I'm still alive

When I woke up in the morning, I was sleeping in the bathroom, holding the sack window tight. My body was tired, but my mind was strangely clear and clear. I carefully place a burner that has run out of life on one side of the bathroom. I felt a little gratitude for the burner that lit the fire overnight.

And slowly get up and look in the bathroom mirror. The injured ears were no longer bleeding to see if it was worthwhile to stop bleeding with a towel at dawn. When I lift the towel slightly, I can see the ugly wound.

If I go to the city, I should find a pharmacy first. I sighed, tied the towel around my head and ears. a whisker of any length And dirty faces and clothes. eyes full of venom Now hair covered with bloody towels. My reflection in the mirror is a complete vagrant. I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time and turned my head.

I was thirsty, hungry. When I left the mart, I remembered the chocolate bar and looked through my pockets. Fortunately, there were some chocolate bars in my pocket as if they hadn't flowed down. Pile up a crumpled wrapper, shake off a chocolate bar broken by cold weather and external shocks and take it all to your mouth. The sweet taste spreads in the mouth, but it hasn't driven out all the bitter insides that remain.

I opened the bathroom door. The inside of the shelter was quiet. I had a wild expectation. Chae Yeon might welcome me out of the bathroom door without any problems. It was a short moment, but the dreamlike time disappeared like a haze.

I raised my hand gently to seize the time, but time dissipates like a mirage. I walked weakly and flopped down on the sofa. Then I organized my thoughts. Open the letter paper you found yesterday, and read it again.

Kang Soo-ryeon said they were not rescue teams. The rationale for producing the results was never wrong either. I believed her judgment with some self-justification. I stroked the paper while looking at the letter. And closed my eyes tightly. I can't help but notice the phrase, "I told her to leave Chae-yeon alone." Try to roll the complicated head again by pressing the middle of the forehead.

Many cases had to be considered.

Let's leave Chae-yeon alone. If so, he meant to make them fall behind. Why? Shouldn't the rescue team get Chae-yeon first? If not, what's the difference between another woman and Chae-yeon? He asked me back all the questions. Then my head's answer was quite a negative answer. an answer so terrible that words

Even if they are rescuers, Chae-yeon is not treated well in shelters with that attitude. Shelter with soldiers telling them to leave the child insignificant. It was doubtful whether they were rescuers. There is no reason to think more. I folded the letter, stabbed it in my pocket. Then he breathed out loudly. As the cold air fills the lungs, strength begins to go into the body. I clenched my fist and told me.

I'm going to go save Chae-yeon.

When I finished thinking, my dizzy and confused head brightened up. The goal of walking along the foggy road has been bright as if it had met a bright lighthouse. I stood up with my palm pounding hard on both cheeks. The wound was tearing up, but there was no time to delay. Biting my lips, I opened the shelter door.

First of all, I'm thinking of finding a bag containing food from the mart. You don't know who you're going to fight while walking away from them. And if we get Chae-yeon, we need food to eat for a while. In this situation, food was like my lifeline.

When I opened the door, it was snowing again last night, turning the world white. I looked for their footprints just in case, but I couldn't see if there was snow on them. I had a hunch that it would not be easy to find Chae-yeon. I closed my eyes because I felt distant, but soon I opened my eyes and walked vigorously. Never give up.

I moved my steps to the front of the water pump and vigorously moved the pump to turn on the water. Water is pouring from the pump to see if it is frozen in this weather. I washed my face with that water, and drank it with no desire. Cold water freezes the skin and moistens the dry neck. Wipe the stained blood clean, and wash the wound with clean water. I felt like I was born anew. I moved my steps and left my footprints on the white floor.

Fortunately, the bag didn't disappear. They took my gun and everything in the shelter, but the bag I threw by the side of the road remained where I could not find it because of the snow. I recovered my bag. It was a little wet on the outside, but not on the inside. And as soon as I found the jerky on the outside of my bag, I hurriedly took it to my mouth.

It was freezing and so hard, but I chew the jerky tightly on my chin. I felt reassured when food came into my body. It felt like my strength was slowly coming back. I went back to the shelter and collected all the empty bottles. I found all the bottles of about eight bottles, and I put all the water in them. Then he put all the water bottles together on the string he had woven the jerky, and hung them on his bag.

I left the shelter behind. I didn't mean to visit this place again before I met Chae-yeon. What happened in the shelter slowly grazed my head. I opened my diary and stroked the graffiti that Chae-yeon had left. I thought Chae-yeon would act cute so that she wouldn't hang on to my leg.

But instead of Chae-yeon, only a cold biting wind brushed past me. I felt terrible loneliness and loneliness. Nevertheless, I changed my bag and walked. When I come back here, I promise to hold Chae-yeon's hand tight. He held the spear in his right hand and the letter left by Kang Soo-ryeon in his left hand. I could no longer feel the fear and fear that I felt whenever I went out on the road. In the cold winter I was burning incessantly.

When I came down from the mountain, the city was still calm. I looked around for a long time to see if there was anyone nearby, and walked carefully looking for recent footprints on the floor. Then I suddenly remembered the gun that was taken away. And I remembered the bullet that hurt my ear.

The fight that had been fought so far was original and desperate. So in a moment the gun that hurt me came in with a strong imprint on my mind. All the guys who were saying rescue had guns. This crotch window I'm holding was just a small footstool in front of the gun.

The journey to Chae-yeon will be long and rough. And there may be a situation where they have to push weapons rather than mouth them. I desperately wanted a gun in the corner of my mind.

Then, the memory that passed by was the image of a soldier firing a desperate gun on a military truck. It was such a shocking scene that I didn't leave my head. So I remembered the location accurately. Furthermore, it's not that far from where I'm walking.

They just want meat. They won't be interested in guns or anything. Naturally the gun will remain there, and if you go there, you can get the gun. But they may remain there, and another survivor may threaten my life. Maybe heading there is an act of putting people at risk for nothing.

But I never wanted to feel that helpless again. I didn't want to go back to the time when I just had to kneel down and watch Chae-yeon crying. So I took it as my destination even though I thought it was dangerous. Let's not hesitate. The chance to save a gun never comes again.

Move your steps into an alley. Hold the window tight, and sharpen the nerves. Fear and anger mingle, and complex feelings fill the chest. Not to fall, but to take a falling step across the grey city once again and head for the brutal concrete jungle.

I imagine it will turn into bloodstains tomorrow. I have a nightmare that I can't meet Chae-yeon.

But I'm still alive.

* * *

The weather began to cloud again. And it began to snow again. Whether the weather was capricious, the world quickly clouded, and the snow began to pile up. The world has become cloudy, and the sun is dimly hidden.

Sometimes a light light could be seen leaking through the windows of the visible building. Even though the world had changed like this, people boasted of their tenacious viability like cockroaches. I stared blankly at the place, and turned my eyes again.

I walked so long, leaving footprints on the white floor. The view narrows, and even the sound is cut off by the blowing wind. Fortunately, even those far away were staring at the sky blankly as if their nerves were getting dull.

I'm used to walking around them. I thought I would find it soon, but the road was harder and more complicated than I thought Maybe it's snowing again, so my vision is getting narrower. I searched for the place for a long time, searching for it.

A considerable amount of time has passed since I felt it. By the time my feet were getting cold and my body was shaking, I could see a big land truck in the distance. As soon as I found it, I slowly lowered my posture, stuck close to the wall, and approached the land truck slowly. Snow was piled up on top of the air truck, and the bloodstains were not seen to have been wiped out by the snow.

I looked around to see if they were still there, but they didn't exist around the land truck. Perhaps they all went back to their places after the predation. However, in front of the building about 50 meters ahead of the ground-based truck, the two-faced men were still looking up at the sky.

It was quite close, so I swallowed my saliva and leaned more. And slowly took off my shoes and put them down on the floor. You won't hear footsteps on snow, but you may hear some noise when you climb onto a land truck.

I was anxious because I had few memories of approaching this close distance. And there was nothing wrong with being careful of variables. The socks quickly got wet when I took off my shoes and moved on. I held back my cold and approached slowly with a land truck.

The body was invisible. However, there were many large bones and pieces of shredded intestines that looked like ribs. In the cold weather, he was buried in the snow and created a horrifying scene. I saw a military cap, so I listened to it slightly and found that it had a skull that had been eaten half of its skin and flesh.

I almost screamed without feeling disgusted at the moment. But I was in a hurry to shut my mouth because there were them around. I swallowed my saliva and held back my vomiting. Carefully put down the military cap, and made a turn around the truck. A torn uniform and scattered flesh. The sight of hell passing like a storm made me dizzy.

And after looking around for a long time, I found something bulging beside a torn uniform. When I walked there and cleared my eyes, I saw the gun I was looking for. When I lifted the gun, something blunt came up. When I looked carefully at the gun band and removed the buried snow, it was the hand of the man holding the gun.

I sat down on the spot. And I spit out the vomit that I had been holding back for a while sitting down. In the meantime, I gulped down my nausea for fear of making a sound. The tip of my nose frowned and the cough kept coming out, but I held my breath desperately.

I wiped my mouth and eyes and closed my lips tightly. And I tried to pull out the hand holding the gun, but I didn't budge how tightly I was holding the gun. I ended up holding the edge of the sack short, and stabbing it through the fingers of the gun.

I tried to relax my hands by stabbing them, but the muscles and bones that froze with the gun did not unfold. Eventually, they cut off their fingers like they're cutting them. I cut each finger mechanically. The blade of the spear stuck in my bone and the blade went out, but I didn't hesitate.

I got goose bumps and vomiting continued to rise. But I didn't stop. Be strong. It has to change. I mumbled incessantly and drenched my face with tears.

I cried for so long that I separated my hands from the gun. When the separation was over, I breathed out a breath that I had not been able to spit out and wiped away tears with my sleeves. And spat on the floor. My mouth was full of bitter me, and my insides were uncomfortable. He stood up from his seat, wiping his sleeves with his runny nose and tears.

Then hold the gun tightly in your hand, and take out the ammunition dump. The ammunition was empty, and I bit my lips. Then we searched around the truck again.

The memory of the day overlaps in my head. Soldiers screaming and pulling guns. Hell. And endless blood. I scanned the truck, stepping on frozen flesh and bones. Occasionally, they cleared around the raised snow, but only empty bullets, shells and torn military uniforms.

I thought of soldiers firing guns in the car on a land truck and climbed up carefully. Carefully clearing the snow with feet and hands, I found the necessary items.

Then he found a band of ammunition in a uniform. The buried blood told me what had become of the owner who had it. Touch the bands one by one to see if there are any.

Then I found two ammunition dumps. I took out a 5.56-millimeter bullet and held it in my hand. Then gulping down, carefully inserting one into the gun and the other into the small pocket of the bag. Then, he changed the automatically adjusted liver to safety.

I searched hard for it, clearing away the snow. But it was no longer visible. As I witnessed, when the soldiers began to die one by one, they all seemed to have fled in all directions. The remains were widely distributed, and I was thinking about going there, but I thought of them nearby, so I gave up my plans.

I carefully descended under the truck. Then I glanced in the direction they were. I was still standing at the place I saw. And I was going to check the driver's seat for the last time. Based on the driver's seat, it was closest to them.

I lay face down on the floor, wary of them seeing this place. And hard, the gear opened the door of the car. I heard a small noise when I opened the car door, and I looked at them in surprise. However, there seemed to be no noise due to the strong wind.

I went into the driver's seat quickly and almost fired a gun in surprise. No, actually, I pulled the trigger in a daze. However, keeping the control liver safe was a divine move. I breathed my sigh of relief and looked forward again.

The windows and seats were filled with blood and flesh, as if they had been saturated inside the driver's seat. And in the auxiliary seat there was a corpse of a man with his head in the seat. At first, I was surprised to see that he was alive, but I was relieved that he died soon after seeing no movement.

Even when I poked him with a sack, there was no movement. And when he turned his eyes and looked closely at it, there was an object in his eyes that looked like a great sword. There was nothing special in the driver's seat. I groaned and closed my eyes. Then he bit his lips as if he had made up his mind, and approached his body.

I've killed him once, but he was out of his mind at the time. Therefore, it was the first time I had observed his body so closely. There was no hair, and the skin was pale gray. It was hard to tell how old he was, and his face looked like a monster, not a human being. He was dressed, but strangely short-sleeved and shorts. It was also very old and torn.

I cautiously grabbed the handle of the bayonet in his eyes. I tried hard to pull it out, but it didn't come out easily. I frowned heavily and eventually tore the bayonet with a spear to pull out of the bayonet.

When the Great Sword fell out, I breathed out a rough breath in an unaccustomed disgust. Then he wiped the Great Sword on the sheet, and slowly put it on the tip of the gun. Now the blade is worn out, and the joint has loosened, the wadding spear is quietly laid down beside the seat.

I got everything I wanted, so I took a breather for a while and turned to get out of the driver's seat. Then his pants caught my eye. They were unbranded and worn-out shorts. But one of the pockets was bulging up. Feeling suspicious, I reached out to the place and searched through my pockets.

When I took out what was stuck on my fingertips, I saw a leather wallet that had been discolored for many years. And there was a liquid with no blood or identity, so it was sticky and unpleasant. The disgusting smell from the wallet made me frown, but my head began to spin.

It hasn't been a long time since this month. But what is this old summer dress, and what is this discolored wallet that looks like it's been decades? Eventually, I couldn't resist my curiosity and opened my wallet. The wallet, which is hard to open because of the sticky liquid, barely opened when it was tightened.

First, I found my resident registration card. When I took out my resident registration card that stuck to the discolored leather, I saw a very unfamiliar resident registration card. a resident registration card quite different from what it is now It was written vertically, not horizontally, and the pictures stuck there looked very old.

Much of the writing was blurred because of the shorn. The front seat is 11068? Is there a resident registration number like this? I gulped down my saliva and this time I opened the bill. There were tangled bills. It was an old bill. No, it was an older bill than I thought.

I put the bill back in my wallet with my trembling hands. Then he tried to identify the paper clinging to the discolored leather on one side of the bill. I took out the paper like a tear, rubbed my dim eyes and looked. The paper was filled with letters mixed with Chinese characters and Hangeul, and numbers that appeared to be pricey.

And clearly it said this at the bottom of the number.

[Shinhan Merchants Association, August 2, 1971]

I threw my wallet and paper on the driver's floor. Then with trembling hands, clasped guns, and ran out of the driver's seat.