Limitless Evolution As a Snake

I stare up at her, feeling a mix of gratitude and sudden concern about making each meeting successful.

Hey, Old Mate.

Hoping for a little extra something to make our meetings not just necessary but enjoyable for Lyra too.

[System: Fuck yeah, there is. Cough up 500 EXP right now, and I’ll rig it so she goes instantly dripping the second she touches you in water. Lasts a week. Bargain, really.]

What-wha-what? Why is that even a thing?

Not that it matters, because that sounds fantastic.

Yes, exchange now immediately.

[System: Righto, you little degenerate cunt. Sat on 4,000 EXP, now you’re on 3,500. One ’water turns into pussy juice’ buff, coming up.]

Jesus, do you have to call it that?

I grimace at the Old Mate’s choice of words.

[System: What else am I meant to call it? ’Aquatic Arousal Package’? Sounds like a resort spa deal.]

I shake my head, little glass bead head, letting the ridiculousness of the conversation roll off my scales. There’s no point arguing with a drunk koala when it’s set on being cooked.

Lyra returns to my side, the corner of her mouth curling into a grin that does unfair things to a snake with no arms to speak of. She dips two fingers into the water to test the temperature, then goes rigid, her breath catches, a rose flush blooms across her throat and climbs, and she chews her bottom lip like she’s trying very hard to hold something in.

"Wow, that’s...hah- unexpected." Her voice is a murmur, almost lost in the hum of the city around us. "That is a-mm, not what a bath usually does."

I can’t help but feel a twinge of excitement, knowing I’m the cause of her flushed state. I slide through the water, letting the current of my own movement brush against her fingertips. Peach and something clean, like fresh laundry left in the sun, drifts off her wrist as her hand hovers. My forked tongue flicks; damn, I love cause and effect; my body is reacting, sending a ripple through the water.

Lyra starts to gently scrub the blood and grime from my scales with a soft brush she’s brought from that shop, her movements meticulous yet unavoidably intimate due to the closeness required. Each touch sends a shudder through the water, tingling sensations darting through me, my scales shimmering faintly as her fingers glide through. She shifts uncomfortably, crossing her legs tight, like she’s trying to hide from her own reaction, while her cheeks burn a deeper shade of crimson.

"I’m...um, a police officer," she mutters under her breath, "this has never happened before." Another dip of her fingers into the water, and she bites her lower lip harder, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than the sensations it arouses. "And I’ve never had a boyfriend, not even once... this is so embarrassing, and I’m not even sure how much you understand, and this is deeply, deeply inappropriate."

I flick my tongue out, sensing her distress mixed with the inexplicable draw she feels; my tiny head bobs in a nod, trying to offer what comfort I can without words, as much comfort as a snake that looks like Invisible spaghetti.

Lyra pauses, her breath hitching slightly, eyes locked onto mine as if searching for answers in the reflective sheen of my scales. "I don’t know why, but I feel so attached to you. I arrested a man for public indecency this morning, and now I’m giving a bath to a snake I found and met after hunting that amethyst capybara, and now I’ve never felt happier," she confesses, her voice a soft whisper that threads through the humid air. Her look is yearning, filled with a complex mix of professionalism and personal turmoil.

I’d listen to her talk until his scales rotted off. Her whole presence settles over him like the sun on a rock, the exact right temperature, the exact right weight. I could listen to her all day. Being with her does feel safer, more right than most things have since I became...this. Nothing has felt as correct as being near her; even sharing that first meal had felt less like scavenging and more like coming home.

I always protect what’s mine.

The idea forms slowly, a definitive statement of intent.

And I just want you to be happy, and you will be happy with me, and she’s going to be happy, whether the police union approves or not.

My body responds to her nearness, the water pulsing around us as if to echo my silent vow.

She lets out a small, involuntary moan, then slaps her free hand over her mouth so fast she splashes herself. Mortification blooms across her face. But she doesn’t pull away. She picks the brush back up, and her strokes resume, the brush now moving with a determined, albeit shaky, rhythm; she’s determined, shaky, and about forty per cent less professional than she would like.

"You’re very calm, aren’t you? Even now, just a glass sausage, I mean snake...it’s comforting, and somehow you’re the most reassuring thing I’ve met all year," she continues, her voice steadying as she speaks, each stroke of her brush blending professionalism with the personal connection blooming silently between us.

Her mouth twitches. "God, I hope you’re not married."

My head jerks up so fast he nearly capsizes, accidentally drowns myself.

[System: Yeah, nah. Bloke’s been single for thirty-five years and dead for two of ’em. Reckon you’re safe, love.]

Dead? Two fucking years. I’VE BEEN DEAD FOR TWO YEARS?

[System: yeah, was I meant to tell you? Either way you’re dead, she’s bathing you, and we’re somewhere that definitely isn’t where you were ten minutes ago, soooo.]

I would have laughed if snakes could, and she’s hoping I’m not married? How would that work? How will this work? What’s going to happen?

[System: Calm your farm, because you jizz your self ya drop kick, evolution my friend, remember! You’re 3,500 out of 10,000 exp, nearly there!"