Desire

I didn't think so. After returning to the room, Ajin pulls the dagger from his chest and plunges it into the wall, filling his face with irritation. It is a solid wall, but the dagger digs deep as if it were digging for tofu. Azin kicks his tongue at the dagger in the wall.

What was it, compassion? It was an unfamiliar feeling. No, it's my first time. Azin glances at the wall and grabs his face with his hands. When the White Mark tried to cut his wrist, his feelings were irritating. The White Voucher must be assassinated and killed. You can't kill yourself. Cutting wrists, apparent suicide. But making excuses doesn't mean you can't make excuses. The assailant disguised the death of the White Star as a suicide... The corpse can't say anything after all.

Yeah, it didn't have to be stopped. The result is the same. The death of the White Voucher. Whether it's suicide or assassination. I wish I could just wrap it up comfortably, but Ajin stopped the suicide of the White Mark. Because you don't want to be bothered? Maybe so. He wraps his head around it. In the end, he couldn't answer why he stopped the death of the White Voucher himself.

It's just, I'm annoyed. That's all it is. Maybe it's sympathy. No, pity would be right. So... why did you feel compassion? Ajin couldn't understand. He had never pitied anyone before. When you tried to kill a little boy and a girl in the woods. Cover your ears, turn around and close your eyes. And count. When he made the little girl do it, he had no compassion. When he killed the wizard who did him a favor, when he killed his innocent daughter. Burn the house down to get rid of the body. Even when crippled feet come to avenge their son's death.

I've never had any compassion for the target in killing someone. I killed him because I needed to. That was convenient. But for the first time, I got rid of the easy way myself.

“.. aren't you angry? ”

In his incomprehensible grip on his head, Ajin opened his mouth. It was a voice filled with irritation. I didn't say anything about the smell of raw snow leaning against the window. She looks at the pain with her narrow eyes, and she bursts out a low smile. “I have compassion for another woman. You're angry, aren't you?” Azin admitted that he had pitied the white pennant. He shrugged his shoulders and approached Ajin.

“There's no need to be angry. ”

The scent of Raw Snow raises the pipe she left in her waist and takes it to her lips. Red lips bite the pipe. The smoke rises from my... small breath. Ajin wags his head while smiling.

“I'd rather you blame me. ”

“Why is the Maiden scolding you? ”

That's how Raw Snow came to the bed where Ajin was sitting. Azin takes a big breath and reaches for the black snow scent. The scent of Raw Snow gave the cigarette jar to Ajin. Azin asked for a cigarette. Inhale loudly and say, "Khh!” The poisonous smoke is coming out of my cough. For a long time, he frowns and grunts. “How can you be so poisonous?” Raw snow shrugs.

“.. things got out of hand. ”

Azin grabbed his head and said,

“I should have killed the White Voucher. Ah, not so twisted yet. There are still plenty of chances to make it to the Wall... so if I see a chance to kill him...”

“Don't you have to kill him now? ”

Raw snow scent said.

“Go now, you won't have a problem killing her. His work is nothing compared to yours, and if you do it right, she will die without a chance to resist. ”

“.. she'll be preparing for an ambush. ”

“What does that have to do with anything? You think he can handle your days? Isn't it enough to kill her anyway? Kill him, put him to bed... and say he was ambushed in his sleep, and that's it. ”

Ajin didn't answer. It's because the aroma of Raw Snow was right. Ajin also knew. I just didn't do it.

“Don't you want to kill me? ”

“I have to kill him. ”

“What you do and what you want to do are different things. The opposite is true. I have to, but you're not. I don't want to.”

“.. I don't know that. ”

Azin thought, wrapped around his head. Something was happening to Ajin that he couldn't understand on his own. I know it's sympathy, but I don't know why. The past of the White Milky Way? I don't know what that means. What does it have to do with Ajin whether the White Paper was not loved by his parents when he was a child and despised by his brothers or not?

“I don't know why I thought I didn't want to kill her. ”

“Because she doesn't want to die. ”

Raw Snow didn't seem to be a big deal. She shrugs.

“Kill someone. How many people do you think want to die? Everyone doesn't want to die. Anyone who kills someone has to break their heart and kill someone who doesn't want to die. Put your life on the line without putting yourself in their shoes. ”

The scent of Raw Snow stopped speaking and looked at the pain. She opens her mouth as she looks at him with a complex expression.

“Do you know what the first thing to do before a martyrdom is to become a shaman? ”

“I don't know.”

“You don't look the other person in the eye. ”

The scent of Raw Snow answered with a bloody smile. She raises her hand to the crowd.

“When you kill, don't look in the eyes. When killing an opponent, what do you think is most emotional at the moment? Screaming, begging for your life, vomiting blood? A distorted face? No, eyes. Shake it out loud. Gradually, the light fades. Tsk.”

Raw snow flashes.

“The light goes out. Seeing it quietly makes me feel really weird. The first time I see it, I won't forget it for a while. So teach them not to look in the eyes, but to look in the crowd. And get used to it. Killing someone. Once you get used to it, you're already broken somewhere in your mind, so you don't have any emotion for killing your opponent. Even when I look into their eyes. ”

Raw snow scent sat next to Azin.

“It's kind of like cutting off empathy. Forced castration of empathy. When I first saw you, and decided to officially accept you as my apprentice, Do you know why that was? You were so used to killing someone. There will be no bridges in your world. Killing someone wasn't a natural world. You didn't hesitate to kill anyone for your own benefit. I put a possibility in it, so I made you a disciple. ”

Azin stares at the scent of Raw Snow without saying anything. I laughed with a whiff of Raw Snow.

“From the beginning, your empathy for others has been heightened. It made a connection between you and me, but at the same time, it was proof that there was something lacking in your humanity. I thought it didn't matter. I liked it better that way. What I needed... was an outstanding apprentice, not a proper human being. ”

Raw snow softly acknowledged it. Lack of humanity Azin nods, smiling bloody. Such a thing, I've been aware since I was a kid a few decades ago.

“I don't know what you're lacking in empathy for, Maine. Was your shortcoming an external factor, or were you just born that way? But you, as opposed to usual. Over time, I began to have a little empathy for others. ”

“I know. ”

Ajin replied.

“Master and Persian have accepted me. For accepting me as I was born, for loving me. Didn't I tell you? I've never felt anything like this before. So, I changed. ”

Ajin chuckles. So did you empathize with her feelings and sympathize with her? Azin raises his head to the ceiling.

“She doesn't blame you. ”

Raw Snow's scent reaches out. She rubs her shoulder and speaks.

“What is wrong with a man who was not human being to be human? Do you know how many live like beasts in human hide? Do you think it's right? No, it's not right. I am Maine. When I was born, I became a bishop of the Church and became something other than a human being in the process. I'm not ashamed of it. But so am I. ”

Raw Snow's scent closed my eyes.

I used to think, “I don't want to kill you." But I had to, so I killed most of them. All the enemies I thought I didn't want to kill ended up dead at my hands. And I used to suffer from it. Probably still is. I don't want to kill him, but if I killed him because I had to... I'm sure he'd suffer. ”

Raw Snow hugged Azin. She sweeps her back gently.

“I don't blame you for not killing that child. I thought you didn't want to kill someone for the first time, and you didn't. Then cherish that feeling. ”

“... are you okay? ”

Azin asked in a small voice. He didn't have a clear understanding of his feelings. I don't know why I should. Is that okay?

“Killing the White Vowel is the quickest way. In order for me to eat the Bloodstream completely, the White Voucher must die. But...”

“If you don't see a way, find a new way. You don't have to, unless you have to. ”

Raw Snow sighed and said. She rises to her feet, letting go of her body.

“That's going to be a very difficult problem. This might be the first time for you. But it also means that much to you. It's barely human, coming back to you. Don't throw it away so easily. ”

“.. this may be my weakness. ”

“No one has any weaknesses. ”

Raw Snow's scent was resolute.

“Because you're human, you have a weakness. Aren't you human? ”

Raw Snow smiled bitterly and said. Azin sighs and nods. How to swallow blood without killing the White Paper. Is there such a thing? Nothing came to mind clearly. But even so,

I don't want to kill you. Because I pity the White Vowel. This is how it feels to pity someone. Ajin chuckles. I hated the thought of feeling sorry for myself... but Azin raises the pipe he put down next to him. He sighed and swallowed the smoke.

“Master.”

Azin opens his mouth. As I folded my arms and looked down at Azin, the scent of Raw Snow tilted my head. “Why?” He grins bitterly at the answer.

“Thank you."

“.. to be thankful. It's just, you know, you look so pathetic with your head ripped off, so I just stepped out. ”

That's what Raw Snow said and turned away.

“.. don't think too hard. Not everything works out the way you think. Sometimes doing what you want without computation will make you feel better. ”

“Whatever you want. ”

“.. let me be clear. ”

I stopped walking as if I remembered the smell of Raw Snow. She looks back at the pain with a frowned face.

“Instead of marrying the White Voucher, if you tell me such a story...”

“That's not what happened. ”

Ajin picked up and replied. Raw snow flashes at him, pouting at his lips. “You said no.” Azin wags his head as if to confirm.

“The white sausage is not my style. ”

“What are your tastes? If it suits your taste, will you marry someone else? ”

“What makes you say that? ”

Azin grunts in a low voice.

“My taste is... Like Master or Persian...”

“Son of a bitch. ”

He no longer listens, and the black snowflake fades into the shadows. Azin smiles bloody and asks again the pipe she left behind.

I can't sleep today.

Azin thinks, pressing his hand against his itchy head.