through the observation phenomenon, had a very manly face and skeleton.

Hormone treatments are quite well suited, so there have been some changes. It's just that, with appearances and risk, even voices. Yoon-sik Kim's voice was more than normal. So after Kim Yun-sik saw some effects of hormone therapy, Since then, society has been subtly treated as neither male nor female.

‘That's all it is. Maybe that's a good thing. "

‘That's what I'm saying, but I know you're really hurting. It's a shared state of mind, really? ’

I have clothes I want to wear, but I can't try them on or touch them. When you apply makeup, you only get bitter smiles. I didn't have enough makeup skills in the first place, but the law didn't go anywhere.

I was really hurt by other people's attitudes. Not a word that someone you don't know inadvertently throws. Especially if they're intelligent in appearance or neglected by the transgenders themselves. Many were open to thinking about the transgender, while many were not.

‘But it's subtly intertwined, so it's only transmitting to a certain level. You think I'm lying? ’

‘ ……. No, I don't think he's lying. ’

I hate that expression. Words that make a teardrop of sadness. And the droplets come together and form a wave. However, when we focused on the details, Kim Yoon-sik thought they were good things at the same time.

‘They all hurt. But it's better than when I was stuck in a cage that I didn't know before. Maybe if I hadn't known I was a transgender, the cage would have rusted, and at the same time, so would my mind. You forgot how to live, not fly away. ’

Pain is proof of life.

I couldn't choose what to say when I saw Yoon-sik Kim thinking that way.

The world's population is about 10 billion people. If you cut 10 billion people, you have 10 billion values, you have ideas. There would be 10 billion definitions of happiness. But I think happiness is such an abstract word. I don't think it's going to be very helpful to hear a story about happiness that I'm sure of. ’

Not 5 billion? ’

Are you still at 75 billion? This is about 10 billion. There's a difference. ’

I had a hunch. The conversation with Kim Yun-sik just convinced me that the phenomenon of observation is linked to another dimension. But the question is, can you say it so assertively? It might just be Kim Yoon-sik. There are still too many secrets hidden by observation.

‘That's right. So, that answer, can you hear it? ’

Curious about the observation phenomenon. Once the button is released, we'll figure it out. I don't think it will disappear in an instant. What I want to hear right now is Yoon-sik Kim's thoughts. There's no guarantee this will happen again next time.

Are you sure about happiness? It's hard to say with Moore, to be honest. Just, you know, happy? I'm just so happy with the process of finding out who I am. Positive emotions without a word. Even the negative feelings made me feel alive. That's why I'm happy.That's why I'm having a hard time. I've suffered. I've suffered. I've suffered. '

That's why you said that at first. The question is, why are you enjoying yourself? The only reason you're alive is because you're happy. And now they're saying they're happy to be alive.

‘Yes, I was shaken up by gender. It seems like there are so many different people in the world that I still can't reach them. Do you recognize the third castle? ’

Third last name? ’

‘Maybe not yet. This one officially recognizes a third last name in most countries. Shemale. I mean, even the ladyboys and the newhalves.

‘ ……? ’

It is not a moment when the transgender is fully womanly. Once you start hormonal therapy, if you have the time, start with your face. The thing that catches your eye the most depends on how you look. And the chest, finally removing the male symbol and the female form up to the bottom.

‘But there are people who stop in the middle. I told you, every name and justice is a little different. A man's penis, usually with a woman's face and chest, remains in the human body. It is not an intermediate process, but a final destination for them. ’

Are there people like that? ’

‘Yeah, they'll be there, too. To put it bluntly, they all think differently. About what you might look like later. After all, they're the kind of people who ask, "Why should we judge a man's gender by black and white logic?" ’

I lost my words to tell a story I had never thought of. Transgender was a role, and by peering at Kim Yun-sik's feelings and thoughts, he was concerned about his gender identity, but it was always about men and women.

‘One of my closest friends has such a third last name, and has been freed by having a third last name. And in doing so, he's very happy. ’

"Freedom? Happiness? ’

You don't know? But he seemed to really think so. He said he picked it up. Honestly, I don't know. I don't think it's hard to say it's a barricade, even though it goes beyond the value of three. At least on our side. Transitional state, but I'm definitely setting the gender boundaries. The transgenders may think differently. Most common transgenes would. I am also fully aware that I am a woman. Oh, you know, transgender doesn't mean you have to go from man to woman, right? Sometimes women go from man to man. Anyway, I want to say.... So you too... ’

“Cut! Wow, this is a clean finish in the background! Come take a look, it's really good! ”

As in dramatic filming, I finally smiled bitterly at the words of the editor who shouted "cut." It is not because it disappears slowly like an observation phenomenon, but because Kim Yoon-sik's voice disappeared immediately at the same time as his cry.

.

After the first day is over. Rest from evening. Sunwoo thought a lot while reviewing his conversation with Kim Yun-sik. I guess the last thing Kim Yoon-sik wanted to say was that maybe everyone is different. The same context as the first word I said when I turned around. The criteria for happiness are different.

‘So find your own criteria. ’

I think I heard a faint voice of cheering. If that's what you mean. Hearing it like this brings a new approach. When I think about it, all of the roles I played were the same. Not only happiness, but also where we value it more.

Some were money, some were people, sometimes love. I often had difficulty speaking in one way or another. The criteria for people to feel happy were more complex than light coming out of a stack of cartoons.

“What are you thinking? ”

“Do you think Seo Eun? ”

So I picked up the brush. It's because Kim Yoon-sik has been painting things that are complicated or annoying since he started searching for his identity. Clearly aware of your situation, not running away.

‘I think I escaped with the piano. ’

I wanted to play the piano if I was more honest, but there's no piano here. So this time with pictures. But is painting running away? But I don't think the situation is enough to use that expression.

“Lies.”

Kim notices the state of Seo Eun. I don't know what I'm worried about, but I instinctively realized it's not about me. So I made a long face.

“I'm sorry, it's complicated. ”

“Do I have to paint it pretty? ”

Some of the cuts from the photo shoot were of Sun Ahn along with the painting tool. And when I heard that Sunwoo knows how to draw classy paintings, I took the liberty of giving Sunwoo basic paints and brushes. I gave her a basic set of drawing tools as a gift. It's not top notch SHA, but it's a pretty well-known company in the country.

Thank you so much for the unexpected gift. And the promise I made to the car that I was thinking about drawing. Seo Eun asked me to draw a portrait from Kim, so I nodded.

“But aren't you tired? I didn't have to come all the way to Thailand. ”

The center of this film is Sun Wu. and just a few extra people. However, Director Yoo Gangjin allowed other staff and other actors to accompany him if they wanted, not just the minimum number of people. The rest of the investment should be spent like this. Of course, it's okay to rest in a country if you don't want to.

“Well, anyway. And, you know. ”

“So what?"

“Me, I look a little fat to me. ”