Maybe I can't have normal youth

"Bai An! Hurry up, Bai An! Is the makeup done yet? Where are the clothes? Are you all dressed? Then hurry up! All are waiting for you to play, what are you still doing?" The agent rushed into the lounge and pulled me to rush out the door.

"Wait a minute!!" In the dress, I broke free and almost messed up the hair style that the stylist had done.

"what happened?"

"I feel... lack of energy, I think it might be difficult for me to laugh later."

"It's hard to laugh? It can't be done, it's difficult..." The agent calmed down and became less eager.

He picked up the walkie-talkie and said, "Scene A, you can see if you can delay the opening for another 15 minutes, no, stop the fans for another 20 minutes."

"Bai An, didn't you take any medicine?" After the order was over, the agent came over, put his hands on my arm, and kept his eyes on my face to observe.

"I've eaten." I thought, at this moment, the look on my face that I can't find a trace of happiness disappointed him.

"That shouldn't be... Bai An, do you eat the usual amount?"

"Well, I took three pills."

The agent took a deep breath, "That way, you can take three more, no, try six."

"Six grains? But so..."

"It's okay, Bai An." He bends slightly higher than me, his eyes are level with me, "Don't you know the effect of this medicine? It can help you collect the happiness afterwards first. Make you feel."

"Your identity is the hottest idol with sunshine and joy!"

"But I...I'm not really as sunny and happy as everyone thinks...you know." I stomped anxiously.

"Shhh! Nonsense!" The agent tilted his head, his eyes became sharp, "What are you actually unhappy? Net nonsense! You, I feel like this, but the pressure has been a little bit heavy recently. I know this loop concert It makes you, and makes us very tired."

"Come on, you come." The agent took my hand and walked to the control room. "This is the last one. After this is over, I will give you a full month off!"

As soon as the door of the control room was pushed open, the crowded crowd under the crowd had a panoramic view."Come on, look carefully."

"You help her zoom in." The agent said to the field controller, "Yes, that's it."

"Bai'an, take a closer look, these people." Enlarged faces slashed across the screen, so clear that I could see the sweat hanging on both sides of my cheeks because of the sultry heat.

Everyone's eyes are shining, their necks are tilted up, looking in the same direction, that is the direction in which I will appear, and where I will appear next time.

"Bai An, did you see it? Actually, you don't need to say that you must understand how important you are to your fans."

"In such a depressive age where everyone is under pressure, how difficult it is to have such an energetic person as you, everyone treats you as a pillar in their minds!"

"Bai An..."

"Alright, don't say anything, help me get the medicine." I couldn't refuse such a look anyway.

Six ordinary small black pills go down the throat until they reach the stomach, melting and dispersing...

"Hello! How are you all!" I was wearing a white gauze skirt, sitting on the aerial platform and slowly landing.

"Bai An!! Bai! Ann! Bai! Ann! Wow~~~" The atmosphere in the court was ignited to the extreme before my figure appeared.

The billowing heat mixed with everyone's passion envelops me at once.

In the end I took 24 pills.

But what does it matter? How splendid the world is and how beautiful life is.The lights in the venue are like little stars, one by one; the glow sticks represent the hot hearts of my fans.

The high platform stopped in mid-air,

I don't even need to speak at all, every song can be completed by the crowd.

The high platform slowly descended again, directly to a height within reach of the crowd.

"Are you happy today!"

"Open~heart~"

"Bai An! I haven't felt this kind of happy feeling for a long time. I just have to look at you, your happy smiling face, and I seem to be as happy as you." A high voice came from the direction of a VIP seat below. call.

"Bai An! Bai An! Bai An!"

"Then if... I said that I might actually feel unhappy one day?"

"Impossible! Bai An! Impossible!"

"Bai An, you are the motivation to support me to continue to live. I still remember when I was standing on the edge of the river, the wind was so cold, and when I was about to jump down, I saw your smiling face on the big screen of the tall buildings across the river. A smiling face like a spring breeze!"

"If you are not happy, who else will be happy?"

"You are synonymous with happiness, we love you! Bai An!"

Looking at the faces looking up, more and more heat flowed from my body. This is the motivation to continue!I can't, I can't live up to any of them.

"Oh, Bai An! Hard work." The four-hour concert ended smoothly.I almost used up all the energy I tried to gather.

"I don't think I can be happy anymore." The makeup remover slowly removed my delicate makeup, and the enthusiasm was also removed.

My heart became empty again in an instant.

"You're talking nonsense again, Bai An." The agent looked upset, "Isn't it all right just now?"

"Good? You just called it good?"

My original appearance was gradually revealed in the mirror. My eyes were not so big and energetic. I even had deep dark circles. My lips were not bright red but brown with a layer of white.

"Do you know how many pills I have taken? Twenty-four pills! Twenty-four pills!"

"It's okay Bai'an, there are as many medicines as you need."

"No, that's not the point." I shook my head, "You don't understand at all... I can feel it myself."

The function of that black pill is to gather the happiness in the future and make people feel it in advance.

I used to be really happy, but then I slowly started to take one pill when I needed it, and it became two or three.Twenty-four grains today.

Increase, increase,

Consumption, consumption,

What does this mean I don't know?

"I, maybe there will be no feelings of happiness again in the future. In the previous episode, all future happiness emotions have been spent."

"Sorry, I really can't help it." For a month, I curled up in the corner and said to the agent who came to visit me every day.

I practiced in front of the mirror countless times, but I still couldn't find the perfect arc of the first laugh.

"Or I should retire."

"Retired? How does this work! Don't you know? You just claimed to be sick. In the past few days, there have been several suicides in which fans lost hope because they couldn't see your smile."

"I know."

"Do you know that you still want to retire? You have already become the happy representative and hopeful star of this country. Once you retire, how many people will die with you? How much labor will the country lose?"

"Aren't you happy for yourself, understand? The authorities will not agree with you in order to ensure the psychological stability of the people."

"But what do you think I can do?"

Why did I lose my happiness?

Is it because happiness leaves me when it is no longer a pure thing?

In such a stressful and fast-paced environment, everyone's happiness has been squeezed into precious things.

"Did you still take that medicine later?" The agent pointed to the little black pill.

"En." I nodded dumbly in the corner mirror, "I have eaten all of my hundreds of pills."

"A little effect, even a little bit, no?"

"No."

I just feel that I am getting slender in the mirror, and the corners of my mouth are sinking.

"Hey, I didn't want to give it to you, but now... I have to try it." The agent took out a long wooden box from the inner pocket, held water, and brought it in front of me.

"Happy mask... what is this?" After opening the box, there was only one pill inside, and a laughing mask was engraved on the yellow coat.

"Eat, you can smile again after eating." The agent brought the water glass to my eyes.

The agent saw me hesitate, and immediately said, "You can save a lot of people if you eat it. You are already a contemporary happy singer. You have this responsibility."

Yes, I am not just myself anymore.

"Take it." In response to this sound, the pill slipped into my throat.

But it seems...nothing has changed?

Do not.

Who is the person in the mirror?

I touched my cheeks with my hands in disbelief, and I did the same in the mirror.

That's right, the touch from my fingers is as real as what I see with my eyes, the arc that is perfectly raised upwards, I pull it down hard without moving.

It is indeed a happy mask.

Immediately.

"Oh! Looks like this is very useful!" The agent finally breathed a sigh of relief when he saw my smile, and the originally tense shoulders also fell several degrees.

I touched my emotionally separated face, "How long can this last?"

"Forever!" The agent's arms widened, "Once and for all! You will always be happy in the eyes of the public."

"Even if I really don't have a hint of happiness in my heart?"

"Even if you really don't have a trace of happiness in your heart!"

"Ding--dong--" There are visitors at this time?

"Ah! It's finally here, I invited it. Our country's top drama master." The agent trot to open the door.

"What is the master of drama?" I ran to the door.

A thin black man with a face as painful as I was standing at the door.

"Ah hello." But the moment he saw my hypocritical smile, his eyes flashed.

It seems that the decisions I have made so far are correct.

"I'm here to teach you how to laugh." The black man took off his hat and leaned toward me."But it seems like a happy goddess like Bai An, you don't need it?"

Has my popularity reached this point?

"No, no, please come in." I naturally said this with a smile.

"I am really happy, but please teach me more ways to laugh."