I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

The middle of the brain, the heart replication, where the five senses go, the nerve-less organ - the bottom of the back of the institution called the mind. I felt suddenly crushed by the soft, delicate, most important emotions.

I didn't feel any pain. I usually feel intimidation from my father, but only at times like this, dive in the ringing. For better or worse, a flat space hangs on Violet's shoulder.

The discomfort of compressing the chest and the cold sweat that passes on to the back. Until earlier, I should have been in such a bystander position, but now, I didn't feel like I could objectively visualize one more thing.

I think people perceive this anxiety that looms in their chests as fear.

If so, what am I, now, afraid of?

"I'm a different class, but I'm a classmate, and if you're my sister's friend, I'd like to talk to you about a lot of things!

"Well..."

You're supposed to be sitting there, but your feet are unstable. I even had the illusion that the floor had fallen out. You can't go anywhere, you can't run away.

I'm cornered by an innocent smile that I take directly from the front.

My breath is painful. My lungs don't work well. My esophagus narrows and I can't even swallow saliva well. My eyes turned and everything in my sight was distorted.

I can understand that I'm not normal right now, though.

(Hey, why...?

Why, now, am I, so terrified?

Given Mary Jun's character, it would be a statement without any discomfort. The fraternity-filled girl's nostalgia is vast, which is why she wants to pack everything. Fact is, even last time, she must have spoken to Yulan several times. I was never more recognizable than Violet's sister.

I can't believe it's different now. At the time of Claudia's apology, I was prepared that whatever changes were made was not strange, and I'm not actually still surprised. Rather, he is a good conscientious person, even within the limits of his expectations.

So no surprise. I'm not even in a hurry.

I just can't wipe the fear of covering it.

"Speaking of which, I've been able to talk to the kids in my class a little bit lately."

Happy or unhappy, Mary Jun started talking to her parents happily as she changed the subject. I look far away at the three people who smile and receive the casual events that took place today.

But to Violet today, it's much more important to me than to be in such a distant and distant world.

The fear that should have passed remained burnt in my brain.

× × × ×

"Dear Violet..."

"I'm sorry, Marin. I'm gonna take a little break."

"... Yes, I did. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks"

In the room where Marin left, only Violet's breath exists. Somewhere the rhythm of a disturbed breath is deafening, and the heart is uncomfortable repeatedly beating excessively.

Over and over again, the fears of earlier are repeated.

Picture yourself in the dresser's mirror, with a face that is still going to fall. Even the white skin had lost its blood tone and had a terrible color. Though I originally thought it was less bloody, it's not like that.

It is fading. If you look closely, your lips were shaking fine, and your forehead was slightly glossy with sweat that wasn't dry yet.

It was horrible. I was scared of something. An act that should have passed still clings to Violet and doesn't leave.

(That kid... with Yulan)

Next to Yulan, Mary Jun laughs adorably. There is no discomfort in the way that the nostalgic people line up with each other. I'm sure we'll continue the conversation with a smile... even to our friends, it'll be easier.

Until yesterday, share where you were supposed to be.

"Huh! Huh...,"

A chair is forced to scratch the floor, an unpleasant noise sounds indoors. The recoil, which rose well, rocked the mirror table, but it fitted without showing any danger of being well made.

The only thing that didn't fit was Violet's heart.

Crushing chest, uncomfortable. Nausea that strikes with it. The contents of my stomach were waiting to be digested unchanged, and I blocked my mouth reflexively as something was about to overflow, even though there was no appearance of me refluxing my esophagus.

Slowly, slowly, over time, get your disturbed breathing ready. I breathed heavily through the gap between my blocked fingers and repeated spitting it out one by one. Just to normalize my consciousness, including the meaning of calming my instantly dyed brain.

I don't know how long I've been doing that.

Although seconds, minutes, maybe a lot shorter than I think. Violet didn't even have the energy to be aware of time anymore.

It was such a shock... because it was an uninterrupted disappointment.

(Exclusive, wanted to...? I'll take Yulan.)

The reason for the fear I felt, I was so, so anxious.

Yulan was terrified to be with Mary Jun. I just imagined it, and it was going to scream out.

It's not Violet, because I didn't want to see Yulan with Mary Jun by his side.

Exclusivity.

"Huh!!

A scream that did not sound crushed and circled the body. The fear of Mary Jun that I had earlier was scratched off, and all that remained was just disappointment in me.

I never wanted to hold him. I swore I would never be wrong again. It's the beginning of it all, the desire that smeared the ending.

Because I wanted to monopolize love, happiness, the world of Violet was so distorted and corrupted.

You must have thought of that. He said that none of his greed would make him happy, not even himself.

That's why I decided to give my life to devotion to God.

(more so... eh)

The hand that was blocking his mouth was resting on his forehead when he noticed. I scratched my hair up abusively and leaked a tongue that I couldn't enjoy.

Ever since we met, an important childhood friend admires Violet the same way. A boy like my cute little brother. I thought I was just happy watching you grow little by little.

I didn't even think about not wanting to be taken, though.

"... sorry, Yulan"

Violet herself didn't know what it meant to apologize for not having anyone, not even reaching her.