Chapter 40: Volume 1, - 40: What He Had Not Told Her
Thursday, 16 March 2023
The warm air inside Jonathan’s near Kawaguchi Station smelled faintly of coffee, grilled food, and the drink bar. In a corner booth away from the main aisle, Ren sat opposite Suzune, two glasses of melon soda sitting between them on the formica table.
Outside, dusk was settling over the city streets, turning the sky a muted indigo. He had intentionally walked from Suite 302, leaving his suit jacket in the office and the Crown parked in its rented space.
Across the booth, Suzune sat in her dark blue coat, her hands folded neatly in her lap. Her amber eyes were quiet and steady as she watched him.
Ren cleared his throat, adjusting his collar slightly. His pulse was beating fast against his ribs. Because he was frightened, his instincts automatically reached for structure and precision. The same defensive habit he used when explaining business figures to clients.
"Thank you for coming," Ren began, his voice dry and measured. "I wanted to lay out the financial facts clearly. When my father, Masato, suffered his business collapse, his leveraged investments consumed our savings and the tuition money set aside for my university. The family home was eventually lost. My mother was injured, Mei was still studying, and I started borrowing because I thought I could shoulder everything if I worked enough."
He paused, taking a shallow breath before continuing in the same recited tone. "At the worst point, my personal consumer debt reached approximately one point eight million yen. I’ve paid down a significant part of it, including with funds released through the estate arrangement, but a substantial balance still remains. I left university because I couldn’t keep paying tuition while trying to cover those immediate pressures."
Suzune didn’t interrupt. She listened to the figures, her expression unreadable. When he stopped, she looked down at her glass, then up into his eyes.
"Kisaragi-san," she said softly. "You’re speaking like an accountant."
Ren blinked, the neat flow of his speech faltering. "I... I want to make sure the facts are exact."
"I didn’t ask for an audit," Suzune said, her voice gentle but firm. "I know your family went through a hard time. I know you worked long hours. But whenever I asked about you over the past month, you gave me summaries. You gave me short, polite answers and shifted the conversation back to me."
She leaned forward slightly, resting her hands on the edge of the table. "Why didn’t you tell your friends? Or your family every detail?"
"Shame," Ren admitted, the word cutting through his remaining composure. "I felt useless. When the money ran out, I withdrew from everyone. I didn’t want people looking at me like a burden or a failure."
"And when you started coming to the bakery?" Suzune asked quietly. "When you sat across from me and brought those galettes from Omiya? What did you think I was seeing?"
Ren felt a tight knot form in his chest. "I wanted you to see someone who had his life together. Someone stable."
"You decided what I was allowed to know," Suzune said.
The line hit him like a physical blow. Defensive heat rushed behind his neck, born from weeks of quiet panic, pride, and self-preservation.
"We are not even dating, Suzune," Ren said, his voice rising slightly before he caught himself. "I never technically told you something false. What was I supposed to say the second time we spoke at the counter? That I was drowning in consumer debt and eating convenience store bread every night? I didn’t want you looking at me differently."
Suzune didn’t get angry or shout. She looked at him with a quiet, lingering hurt that felt far worse than anger.
"You kept deciding when I was allowed to know you," she said softly. "You decided I couldn’t handle the truth, so you gave me the neat version instead."
Ren closed his mouth. He wanted to argue further. To point out that he had spent months working until exhaustion to clear his liabilities, that he had protected his family, that he was trying to build a legitimate business now. He wanted to explain that hiding his pain was the only way he had survived the last two years.
But as he looked at Suzune’s steady, hurting gaze, the anger drained out of him, leaving only a hollow, heavy shame.
She was right. He had treated her like a client to be managed, carefully filtering the information she received so she would form the exact opinion of him he wanted her to have. He had denied her the choice to know him as he actually was.
A month ago, or even two weeks ago. Ren would have stood up, bowed politely, and removed himself from the booth to avoid further exposure. He would have retreated into his work.
This time, he stayed at the table. He sat in the quiet noise of the family restaurant, accepting the uncomfortable weight of her judgment without running away.
"I was wrong," Ren said quietly, looking directly at her. "I was afraid that if you saw how broken things were, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. So I managed the truth. I shouldn’t have done that."
Suzune looked at him for a long moment. The tension in her shoulders loosened slightly, though her eyes remained serious.
"I know that wasn’t easy for you," she said softly. "And I’m glad you told me."
She looked down at her glass, tracing the rim with her fingertip before meeting his eyes again. The hurt in her expression gave way to something remarkably transparent.
"I like you, Kisaragi-san," Suzune said, her voice steady and quiet. "I really do."
The confession hit Ren like a shockwave, startling and entirely unexpected. After exposing his debt, his failure at university, and his ugly defensiveness, he had braced himself for her walking away. To hear her say those words right now made a sudden surge of heat and quiet emotion fill his chest.
"Suzune..." Ren choked out slightly, his pulse hammering. He looked straight into her eyes, dropping every remaining layer of pretense. "I like you too. I’ve liked you for a long time."
Suzune’s lips twitched into a small, bittersweet smile, but she didn’t lean forward or reach for his hand. She kept her distance across the formica table.
"I know," she said gently. "I felt that. But liking each other isn’t enough if you hide things from me whenever life gets difficult. If we’re ever going to have a real relationship, I need to know you won’t build walls between us."
She paused, letting the boundary settle between them.
"I still need time, Kisaragi-san."
"I understand," Ren said, nodding slowly. "Take all the time you need."
"I should get home for dinner," Suzune said, gathering her coat and standing up from the booth. "Mum and Dad will be waiting."
"Let me get the drinks," Ren said, standing up with her.
Suzune gave a small nod. "Alright."
She walked past the register and out into the cool March evening. Ren paid the bill at the front counter, then walked out to the street, watching her figure disappear toward the bus stop under the glow of the streetlights.
His phone buzzed once in his pocket. A routine reminder about Friday’s client work. Fumie’s follow-up notes still needed reviewing, the bakery agreement still needed finalising, and QuickMart still expected him for his scheduled shifts. None of it could tell him what Suzune would decide.
Suzune’s decision was going to be made over time, in conversations with her friends and family that he had no power to control or influence.
He turned up his collar against the night breeze and began walking back toward Suite 302.