I'm still alive

'Get up.'

A short but strong word pulled me up from the surface. I fell asleep comfortably after a long time. When I opened my eyes, I saw an old man packing his luggage. As soon as the bonfire went out, only a small embers were rising, and a slight dawn was rising out of the tent.

I rubbed my eyes to wake up, and washed my face dry. And said to the old man, who silently packed his luggage.

'When the sun rises completely, it moves.’

The old man did not answer and silently began to pack his luggage. I felt a doubt, but I shut my mouth because I didn' And I felt intense thirst and hunger as if the fatigue and tension that had accumulated had melted away through sleep.

I took the bottled water out of my bag and drank it in a hurry and ate it up. Then I took out a bunch of biscuits piled up in my bag, took them to my mouth, chewed them, and got up slowly. And the other threw it beside the old man who was packing. The old man glanced at it and began to pack his bags again silently. A little dark tent was enveloped in silence.

Shin Seoul National University was right where they were. It wasn't a remote area as I expected. The old man said last night that he found traces left by a large number of people on the day his granddaughter disappeared.

And he arrived at Shin Seoul National University two days after his death, and tried to break in to get his granddaughter back, but couldn't even approach her because of the guards with guns.

He explained that the old man, who had been wandering there for a long time, fled at night to avoid the ones who started his activities, and arrived at the rest stop and became isolated.

The old man also said that the people on the rooftop were isolated from the rest area while trying to get out of Seoul on the day of the incident. At first, we were firmly blocking the door inside the rest area, not the rooftop, and many survivors were there."

I asked the question with curiosity.

But why did you come up to the roof?’

The old man closed his eyes slowly without answering. And never open the rest stop door. I didn't ask any more.

We made a deal yesterday. The old man let me know where they are, and I help him get there safely. And act and help each other for the purpose they want. It was a very favorable transaction.

Perhaps we felt a little compassion and homogeneity for each other. Two people who wanted to protect something precious, and struggled to find it. The guilt and solitude that I've felt so far. And I felt lonely and poked my heart. Perhaps the old man was the same.

It was the voice of a determined old man who awakened my long ideas.

'Let's stop.’

It was a hard and cold voice, but I felt a different feeling in it than before. I accepted the old man's gun, and slowly got up from my seat. The old man opened the tent door with a smaller bag than he thought.

The cold early morning air whips in the face. It clears your mind as if you were washing your face with cold water. I could see a light dawn shining through the buildings in the distance. It's a dry ceremony.

We came out of the tent and moved on to the ladder where I had climbed to the roof. The moment I was heading there, I saw something moving between shadows that the sun had not yet entered. I was startled and pointed my gun. But the old man grabbed my gun, and slowly lowered it down.

I gazed at the old man with a startled heart, but the old man had a calm face. I looked in there for a long time, and found a woman slowly slipping out of the shadows. The woman, who appeared to be one of the people living on the rooftop, was looking at us with a wretched streak.

As soon as the woman made eye contact with me, she gave me a small scream and then ran into the tent where the man who had threatened me. And there was a small cry from her.

'They're coming!'

As soon as I heard the sound, I felt cold. And I realized why the old man asked me to leave at this dawn. I felt a dull discomfort, and slowly moved the controls to release the safety device. And when he saw the old man, the old man had a strange little laugh.

Should we just go down quickly? As soon as I was about to tell the old man, I heard a lot of footsteps behind me. Everyone's eyes were covered and their hair looked like a magpie's nest because they came out in such a hurry. He looked sleepy because he stayed up all night just in case we left at night.

Nevertheless, when we didn't leave, I think we had a woman stuck here, but the intention was so obvious that my feelings cooled down. The man was carrying the iron pipe he was carrying yesterday, and the other men were carrying crude weapons, where he had obtained them.

The women were still hiding behind me, looking around, and here, a woman, who was looking at me, came out with poisonous eyes and glared at my bag. They flinched as I slowly lifted the gun. But soon he smiled and approached slowly, and said,

Shoot me if you can.

They had the confidence that I wouldn't be able to fire a gun at the slightest provocation.

Where's the old man going?

At the very front, the man holding the iron pipe opened his quenched mouth and asked the old man, The old man still laughed and lifted the gun like me.

Shoot me? Shoot me!’

They approached us slowly, skillfully provoking us.

'Just give me that bag and I'll let you out.’

This time a middle-aged man holding a crude window next to a man with a steel pipe said. What if I put out my bag? And then? Guns? Clothes? Or the rest of your life? I slowly began loading with a calm face.

The sound of a bullet knocking on the door of the gun chimes coldly. a touch of grip I can feel the heavy weight that simply takes away life. Raise the gun. Put your finger on the trigger.

When I was loaded, the middle-aged man who told me to put out his bag stopped walking with a puzzled look. The women who followed behind them also hide behind the men with small screams.

The man with the steel pipe shouted at me, hiding his embarrassment.

'Hey, brother! I don't know, but if you shoot here, you're all gonna die.’

I didn't answer. Things have always been blocking me. The fear of dying made me hesitate. And that hesitation came to me like poison. The soldier I killed also died of a moment's hesitation.

I don't repeat the same mistake. The face of a scared man comes in between the sightings. The old man didn't even catch my gun this time. I was just pointing them with the sharp eyes I showed them at the time.

They didn't come any closer, as if they felt we weren't they? I'm shooting, I'm not shooting. Uncertainty prevented them from throwing themselves. We slowly backed away.

The distance to the ladder is not more than 40 meters. We slowly narrowed the gap with a backward step. As I put my fingers on the trigger, the gap gradually widened as they could not get close.

It's time to leave 20 meters of distance is left. The man with the iron pipe frowned heavily and breathed hotly. and shouted at the old man, foaming in his mouth as if in a fit of fits.

Let's share some! Is it that hard?! You selfish bastards!'

The cry of a man who has now turned into a monster. A selfish cry that justifies it and wants to remain as a person to the end even though it tries to take it away. I felt a little pity while feeling unpleasant. Man was such a changeable animal. And at that moment the old man's bitter words came from beside him, riding in his eardrums.

'Then why did you do that to them?'

There remained deep remorse and regret in the voice. The voice threw a small stone at my cold heart. The aftermath gradually spread, but the man with the steel pipe trembled.

Kill them! Kill them!

The man shouted, hitting the floor with a steel pipe. When the group did not move, he kicked the hesitant group and urged them. And soon the men, looking at us with their eyes mixed with fear, began to run to us with two eyes full of venom. Long hunger and thirst have taken away even fear.

And a man with an iron pipe runs exactly after me. Time goes slowly again. Cold air grazed the face, and came deep inside through the tip of the nose. I see a man running towards me with a narrower view.

It slowly overlaps with me running toward the soldier. A demon, a monster. a nasty feeling that seems to be full of the water of the mouth I was disgusted by the man but constantly belittled me. At the same time, my aim was following the man's head.

The soldier couldn't shoot. What about you?

Someone whispering in my heart. He didn't shoot you running around with such a scary face, are you going to shoot? Why? Why? Because you want to live?

But wouldn't the soldier want to live?

Why do you have to live?

Muddy feelings block my fingers on the trigger. Guilt and disgust at oneself block the throat from breathing. I felt as if I had fallen into that deep sea. Even if I try to move forward, I can't move in the constant stream.

I'm under the illusion of being left alone in this world. Slowly lower the gun. Like slow motion, a man is running slowly in front of his eyes. And he looks like a mean smile. You have to shoot. You have to kill. We have to finish quickly, and go save Chae-yeon. The head yells at me like that, but the eyes of the soldier who couldn't shoot me step on my fingers.

'You're still hesitating.’

The old man said so beside him. A thunderbolt strikes my head. My body, which was constantly shaking, ceases to stiffen on the spot as if facing Medusa.

My right leg is heavy. I can feel the warmth. a familiar and longing sensation When I looked down as if I had dropped my head, Chae-yeon looked up at me as if she had always been there.

A face that I missed so much, a face that I wanted to see again. My face is reflected in Chae-yeon's clear eyes. Chae Yeon, did you eat? Is the bed warm? Didn't you miss this guy by any chance? I'm visiting you because I miss you so much.

Just wait a minute, just a little bit. Don't cry and wait. As always, you'll be there first. I make a promise without a promise, and I put my hand on Chae-yeon's head. I felt a warm warmth in my hands.

Chae-yeon smiles and nods her head. And slowly disappears like a mirage. Out of reach, the haze slowly dispersed like a fantasy. I grasped the empty space and raised the gun again.

Move the index finger to change the steering wheel to the speaker. Without hesitation, he put his finger on the trigger and pulled it hard. No aim, no sincerity. Pulled the trigger and scattered the guns among the men running. Blood bursts from the running man's thigh and pelvis. And thunder-like gunfire crosses the air.

The man collapsed helplessly, his face tinged with consternation. And the heavy sound of the old man's firing sounded in his left ear, as if he had also fired a gun. The head of a man who falls powerlessly pops from a slug bullet.

He who has been yelling at us until just now turns into a lump of meat in a moment.

The screams of women mingle with the groans of them outside to form harmony. The other men who were running fell into terror. I moved the controls again to safety, and folded the dog's headboard.

Then I grabbed the bag tightly and ran on the ladder. They're coming in. The old man glanced at me, and followed quickly. A serene smile hung over the old man's face that did not match this situation.

Their shouts are ringing everywhere. I had to get out of here before it turned into hell.