Chapter 202. An Impossible Solution III
Maisie
Gruer’s expression blanked out. "You see, I can’t tell you that."
"What do you mean, you can’t?" I asked, not realizing I was stepping too close to the line.
His lips curled. "There is a balance to all things, and already, it hangs precariously. There are rules even I cannot break. I will not give you the knife you plan to die on."
"I-I don’t understand—"
"I see it in you," he said, voice pitying. "The same madness that plagued Elara Thorne. Did you know, shortly after she landed in this world and birthed her child, she took her own life?"
I froze.
I thought if he could’ve crossed the circle, he would be inches away from me. "You are walking the same dangerous line. But Elara, she had many decades. She lived a long life. You haven’t even lived yet. You are much too young to throw everything away. There will always be other men. There won’t be another you."
"That is not your decision to make," I seethed, tears welling in my eyes.
"Maybe it isn’t," he purred. "But I am not obligated to tell you anything else."
I took a desperate step forward. "Please."
He smiled like he’d been waiting for that. "Shall I tell you what will happen if you die trying to break this bond?"
I didn’t want to hear it. But I couldn’t move.
His mouth curved into a wicked smile. "The rift will take you. You won’t even have a body to bury. They will look for you. They will mourn you. Days. Months. Might take years. They will hate you for it. They will never understand why you had to ’leave’. No one will ever know what you gave and even if they did, they would never forgive you for it."
His eyes glittered with satisfaction as I bit down hard to hide my cry, and failed. "Stop," I whispered.
"They will find someone else. Someone easier. They will fuck her—"
"Stop it—"
"—harder than they ever fucked you—"
A sob tore out of me. "Stop it!"
He went on relentlessly. "They will wake up beside her every morning and eventually stop reaching for the empty space where you used to be—"
A hoarse wail echoed around me. "Please—stop talking—"
"They will tell her they love her. They will have children. Dark haired, fair haired, amber eyes, green eyes, blue eyes, violet eyes—they will call them ’Father’, or ’Dad’."
I covered my ears with both hands, shaking my head violently, but his voice still cut through.
"They will live full lives without you. Happy lives. And the hole you left behind will shrink. And shrink. Until one day, it will be as though you were never there at all."
A broken, ugly wail ripped out of me. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. My knees hit the floor as I curled forward, sobbing so hard my chest hurt.
Gruer watched me with something almost like satisfaction. "Not even you are that selfless. Go home, Maisie Adams. Go home to your mates. And if seven days are all you have left, be grateful for it."
No. I didn’t—would never—accept that.
But Gruer had decided we were through and that annoyed expression returned to his face, his hand pushing against the protective barrier. "Now, I believe you owe me something."
"No," I said with a hateful rage I couldn’t control. He never even asked my question.
My lungs seized as my body jerked upright, like I was being remote-controlled by something. My hand rose of its own accord and pressed against the barrier, right where Gruer’s fingers were.
I couldn’t control my own body.
Gruer’s eyes flashed a greedy green and it felt like he was peering into my soul, like he could see all of my secrets, all of my memories, every thought I ever had in my entire time.
I didn’t feel him in my head, but my life flashed before my eyes, anyway, unbidden.
"Hm," he hummed, already pulling away, but just as he was about to, his nostrils flared.
Then he tilted his head like he’d heard something, and his eyes lowered to my stomach and widened strangely.
And then, he was gone.
***
"Adams, please."
Soren was knelt between my legs, his hands braced on either sides of my knees. "Talk to me. Tell me how to help you."
My head was hurting. I’d stayed for a long time at the library, an ugly, crying mess. And when I came back out, it felt like I had wept my entire soul out and had nothing else to give.
I felt so empty inside.
Pain pulsed in my skull and when the door creaked open, I saw cackling in the atmosphere right beside Mercer. The air was split down at the center and—
I blinked hard enough that black spots covered my vision. And when my gaze returned back to the door, there was nothing there.
I forced down a little laugh. I was starting to see things, too.
I leaned forward, cupped Soren’s face and kissed him.
He groaned into my mouth, melting against me for half a heartbeat. But he gripped my shoulders and yanked me away from him. "Stop it, Adams. We need to talk—"
I smacked his hand off my shoulder. "I don’t feel like talking. I’m tired of talking. I’ve been talking—and no one’s listening to me—"
"We’re listening," Mercer said.
"No!" I yelled. "No, you’re not! You think I’m crazy! And—and I heard you talking about taking me to the hospital on the way back from school—what? You’re going to put me in a psych ward now?"
I was crying again. My teeth were clattering.
"Because the nausea has worsened, malyshka," Jericho answered gently behind me, his hands rubbing up and down my shoulders. "You’ve lost weight. Your pallor is sickly. Your eyes are bloodshot. Human medicine might not be effective on us, but we thought it might help if we ran a scan."
"I don’t need a scan! I just... I just need you," I whimpered, and I could hear the hysteria in my voice.
No. This was all wrong. I had made a decision not to make them worry about me anymore. I had made a decision to find a way out myself.
I couldn’t let them see I was breaking on the inside.
As if sensing how close I was to tipping over the edge, Quinlan tilted my face to his. "Then take what you need, cherie. But whatever this is, we will figure it out together."
I felt Soren’s fingers entwine with mine as he added, "We’re having Margaret looked into, and her plans for Samhain. Nothing out of the ordinary has been found yet, but I’ve instructed Alden to look harder." His thumb rubbed over my pulse. "You can rest easier, Adams. We’re not going anywhere."
Jericho’s nose pressed against the tresses behind my ear. "Wherever you go, we go."
My lips quivered. I wished I could believe that. I wished it was enough.
Mercer moved forward from where he was leaned against the doorframe, and he joined Soren on the ground in front of me, raising his finger to catch the teardrop under my chin. "You are not alone. So if you don’t want to talk right now... then don’t. But don’t push us away either. We’re right here. All of us. And we won’t let you drown."
I bit my bottom lip as more tears spilled down my cheeks.
"Come here," Soren said, his hand sliding from my cheek to the back of my neck, warm and solid.
I leaned forward and crashed into him, burying my face into his neck. My fingers tightened where they gripped Quinlan’s. "I’m sorry, about earlier," I whispered against Soren’s neck, but Quinlan retraced his mark on my wrist with soft, soothing cooing, "It’s okay, May. Don’t cry."
Jericho’s arm banded around me from behind, one hand rubbing slow circles between my shoulder blades.
"I’ve got you," he murmured against my hair. "We’ve got you."
I felt Mercer’s hand settle on my thigh, grounding me. Jericho’s chest pressed against my back as he wrapped his arms around both of us from behind. Quinlan’s fingers gently brushed the hair away from my damp face.
For the first time in days, I didn’t feel like I was falling alone.
And I told myself I could have this. Even if it was just for tonight. I was so tired. I was so scared that I would wake up and everything would be gone.
I turned my head slightly and found Soren’s mouth. The kiss was messy and desperate, tasting like the salt of my tears and exhaustion, but he met me halfway.
When I pulled back for air, Mercer was already there, tilting my face toward him and kissing me slow and deep, like he was trying to pour every unspoken word into me.
I kissed him back like I was drowning.
Because I was drowning.