I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

Class is over, one, one more and a classmate leaves the classroom. After school, Violet was always bad at this moment when she was reminded to go home.

You have to go home to that house, that fact is heavier than anything else.

So I was so happy that Yulan invited me back then. I was really, really looking forward to it. I shouldn't have lost that feeling yet, but it's driving me to the back of my mind, to that further corner.

Bury your heart, negative emotions. I'm used to giving up, but I'm not good at pushing in and putting up with it. That's why last time, I've been raging and hurting you as if you were an outburst of emotion.

Where should I make emotional discards?

Will this thought, which no one can bump into, someday turn smaller and disappear?

Even so, now, it still occupies so much of Violet's interior that it doesn't fly into fun. Someday, I can't wait. I wish it would have disappeared now or conveniently forgotten.

Grunting, stirred in my head, my nausea tangles up my throat.

I don't want Yulan to see himself like this. I don't want to expose him to this weakness. I don't want you to worry, I want you to laugh.

I was looking forward to it, I should have enjoyed it, I was so happy. Even if I'm wrong, I don't want to give you a misunderstanding that doesn't give you a sunken look.

(Switch)

The orders directed at me sounded too pitiful. Tell him to switch, tell him over and over, and force him to push the swirling black emotions into the back.

If you can't recieve it, you'll have to swallow it.

I pretended not to notice it and covered it, feeling my expectations for today that were shining also crumbling.

Believe it will be digested one day, and believe it will be given up one day.

"Vio! Oh, my God!

"Calm down."

Yulan came in with the momentum of avalanche into the classroom, making a sound that corresponded to the size of the dotard and body. I had noticed with the sound that I had been running, but I was just running indoors and I was sweating on my forehead. Sure, it's a big school, but how desperate did you run?

Stuffed together, yesterday's expectations shake. Claim to open this place.

He seemed to insist with pain. He distracted himself from it and decided that there was nothing there. Because if you erupt again, I'm sure, you'll never be contained again. Too heavy to hold, too strong to throw away.

Pretend not to look. Pretend not to know. Because I can sacrifice my little, precious happiness and finally give up.

"Because I didn't want to keep you waiting... because I was looking forward to it"

"There's nothing like waiting. If you get hurt, that's a lot more of a problem."

"Huh... yeah, I'll be careful next!

Is the only reason the smile looks glowing is because the sweat reflects? I laughed happily when I reached for my messy hair because of the run and slowly combed it.

Looking at that expression, one new species rolled from somewhere. Much like the truncated object, it also shaped a beautiful color. It slowly crawls through the roots.

Untidy thoughts are scattered over there, making it look like a normal mind, but I still think it's okay.

With Yulan, I'm sure the fun will be sprouting new.

× × × ×

They sent me from the school to the city entrance to pick up Yulan. When I get home, I'll go back this far. They'll take me to the Varhan house.

A shopping mall lined with lots of shops… is a little interesting, but perhaps it would be desirable to think that students from the school would stop by. Not so many people walk but the lonely atmosphere is nowhere, just a line of classy buildings.

There are many dressed customers in the store who look through the glass, and at first glance there are many adults. I wonder if they would float in uniform, but the nature of the school mixed well with the atmosphere of the city to attract particular attention.

"I don't know what to do... Vio, where do you want to go?

"It's not me, it's my apology to Yulan today."

"Yeah, so where do you want Vio to go?

"Listen carefully."

Yulan walking next door has so many voices playing that he doesn't even need to raise his gaze. I was laughing, my voice told me that I was having fun.

But I was just walking without stopping by the store. Yulan prioritized where Violet wanted to go, so he said he wanted to apologize, but he never said what he wanted.

Wouldn't that store be good, there's cute groceries over there, I hear the chocolate over there is delicious. All the shops that go up from Yulan's mouth are what Violet prefers, not him.

(Speaking of which...... I don't know about anything)

Yulan knows little about him, even though he perceives Violet's heart as normal.

I don't like or dislike much, but I can't eat anything sweet. I have a habit of seeing the whole thing from a mild and gentle place but one step away from others.

I want to stay with Violet, my lovely disciple.

What Violet knows is to that extent. I think I've been around for a long time and I'm at a distance where I can feel my heart's finesse more than others in red. I am allowed to be nearby and I am allowed to be there as well.

Still, it's not enough for Yulan to consider Violet.

He has always been, today, and I'm sure he will always be, even though he remains kind. You've given me kindness to Violet's world, even though I'm the first.

You can't just digest what you get and give me back one.

"... Vio, what's wrong?

Contrary to the thought rushing through, the footsteps get heavier and slower. I realized my gaze was dropping because I took Yulan's voice at the top of my head.

"I guess I'm tired...... shall I rest somewhere"

Worried, my voice alone can tell. If you look up, I'm sure you have a lowered, spicy look on your brow.

See, even now, Yulan notices a slight change in Violet and cares without any doubt. The hands that accompany your hips are to be supported, and to encourage footsteps that are likely to stop.

Yulan's side, so comfortable. You always welcome me softly, but I haven't rewarded you with one thing.

The words of my father, who said he was not alone, the emotions that were supposed to have pushed him in, sprouted elsewhere.

I wasn't alone, though I was told. Though I'm not alone in fact. I can tell you I'm not alone because I have Marin in the house and Yulan outside, I think.

Then, if Yulan is gone.

If Yulan leaves.

"Huh..."

I just imagined, my temperature drops. My fingertips are getting cold.

I'm much closer than my loved ones, my family, and I've been adorable like my brother. It's perfect for me now, but I have a friend, and I'm sure Yulan, who is well-to-do, will be able to do it quickly, even as a lovely lover.

I was hoping for such a future. I wish I could keep an eye on Yulan's happiness as a sister who seemed close and distant and used to be familiar with him. That must have been my dream that I couldn't handle happiness beyond peace.

But if it doesn't even come true. If Yulan stays away from me without knowing the shadow or the shape.

In that house, one day I'll be scattered.

"Vio...?

"... Yulan"

When you stop against a prompted hand, your name is called in a mixed voice more confused than in a hurry.

Before being questioned what was wrong, I stood in front of Yulan with that hand away. I could only see the uniform collar, looking straight up, raising my gaze slightly, its beautiful golden eyes solidifying in a round.

"I... want to give it back to you. I want to reward you for your kindness."

"Huh..."

"I've just received a lot of stuff. I've always been saved. So..."

All I dedicate is to polish down, and I tend to wear Walrus all I take. I'm not going to take Yulan's kindness for granted, but I'm not persuasive of myself for spoiling everything I've ever applied.

In relationships, there is always damage. No matter how beautiful a romantic novel, or pro bono family love, you gain by losing it without realizing it. Maybe it's something that doesn't affect the relationship.

And because I'm such an important opponent, I can't forgive the current situation where I just gain. Yulan doesn't even think finely of losing money, I'm sure, but it's true that he hasn't been given one.

I'm sure this relationship won't break in the profit and loss account. Though I believe it is not such a ruthless relationship.

I can't believe I don't feel uncomfortable with the status quo of just taking it there. Wouldn't that be a very, ungrateful act?

Because my loved ones gave me important thoughts, I want to give it back to myself, something just the same.

"Tell me. What can I do for Yulan...?