I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

How many years ago was it? It was a while before my mother could still sleep, when she was dating a broken girl and Violet was quitting the girl.

There was a big party at someone's house on Christmas day. Whose house, what kind of people were coming, I don't remember. For Violet back then, all social circles were days away from her mother, moments of return to the girl between bundles. And just the same, the day my mother seemed horrible back home.

By this time, I think Violet was already close to the limit of imitating the boy. Marin had already started working at the Mansion.

Long time dresses, long time girls, the social world.

I couldn't help but cramp them all, but most importantly, my father's face, which I hadn't seen in a long time, was painful and I couldn't help it.

It's inorganic and has no interest in this one. That's it, a glance that glows somewhere dissatisfied when you see yourself dressed.

Now that I think about it, that eye was a criticism of why it is not my beloved Mary Jun who is here. Even though Violet isn't interested in wearing it, I feel angry at the fact that Mary Jun can't... that's what he's been like for a long time.

Still, it has to be the right lady my father wants. And if you go home, you strikingly find the remnants of Violet, who was a girl, and you deal with my mother, who becomes unstable.

For Violet, the social world was nothing but a demon-like presence that brought all the irrationality. I don't care what the name is.

Same thing for Christmas and Santa Claus, if that's the reason for the party.

It's painful to have a party in the same space as my father, but it's only hell I'm waiting for when I get home. I can't hope to get home soon or stay. Time for torture just goes on.

It'll be such a day, it should have been.

"Vio, I found it...... Huh!

"Yulan......"

"Vio is good at hiding. I've been looking for a drink."

"With that said, don't always find me, Yulan is"

"Eh heh..."

I'm slightly blushing my cheeks and my breath is bouncing a little. Yulan still leaves her young, but when she was first there was less soft round.

One year difference. It seems that the difference between ourselves that we could see with our eyes had shrunk at some point.

We only have a slight glance, but it doesn't make any difference anymore. The boy, Yulan, is going to get bigger and bigger. Even Violet will grow, but it won't be that long before she can be ahead.

In no time, the gender difference should be clear. Especially girls, because they grow up fast.

Recently, there have been many dresses in the social world. Boys' attire, which used to be silent, also floats in Violet, which is headed for the girl.

When will my mother realize that? Can that precarious man endure a daughter who goes the right way to a woman?

I've known for a long time that I can't be a boy. If I never wanted to be, I never felt anything but pain.

Still, going back to the girl, 'cause it's horrible. Whether it be a boy or a living copy of my father, my daughter has been crushed otherwise. But what Violet is supposed to do is go down that crushed path.

It was painful but easy to give up thinking and be a boy. If I had done as I was told, I would not have had to feel any more pain or suffering than I have now.

But I can't do what I'm told anymore. I can't, I'm going. Mother's will cannot be helped, either, by Violet's own will, by the reality of growth.

"Vio, you look pale, you look bad...... are you okay?

"... oh, I'm fine"

Look at this one worryingly, pretty apprentice. Now I'm laughing like this, but I know the pain behind it.

What I want to laugh at him for hiding my pain like that. Is it because of the ridiculous pride of wanting to be resolute and to be Yulan's dependable sister who admires you?

"Hey, Vio... do you know what day this is?

"Today...?

"Yeah. It's Christmas."

"Of course, I know."

Rather, that would be the main thing today. As much as we can label it a Christmas party, this venue is one color for Christmas, and that's what the organizers should be intent on.

"At Christmas, Santa's coming. If you were a good girl, Santa would bring you happiness."

"Oh... right"

To Violet, who laughed vaguely, Yulan is making her gaze wander with a laugh as illuminated.

Santa brings me happiness.

It's a passage from a picture book that everyone knows. Of course I know Violet, sweet Santa, a happy story that brings many smiles. Many children read repeatedly and believe in Santa and have dreams.

Violet couldn't be like so many children.

Never before has Santa been here. Instead of Santa, I haven't even had a day conscious of Christmas. The cake that was in the picture book, the big tree, the gift.

I don't even have a smile in my house like it is portrayed in the story.

Though for many people, that picture book seems to have been an act of reality. For Violet, too cruel a dream story.

As much as I don't even hate it, but don't want to read it again, I wasn't good at it. And it's traumatic enough that I just read it once to be stuck with my memory.

Though I can't tell Yulan to laugh in front of me about that, even if his mouth is ripped open.

"So, you know... Yikes!

Both hands sticking out between your eyes at the same time as a melting smile. Too close, I got bogged down for a moment out of focus.

"... huh?

I blinked a few times and pulled myself back just a little and I knew immediately what it was.

Just a little distorted, round shape. Colored with just a little green and a lot of silver, it's smaller than Yulan's hands.

"Eh... this...?

Yulan said with a deeper grin to Violet, who tilts his neck without being sure what was going on.

"To Vio, Christmas present from me"

─ ─ ─ ─

I rounded my eyes and lost my words. Because it was so shocking, so experience, so unexpected.

To Violet, who had hardened without time to be upset, Yulan with the smile of a toddler whose flirtatious success.

"Santa will give you a Christmas present, won't she? That's why I'm giving it to Vio, too."

No big trees, no delicious cakes.

"Santa brings happiness"

Santa's not coming, either.

"I want to be Vio's Santa!

I didn't like Christmas. Everyone will be happy at the same time, because the day to be happy is too far away for me. Because no one can comfort me that the contents of my socks were annoyed by empty nothingness.

Santa gives me a gift... because my parents, they don't have it.

"You know, I made this. The one you're selling to the store is huge, and it's just Christmas colors."

"Ah..."

"Silver ribbon, looks like the color of Vio's hair and I thought... I've used it too much and it's gone for wrapping"

Let Violet hold a small lease in Violet's hand, still unable to get out of the upset. Hitting your fingertips is a slightly hardened grass feel and a smooth ribbon touch.

Even in my own hands, I don't feel comfortable and realistic anywhere.

What kind of reaction should I have at a time like this? I wonder what the right thing to do. I'm going to be swallowed by a turbulent stream of unwrapped thoughts looking at it that fits flat in both hands. You open your mouth and you have no words, just all the air drifting between you two.

Such a mess of violets seems to have been incorrectly passed on to Yulan.

"Happy, didn't you? I couldn't make it..."

"Oh, no...... ugh!!

To a sad voice, raise the face you were staring at. My agitation and confusion have gotten better with the expression of anxious Yulan.

I don't have any Christmas memories. Until this moment today, I've never received a gift. Eating cake and laughing and thinking the tree was beautiful.

Nothing, nothing.

Not today, not until this moment.

"Thank you, Yulan... this is the first Christmas I've ever had."

× × × ×

"... I miss you"

I was the size of a two-handed ride back then, but now I have enough Christmas leashes with my other hand.

The environment surrounding Violet has changed rapidly since then, and the opportunity to spend some time with Yulan for Christmas has not come. If we grow up like this, we will now have a different problem with gifts from the opposite sex.

After all, this is the first Christmas present I've received since this lease was born, and I don't have any other Christmas memories besides this.

"Oh well... he was hiding it here"

I remember, that day, I came back and ran to Marin first. And I asked.

─ ─ Hide this somewhere you'll never find it.

If my mother finds me, she could get dumped. It could be broken.

My mother, who was extremely reluctant for Violet to relate to others, only made that room a reality. Calling Violet to his room, keeping the servants away, and spending time alone. That's the only reality, and I hate and want to keep away from the outside of the room.

What happens if such a person finds out that Violet cares about the gifts she receives from someone else?

The result is more obvious than looking at the fire.

"Sure, can't you find it here"

Closet, I can't believe that's in the back of the room, too. Not even the owner gets close early. Fact is, Violet didn't even know it was here until today.

"... let's clean it up"

Together with the clothes I gather, I also get Christmas memories.

No one else feared that day, but still, this is Violet's precious treasure that I want to keep hidden. There are only memories in this house that no one will invade. No one will defile you, no one will deny you, just a little secret.

I do not want anyone in this House to talk. I don't want them to know. I don't want you to touch me. At that moment, dreams are smeared into reality.

Fragments of fine dreams that are likely to make a fool of me the moment I mouth them. For Violet, proof that only temporary dreams have come true.

of a large mansion, a corner of a large closet.

Because that was the only Christmas for Violet.