Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (WN)

Dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark place.

Back of the head, back, back, back, back, back, back.

Myself, me, me, who, you, you, Natsuki Subaru, Mary Portrut.

Vegetable Moon/Hyunichi, Elsa Grand Hilte, Vegetable Moon/Vegetable Hoko, Petra Reite, Emilia, Chaura, Beatrice, Frederica Bauman, Anastasia Horsin, Garfield Tinzel, Julius Euclius, Otto Suwen, Lamb, Blue-haired, Who, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Others, Me, You, Me, Me...,

- Myself, me, Natsuki Subaru. Myself, me, Natsuki Subaru.

- Who, me, Mary Portruit. Who, me, Mary Portruit.

――――

The thought turns around, in the ambiguous sensations of reality and unreality, melting, mixing, intertwining, merciful, hateful, painful, loving, seeking, killing, wanting, breaking, threatening, understanding, crying, laughing, and not understanding.

I am myself, only myself, others are others, only others.

There is no room for compromise there, there is no mercy for concessions there, there is no soil there to understand each other, there is no relationship where we can think of each other, it is just empty and complete.

"Subaru......"

――――

Shake your head and drown in the task of pulling out the thorn named 'Others' in you diligently.

It's Emilia and Beatrice who support a boy who gasps for such breathlessness from left to right and is gently touching his shoulders. That, with the two worried eyes on their cheeks, the boy - an individual to be called Natsuki Subaru - is scratching his feet to establish the border between himself and the others and to regain himself.

Thoughts to explore, swirling emotions that blend together to render the right answer invisible.

If your lungs cramp and you touch your throat with a feeling that makes your breathing painful, what comes back as you go along is the strong pressure on your neck and the twitchy fear of suffocation that struck you afterwards.

The impending sensation of 'death' resurrected vividly, and the rise of vomiting brought a twitchy, hot tear to my eyes.

――――

Faced with that horrible feeling, Subaru slowly, cautiously, and painstakingly seeks to exclude elements from himself that are unlikely to be his own and to be established as a stand-alone.

Sort and delimit one name, two names, memories, memories, impressions, emotions, and more.

That way, if you pick out the impurities and remove the mixed ones, you can go back.

Failure to do so will keep them melting, mixing, and peeling away.

Myself and the girl who was murdered by my 'hands' mixed together...

"- Natsuki-kun, what the hell did you see? Can we talk about that?

"Huh?

The subaru in the personality agitation state was immediately heard from the front.

If you look, it was the person with the shallow eyes, Anastasia - no, now would it have been Echidna - who has knelt down and aligned his gaze with this one? Anyway, it's her.

In the subaru of such recognition, Echidna overlaps words, keeping serious colors in her eyes.

"I can see that you are in a tough situation. But the status quo is obvious to us. I want information as soon as possible if I can. Deal with it, don't get me wrong."

"Wait, Echidna. Now Subaru has just had a rough time..."

"No matter, I know that. I also understand that the impotence was for everyone here. That's why we have an obligation to respond quickly to his judgment."

Subaru just spills a plundered breath, Echidna's claim pierces Emilia for trying to shelter it.

Speaking, Echidna's gaze turned for a moment to the book that fell on the floor behind her. thick, black fitting, eyes on its back cover, "because," Echidna continued her words,

"The young girl who accompanied us is missing. On top of that, a book of thought was found matching the girl's name in a library where records of the dead were supposedly kept.... Things are serious. We can't afford to be on foot."

"That's... yes, but"

Neither can Emilia disagree slightly with Echidona's claim of a low voice.

In fact, Echidna's appeal is true.

Subaru is the only one in this anomaly who holds good information. Taking that mood into account, we can't all afford to wait for you to calm down, etc.

Because we know that, Echidna is ready to be criticized, ghosting her mind and throwing questions at Subaru.

In preparation, Subaru also chewed his back teeth hard, touching his neck with his hands.

Full strength revives the strangled sensation. I closed my eyes.

And -,

"Let's hear it again, Natsuki-kun. What you saw in the book..."

"-Marie's, memory, was"

――――

To Echidna's inquiry, Subaru answers honestly, without delusion.

As soon as she did, neighbor Emilia stuffed her breath and also meditated on Echidna in the front. The expressions of Beatrice, Julius and Lamb present also have their own upset and sad colors.

The Book of the Dead showed Subaru Mary's record.

There is not one person on this occasion who does not understand what it means.

Is this some mistake, and isn't the book of Mary's records prepared by mistake? How easy would it be to cling to such irresponsible hope?

But I am not alone on this occasion in giving myself up to that deception and wanting to escape to the easier.

Especially the girls who are trying to support that heart next to Subaru, whose cheeks have been stiffened by distress.

"Calm down, Subaru. Calm down and focus on getting yourself back."

"... wah, rui"

"It's okay. I wonder if I could lean on Betty at all costs at a time like this.... This isn't just Subaru's fault. I don't think so."

――――

Standing up Beatrice tells him so by embracing Subaru's head, which disturbed his breathing.

It's ironic because the palm of the girl stroking her brunette as she is scratches everything brutally as she pulls Svalbard's mind over the water, disturbed by thousands.

Beatrice mercifully told me that it wasn't Subaru's fault.

But this is nobody's fault, it's the sin of 'Natsuki Subaru'. Beatrice, not knowing it and speaking gently, seemed too funny and sad.

"-Miss Lamb, what do you think?

And, with Subaru and Beatrice sidelined by such an exchange, Julius, with a serious face, turned the water toward the ram.

Relatively few shock colors on these two expressions. That's because if I trace Mary's memory, these two were in the line, always on guard for Mary.

At least, to the best of Mary's senses, the two Rams and Julius lacked vigilance for Mary, who was a killer.

On the contrary, although Emilia and Echidona felt strongly alarmed.

"If you believe what Subaru is saying now, Miss Mary has already..."

"As much as you lie about that body, Balth won't be clever or flirtatious.... I'm pretty sure the book there is Mary's. The question is, can someone confirm it additionally?"

Holding his thin arm, he glances at the book where Ram still falls to the ground and says:

In response to that story, Julius frowned at the thought,

"- I would."

"It's the second time, so you can afford it, you think? If it's the second time, there's a valve with the same conditions. Of course, it particularly resonated with the spiritually immature Balth..."

――――

"Hate, Ram doesn't appreciate that Julius' spirit is more stable than Balth's or better now."

Straight, Julius stuffed his breath at the words of Ram, who sharpened his thin red eyes.

But he immediately shook his head sideways saying "it makes sense".

"... spicy, but I have no basis to argue against Ms Lamb's words. Yesterday, you won't be qualified for that because of your unselfish arbitrariness."

I'm sorry to hear that, but I agree.

Julius' self-derision tells me that Echidna, who raised her hand, breaks into it. She teased the white collar-wrapped fur around her neck with her fingers,

"However, my claim is not based on Julius' mental state. I'm just saying I want to disagree because it's a dangerous attempt to see how Natsuki-kun is doing."

"Danger, I guess it's true. Obviously, something's wrong."

"Right. From the last time, the impact of reading a book seems darker. It's hard to tell if this is a matter of number of times or if the book you read is a problem."

"The number of times and the problem with the book you read, is?

Lamb and Julius twisting their necks, echidna nodding "Oh" to those two.

"Simply, is it a mechanism where the more books you read, the more loads you get... or does it distort your mind when you see a human record close to you, I think the possibilities are dichotomous"

"Someone close."

Ram turns his eyes toward Subaru to Echidna's speculation with his fingers up. In that gaze, Subaru was desperate not to scream in Beatrice's thin chest.

Perhaps Echidna's guess is correct.

The reason Subaru's mind suffered so much damage is due to the latter part of her speculation - a close, or knowingly patterned opponent, the load of seeing that record.

Closer interlocutors - that, the vivid 'life' record brings is huge.

Naturally, people are more interested in the person they're close to than their distant counterparts.

Subaru also hoped for it as a fact. As a matter of fact, Subaru and Mary and the half spirit tried to unite because it was so deep and they stepped in to want to know her.

As a result, Subaru was to face an immeasurable nothingness, deep within 'me'.

That young girl has been holding on to the inert nothingness of life...

"- Anyway, I can't stand still. Find Mary."

There, a strong bursting sound of air echoed.

It was Emilia who put her hands together in front of her chest and raised her face firmly. Emilia, who drew the attention of the library to herself, Subaru rounds her eyes to her words.

"Find...?

- Look, look, look, what is it? Besides, what's the point?

- Mary, she said, 'I' was already dead.

- Before you died, you didn't even care.

"Even if I find it, maybe it's too late. We should have stayed with that girl, but maybe we couldn't do it. But I have to find you."

――――

"Nobody would know where that kid was, would they? First, find him... and then find out what you can do. Let's find it."

Emilia's, the word has no specificity, far from solidity or wisdom.

Whatever that means, the 'I' claim in Subaru remains unchanged. A realist would have argued that there should be a more meaningful use of time.

But no one on this occasion disagreed with Emilia's proposal for that.

That was wrong, and there was not a single thing to deny outright.

So what followed Emilia's proposal was, realistically, a discussion to implement that proposal, a declaration of action broken down.

"Daytime policy will have to be changed, won't it? Let's split up and find her."

"Lamb... first, I'm going to make sure Lem's okay. I've been in the Spirit's room a long time before I went to get Emilia and the Balls... now, again"

"Ms Lamb likes that.... Subaru, sounds harsh but I want to be sure. Did you see it in The Book of the Dead, including Miss Mary's last moments?

Julius, who chose the word, Subaru hesitated to respond to the inquiry.

You saw the end of Mary, and the answer to that query is YES. Subaru tasted the moment when Mary's 'life' would be lost, more familiar than any other.

Strangled, consciousness distant from breathlessness, thoughts filled with despair and hatred, which abruptly interrupt. - I guess that moment was the moment when the life power went down.

Natsuki Subaru, who felt it, took part in the cover-up of her remains.

Natsuki Subaru is cooperating with the man who killed 'me'. In the most hateful 'Natsuki Subaru' in the world, there is Natsuki Subaru who knows' I '.

"- Natsuki-kun, I want you to answer. Did you see her end? Where is she now? Did you see what the hell was causing the death?

――――

Echidna pursues Suspiciously in her poor face to Subaru who cannot return the word.

Emotions give way to that word. Stand. My heart beats faster and my sweat gets wet on my back slowly. Don't let Beatrice next to you notice that, or it's horrible.

- The truth is, does everyone know that Subaru is involved in Mary's death?

Knowing, blurring in the sky, are you trying to hunt yourself down with such far-fetched manoeuvres to extract your confession from Subaru? Such, even stupid thoughts go through the back of my brain.

But whenever that idea comes to mind, the color of the gaze you can point at denies it.

Emilia, Beatrice, Echidna, Julius, eyes for Subaru.

That's what it seems to me that only Subaru, with his bloody dirty hands and thinly dirty thoughts, is the owner of an ugly, rotten heart scratching to protect himself.

Then, for one thing, heed the wishes of 'me' -,

"- Until I die, I haven't seen it. It's in the tower, I'm sure."

Subaru chewed down and denied the temptation brought about by 'me'.

Dangerous emotions that are sprouting inside - it is the sweet curse left by Mairi Portrut, who is trying to get Natsuki Subaru to confess his sins.

Inside Subaru, a thought that was indeed born.

I want Emilia and the others to find Mary's remains. I want to find it, regret it, regret it, see a sadly distorted look, and lower the emotional bucket obsessed with my heart.

Though I'm no longer knowing for myself who the hell it is that Natsuki Subaru, "Me" and "Natsuki Subaru" are the emotions I want.

"… Again, do you still have the energy to read the book?

"Echidna!"

Throw a suggestion that Echidna can also be described as merciless to Subaru, who cannot come up with a decision. For a moment Subaru tried to respond "if you tell him to do it," but sooner than that, Beatrice was barking to bite.

With Subaru's head in his arms, Beatrice sharpened her round, big eyes,

"What a name to make Betty scream...! Anyway, I don't know if I can make you imitate that. Betty disagrees with her emotions for another reason."

"Given the risk of mixing, I wouldn't even recommend it. I just wanted to make sure you were ready for that. I wouldn't have let you do it if you insisted."

"... if that's what you really are, I hope so"

Beatrice abandons Echidna with a strong angry voice who can pull her opinion in.

As it was, Emilia and Julius broke in simultaneously between the two disturbingly airy people.

"That's it. I, too, disagree with making Subaru any more impotent. All the time, we're discussing it here, too, opposite. … I want to move quickly."

"I agree with Emilia. - Situationally, there is a good chance of an accident if something happens to Miss Mary. It is possible that he slipped his legs on a staircase or balcony or went outside the tower…"

- No, it's not. It's not.

Second, Shaura, who had not participated in the discussion until then, pinched her mouth to deny Julius' mouth-running concerns.

She picked up Mary's "Book of the Dead," which was falling under her feet, there, picking the back cover with her fingers and rocking it left and right.

"If Chibiko 2 had been out of the tower, Ahi would have been a killin 'machine. The lack of it means no one should go out there."

"For whatever reason, touching is a light touch to a hesitant book."

"I'm also somewhat restless about letting it spread out on the floor. Maybe this was judged disrespectful to the library, and Kilzem-all the presents wasn't meant to be."

Saying, Shaura throws The Book of the Dead around like a pompous and juggling in her own hands.

Attitudes like that, but more careless fun than that, for fear of disrespect for the library.

In fact, Julius frowned in good shape at the attitude.

"Ms Shawla, I want you to stop playing with that book. You have..."

"Don't you have a heart to grieve or something targeted? You don't even know that if you say so, sss. Sure enough, the little one number two was sticking around for a while, sss. Uh, I didn't hate anything about number two, but... Ultimately, uh, anything but your teacher comes from the ss."

In the open mind, Shaura laughed and annoyed Julius.

I can't see the strength there or the bare gesture I behaved hypocritically. That is what Svalbard believed to be the unquestionable authenticity of Shaura, at least.

In other words, she is also one of those beings who moves in a mood that is difficult for a normal person to understand.

- No. Isn't Subaru originally equipped with the ability to understand their true intentions, with only a very limited amount of time on this occasion?

How complex emotions can a person hide behind a smiling mask, his face?

That's exactly what I'm saying right now, chewing on 'me' life and saying I've just been in pain.

"- Let's split up and find Mary. Subaru, stay here with Beatrice."

Such subaru self-blame and the distorted atmosphere left by Chaura.

He doubled them in one word and raised his voice to encourage Emilia to act. On her instructions, Subaru feels terribly shameless.

I want you to find me.

"Beatrice, please Subaru. I'll see what I can do about Reid."

"It's appropriate. - Emilia, you guys, be careful."

Exchange words, entrust your wishes, Emilia and Beatrice share roles and wish each other a good fight.

Then Emilia took the rams and echidnas and scattered them into the tower to search for Mary.

Subaru dropped off that distant back without a word to say -,

- So, they don't think you're coming with us.

He dropped off the search party, and next to Subaru left in the library, he said away, staring at Shaura, where Beatrice was sitting.

In that Beatrice's harsh eyes, Shaura stretched her tail sweetly, "Oh, yeah,"

"Uh, what's the point? It's just a star sign, right? Well, if I take that crown, I'll do everything I can to ask from you, both physically and mentally."

"Then maybe you should go find Mary, too. Don't stay here."

"- Really, is that so?

Then, Shaura leaned her neck and turned her somewhat lustrous glance towards Subaru.

Jumping over Beatrice's head, she throws an inquiry, directly to Subaru. There was a unique luster - contrary to the strong appearance of signs of colour, Shaura, who seemed dazzled and young and instead marginal of those signs, had the first look on her face.

――――

Subaru's heart bounces hard on that unintentionally colorful fragrance. I accidentally raised my face and looked back at those thoughtless, illegible Shaura black eyes.

Shaura loosens her lips on that Subaru face in a non-malicious manner and softly holds the Book of the Dead in front of her abundant breasts.

"If you want, I'll shoot off the moon." So I want to ask your teacher, not half demon or little boy number one, a favor of Ikamen. "

"To me..."

"Master, what should I do? Little boy number two, you're gonna go look for him? Or..."

So he cut the words, and Shaura didn't say what was ahead.

However, when he turns to Subaru's judgment, Shaura refrains, holding the Book of the Dead to his chest. With such an unshakeable attitude on her part, Subaru looks at herself and ponders.

Where the hell is the right answer to my emotions?

――――

Emilia's proposal, the conflicting sentiments about that, is the true proof of the contradictory presence of the present being named Natsuki Subaru.

- The life of Mairie Portrut, which can never be described as long.

By deciphering it the Book of the Dead, he digested it digestively, digesting it with an invisible stomach, chewing and swallowing it blasphemously as if to stumble only where he liked.

Natsuki Subaru tasted the life of Me in a double way.

As a result, the mixed consciousness of Natsuki Subaru and 'Natsuki Subaru' is divided into spirituality close to half schizophrenia by taking in different young women from the very roots.

- Subaru wants to hide his involvement in Mary's 'death'.

- Subaru wants you to find Mary's body that you hid.

- Subaru hates' Natsuki Subaru 'for killing' me '.

Therefore, a contradictory wish arises in Subaru and causes it to act to fulfil it.

"- Shaura, go find Mary. Help Emilia and the others."

If he noticed, Subaru was on his way to Shaura, where he awaited instructions, and had given orders to do so.

Upon that instruction, Shaura raises her eyebrows and salutes her posture correctly.

"Lyokais. Whatever your teacher wants, ahh, yah, yah, yah. Russ"

He winked with adorable salute, and Shaura offered the book to Subaru. He receives a book that feels a little black weight, and Shaura tongues out at Subaru, who puts on his face.

As soon as that sounded like a prank and looked like some kind of return of interest look, she turns her back slightly to Subaru and jumps down the library stairs in one flight. I saw the dark hair dancing on its back become invisible, and Subaru, freed from strange pressures, spilled his exhale.

"Funny, that's crazy..."

- Natsuki Subaru, a wrongdoer who has been found dead and doesn't want to be exposed for his involvement in the crime.

- I want the victim's "I" to find the wreckage and clear my mind and anger.

- Natsuki Subaru, the perpetrator who pushes murder and irrationality against others and overlaps evil.

These mix in one flesh, forcing Natsuki Subaru to make decisions and choices.

If he truly wished only for his peace, Subaru should have spoken to Mary's life and death, worked his head more, and misled the contents of The Book of the Dead.

I could not do so because it is also true that Subaru did not have that much wisdom, but more than that, there was empathy for the thoughtlessness of 'I' and enmity for 'Natsuki Subaru' - you know, there was anger at me that I should not let evil beings go wild.

Last time, last time, and even before that, it's true that someone drove Subaru to death.

But even that seems like a trap designed by Natsuki Subaru lurking within Subaru to hate others and ramble Subaru.

After all, isn't what I thought right before reading The Book of the Dead?

Neither Emilia nor Mary, there is no one, no real bad guy, and Natsuki Subaru is the only one who is evil.

"Subaru, if you think too much of it, you can't. Maybe you should let go of that book."

――――

If you look at me, Beatrice, kneeling right beside me, looks worried about Subaru.

Straight from the front, the eyes that are worrying me about Subaru - the uncomfortable emotions occupy Subaru's chest, ejected by the same light that Emilia was floating around.

This, the sentiment that Beatrice points at - it wasn't meant for herself, who is Natsuki Subaru, it was directed at 'Natsuki Subaru'.

It must not seem grossly dishonest for me to receive it and yet remain silent knowing the nature of 'Natsuki Subaru', concealing that I have lost my memory.

Tell them, shouldn't they?

Before you know it, it is now Natsuki Subaru that extends to the kind of crime that takes Mairi's life. Then before the danger reappears to Emilia and Beatrice...

"... why are you, like, so sweet?

"- Also, it's a lot of sudden questions. I don't know what's going on."

"No..."

If, in a decisive word, you're going to crack the relationship between this borrower, maybe you wanted to hear it before it did. - Tell me the truth.

Emilia, Beatrice, and her crew are trusting Natsuki Subaru.

――――

Trust and the moment you think about it deeply, starch arises in Subaru's chest.

What 'I' was pointing at Elsa. What Emilia and the others are up to in this world, intimate with Natsuki Subaru, towards Natsuki Subaru.

Only Natsuki Subaru can't hold it, only view it, gems.

Why should only Natsuki Subaru show off the traces, the remnants of the incense, the warmth that there should have been?

――――

Why would such a man do that?

Why such a cruel human being?

Why, oh, an ugly man.

Why, a man involved in Elsa's death.

Why is there a man who can kill Mary?

Why did a man try to hide the death of 'me'?

Why would a man like that, a man, a man, be liked? They like me.

――――

I want to know. I don't. I want to know. I don't. Only myself, only Subaru, only 'I' do not know why. I don't know. I don't know. On the one hand, everything, on the other.

――――

Can you tell if I ask? Can I ask? Can you tell me?

If that's the truth, does it seem that way? The smile that "I" was floating on, the smile that I was showing was fake, and there was nothingness in its chest, and the mask was something everyone would wear, even Natsuki Subaru, because you didn't want your father or your mother to see you outside the house.

Then where is the way to know the truth?

Seriously, seriously, why do they believe in 'Natsuki Subaru'?

Know that, how - "I" should teach you?

――――

A voice echoing in the back of his brain cruelly seduces Natsuki Subaru.

And I realized that the answer to the difficult question that dominated my skull was familiar.

Even now, in my arms, is the art of knowing the answer?

"Subaru?"

Staring at the silent Subaru, Beatrice anxiously narrows her eyes.

Without turning to that gaze of hers, Subaru just looked down into his arms.

――――

- A black, thick book seemed to welcome the curiosity of knowing, miserably.