Reverend Rizzsanity

Bai La smiled in satisfaction as she completed another transaction. Diamond Soil proved to be of great use and helped her set up a small business to alleviate some of her financial needs but her luck did not end there. In the last two months, she encountered a few other beneficial deals and started rebuilding her blessed land. The tribulation meant for breaking through to rank 7 had left her blessed land in a poor state. Now? It brimmed with vitality. She moved in several beast groups and resources, investing in them a great deal to increase her foundation and further improve the rate of her immortal essence production. But what made Bai La truly happy was reconnecting with Feng Jin Huang. Again, they tacitly forgot what happened in Affection Peak and moved on. It was Feng Jin Huang who first started consoling Bai La. Bai La, too, resumed teaching Feng Jin Huang.

Earlier, Bai La did not dare face Feng Jin Huang or her daughter. How could she have the nerve to act as Feng Jin Huang’s teacher? But Feng Jin Huang herself insisted on getting answers of several doubts she encountered during her cultivation. It was merely a way to get Bai La around again. Bai La was also extremely glad about it and took this opportunity to turn things around.

However, the gu immortal also noticed that Feng Jin Huang’s cultivation lacked in the last two months. Two months in Central Continent meant ten months in Hu Immortal Blessed Land! It was a long duration and Bai La worried that Feng Jin Huang was still secretly distracted by everything that had happened.

’Also, staying in Hu Immortal Blessed Land for too long will age her quickly. It’s a good thing we already prepared a few things for Huang’er, including a Lifespan Gu.’ Bai La sighed. It couldn’t be helped. Humans had short lifespans unlike other few variant human races who could live for a significantly long time.

Bai La finally made up her mind to contact Bai Qing and talk about Feng Jin Huang’s issue. This would help the mother-daughter pair avoid some awkward topics and help them move on.

Being nurtured by Spirit Affinity House and a grandmaster of her main path, Bai La had extraordinary insight. She was shocked and scared by how great of a shadow Feng Jiu Ge truly left in her heart.

Back in the dream realm, the first scene repeated her battle with Feng Jiu Ge. In that scene, Feng Jiu Ge was rank 6. But that wasn’t the case in reality! Feng Jiu Ge cultivated silently and shocked the world with his battle strength as a rank 7 gu immortal. However, the dream realm did not always depict the truth. What was truly surprising was the fact that even this rank 6 version of Feng Jiu Ge had astounding battle strength! This was due to Bai La’s own interpretation of Feng Jiu Ge and her hidden obsessions.

This dream realm was a disaster as well as an opportunity.

Faced with these hidden threats, Bai La calmed her heart and carefully recollected her memories. Only after days of contemplation did she realize that the most attractive thing about Feng Jiu Ge was neither his strength or his features.

It was his disposition and talent.

Bai La was inherently attracted to these aspects and Feng Jiu Ge seemingly peaked them. But was she truly that desperate?

No.

Unlike many other female gu immortals, Bai La never considered forming a harem of young and talented men to satiate her needs.

Then why was she obsessed with Feng Jiu Ge, especially after her own daughter married him? The answer made her sigh and groan.

Being greedier than most, Bai La wanted that tiny world of peace and affection. She was married once but not truly happy, not until she gave birth to Bai Qing. Her happiness soared when Feng Jin Huang appeared in her life. Unlike her daughter, whom Bai La raised as carefully as possible, fussing over every little detail, Feng Jin Huang was raised with a rougher hand. They were more like friends than relatives. But Bai La never obtained anything similar to the world created by Feng Jiu Ge and Bai Qing, which deepened her hidden obsession.

As they say, know yourself and the enemy, and you will never be defeated. Knowing these reasons, Bai La was quite impressed with her own fortune.

’In reality, there aren’t a lot of scandals in this situation. I had a thing for Feng Jiu Ge. So what? So did my daughter and a great many fairies. But fuck that flute-stroking bastard who led my daughter astray. The issue of my relationship with Lo Jik was more about power imbalance. Many would assume that I forced him... but that is far from the truth. Although... I could have been gentler with the tentacles. Hmph!’ She recalled how Lo Jik also enjoyed every inch of her body thoroughly and squashed the remaining traces of guilt in her heart. ’Now we are both gu immortals. Furthermore... he is more talented than me.’

The thought was slightly annoying—because it was damn arousing! Furthermore, Lo Jik was not someone without emotions. Fickle he might be about them, but what was inside him was as genuine at it came.

’And he is also known as Fickle Consort. So, what if he is also my Fickle Consort?’ Bai La’s thoughts eased at this point. Thinking of all this, Bai La felt even better at the thought of communicating with Bai Qing. They could even have a heart-to-heart chat and clear out the last remaining traces of awkwardness with time.

’Oh?’

Bai La paused. She always kept an eye on the land spirits and heavenly spirits spreading clues about their blessed lands. As someone from the ten great ancient sects, Bai La also wanted to bring these powerful resources under Spirit Affinity House’s control.

’It’s Fang Dang Blessed Land.’ Bai La narrowed her eyes. ’Someone inherited Fang Dang Blessed Land. Will this true inheritance be enough to give rise to another gu immortal?’

The thought made Bai La feel slightly troubled. Central Continent had the greatest number of gu immortals. This also meant Central Continent had the highest concentration of demonic path gu masters and gu immortals! Song Zi Xing was already a demonic path overlord, cultivating blood path and reaping lives as easily as breathing. Even Bai La didn’t dare face someone like Song Zi Xing.

’The relevant clues confirm Fang Dang Blessed Land exists in Central Continent. Hopefully, it will only give rise to a mild-mannered lone gu immortal who is easy to suppress.’

She moved ahead, searching materials for gu refinement. Soon, she found a small group of divine sense collected around a peculiar store.

Bai La snorted coldly and moved ahead.

It was Faceless Transformation’s store.

Currently, there was a fierce argument occurring around the store.

"Don’t you have any shame?! Oh, how shameless can you be?!" One of the streams of divine sense did not speak openly and transmitted to Faceless Transformation’s divine sense. This was none other than Old Man Lang Ya.

"Shameless? Where else will you find this luck path resources? Do you see anyone else selling it in Treasure Yellow Heaven?" Faceless Transformation smiled.

"Hmph! Don’t be too arrogant, Faceless. Do you think only you possess luck path materials? In reality, every super force probably already possesses luck path immortal materials. However, they will not sell it in Treasure Yellow Heaven. That does not mean they do not exchange it using other methods. Luck path exists and is recognized by heaven and earth. So, heaven and earth will naturally produce luck path materials even with Giant Sun Immortal Venerable refraining from spreading this path." Old Man Lang Ya berated. "You only lucked into this sum of Disaster Pearls. Do you have anymore? No. Sell them to me."

"I am willing to see. But you are unwilling to accept my price." Faceless sighed.

Old Man Lang Ya nearly strangled him. There were forty set of pearls sale, each fist-sized. Twenty of them were white and the remaining half was black. These pearls had a hair-like texture on the surface and were all rank 6 luck path immortal materials.

"You want ancient jade vines, divine strength water, poisonous rotten soil, and so many rank 6 materials for just these forty disaster pearls? That is absurd!"

Faceless snorted unhappily and waved him off.

"I was nearly fooled into selling those two corpses to you last time. Do you think I will make the same mistake again?"

Old Man Lang Ya glimpsed before asking, "what do you mean?"

Faceless sneered. "Still acting innocent? Fine, I don’t mind telling you. Those corpses, the ones you claimed to be useless, were actually filled with luck path dao marks! I opened them up and found two magnificent crystals inside them. I’m still studying those. And you had the nerve to say the dead materials were useless?"

Old Man Lang Ya paused before his eyes widened in realization.

Disaster Kittens were named as such because once separated, their massive luck would influence the surroundings. Disaster Kittens could be male and females. The male kittens were white-furred but their pure appearance deceived others into believing that they were filled with fortune. Instead, white-furred male Disaster Kittens generated horrible black luck. The color black signified fatal threats. A gu immortal’s luck would transform under the influence of this luck and they will encounter terrible threats. On the other hand, black-furred Disaster Kittens brought good fortune. Their luck was pure and white. Usually, the color white signified ordinary luck. But when coupled with this pillar-like shape, it embodied good and stable fortune. In this case, a gu immortal’s luck would also transform for the better and start encountering more fortunate circumstance.

Unfortunately, these two beasts could only consume each other’s luck. Once separated, they would quickly starve to death. And together, by constantly feeding on each other’s luck, their luck would bring no influence on their surroundings. So, what was the purpose of these Disaster Kittens?

The answer was: Disaster Pearls.

Female disaster kitten, by licking her male counterpart’s fur, would accumulate hair-like strands of black luck qi. Under the effects of her innate good luck, the black luck qi would transform and become pure white. Similarly, a male disaster kitten would accumulate hair-like white luck qi before transforming it into pure black luck.

With enough accumulation, they would cough these pearls out like actual hairballs. Being luck path materials themselves, Disaster Pearls signified great fortune. Obtaining each fortune was like expending one’s own luck, and so, a gu immortal’s luck fell the more they accumulated these disaster pearls until encountering threats. This cycle concluded every fifteen days.

But even if these Disaster Pearls expended Lo Jik’s luck, he quickly supplanted it using his luck path methods. Meanwhile, Disaster Pearls themselves could be used to refine rank 6 luck path immortal gu worm!

Old Man Lang Ya had these thoughts. But Lo Jik’s revelation shocked him.

’Crystals? Inside the Disaster Kittens?’

He had great knowledge about luck path and instantly connected the dots. He tossed Faceless Transformation a complex look before appeasing him and explaining clearly.

"Those two corpses do not belong to Disaster Kittens. They are most likely ancient desolate beasts Blessed Kittens."

"Blessed Kittens?" Faceless frowned, his tone cautious. "Are you messing with me, Old Man?"

"Hmph! As if!" Old Man Lang Ya snorted coldly. "There are rumors about cultivation methods to nurture Disaster Kittens into ancient desolate beasts Blessed Kittens and then immemorial desolate beast Endless Fortune Beckoning Kitten."

Land spirits could not lie. Being one, Old Man Lang Ya spoke honestly, or at least, he thought this information was true.

"It is said that ancient desolate beasts Blessed Kittens start storing the disaster pearls inside their bodies and nurse them until they become fused crystals. These crystals have a great power of luck—both good and bad. They can be used to refine rank 7 immortal gu worms. But their true purpose is to nurture the immemorial desolate beast Endless Fortune Beckoning Kitten. However, I’m unclear about these methods myself."

Just because Old Man Lang Ya was unaware did not mean Lo Jik was similarly ignorant. Lang Ya possessed Self Luck True Inheritance. It detailed many luck path materials and briefly mentioned Disaster Kittens. Meanwhile, these beasts were explained properly in All Living Beings Luck True Inheritance.

Lo Jik even had the cultivation method to nurture immemorial Endless Fortune Beckoning Kitten... but he would rather use this knowledge to further progress Core Beast Formation.

"Is that so?" Faceless fell silent before sighing. "I’m not trying to make trouble for you, Old Man. You have remained sincere with me, so I feel the urge to reciprocate. I’m trying to refine an immortal gu worm and need a lot of rare materials. Many other forces already contacted me regarding the Disaster Pearls and wish to purchase it. But you were the first to contact me, so I’m biased in your favor and wished to give you the first opportunity to buy them."

"I have sold many materials and beasts. I captured them in an ancient ruin. These two corpses were also obtained in these ruins. Please, be understanding. I need these materials no matter what."

Faceless pointed out the materials he needed the most, omitting a few others from the list and decreasing the cost by 15%.

Old Man Lang Ya fell silent before nodding.

"Fine. I agree to these changes. Let’s trade."

"Good!" Faceless laughed as they exchanged the materials on the spot.

<<<>>>

A boundless plain stretched at Central Continent’s norther region. A mortal village was built near a small lake. This village was one of the many settlements under the control of the small-sized sect built in this area. There was almost no location free from the influence of a sect. Central Continent, while humongous, was slowly saturating with experts. Ambitious experts established sects everywhere. Some developed in regions already boasting a few sects, more than willing to compete with existing forces, and many others chose unoccupied spots to develop peacefully even if with little resources.

Recently, there was also a worrying trend of the appearance of demonic sects. They would last a while and cause bloodshed before being destroyed by an alliance of several righteous forces.

The village in this location could only exist due to the lake. The villagers hunted the schools of fish for food and collected straws from the plain to weave several goods and build thatched huts. The resources found in the plain, though ordinary rank 1 materials, were in high quantity. The villagers would collect these materials as tribute for the nearby sect’s protection.

They lived peacefully, unaware of the secrets within the lake.

Deep inside the lake, upon an inconspicuous patch of sandy bed, stood connected a blessed land!

"Hurry! Hurry!" Wang Nu’s expression was pale. She couldn’t help but sweat and feel her heart nearly leaping out of her chest as a desolate beast chased after them. Of course, Lu Zuan Feng was besides her. One rank 4 and one rank 5 gu masters ran without using any gu worms. Unfortunately, they felt an invisible pressure nullifying their use of gu worms.

This was a blessed land. The blessed land’s owner could easily control the region’s heavenly power to restrict the use of mortal gu worms. Only immortal gu worms could defy such a mechanism!

Wang Nu and Lu Zuan Feng were far from achieving this feat.

*Thump*

*Thump*

*Thump*

*Thump*

Ground shook behind them and nearly made them loose their footing. A monstrous creature moved slowly. It was the size of a small hill. The entire plain was already filled with the fishy smell from its huge mouth. Dirty but sharp fangs gleamed with ferocity while each step burdened the ground with its weight.

A Shark-Tooth Hippopotamus.

A desolate beast!

This beast had boulders sticking out of its skin. It made the beast extremely heavy. Despite the name, Shark-Tooth Hippopotamus was a gentle species and only ate dirt and rock. However, under the land spirit’s control, it actually chased after puny humans.

But this beast was extremely slow.

Ordinarily, Wang Nu and Lu Zuan Feng could easily outrun it. The truly dangerous thing about this beast would be the gu worms on its body! But this desolate beast did not have any.

"Ahh!"

"Save us!"

The pair wasn’t alone on this plain.

The desolate beast reached a pair of powerful rank 5 couple. They were lone gu masters, their legend and love spread across a small region and inspiring many gu masters to fall in love. However, they were soon crushed.

But how could a desolate beast of its size and speed even near the humans running for their lives?

Wang Nu and Lu Zuan Feng gritted their teeth and matched their pace. They were running in a sense... the effort they put in movement was much greater than running. However, their pace was also slow. Lu Zuan Feng’s left and Wang Nu’s right legs were joined to the waist by a mysterious force. It was as if the couple became a strange creature with two heads, four arms, and three legs.

’This is a test of coordination. We must increase our speed equally. Falling even once will spell our doom.’ Lu Zuan Feng’s expression was grim. ’The tests of this land spirit might appear childish on surface but they are filled with vicious intentions!’

This wasn’t the first test.

The land spirit only accepted prospective gu masters in pairs. It would not consider any lone gu masters, forcing many demonic and lone gu masters to team together. There were even a few gu masters from righteous forces like Wang Nu, but the presence of this place had yet to reach gu immortals. However, it was only a matter of time. As for the gu masters who were forced by the circumstances to team together? Most had already perished.

It was like this.

The contestants could not quit during a test. But there was a resting period after each test where anyone feeling nervous about the future challenges could choose to leave the blessed land and return to the mortal formation in the main continent. The land spirit’s main body had left several formations outside. The various clues for the blessed land pointed towards these formations, allowing gu masters to smoothly enter the blessed land without disclosing its location.

Unfortunately, these tests were not orthodox at all. The land spirit did not make them fight or refine gu. Instead, it made the group participate in such challenges.

The first test was to hold each other’s hand and not letting go while plunging to one’s death. It was the easiest. Many experienced gu masters realized that the panic set in when facing one’s death would force other gu masters to release each other’s hands. Conversely, the land spirit might have a method preventing them from turning into a meat paste. Betting on this, Lu Zuan Feng and Wang Nu survived the first test. Other tests were like this, too.

They passed each round with increasing difficulty.

This was already the fourth test!

Wang Nu and Lu Zuan Feng eventually reached the end line, sweat pouring out of their bodies. The enigmatic force keeping their legs pressed shut released its hold, allowing them to regain their bearings separately.

The pair unconsciously glanced to the other side.

There stood a pair of siblings, one man and one woman. They were both in the prime of their lives. The brother was handsome and tall, boasting broad chest and shoulders. Meanwhile, the sister was also quite the beauty. However, the greatest strength of the pair of siblings was their trust and coordination.

Unlike the rest, the pair smoothly reached the end line in a full-blown sprint! They were balanced and careful, but also nonchalant in the face of death.

’Who are these two?’ Lu Zuan Feng gritted his teeth. While an otherworldly demon and boasting an extraordinary background as a rank 7 gu immortal’s disciple, he could not look down on the many heroes of this world. The pair only had rank 4 cultivation but they were like a fish in water during these tests, never losing their cool even once.

Eventually, after a careful consideration, Lu Zuan Feng and Wang Nu chose to give up. The earlier test crushed about 80% of remaining contestants into a pulp while also reducing everyone else’s will into nothing.

Wang Nu and Lu Zuan Feng barely survived the ordeal.

’Although this involves dream path and the prophecy of Great Dream Immortal Venerable...’ Lu Zuan Feng thinned his lips and shook his head. He simply valued his life more.

"They are all leaving." The older brother communicated with his sister. Strangely enough, they were able to use gu worms. The sister was also pleased with the result. Their performance had been shocking because they were making use of gu worms. It discouraged other gu masters competing for the inheritance.

"Why do you think we can use gu worms, Elder Brother Fu?"

"Sigh, I don’t know, Little Nu."

They were orphans. When growing up, others around them started calling the pair Fu and Nu because when young, they would each constantly babble this noise. Without parents, the pair did not have proper names. And the constant pressure in life also forced them to not ignore this matter entirely and focus on survival.

By chance, the two obtained an opportunity to awaken their apertures and cultivated secretly.

Brother Fu cultivated wind path and Sister Nu cultivated wood path. They weren’t experts by any means and relied on each other. They were fortunate enough to gain clues of this true inheritance and realized that the land spirit was secretly helping them!

Once the last of gu masters left, the pair waited with bated breath.

"Hehe~! Finally alone!" A coarse voice resounded in their ears as an extremely peculiar land spirit appeared before them. It had a head of a human. This person’s features were extremely lecherous. It had a bulbous red nose, thick lips, sparse facial hair, and he had a massive bald spot on his head. The rest of his straw-like grey hair reached his shoulder. His beady eyes twinkled with illicit intentions, making the siblings inch a littler closer as they swallowed thickly. The most surprising thing about this land spirit was the fact that from head down, his body was that of a snake! It had a long body with dark-green scales and a white underbelly.

"W-We greet Lord Land Spirit!"

The pair of brother and sisters had an impeccable sync and bowed at once. They greeted in the same tone, their voices mixing together.

"Hahaha! Good. Good! You two are good seeds. I’m Fang Dang Land Spirit. Do you wish to inherit this blessed land? It is very simple to do so. Kekeke, I was only playing with the rest of contestants. Did you like the show? But I couldn’t risk losing you two. So, I allowed you two to use gu worms."

Fu and Nu were shocked. The earlier tests were simply an entertainment for this land spirit!

So many rank 4 and rank 5 gu masters perished in this entertainment.

Yet, the thought of being a similar existence one day left the pair breathless.

Smiling, Fang Dang Land Spirit teleported the pair to the foot of a mountain.

This mountain was ordinary. However, Lo Jik would be more than shocked if he saw it. There was an identical mountain in his blessed land! It was summoned through his trait and possessed some mysterious connection with dream path.

But... the siblings were pale. They did not care about the mountain. Instead, a mattress on the open ground and the scent of the incense attracted their gazes. They trembled and shot the land spirit guarded glances.

"Do you wish to inherit this blessed land? Do you wish to acquire this extremely rare dream path resource point? Then, you must fulfill my requirements."

"There are only two requirements."

"First, there can only be two inheritors of opposite genders and they must share a blood relationship."

"Second..."

Fang Dang Land Spirit’s eyes glowed with an eerie twinkle. His snake body waved around excitedly as he licked his lips pervertedly.

"The inheritors must engage in intimate acts in my audience!"

Fu and Nu’s heart dropped to the icy pits of hell as their bodies shuddered.

But...

It was an immortal inheritance, after all. They slowly looked at each other; their gazes filled with bitterness and hatred towards the whims of fate.

***

Alternate Title: Orochimaru aah land spirit; Bai La consoling herself by realizing her husband is a massive whore... so she technically ain’t the slut in the relationship; Bai La’s end of emotional turmoil; Lucky Bai La? *Lo Jik: Hmm*; Bai La’s enmity with Faceless Transformation; Lo Jik: Exists *Bai La Af: Oh! That’s so stupid! But that’s so hot! BUT THAT’S SO STUPID*; Swindling Old Man Lang Ya; Trading with a legendary figure’s land spirit; Purchasing immortal materials; Fang Dang’s tests; The land spirit’s entertainment; Lu Zuan Feng quits; Ragebaiting land spirit; Author AF: I did not just study Nuwa mythos to add ince— ehm!; Sibling calamity; Fu and Nu before realizing the truth: Prepare for trouble and make it double *Fu and Nu after hearing the requirements to inherit the blessed land: Team Rocket blasting off again... in each other!*; Freaky Fang Dang; The good ending for the siblings; Fang Dang af: The requirement to inherit the blessed land is a happy ending massage. Of course, I get to watch; Lo Jik knew freaky when he saw it the first time; Fu do be swift like wind and Nu do be experienced with the wood; Hidden meanings everywhere; Bai La’s heart demon: A loving marriage; Bai La’s dream: To live the perfect waifu life; Bai La: I’m unhappy! *Waddles to Lo Jik and abuses him as her seat: Now I’m happy!*; Bai La and Feng Jin Huang agreeing to move on *Also Bai La and Feng Jin Huang: Tacitly planning more closeted stuff*; Bai Qing: My mum’s a freak. But I’m not. *Feng Jiu Ge sighing in relief before realizing the freak gene skipped a generation*; Feng Jiu Ge’s true task as the dao guardian: To prevent emergence of Cuck Jin Huang *Lo Jik: Don’t worry father-in-law! I’ll fix her!* *Also Lo Jik: Creates a competitive cuck of the same level as Bai Ning Bing*

***

Join the discord through the link in the synopsis.

Read 60 Chapters ahead @ Patron and Subscribe Star (Links in the synopsis.)

Support the Fanfic through comments, likes, reviews and such (if the published site allows it.)