Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (WN)
Chapter IV.91: False Sleep
Listening to Emilia's words all over the tears, a feeling of regret struck me like piercing Subaru's entire body. Let Emilia dig up her sad memories and she is rarely stabbed by her guilt for making her come to tears.
What was felt from Emilia's words of interruption was her affection and gratitude to those who spent time with her in the Great Elior Forest. That turns the snow day to the border and moves to memories where hatred and resentment are heard.
I don't know what they thought in their freezing time, trapped in the ice. It's just that Emilia's happy, warm time, which should have been, has not yet shown any signs of melting, closed cold or abnormal in thick ice.
"... how did those people hit Emilia with those words? As far as I can tell from what I've just heard, I put that forest underneath the ice... if you mean Emilia, I can muscle it. But you had the power to cause such an outrageous phenomenon at a young age?
"- I don't know. Something I was so much less worldly back then than I am now, and I was just sweeter to everyone's favor without even knowing what I could or could not do. But... I don't have the power to freeze the woods by myself without even relying on the pack."
"With the pack, can you?
――――
When Subaru questions anxious words, Emilia faintly pulls her jaw silently.
The passive affirmation is that Svalbard is afraid that he will be so misled that he is the tenant who froze the woods. There's nothing like thinking that.
It's purely a matter of order, not a half-officer.
"You don't have to look so anxious to get me wrong. Emilia met Puck long after the Great Forest was frozen... that's a hundred years later, isn't it? Ice, pack, Emilia, in order."
"Ugh, yeah... yeah, what..."
I know, when Subaru pronounced in advance, Emilia nodded with a strong expression when it came to relief.
Mindful of his desire to frown upon the reaction, Subaru joined hands in front of Emilia by telling her facial expressions to remain calm.
- The slightest discomfort was ever heard of Emilia's spill spill words. But right now, at this moment, I've never felt so strongly uncomfortable.
Naturally, Natsuki Subaru was only interested in butterflies and flowers on the upper edge of her humanity, without ever stepping inside Emilia or in the past.
So this is a 'trial' for Subaru that we have to start here.
Subaru, who no longer qualifies for a "trial" at the cemetery, is the "test" to see if he qualifies for it before, next to, and beside Emilia.
"In" The Trial "at the cemetery, I found out about the view Emilia was seeing.... On the contrary, how do you think Emilia can get over it?
"That's... um..."
Emilia wandering her gaze. That's not a stray answer, it's a reaction that doesn't find a clear name or shape in the answer in the ambiguity.
Emilia has no clear vision for the breakthrough of the 'Trial'. It's still her first challenge, and she suddenly raises the issue of years of troubles and asks for a complete answer to it.
Originally, Echidna said the graveyard's first 'trial' was his own answer to the past, which he avoids facing - something that could be broken through by showing it.
Providing either affirmative or negative answers is a breakthrough.
Emilia takes reality, denied by those she was close to, as a sad memory. Is blowing it off a condition for a breakthrough in the first 'trial'?
Blow off what you've left behind in the past - how can you clear that up?
Subaru cannot offer Emilia a clear answer. But there is something I can tell because it is Subaru who has survived the first 'trial' by turning and has also touched the second 'trial'. There are even a few things I can tell because I touched Subaru as a person of existence called Echidna.
- Perhaps' trials' do not present problems that make it impossible to overcome what is challenging.
Given the purpose of Echidna, who laid down the 'Trial', that is natural.
What Echidna wants is the treasure of curiosity-satisfying results, which shines best by breaking through the 'trials'. At least that's what that witch should think.
I'm just saying that there is either an affirmation or a denial of the challenger or an answer to the result.
In other words, Emilia fulfils the conditions for completing the 'trials' of the cemetery. If we can find that condition and pull it out against the past, that should be the answer.
Instead, if there's a problem, it's not the 'trial' one -.
"Besides, even if you try not to find some kind of answer, it's bound to turn out the same."
"- Subaru, what do you think?
…………
"Talk about now...... 'Trials' and my past and...... what do you think when you hear that? I don't know what to do, come up with something like that? I don't know what to do..."
All this time, perhaps last night, even after the 'trials' and thus returning to the makeshift, she should have repeated that question while even sleeping time was eroded.
That is in the vortex of thought that softens the spirit so much that it loses consciousness in a way that is close to fainting.
"Earlier Emilia said she wanted to melt the ice and say thank you to everyone, didn't she?
"Yeah."
"What makes you think that?
Emilia must have been badly beaten by the people she was close to.
How does Emilia find a point in salvating them, to them that have sunk beneath the ice?
"The last memory I'll remember in you was denied by those people, right? They hit me with a terrible word, they hit me with a grudge... but why do you think I want to help?
"- Subaru, if you say terrible things to me here and now, don't you think you're going to help me anymore?
――――
Unexpectedly, I mumbled.
Emilia's purple blue eyes look back sincerely at Subaru. Only the stray that was in weakness had disappeared from the eyes telling this answer.
"Sure, I was with everyone and the last thought I felt was a hard one... but that last thing didn't make the time I spent with everyone go away until then. I had so many good memories with everyone."
…………
"Forget that, I can't be going to deny it all that way that everyone has only hurtful memories. He wants to help everyone out and laugh at each other again... greedy, but I think so"
After I say it, Emilia holds her mouth down with her hands and asks for Subaru's complexion.
The expression looked as if Subaru had accidentally spoken of the ugly ambitions within him and feared to be despised by it.
Seeing Emilia anxious like that, Subaru thinks.
- Is it her way of life to greed that wish and to have to think so?
- Subaru?
"No, I thought. Not at all. Emilia's right."
The last time I dealt with him, even if I felt like he was going to kill me, the bonds and memories I'd built up wouldn't have disappeared by then.
Subaru ran off to help them, even if he was caught in the eye of two people, Rem and Ram, killing him. Even the loop, starting with Wang Du, continued to run with the same thoughts.
As Subaru thinks so, so does Emilia - that's all.
――――
And shortly after gaining a sense of relief, Subaru realized the greatest discomfort he had ever felt.
Why, I've never noticed such an overlook before, and it's so uncomfortable.
- Subaru?
Her face was stiffened up with agitation and Emilia's eyes wobbled in confusion at Subaru looking at herself. I know I'm giving her such anxiety, but Subaru can hardly regain his peace. Because
- Amongst Emilia, there are already answers to past events.
――――
In the ice of the Ellior Great Forest, the family of elves who have spent their days with her are asleep. Emilia traced the past of the day the snow covered the forest, and said she wanted to salvage those people and convey her gratitude, even though they were pointed at the spearhead of malice by those who believed.
That's one decisive answer to the past that makes you want to turn away.
If Subaru's decision to say goodbye to his parents, acknowledging his stupidity in the past, supposedly met the conditions for breaking through the first 'trial', then so should this determination of Emilia.
And yet, the 'trials' are not trying to admit that they met her conditions.
Or I thought it was because Subaru woke her up and interrupted the 'trials', but even in the past loops and beyond the first day - there are no trials other than when Subaru interrupted Emilia's 'trials' that she was able to break through.
Is Emilia's answer inappropriate for the 'trials' that have been put out?
"But that's..."
If it is Echidna who makes the ruling for 'Trial', do you think it is the witch's chest three inches to like the answer given? But Echidna's stance is not about what answers come out, it's about the style that emphasizes what answers come out.
Whatever the form, it's not like her to deny the answers given by the challenger. It's not like her - assuming, but if it's possible that Echidna doesn't just try to accept Emilia's answer, there was a verse in Subaru that comes to mind.
But my heart blamed me for admitting it.
Admitting it means that 'Emilia alone' is absolutely nothing more than making up a presumption that we will not be able to break through this' trial '.
"Can you admit that... please, Echidna"
"Subaru, what's wrong? Me, something weird again..."
"No, it's not Emilia's problem. If there's a problem, you're the one with the problem.... I was talking about wanting to melt the ice and help everyone, but couldn't that ice melt? You and Pac lived in the woods until Roswell took us out, didn't you? If it was time to try, there would have been plenty."
Subaru threw his words at him, knowing it was a cruel inquiry.
The idea of letting Emilia do it after hearing about her past is nothing more than her choice to unseal the ice with her hands and expose Emilia again to the hatred of the liberated.
Emilia herself, that annoyance has probably been repeated many times. Lie your eyes down as you put a fingernail mark on your own arm you grabbed.
"Many times, the pack helped me... but I couldn't melt the ice"
"Is it a mental problem that you couldn't dissolve? Or a physical problem…"
If it is a mental problem, then Subaru has no intention of blaming it.
It's something that no one can easily do, like act, knowing it can break their heart.
But Emilia responded weakly to Subaru's question, "Physical problems, I guess".
"That ice, with special ice... it wasn't like melting even if I tried from the outside. I can't do anything about the ice-soaked surgeon without more amazing means... so I'm on Roswar's suggestion..."
"Suggestions…?
"Ah..."
To Subaru's reaction frowned upon, Emilia covers her mouth with her hands with a face that says something she shouldn't have said.
But Emilia quickly dropped her shoulder before Subaru, who kept her gaze in silence.
"Roswar made a promise to me."
――――
"Bring the badge, let me hold it... make sure the gem glows red, then talk about the king's race, then... I said this"
Was it also stated in the Gospel that there was a qualified Emilia as a candidate for the King, shining a badge in the woods?
The kind of interaction that Roswar's demonic grin brings to his eyes - Roswar, who reaches out to Emilia in his imagination, said.
"- If you could get the throne, you could melt the ice in this forest."
"... did you believe that?
"I feel like a fool, you know. I haven't been informed of the details of how to melt it... but I took that suggestion and left the woods with Roswar. The pack... I don't disagree with what I do, so don't say anything and you're here with me."
"That's why Emilia decided to take part in the King's race... you said before, self-serving reasons to take part in the King's race... is that what you mean?"
Unlike the other candidates, Emilia said she decided to take part in the king's race for selfish reasons. I've avoided listening to the details so far, but the meaning of the words at that time finally connected me here.
"... contempt, don't you?
Emilia squeaks so on the pretend as she bites one convincing in her chest.
When she looked up, Emilia stared at Subaru as a jerk and was shaking her lips.
"Others... Everyone has set a fine goal or a readiness to challenge the King's race, but the reason I have it is awesome, awesome and personal..."
"I think it's important enough that you want to help everyone in the village. With a small number of helpful people, the splendor of what you do doesn't fade. Besides... what you said in the hall of the king's race, you're not supposed to be lying, are you?
"In the hall of the king's election, what I said..."
"I want you to look at it equally, yes. I don't think I lied about that."
It may have been the beginning that sought to open up to the unresolved within me. But Emilia should have had the opportunity to change her mind by knowing the outside world, by knowing the size of a hundred years of time, and by knowing what the world looks like today.
Subaru did not feel that the words she spoke in the hall of the king's election were of no good faith that took the upper edge.
If that thought is sincere and the desire to win the king's race is still the same, Subaru doesn't think it would be such a derogatory reason.
"So you don't have to look so anxious. I'm on Emilia's side, and I haven't changed my mind about you leaning on me since last night. I don't care if you say it's okay to borrow my shoulder."
"Ah... uh, about yesterday..."
"Don't apologize, because you'll be miserable. Well, all I can tell you from you is that I'm always in a position to stop by Emilia, so use is planned. I think Emilia can be strong and stand alone, but she can be a little weak."
Slap him on the chest and let him loosen his mouth gently, he exhales like Emilia's relieved too. As soon as she did, she fluttered her torso like that relief propagated all over her body,
"I don't know, suddenly when I'm relieved..."
"As bad as I had a bad dream and couldn't sleep. What? Don't push it, you can sleep a little. Me, don't do anything. I'm watching you."
"Don't do anything, I'm really curious..."
Mindful of a word he doesn't need, Emilia still rocks her silver hair against the temptation of the sleeper. With his finger on her forehead like that, Subaru gently pushed his skinny back.
"Ahhh..."
He said, "Go to sleep."
Poke your finger at Emilia, who leaned on her back on the bed, without telling her whether or not to.
When Subaru puts the towel kettle over its thin body, he pulls the chair he was sitting in even closer to the bed and sits back in a position where Emilia's sleeping face can peek.
"Hey - if you talked all the time, muscled up in your head, and felt a little relieved with my words... let's get some rest. When it's night, we'll have to work hard again."
"... sweeten it that way, I wonder"
"That's okay. Sweeter and sweeter. My spoil is so full of cavities."
Emilia in the bed laughs small at Subaru making her shoulders shrug. Then Emilia stared at Jizz Subaru and slowly reached out of the towel kettle,
"- Hands."
"Yeah?"
"If you're going to spoil me, hand...... will you hold me? Just until I go to bed, okay?
"Oh, I'll take care of it."
Hold the thin, small hand that is offered and smile as you feel its luxurious and smooth feel in your hands. Emilia grinned back equally at Subaru's smile and closed her eyes softly to follow Subaru's words.
It didn't take that long until I heard a little sleep.
"... a little, I hope you have a good dream"
Watching Emilia expose her quiet sleeping face in the bed, Subaru pays her fingers for the silver hair on that forehead and drops her gaze into her hands, which are still tied.
By feeling the presence of others in this way, I wish she could free herself at all from the loneliness in her dreams. Because it's too harsh a trick, like being alone in a room, repeatedly pursued by bitter nightmares.
"Nevertheless... you've heard so much."
Sitting back in the chair holding his hand, Subaru rebuts the content of the conversation he had.
Emilia's past and why she challenged the king's race. Roswar's suggestion that took her out and Emilia was so caught up that she had to get on with that suggestion.
And most importantly, the 'trials' that come down to Emilia and the sincerity of the 'trials' that don't try to forgive her, which are supposed to be giving answers - leaving them in half form, putting Emilia to sleep like this, Subaru is here now.
――――
Gently, stare at Emilia's sleeping face.
I remembered how sore she was, and I put the situation ahead of me - not that. There's a reason I almost forced myself to rest in this way, putting the answers I have to give behind me.
The reason I came to that idea was because it was too much - beside Emilia, who kept me awake, and I wasn't going to be able to do it.
"Just think circumstantially... I just think so"
The loop of the past, what caught it, and other circumstantial evidence make Subaru aware of it. There's one way to be sure, and that's easy to do now.
And if this idea is correct, it should undoubtedly be the one light that opens things up -.
Breathe in and stop.
Listening to the noise of the heartbeat to the bloodstream, Subaru reaches out to see if his thoughts are right.
Take Emilia's right and opposite hand gripping to Emilia's neck with a restful sleeping face - reaching for its white, thin neck, and.
- You're not really sleeping.
It feels cold and stiff at your fingertips.
Subaru spinning the words that way, feeling something strong in his voice himself.
When there was a lot of silence, and Subaru's heart was about to scorch with a sense of impatience - to pretend,
'Well, you've noticed. - I'm glad, Subaru.'
From among the green crystalline stones touched, the neutral Spirit's voice echoed directly into Subaru's skull.