Chapter 94 -
"Su Yueqing!"
Wenzhe’s deep voice boomed down the dark, quiet hallway.
Yueqing jumped three feet into the air, her pale pink sleeves flying as she frantically shoved the tiny paper packet behind her back. She whirled around, her hands tucked awkwardly behind her silk dress, putting on the absolute most innocent face she could muster.
"W-Wenzhe!" she squeaked out, her eyes big and wide. "What are you doing here? You scared me!"
Wenzhe stepped closer, his stoic face twitching as he stared at her suspicious hands. Because he couldn’t reveal that he could literally read her thoughts, he had to play totally dumb.
"What are you doing back here by the kitchen wine tables?" Wenzhe demanded, crossing his broad arms over his dark general robes. "The banquet is in the front garden."
"Oh, you know me!" Yueqing said with a fake, sweet laugh, swaying slightly. "I was just... admiring the Governor’s fine collection of pottery jars! Look at this clay! So smooth, so historical!"
Wenzhe stared at her like she had lost her mind. "You left your seat to admire clay jars?"
[Why is this stoic tree poking his big nose in my business right now?!] Yueqing’s inner voice screamed inside Wenzhe’s head, full of pure, petty rage. [Nine! He’s ruining my timing! The Governor is about to send a servant for this wine in five minutes! I need those 200 Villain Points!]
[Host, I suggest aborting the mission,] Nine’s robotic voice chimed in. [Your husband looks like he is about to drag you away by your collar.]
[No way! I am not leaving without my points!] Yueqing’s mind roared back.
Wenzhe rubbed his temples, taking a heavy step forward and reaching for her wrist. "Enough of this. Come back to the garden before you cause trouble."
"Wait, wait, wait!" Yueqing backed away, dodging his hand while hiding the laxative packet deeper into her sleeve. Her black eyes narrowed as she looked at him with sudden, sharp suspicion.
Why is he acting so pushy? she thought. Does he know something? No way... he can’t know. Unless...
Yueqing grabbed a silver wine cup sitting on the table, quickly dipped it deep into the large open wine jar, the very jar she was about to poison and held it out toward Wenzhe with a challenging grin.
"If you want me to leave so badly, General Xi, then prove your good intentions!" Yueqing purred, her tongue sharp. "Drink this cup of wine with me! If you drink it, I’ll go back to the garden peacefully without complaining!"
Wenzhe stared down at the brimming silver cup.
His heart nearly stopped. He knew exactly what was in that jar! Or at least, he knew she had been hovering over it with laxatives!
"No," Wenzhe said flatly, stepping back.
"Why not?" Yueqing pushed the cup closer to his face, her grin turning sly. "Are you scared of a little Governor’s wine? Or do you just hate drinking with your lovely wife?"
"I am not drinking that," Wenzhe replied firmly, glaring at the cup like it contained live vipers. "Put the cup down, Su Yueqing."
"I won’t! Not until you drink!"
"Put it down."
"Drink it!"
"No."
"Drink it, Wenzhe!" Yueqing stomped her foot, arguing with him like a stubborn child. "If you drink the wine, then I’ll leave! That’s the deal! Are you a brave general or a scaredy-cat?"
And right at that exact moment, as Yueqing glared at him with full determination, her inner monologue suddenly went dead silent.
[...]
Wenzhe blinked. He tuned into his mind, desperately listening for her thoughts or Nine’s voice to figure out if she had already dumped the powder into the jar before he walked up, or if she was still holding it behind her back.
Nothing. Pure, blank silence. She was so hyper-focused on forcing him to drink that her brain had completely quieted down.
Did she put it in or not?! Wenzhe thought in pure panic, sweat breaking out on his forehead. Is this normal wine or liquid chaos?!
Before Wenzhe could make a move to dodge, Yueqing saw his brief moment of hesitation and struck like a cobra.
She grabbed him by the front of his heavy robes, used all her strength to yank his head down, and splashed the silver cup right against his lips, forcing the wine straight down his throat!
"Gah—!" Wenzhe gasped, coughing as the sweet, rich wine flooded his mouth.
Yueqing smirked in victory, tossing the empty silver cup onto the floor. "Ha! You drank it! Now you can’t—"
She didn’t get to finish her sentence.
Wenzhe’s dark eyes flashed with wild, desperate genius. Without swallowing a single drop of the wine still pooling in his mouth, Wenzhe reached out, grabbed Yueqing by her waist, and pulled her flush against his chest.
Before she could even squeak, Wenzhe leaned down and pressed his lips firmly onto hers!
Yueqing’s eyes went completely wide in total, utter shock.
Wenzhe held her tightly, parting her lips and forcing half of the unswallowed wine straight back into her mouth, making sure she drank it right along with him!
If this wine has laxatives, Wenzhe thought fiercely against her lips, then by the heavens, we are going down together!
Yueqing was so completely frozen in shock that her mind went entirely blank. She had no idea how or when she had even swallowed the wine. The only thing her brain could process was the firm pressure of Wenzhe’s lips on hers and the warm, sweet liquid he had forced right back down her throat.
She raised her small hands, planting them against his broad, muscular chest, ready to push him off with all her strength.
DING!
[System Announcement: +1 Villain Point!]
Yueqing’s hands paused against his robes.
DING!
[System Announcement: +1 Villain Point!]
DING!
[System Announcement: +1 Villain Point!]
Yueqing’s eyes widened to the size of tea saucers as the notifications kept popping up with every passing second their lips were pressed together.
Slowly, Wenzhe pulled back, breaking the kiss. His face flushed a dark red as reality crashed over him like a bucket of icy water. He stared down at her, looking just as thoroughly confused and horrified by his own reckless action as she was. He had literally just kissed his wife to force that wine back down her throat out of sheer panic!
While Wenzhe stood there looking like a statue that had just glitched out, Yueqing’s brain was operating at maximum confusion.
[Nine! Are you seeing this?!] Yueqing screamed hysterically in her mind, her inner voice blaring straight into Wenzhe’s head. [Why was I getting Villain Points while kissing him?! Did kissing this Block of Wood generate villain points for me?! Is romance illegal in this world?! Why am I getting +1 and +1 for kissing?!]
Wenzhe’s right eye twitched as her screaming voice returned to his brain, calling him a Block of Wood yet again. He quickly cleared his throat, trying to regain his serious composure despite his burning red ears.
[Host, please stand by while I run a quick diagnostic...] Nine’s robotic voice chimed in, sounding unusually frantic. [...Scanning... Scanning... Ah.]
[Ah?! What do you mean ’Ah’?! Explain!] Yueqing demanded, totally ignoring her frozen husband standing right in front of her.
[There is currently a bug in the Point Calculation Matrix,] Nine explained, his robotic tone cracking slightly. [Because you forcefully made General Xi drink potential poison, and then he forcefully kissed you to make you drink it back, the system registered the kiss as ’Aggressive Hostile Domination.’]
[Aggressive Hostile Domination?!] Yueqing choked. [It was a KISS!]
[A very aggressive kiss, Host,] Nine corrected smoothly. [It will take about 48 hours before the bug is fixed. So, as long as you are kissing General Xi during these next two days, you will continuously receive +1 Villain Points every second!]
[Wait... so as long as I kiss this Block of Wood, I get endless villain points for 48 hours?!] Yueqing’s eyes sparkled with pure, unholy greed.
Wenzhe, who had been listening to this entire ridiculous conversation inside his head, stood completely frozen. A bug?! She gets free points as long as she kisses me for the next two days?!
Before Wenzhe could take a step back to escape her trap, Yueqing grinned like a sly, evil cat.
Without giving this Block of Wood a single second to react, she grabbed him by his heavy silk collar, pulled his head down, and stand on her tiptoes to plant her lips firmly back onto his!
DING! +1 Villain Point!
DING! +1 Villain Point!
DING! +1 Villain Point!
Wenzhe’s jaw went stiff, his ears burning like fire as he stood there completely helpless, hearing her inner thoughts roaring with triumph.
[Hahaha! It works! Stand still, Block of Wood, you are my official point-farming machine now!]