Chapter 203. A Wild Toss In The Dark
Maisie
I had a plan.
And maybe that was why I succeeded in fooling everyone into believing I was truly ’getting better’. Planning helped me compartmentalize and took my mind completely off the panic.
I went on my morning runs with Soren and Mercer. I laughed and pushed them into tree trunks and ran when they chased after me. I ate well. I took the remedies without fail. I answered the doctor’s questions whenever she came over for the check ups. I made sure I fucked them hard enough to distract them. I even made them dinner, sometimes.
They still watched me with worry, but it turned out I was good at hiding things if I was desperate to.
I hung out with my friends. Laughed with them. I spent ’quality’ time with Jericho in the staff room. When Quinlan dropped by for my classes, I sat in his lap with his hands under my shirt while I wrote my notes dutifully.
And when I was all alone, when they all couldn’t be with me at once and were summoned to court, when they were asleep at night after I had tired them out, I let myself map it all out.
I had to leave.
I had turned over every possibility in my head until I wanted to scream. There was no way to break the bond without risking my life. And if there was, I couldn’t find it. Which meant there was no way to stop the rift. No way to protect them from what was coming.
The only thing I could do was buy time.
If I couldn’t be found during Halloween, if I wasn’t in Ashbourne, then a major part in Margaret’s plan would be missing.
It was a wild toss in the dark.
Because I knew so long as the bond existed, it didn’t matter where I ran, they would hunt me down eventually. Across seas and continents. They would find me and drag me back here.
But I would hide. I would run. I would tear the world apart looking for answers until I found a way to stop this without getting them—all of us—killed.
And there was the little bit of needing to warn the Queen beforehand of her possible assassination, to ensure the crown remained firmly on her head and didn’t follow me all the way to—maybe I could hide out at the North Pole?
Sweet Goddess.
Even that was tricky because warning the Queen meant potentially throwing my mates under the bus and exposing their temporary truce with Margaret. I could almost see the Queen taking advantage of the situation and screaming, "Treason," as she exiled them.
But, in truth, that seemed like the lesser evil here.
And options were a luxury I couldn’t afford.
***
"It’s such a relief, really,"Luna Kaida sighed dramatically as she circled Lana again. "After everything that happened... the embarrassment with that whole situation... it’s good to see the pack finally moving forward with something proper. A real Luna. A real wedding."
Her eyes flicked briefly toward me and she didn’t hide her sneer.
My status may have changed enough that I could have told her to shut her damned mouth and get out, but Luna Kaida, unlike the rest of Ashbourne didn’t try to suck up to me.
She still resented me.
And it was fine because I still couldn’t stand her, either.
I didn’t want to attend the dress fitting. But between my lies and pretense starting to choke me, and the guards Soren had following me everywhere like they had been since my mates found me walking in the woods, I needed to get some air.
Alone.
And figure out just how I was ever going to leave with my mates watching my every move.
"Turn a little more to the left, dear," Mrs. Braxton said, her voice smooth but sharp at the edges. "The train is dragging slightly on the right. We can’t have that when you walk down the aisle."
Lana obeyed, pivoting gracefully. The other Lunas made soft sounds of approval.
Luna Kaida stepped closer to Lana, smoothing down the fabric at her hips. "You’ve lost a bit of weight since the last fitting. That’s good. We want you looking delicate on your wedding day. Fragile, almost. Cole would love that."
Lana preened at the ’compliment’, and I tried to keep my eyes from rolling. She’d been talking about Cole all afternoon, like this wasn’t Lana’s wedding as well.
But Regina didn’t bother trying to keep her thoughts to herself. "Yes, yes. I’m sure Cole would absolutely love her looking like a pair of chopsticks. Why don’t you tell your precious, perfect son to alter his appearance for the wedding, too? With the amount of booze he’s been drinking, it’s no surprise he looks six months along—"
"Regina!" Mrs. Braxton snapped and my best friend clamped her mouth shut, scowling as she returned to eating all of the biscuits.
Lana’s smile dimmed and her blue eyes shot to me. "What do you think, May?"
The wedding dress was exquisite. Layers after layers of ivory silk and delicate lace clung to her waist before spilling into a dramatic train. The strapless, heart shaped bodice was covered in bearings and pearls that sparkled with every movement.
It was blindingly beautiful.
"Who cares what she thinks?" Luna Kaida muttered under her breath, and I ignored her, smiling at Lana, "It’s perfect."
Her eyes brightened like sapphires. And then proceeded to try on the next dress. It was a red one. For the evening party. I sat through it, nodding with the other Lunas.
And it wasn’t until she began fitting for the undergarment for bedroom activities that Regina shook her head and escaped under the guise of needing the bathroom.
I was frozen to the chair.
The undergarment was a see-through, white shift.
It looked awfully identical to the one I had worn when I was forced down the aisle.
Catching my expression, Luna Alice laughed, shifting a little closer to me. "Your wedding has set quite the trend among our girls, Your Highness. After such a beautiful display of affection between you and your mates, the shifts have been selling out quickly. Everyone and their mothers have been buying them out..."
And just like that, the control I had built over the last couple of days slipped through my fingers like water.
The white shift hung from Lana’s frame, sheer and delicate, the exact same style I had been forced to wear.
Back then, I had hated every second of it. How exposed it made me feel. How badly I wanted to run, how much I tried to.
And now, I would’ve given anything I could to stay.
I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly too tight.
Luna Alice was still talking, her voice distant. Something about how ’romantic’ my own wedding night must have been.
It was almost hilarious, just how far off she was. What was even funnier was knowing if I had to do it all over again to be with them, I wouldn’t hesitate.
I couldn’t breathe. My chest started to tighten.
I needed to get out.
I stood up too quickly. The chair scraped loudly against the floor, cutting through the chatter.
"Excuse me," I said faintly, turning around and walking from the room as calmly as I could manage, even though my legs felt unsteady.
The moment the door closed behind me, I hurried down the corridor, my footsteps echoing off the stone walls.
I barely made it into the bathroom before the panic attack hit.
I slammed the door shut with shaking hands. Then I stumbled toward the sink, a sharp, wheezing sound escaped me.
My lungs burned. My vision blurred at the edges. I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to force myself to breathe slower, but it was useless.
I was hyperventilating.
Tears streamed down my face as I slid down to the cold bathroom floor, curling into myself. My whole body trembled.
I didn’t think I could do it. Tucking tail and leaving the men who had shown again and again that they didn’t give a fuck about anything else but me. The ones who had saved me. Over and over, and would go down the deep end if it meant protecting me.
What have you ever done for them?
I reached for the ring hanging off the necklace, running my fingers over the smooth band.
This. I could do this. I had to.
The door suddenly opened and I tried to pull myself together before any one else found me this way.
But then, there was a hoarse laugh of disbelief.
"Christ, Mace. We have got to stop meeting this way," Lyon Park said.
I wiped my face swiftly, straightening. "This is the women’s bathroom."
It was a shit thing to say, considering it was the first time I was seeing or speaking to him since the wedding.
His brown eyes were hard, but I knew it was only for my ’benefit’. He was the same as always with everyone else. Warm. Kind.
He inclined his head coolly to the sign on the door where it was clearly written in bold, "GENTS." "You leaving or what? I don’t want any trouble."
My cheeks flushed.
The last time we’d been in a bathroom together hadn’t ended very well for him. It seemed like such a long time ago. And we weren’t the same people any more. Or maybe it was just me who had changed.