My Alleged Husband

Why does it seem that wherever I go, someone always wants to force me to confront myself? Is my existence so hard for them to accept?

Xia Jing knows that there might be nothing he can say now that would undo the shadow of harm he once caused his son. He understands that in his son’s eyes, his actions are just tools to hurt others repeatedly. Yet, he forgot that he is also a mother and a wife. Witnessing his husband being deeply hurt, how could his heart not ache? Seeing his family in such grief, how could he truly remain unmoved?

His son still doesn’t understand his mother, no matter what. All of this is the consequence of never being by her side time and time again. If he had stayed with her back then, would the outcome not be as passive as it is now? Would it not have ended like this?

𝚏𝕣𝕖𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚋𝚗𝐨𝐯𝕖𝕝.𝕔𝐨𝕞

"Child, you can rest assured. Since I have chosen to redeem myself, I won’t evade my actions anymore. I am acutely aware of the consequences of my actions. I hope my family won’t be hurt time and again because of me. I am no wooden doll.

I feel pain too. I only hope that when in each moment of despair and suffering, my family can be by my side, instead of doubting me over and over. At the very least, give me the respect and understanding I deserve. If mistrust continues time and again, can we still be called family?

Perhaps you don’t yet understand what family is, but do you know? I am so afraid of losing my family someday.

Even if I have made mistakes, I still wish for my family’s friends to care for me, to look after me, instead of doubting me whenever something goes wrong, assuming it’s me. Do you know how painful the feeling of being mistrusted is?

If this time I really can fulfill everyone’s wish and awaken your father, I hope we won’t encounter such occurrences repeatedly. I just wish for more understanding and care, rather than targeting each other again and again. It is suffering for anyone, isn’t it?"

Zhang Yichen, how could he not understand these truths? Some things he just doesn’t want to admit, because admitting means he made a mistake. Being such a proud person, how can he bear these mistakes all being pinned on him, admitting he did wrong? Time and again, he set aside his pride and tried to change everything, just hoping to prove to everyone one day that everything he did was right.

If he abandons all of this now, wouldn’t it mean everything he has done in the past is in vain? Why should he give up on all of it? If that were truly the case, what reason does he have to remain here?

...

As time slowly ticks away, Zhang Yichen feels there is no longer a need for him to stay in this hospital room. Now, this time belongs to his mother and father. If his father can indeed recover, that would be the best outcome. Even if he can’t, Yichen can only accept the result.

Xia Jing, seeing her son leave, feels it’s time to tell her husband everything. How lonely must he be lying there alone, and what kind of wife doesn’t stay by his side in such times?

Xia Jing takes careful steps towards the bed, reaching her husband’s side. She gently sits in the chair next to him, whispering softly into his ear.

"Zhentian, tell me, what was it all for? For a woman like me, do you know? You’ve wasted your best years on me, sacrificing so much time and again, while I chose to hurt you repeatedly, never realizing my mistakes. Tell me, shouldn’t I be punished?

Yeah, you always felt you didn’t have a significant place in my heart, but don’t you know? I hold your place very dear. Yet, by suspecting me time and again, you’ve broken my heart, you’ve chilled my soul. I no longer want to live with you because, together, you’ve never given me trust.

You understand clearly, living together without trust is painful. If we truly can’t live together, why did we choose to meet and be together in the first place?

Now everyone sees me as the root of all wrong. Of course, I have to admit, if it weren’t for the squabble on the car, the accident wouldn’t have happened. But is it really all my fault? Why does no one consider the essence of the incident and just blame everything on me? Am I naturally meant to take all the blame?

I tried so hard, time and again, to stay by your side and lead an honest life, but in the end, all I received was your mistrust and doubts. Without trust, marriage can’t be happy; you know this better than anyone. Just as I don’t trust you, it’s hard for your heart. Likewise, you’ve never considered things from my perspective.

If you really consider me your wife, please wake up and explain everything blatantly to everyone. I want you to clearly tell them that it wasn’t how they perceived it, that I didn’t cause this mess, nor did I treat you the way they claimed time and again. The blame they keep putting on me, the lies pressing me down, how can I bear it? You’re resting comfortably here, leaving me to face all the criticisms and judgments.

Can you really stand to see the woman you love endure such unfair treatment? If there’s a place for me in your heart, then wake up, don’t let this happen to me, don’t let others judge me again, and certainly don’t let them hurt me with their words. You wouldn’t be willing, so why remain asleep here?"

No one willingly becomes insignificant, everyone is striving to live. Why go through such agony?