Limitless Evolution As a Snake

As Lyra lifts me from the bath, I feel like a soggy noodle, her gentle hands careful as she pats me dry. The world seems to slow, her laughter echoing like music to my ears, and that smile- oh, that smile it could stop my heart if it still beats like a human’s. I can’t help but give her a small lick, tasting the sweetness of her skin, a moment of pure bliss.

Yet as much as I want to bask in this warmth forever, a gnawing realisation claws at me. Lyra isn’t safe, not while I’m still so small, so limited. I need to evolve, to gain hands, feet anything to protect her better.

She presses her lips to the top of his flat little head. Oh my god, a forehead kiss- this is a dream come true. I just need her to call me a good boy now; this is too much for my little snake heart. The absurdity should ruin it; it doesn’t, and I’d trade three evolutions to feel it again.

She places me gently on a cleaner patch of the alleyway, a place where I blend in all too well, especially now with half my tail missing. From one meter to half still, it’s progress from where I started; well, it’s progress, if you squint and lie to yourself. As Lyra prepares to leave, she winks at me, telling me she’ll stash things for me inside a small opening in the wall, cleverly concealed by a poster warning of police surveillance. "There are actually no cameras here, but people shouldn’t pull this down," she whispers, a conspiratorial glint in her eyes.

She crouches, and her hair swings forward, releasing a soft breath of jasmine shampoo.

Her voice trembles slightly as she adds, "I’ve got to run now... I don’t want to leave you, but, thank you again... for before..." She smiles, blushes, looks away and all the things that make my serpent heart feel like it’s exploding with an emotion I can barely understand. As she walks away, her form swaying, a primal part of me surges with a possessive desire so intense it borders on hunger.

[System: Whoa, degenerate, not without me! I wanna go too.]

Ah, that snapped me back to the grimy reality of the alley.

Please shut up, old mate.

I hiss, the frustration evident in my voice.

[System: you’re doing the creepy stare. You know that, yeah? Full David Attenborough narration incoming. And here we observe the tiny red idiot, dreaming above his weight class.]

Just show me what my next skill is, I guess.

[System: Also, mate, purely professional observation: you licked her, and she liked it. You’ve had more romantic success as a piece of fishing line than you managed in thirty-five years with legs and a savings account.]

Please just show me my skills.

[System: Alright, alright, you dog, let’s see what you could’ve picked, and what I’m going to choose, haha get fucked.]

The options flash before my eyes.

[Venomous Heartstopper (Rank E)]

Cost: 15 IP

Right, so picture this: something big is coming for Lyra, and you sink your fangs in. That’s it, and that’s the whole plan. Whatever you bit has about four seconds before its legs stop working: bear, golem, man-bear-pig, or bloke twice her size- doesn’t matter. One drop of this stuff and their whole body just... files a complaint and clocks off.

Charges: 5 before you’re dry. Then you’re waiting ten hours, so don’t get cute and waste one on a pigeon.

[Squeaky-Toy Impact (Rank F)]

Cost: 40 IP

Okay so. You know those rubber dog toys? The ones shaped like a hot dog or a little frog or whatever, and some absolute unit of a labrador is going absolutely mental on it? That noise. That’s the noise you make now, except coming out of a snake, and at 110 decibels, which is technically louder than a jackhammer.

[Mesmerising Gazelock] (Rank E)

Cost: 15 IP

Lock eyes with anyone, and they’re yours to command, and do anything your heart wishes you perv.

Fine, give me the gaze one...

I mutter, already picturing Lyra’s eyes locked onto mine, deepening our bond even as I use it to protect her.

[System: computaaah says no, denied beep beep beep, it’s MY TURN. to command this rodeo don’t you remember like five minutes ago, and I’m a fucken ripper of a cunt and I choose

[Squeaky-Toy Impact (Rank F)]that’ll be 40 ip cheers, cha ching.]

Old mate, really no dude, please, please I will beg if you want me to, and it’s so expensive too??

[System: hahahaha, can’t wait for you to see Lyra or some other Sheila and just squeak yourself deaf hahaa alright, send it!]

Old mate. I need you to understand something: I am half a snake, and I have half a tail ahh, and for one beautiful moment I thought I was going to get the cool eye power and protect her with my mind, and now you are telling me that instead I am going to squeak like some broken toy. At enemies, wth my mouth, and that is the whole plan. That is the whole thing you have done here, and it cost forty IP, which is nothing; that is a lot of IP; that is basically all of my IP, and you just spent it on this, on me being a novelty item.

[System: Righto, you’ve got your shiny new skill. Don’t be a sourpuss, might save your scales one day.]

Flicking my tongue in annoyance.

Tch.

[System: Hahahaha oh mate oh no oh this is so good, you’re going to squeak at Lyra aren’t you, she’s going to look down and you’re just going to go off like a bath toy, I cannot wait, I am so excited, this is why I get out of bed in the morning, I don’t have a bed, I don’t care, sending it, sent, done, finished, goodbye IP.]

My status panel floats in front of my tiny beedy eyes.