I Swear I Won’t Bother You Again!

There are all kinds of strong words, like I want to kill you, or just let you die. I resented them, I hated them, and I wanted to hurt them as much as they hurt me. Just as much, I also wanted to separate the world from them. Hating wasn't enough, but surely I didn't want them to die alone, either. Because it's easier to blame it all on myself and give up than to hate them, get mad at them, and want the world to change. Because it's much, much more peaceful to be self-contained without thinking about how people can't live alone and all that trouble.

'I've never thought of myself as happy. I've never associated happiness with my family, at least not ever. I wish it would go away, and I wish it didn't.

He said it was always someone other than his family that colored Violette's world. The wounds inflicted by her family were washed, disinfected and carefully bandaged. The only reason why Violette doesn't have any scars that can be seen at first glance is because of them. The fact that they gave her all kinds of pain doesn't go away, but the fact that there are people who have treated her for it has saved her.

That's how I've lived my life. That's how I've been able to live. So when I was left alone in this house and a family member (a foreign object) came into the house, I wished for many things to die. I wanted to die, and I wanted to die, briefly and clearly.

"There will never be a day when my world will need you.

"Huh, .......

Tears, which she can no longer bear, spill out of her big blue eyes. I've been trying desperately to stop them, and although the eyes are wide open as if they're about to spill out, instead of drying up, large drops are running down the mellow cheeks. The figure that just cries without raising its voice is painful, and there is a painfulness that gouges the hearts of those who see it.

Now I was aware of myself, and I clawed my way into Mary Joon's heart. Because the kind sister, the girl who came to live in the beautiful world, wanted to try, even if it was a reality that made her cry. Because I wanted to know how I would feel when Mary Joon cried for me. I peeled back the veil, flinging out the bare malice, with no moderation.

The result - nothing.

(Ah, ...... I knew it.)

I can't be like her, no matter what I do.

She's crying, she's crying, she's thinking about me, she's hurting.

No elation, no disappointment, no guilt. No elation, no disappointment, no guilt. Just an empty world that goes on forever and ever. The day when I can return kindness for kindness, has passed. The time to have compassion will never come back. The gap that was created between me and Mary Joon was not made to be crossed now.

I'm looking at my sister, who is struggling to hold back her sobs, as if she were a fire on the other side of the river. I feel sorry for her, she is such a human sister, I feel sorry for her. But in the end, it's hard to think of her as someone else's problem. I don't hate them anymore, I don't resent them as much as I used to, but that's why I'm so far away from them now because I'm .......

I hated it and I resented it. It's a reaction to being disappointed, but that means I had high expectations for them. I had so much hope in them that I could explode such huge emotions. Had I dreamed of the day when I could rebel, algae and suffer, and still be a family? I don't know anymore, though, now.

I had so much hope, and then it was all crushed and cut off. I lost it all once. And the second day I was given was with a resignation. I stopped wanting love, trust, protection, dialogue, encouragement. It was a resignation, a release.

If you don't love me, you don't have to love me. If they don't believe you, you don't have to believe them. If they don't protect you, if they don't listen to you, if they don't encourage you, if they don't care for you, you don't have to give anything back. It's tremendously healthy not to have to think of them.

My hatred and resentment melted away. Together, all the compassion and expectations vanished.

I don't feel sorry for them as they cry, but at the same time, I'm not interested enough in them to laugh at them as if they were crying.

Mary Joon ...... you don't have a sister.

It was a house made up of only gears that didn't mesh together as beautifully as they could. We called it family, but it was a world that was crumbling without any room for effort. There were many crossroads, for my father, my mother and of course Violette herself. But I'm sure that I will end up here in the end. It was a group with a destiny.

"Forget about it. Pretend this never happened. Convince yourself that this is a world that needs to be cleansed. There are some things that cannot be managed with kindness alone... ...... This house is a place.

Fortunately, this home is the perfect environment for Mary Joon. It's a castle to love and protect her. If only she could forget about Violette and digest everything she knows as a dream, her paradise would continue unbroken. And that's fine and good. Even if Mary Joon is the princess of the house, Violette's existence will never be overturned. The day that Violette, who wanted to kill her that day, who wanted her family and love so much, will never be rewarded.

It's all over now.

"Sister, I ...... am... I...

I slide off the couch and cling to Violette's lap. I don't know if I'm not sure what I want to say, or if I don't know what to say. Maybe she's crying over the fact that there's nothing she can say. I don't know how much Mary Joon knows, but it was probably enough to cause him to distrust his parents when he came to check on Violette. Otherwise, Mary Joon wouldn't be suspicious of her parents, whom she loved. It's even easier to imagine her denying out loud that this can't be true.

It was probably a confirmation of the fact that she came to Violette, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she may have wanted her to deny it.

Someone who is kind to himself might be a bad person to someone else. It's not always the case that a good person won't shake off their clinging hands, or that a bad person will do good things. But I'm sure there aren't many people who can see that as a possibility.

I'm sorry, I'm ...... me, haha, ...... but still, I love you, sister.