I'm still alive

[Distinct diary contents] [Dead diary content. The torn papers were found in the station's women's notebook that appeared here.]

* * *

When the old man switches up, the old incandescent light comes on with a rough sound. I slowly looked around the place where I stood, frowning gently in front of the brightening light. This is an old building located on the outskirts of a deserted town. Originally intended to be used as a residential area, the wall was reduced to a deserted house where no one lived. Of course, it was not outside the barrier, so there were occasional signs of human entry, but no one would come today.

I slowly raised my head and said to the old man.

'Unlock it, please.’

There was a small chair and a desk in the middle of the building. And there was a woman whose eyes were covered with cloth, her hands tied with handcuffs shaking her body. The handcuffs I borrowed from Detective Kang for a while, I told the old man to release it, and the old man looked at me for a while with a face asking if it was really okay. But once again I nodded and the old man asked no more questions.

The handcuffs unravel with a clack, and on the dusty desk comes the old cloth covering her eyes with the handcuffs. Now there was nothing holding her back.

dental floss

When an old incandescent lamp flashes and flashes, a woman who has been unconscious for a while raises her pale face and makes eye contact with me. Her facial expressions and eyes contained a deep sense of guilt and vanity, not fear and fear that I would hurt her. I asked her.

Have you eaten?’

There was no abuse or torture during her detention. When it was mealtime, they only fed on time and provided a bed for heating. Because the information collected through the items taken from the two men was telling us that she was not the perpetrator, but a rich man caught up in the tides without luck. And she knows she's being treated humanely, so she doesn't show any defiance or lie and just quietly looks at her.

'Yes......'

She hesitated for a while and couldn't make eye contact with me. But the reason why I can't make eye contact is because I'm not sure if I'm somewhere else, and I nod my head with a clear answer. And through the voice I heard, I accepted the unspoken affirmation that she would continue to answer us.

The old man had been in contact with her several times half a day ahead of my instructions. Of course, it was not an exclusive interrogation, but an opportunity to inform her of the situation here and give her time to think. And she seemed very surprised that there was such a huge shelter in this place where she thought there would be no one alive. A barrier created only by survivors, not soldiers or governments. She had to know how many survivors had shed blood to protect the barrier.

I'm sorry. Well, I really didn't know anything.'

She was apologizing to us even though she was not the perpetrator. Was this the cause of the guilt and vanity that we've seen before? I was ashamed of myself that I was not even aware of that fact while we were living this miserable life. I nod my head with a stiff face, fully listening to the voice that may be real or hypocritical.

'I'm sure you'll tell me everything.’

The difference between an eye-capped bystander and a collaborator is a gap in a piece of paper. The reason why this woman and cameraman came here was the journalist's insatiableness to find the real truth that had not been revealed. Although she took an unexpected route, she finally faced the truth, and we could find a road that was far out of sight.

Interrogation, no. Erase words. I intend to ask her to cooperate for the future. And the woman nodded to my question.

I feel like I'm facing a bomb with a fuse on fire. I drew slowly to the front of the desk, exhaling. And the old man, who was watching me approach the desk, looked around again to see if anyone was passing by, and soon came this way and touched his chin quietly. The tension in the eyes is young and the heart begins to beat like crazy. A huge truth, a facing secret. I asked her, clasping my fine trembling hand.

Is this area sealed off?’

She eventually answered with a drop of tears.

'Yes......'

The heart that was pounding like crazy falls to the floor. And with a bang! the desk in front of us shook with a violent sound. The dust piled on the desk scattered toward the air as if to represent our vain hearts, and the old man's hands, who hit the desk, began to tremble.

I didn't believe it. I denied it. However, the information collected from the items and her only answer that can be heard, eventually breaks the negatives are shattered the negatives.

"That's crazy....... How many people are there in Seoul!!’

The old man angrily swore at an invisible opponent, and the woman shrank back in surprise. But I sent a small consent to the word rather than to restrain the old man. So, how many people are there in Seoul, and you're blocking all of them?

One-fifth of South Korea's population lives in Seoul. It didn't make sense that if the government still existed, it would easily abandon the entire population and industrial facilities in Seoul. But what solved the question was her voice, trembling and rushing out.

'Seo, not all of Seoul! Only some parts of Gyeonggi-do, including several districts, are blocked.’

Several districts in Seoul and parts of Gyeonggi Province. I hurriedly took out a local map and put it in the middle of a dusty desk. And I gave her a pen as if to mark the region. Holding the pen, she hesitated in embarrassment at first, and soon held her heart together, facing my stiff eyes. A trembling hand and pen touch. The moving woman's hands slowly embroider on the map.

The more the line is drawn, the more my heart and hands have trembled, and the more I can't even close my eyes. The gray city we live in, the city I had crossed hard, was struggling desperately, trapped within the lines she drew. And by the time she put down her pen, a black mouthwatery saliva ran down my throat.

a gulp

The old man and I simultaneously swallowed and exhaled rotting breaths. The emaciated old man flopped into a chair and said in a vain voice.

It's right in the middle.….’

A wide radius, including some areas above the Han River, and districts below it except west and east. The radius also included some Gyeonggi-do areas adjacent to Seoul, and the Eden and the Dongs where we were active were located in the center of those areas.

the middle of a rough tide in the middle of the stormy sea What did we do so wrong that the man named God gives us this ordeal? I sat quietly on the chair and breathed a vain breath, like we were trapped in a cage.

We haven't spoken for a while. No, I couldn't bring it out of my mouth. Because the truth that I faced was so shocking, and there was no way to tell you what to the point where I didn't know what to say. The old man asked the woman with his head down, washing his face dry.

What about the government?

They and mutants can compete with us with guns. Of course, the number was so high that we had no choice but to create such a barrier, but it did not occur to us that the mechanized regular division would not be able to deal with them. A disaster that occurred only in some areas, not the entire Korean Peninsula. Unless it was a complete collapse, the government could send enough troops.

But we could only think that the world was ruined because we had never even seen a proper army, let alone rescue operations. And the woman answered the question with a voice that was more clear than before,

"At first, the government officially announced that there was a massive evacuation operation. And there were a lot of survivors who were rescued....... Strangely enough, as the death toll began to rise, more refugees began to say that the reports that all the living people had been rescued were lies.’

At that moment, I had a memory of rubbing my head and passing by. Yeah... ...yes. Apparently, Lee Hye-in said this the day she first met Lee Hye-in and Lee Jin-soo and entered the construction site container. We stayed in a temporary shelter made by the soldiers for a while, and the soldiers there must have said this. It's all coming to an end. So relax. And then another memory flashed past my head, reminding me of past memories.

The day I stayed in the shelter and got my first gun. Down the mountain, soldiers in a land-based truck were engaged in a battle with them, and they were rushing away somewhere. Like you have to go somewhere....... and like a failed mission. The woman continued to talk, repeating her dry mouth.

'The computer system has been partially paralyzed, and all reserve forces have been called in, starting with the closure of schools. Then suddenly martial law fell, and media control began......the people who were strangely questioning disappeared one by one.'

Her words and memories were throwing me a clue that was close to the truth. And the clues began to provide a way for each other like a cogwheel where all the phenomena fit. A lamentable breath came out of my mouth, and I could come up with one fact.

The government... ...the government failed the rescue operation.

'And after another day, we realized that this was happening all over the world. When China, Russia, and the United States announced martial law, I knew that the other side was worse. When the UN was paralyzed, I thought the Republic of Korea successfully defended itself. But... ..it was somewhere else that people were worried about.’

The old man recited a short word as if to answer her.

'North Korea.'

The woman gulped and nodded one after another on her gaunt face. Most Korean men go to the army and receive two years of combat training there. Although they think nothing of it, it was by no means a light fact to be a soldier if you put a gun and military uniform on most of the male citizens. Perhaps the reason why we were able to block the area and prevent their spread in the early stages was due to the advantage of being an army power and the system.

But it was the same for North Korea, which is in a truce with us.

'The movement was unusual. The divisions that were spread out began to move, and the North Korean soldiers that were observed on the border disappeared one by one. Experts thought North Korea was experiencing this phenomenon just like other countries. But what was seen by an American satellite...….’

She drenched her dry throat with saliva, blurring the endings. I listened to her in amazement and continued the story in place of the blurred ending.

'It was faster than I thought.’

It was possible because it was North Korea. Martial law? A rescue operation? Don't make me laugh. There was no way that common sense could have worked there when even the system was not normal. Whether the victim comes out or not, you can bomb the place or crush the soldiers and trample them. Since it was not contagious, it didn't matter what sacrifice and victim came out. There can't be crazy people who spit it out even if they have complaints.

The government must have been uneasy. Now that the center of Seoul has been occupied by them, the international community, which will paralyze and influence the everyday system, was suffering from them. However, there was a North Korea that was faster than itself on the border, and numerous artillery shells were not sure when to target them.

It would not be strange if the Korean Peninsula was destroyed immediately. The government began to hide and cover up the confusion out of fear of a possible storm.

This was not a scenario in which a third element led to the destruction of mankind. It was just an act of leaving a small hole in the loose dam that had been maintained and igniting a fuse that might burst at any time. But we were left in the middle of it and had to suffer for no reason. I sat weakly in my chair and slowly closed my eyes.

* * *

After the interrogation, I took her to a separate accommodation, not detention, and returned to her quarters, walking with the old man on a windy street. When I returned to my quarters, all of my party gathered in one place and fell asleep. I found Chae-yeon sleeping quietly across the line, and soon lay beside her and looked at the child.

Chae-yeon must have felt me lying next to her in her sleep, sniffing her nose and she smelled me. And hehe he laughs, and soon he puts his hand in my waist and hugs me tightly. But I couldn't smile at the child. His eyes are about to burst into tears, and his face is shaking like a twitch. I slowly breathed a long sigh, hugging the child face to face.

I was going to meet her again when the sun came up and come up with countermeasures. Of course, at that time I intend to tell all the truth to my party and to the people of Eden. I couldn't sleep because I had a headache. I closed my eyes helplessly, fearing a storm that was blowing.

I don't think I can see the sea of stars where Chae-yeon and whales swim today.