Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

Chapter 43 Awakening

I sat by the bed and watched him quietly.

Yesterday was supposed to be a very tired day, but I couldn't sleep well because I had one more around me. There was no other bedding in the room, and I had to curl around him all night. This evening was so painful that I feared that my flip would wake him up, that I would not notice to touch his skin, and that I would wake up later than him to embarrass him. Sleep like this until you feel numb all over your body. I climbed up at dawn and walked around the room with my hands and feet, afraid to quarrel with him.

Take a closer look at him sleeping in front of him. He is 35 years old. Although he is 11 years younger, he is still beautiful and pure as water. Perhaps it is because he has been practicing quietly in the Buddha Gate, he is much younger than the other thirty-five men of this era. Growing up, he has a slight wrinkle around his eyes and forehead, adding a mature charm that he didn't have when he was younger. Yesterday's sluggishness, after a night's rest, seems to have recovered a lot at this moment. With a slight smile to the point at the corner of the mouth, the brightly lined lips appear to be dreaming.

I just squatted in front of him like a drunk. It was noon and he was still asleep, and it was estimated that he had not slept so late in his life. But my head grew heavier and lower, and I fell asleep.

There seemed to be something gently touching my head, and I woke up in a trance and saw countless shallow grey pools in my dreams waving so close, my heart beating so fast that I couldn't hold it.

“You... you're awake...” I got up and asked him, "Are you hungry? I've asked them to bring food...”

Touch the bowl on the bedside: "Oops, it's cold. I'll get them to heat up..."

The sleeve was grabbed, and I turned around and saw him dragging my sleeve, and his eyes filled with love. I slipped through my heart and softly called: “Rosh...”

“If it's true, you'll be back every 10 years.” He still lay down, closed his eyes, sighed a little, his mouth slightly raised, “Just come back...”

I squatted down close to him and put his slender hand on my face, smiling and saying: "Yes, I'm back...”

My right hand on my face trembled and moved slowly by an inch, from my eyes to my nose to my lips, and every time I slipped past it, the sparkling crystalline glow of the bottom of my eyes was one more point. Then he suddenly sat up and hugged me into his arms, his chin resting on top of his head, stumbling on my scalp, itching for a moment, making me want to laugh but laugh with tears.

“Buddha was really too kind to Rosh...” The chestnut sigh floated over his head, "He let you come back...”

He grabbed my shoulder and measured it carefully: "Eleven years, you haven't changed a bit...”

“I'm old, I'm 25 years old now...” I smiled into his eyes and smoked my nose.

“A year in heaven, ten years on earth?” He caressed my hair gently, as if to the most precious jewels in the world: "The first time I saw you, you were ten years older than Rosh. Second time, as big as you. Now, Rosh is ten years older than you.” His fingers clung to his cheeks, staring into my eyes, “Aiqing, this‘ ten ’is a constant in the underworld...”

I'm laughing. Yeah, God. Did you arrange this on purpose? When I saw his naked chest, I couldn't help but think of the fever on his face last night, and some embarrassment said to him: “Well... clean your body first, then get up and eat something... Besides, you may have a headache, I also asked someone to make sober soup...”

I myself had called water in early in the morning, and I washed it secretly. I wanted to wash him, but I was afraid to wake him up and didn't have the guts to wipe him. He was all sweaty last night, and he smelled like alcohol and vomited again in three days. It didn't smell so good.

Listen to me, he suddenly realizes what, let me go. The blanket slipped through the corner to reveal the blood that solidified on the table last night. Before it was too late to look at my condition, he held my right hand in front of me, lifted my sleeve, and looked at my elbow. The wound has been surgically inconspicuous, with only a slight slight scar.

“The magic of heaven is infinite, and it is perfectly well.” He looked up at me, his eyebrows wrinkled, confused, "but where did he get hurt again? ”

Now I understand that he is doing this for the blood, twisting and whispering: “I'm not hurt... those are just women for the first time...” Faced with him, I've never been as shy as I am at this moment, “Anyway, I'm fine, you don't have to worry...”

“First time?” He mumbled and his face grew more confused. A little lost. Can't he really remember anything?

If you don't want to think about it more, you have to do something. I got up and was going to take the basin, and it was too big, and it caught my lower body wound, and the ground was "hissing”.

“Where exactly does it hurt?” He grabbed me, his clear eyes fluctuated, and he spun around on me.

“I'm really okay.” Gently earn his hands and bear the pain of bringing the basin to its end. I brought the towels immersed in the basin from modern times, when the towels were too rough. I blushed and hung the towel, spreading it to him; “Wipe your body. ”

He didn't pick it up, lifted the blanket and looked inside, suddenly blushing like a summer sun. And he turned to me and said, "Was Rosh hurting you? ”

This... I'm so angry and a little funny. How can you call me a girl when this brilliant man is so slow on this issue? “You didn't do it, I volunteered. ”

And he looked at me and he said, "Aye, when did you get back? What are you doing here? ”

“arrived yesterday.” I still have to tell him the truth. "Last night, Fursati helped me see Lu Guang. He agreed to trade me for Asuyah Emperor...”

He trembled and suddenly turned white, hesitating in a low voice: "Did I really see you last night? ”

I nodded.

“Turns out it's not a dream… ridiculously Rosh has always wondered why this dream feels so real.” He approached me, opened his mouth and squeezed out for half a day, "Is it true... that the precept is broken? ”

“Rosh, I seduced you.” I bite my lips and grasp his hand gently, "Buddha said, knowing your sincerity. You lasted three days without anyone holding out. They've also drunk you a bottle of aphrodisiac, so don't think about what happened last night, don't be hard on yourself, you can't do it anymore...”

He bowed his head and grabbed the blanket, trembling slightly and grabbing his fingers white. I knew he couldn't accept the reality for a moment, sighed and put the basin and clothes on the cupboard.

“I'll go out first, you wash up and put your clothes on.” It was a narrow silk shirt, and they brought only such secular clothes and refused to give them to monks. “If you can't find a monk's coat at the moment, you can wear it first. ”

Picking up the already cold food, I walked out of the room.

There are still guards at the door, and they go to eat as hot as I say. They are not difficult, they are nice to me, they are basically guaranteed everything, but they are not allowed to move freely. Outside in the courtyard, the sun is shining, and under such a blue sky, there has been a war and dislocation that ordinary people would least like to see. Without this war, Rosh would have been submerged in the great river of history of 1650, the fame of eternity. But is it fortunate or unfortunate that this fame should be exchanged for the suffering of a lifetime?

When I came back to the room with the warm broth and sauce, I saw him in that dress, sitting on the carpet with his legs and reading scriptures. He's tall, and he actually wears a turtle-type waistband blouse. Without that bright head, the back shadow alone can be described by the wind of the jade tree.

I put the tray on a few cases and saw some turbid water in the basin, which he had already washed. Called him to eat something, but he didn't respond. He kept his eyes closed and I didn't want to disturb him, so I waited quietly.

However, he has been going on for almost two hours. The later I was saddened to find that he was not making up morning classes, but punishing himself for doing so. He keeps reading for a second. How long is he going to read it?

I can't watch anymore, grab his hand and beg, "Rosh, please don't read it. It's my fault, seduced you. Seducers are the culprits of sin. I will bear all the sins. It is none of your business. ”

He opened his eyes and looked at me brilliantly, shaking his head slightly to earn my hand and continued to mumble.

I swept through the room and saw a bottle with a chicken fur duster and brought it over. “Rosh, I can help you if you think you're guilty. ”

“The people of the Far West practise a religion where they believe that the sins of abstinence can be compensated by self-flogging. If you whip yourself and relieve the pain in your heart with physical injury, you will be forgiven by God.” I squatted in front of him and asked softly, "You want one? ”

Catholicism flogged itself, and the Church constantly implanted sexual guilt in people's minds, emphasizing repeatedly that sexuality would taint people's souls from entering heaven. So those who hate or fear * *, including nuns and nuns, exchange the pain of this world for the happiness of the Hereafter with self-flogging as atonement. During the black-death epidemic, self-flogging groups were formed, and every time they went to a public place to march in a village or town, they flogged themselves and punched themselves in the back of the spine until the blood drained them. Buddhism doesn't have this kind of self-flogging, but I can only go to the doctor in a hurry.

He looked at me, his eyes were sore, his shirt faded silently to his waist, his eyes closed still reading the scriptures.

I stood behind him, grabbed the chicken fur duster, took a deep breath, stabilized my hand, and bit my lip and punched it down. A crisp sound shook him, and his shiny back immediately revealed a striking red print. I bit my teeth off and whipped them backwards. This time, it's on me. When the pain passes into the brain, the eyebrows are twisted and the tears gather again into the orbit.

“What are you doing? ”

The chicken fur duster in his hand was taken away, and I fell into his arms and saw his face shocked and pitied in tears.

“You have to punish yourself, I'll hurt with you. If you don't eat, I'll go on a hunger strike with you. If you can't accept my identity, I can shave my head into Buddha's door to be a nun.” I can't even breathe smoothly, breathe hard, "except, Rosh, this time I'm not going anyhow. Whatever the wind and rain, let me stay with you, okay? ”

I embraced him with all my strength. I would be happier if I could fit into his arms like this and be one with him. On his naked shoulder, the tears dripped down, sliding along his back through the red mark he had just left. His chest fluctuated violently, sobbing in dullness, dyeing my shoulders. How many times have we been holding each other and crying? I won't let you cry again...

“Irene, Rosh didn't punish himself for breaking. The body is nothing more than a leather bag. In order to promote Buddhist law, the Grand Multiplier can also talk about convenience. Besides, this wine ring was broken under duress, and there was no Buddha in mind. Rosh confessed to the Buddha, and his heart broke with this..."

He was only a few inches away from me, his fingers sliding unconsciously on my face, and the pain stained his pretty face with darkness: “No! Rosh's heart, not last night, was broken 11 years ago, 20 years ago. When Rosh met you as a young boy, he was already at the center of his unconsciousness, and after you left, he didn't know why he had to paint you over and over again. Until you see the face of the Buddha become like you, you will know that you are deeply in love. Practitioners, love is the greatest constraint. Rosh was terrified, and every time he thought of you, he thought of self-punishment. But when you return again, Rosh's happiness, far more than the articulation of Buddhism, has made it completely impossible to expel the demons from your heart. After I kissed you, I realized that I could never break my love desire...”

Crystal tears swept through his deep eyesore and rolled down his side face. “I couldn't see you for the last time 11 years ago, and Rosh sat in your room for three days. I finally figured out one thing in three days: since I can't forget you, why don't you think of it as a daily exercise. In this way, Rosh will be at peace and mindfulness. If you don't return in ten years, go to China and spread the Buddha's Law according to your words. But while Rosh was about to leave for Han, he was humiliated by the devastation of Turtles. ”

He paused, swallowed his voice and continued: "During the three days of Rosh's captivity, he was mindful of Buddha and could still do as much as water, looking at his cousin in front of him as a void. But after breaking the drinking ring, you're the only one who sees what's in your mind. Rosh wasn't completely unimpressed about yesterday, he just never dared to admit it. Even though the memory is blurred, it still reminds me of that indescribable moment of joy. So persuading yourself, as always, is just another unspeakable dream. But you told me that it was all true...”

He leaned back and inhaled his nose deeply, his elongated and elegant neck twitched violently, and his grainy muscles bounced beneath his wheat skin. He shook his head at me painfully, tears dropped on his coat: “I just found out that Rosh is really with you... With the truth of husband and wife, how dare Rosh really do this with you in his life without Lu Guang persecuting you! So Rosh instantly thought of not being ashamed of Buddha, but stealing from himself. Rosh was ashamed of the thought. After decades of practice, I still can't resist your desire, my heart is broken, I can't get rid of reading more scriptures. How can Rosh be a Buddhist disciple...”

“Remember when Rosh was a young man, he got a Rohan saying: ‘If one reaches thirty-five without breaking the precepts, when the Buddha flourishes, he spends countless people, he is no different than Yubo. If there is incomplete restraint, there is nothing that can be done, it is just a brilliant Junyi magician.’ Rosh just remembered this when he was reading the menstruation, and it was painful. Rosh is 35 years old and broke the precept. Has Heaven already decided that Rosh can only be a brilliant and handsome magician in this life and not achieve a great cause? ”

I've cried my liver and intestines and breathed hard. Never heard him say so much at a time, word for word made my heart ache. “Rosh, I'm sorry that I messed up your mind toward Buddha and left you powerless. If you want me to disappear, I can walk. ”

“Too late...” He shook and kissed me, slightly salty tears lingering between his tongues, not knowing if it was his or mine. “If you come back, how could Rosh let you go again and suffer for another decade...”

“Ai Qing, you hit yourself with a whip to awaken Rosh. If you were willing to share the pain with me and have the courage to spend the storm with me, wouldn't Rosh have the guts to admit his love for you for 20 years? Rosh blames himself for breaking the precept. He can't be a generation of priests, but he forgets what you've suffered. You came back at Rosh's toughest hour, humiliating you like that last night and still delivering with your innocent body. Irene, your love for Rosh. How can Rosh put up with you again? For decades, Rosh was reluctant to try it again. Even if you can become a great master, even if you practice to the highest degree, you have to enter the colorless realm of Nirvana. Without you, it's just a soulless body. What's the fun of it? ”

He leaves my shoulder, wipes away tears for me, holds my head, and looks incredibly firm: "With you, Roshgan goes to the deepest hell. ”

“Don't forget, we're together...”

Ten fingers wrapped around our right hand, we hugged each other to kiss each other, tears for each other, but more tears. No more decade to waste, we, from now on, cherish every minute, every second...

He suddenly let go of me and moaned with his head, not knowing how long he cried.

“What's the matter? ”

“After 20 years of unwinding, I actually have a headache...”

I burst into tears and laughed, "That's because of drinking.” Pick up the bowl in the cupboard, "this is the soup, it would have been fine if it had been drunk earlier. ”