Chapter 39
I closed my eyes and waited for the sound to form. My legs were folded in my lap and my hands rested gently on my knees. I kept my back straight, head tilted slightly up.
The air smelled like wet rocks with moss and earth. The sound of the nearby creek reminded me of my first camp, the one I shared with Grayson.
That was also where I first conjured my powers willingly, where the island first communicated its energy with me. Now, I again asked for its guidance.
I breathed in through my nose and slowly out through my mouth, counting to four.
One. The first day after I used my powers, I rested, afraid of the control it held over me.
Two. The second day, Jax had convinced me to start practicing at the bathing hole, using its peacefulness to help me focus.
Three. I sat by the creek that fed the bathing hole and concentrated for hours with no results.
Four. Today I was determined, today I would do something. Anything.
"You’re doing great, just breathe," came Jax’s voice.
The distraction broke my concentration and I blinked a single eye at him. He sat beside me, arms wrapped around a single propped up knee while he picked at blades of grass.
"I was breathing," I bit back.
His arms raised defensively and I let out an exasperated sigh, slouching my shoulder.
"Why isn’t it working? I’m doing everything I was before."
Both eyes open now, the open area glistened under the mirror of the rippled water. The sun stretched through the break of branches and the morning warmth felt lovely in the clear air. Julien drifted through the bathing hole water on his back, slowly kicking the water.
"It’ll happen," Jax comforted. "You just need some patience."
"I’ve been at it for days, I don’t think patience is my problem."
Hearing our conversation, Julien swam to the bank and came to sit with us. Water dripped down his skin, beading on hairs so blonde, you wouldn’t be able to see them if he weren’t so wet.
A few drops fell from his long lashes and he shook his head to be rid of them. My heart no longer raced for him but my body still saw him as a god, leaning into his glory and hoping for a touch.
"Mm, there’s a pressure building. I assume that’s you?"
I smiled at Julien’s attempt at comfort.
"Not likely, I just don’t know what I’m doing."
"The world is holding its breath for you, Rebel." He lightly touched two fingers to the spot just below my collarbone, the damp fingers leaving a cool spot behind.
"When it’s happened before, what did you notice first? Just before it happened?"
That was an easy one, "strong emotions. I get worked up and kind of ask for help, and something always happens. But I can’t control what, like it’s not coming from me but somewhere else."
"Well, that’s your problem," Jax exclaimed. "You’re thinking like someone who isn’t holding the wheel."
"He’s right," Julien added. "You have to take control."
"I think it’s just like us with our wolf forms, your powers aren’t coming from a separate creature. It’s all you, and it’s been you the whole time." Jax said.
I looked at each of them as they spoke, heeding their words carefully, but still unsteady within myself.
"If its emotions that bring up the powers, get emotional," Jax continued.
My mouth turned sideways. "How? It’s not exactly easy to get angry or upset around the two of you."
"Does it have to be anger?" Julien asked.
"No, but I don’t..."
Julien’s hand came up to pet my cheek. A mixture of surprise, warmth, and sadness washed through me. I had strong feelings for him but my bond to Dominic was blocking the love Julien was trying to elicit.
"Close your eyes," he demanded with a gentle tone. I took a moment, wondering what his plan might be, then let them drift close.
"Take a deep breath."
I copied his instructions.
"Now picture the one person that stirs you the deepest, that makes you feel everything at once. Whether it’s good or bad."
Grayson. The only one who both infuriated me and lured me in at the same time. My feelings for him were unexplainable, yet I longed to feel them again.
I saw him perfectly in my mind. The agitation set deep in his brows, turning his light eyes into a storm of fury. Muscles that looked used and hands at the ready to break things.
Steam rose from his chest as he crouched down, hiding himself in the greenery. I painted the picture with every little I could find. His broad shoulders contrasted against the thin fern leaves, blending in with the shadows and sticking out from the textured nature around him.
Gold shimmered in his eyes briefly before returning to that familiar blue, like a passing car in a motel window. He snarled and I chuckled at the normalcy of it on his face. I imagined him readying himself for the hunt, gripping at the blade by his side.
Smoke drifted around him and I could smell the burning charcoal mixing with the sun-warmed scent of his skin. The aroma caused a flash of a daydream to cross my thoughts.
A dark room filled only with his musk. An arm wrapped around the line of my spine and gripped the back of my neck, pulling me down onto where I sat on top of him. I tasted the salt on his skin as our naked bodies wrapped together.
A sweeping pleasure jumped in me that left as quickly as the flickering fantasy and only Grayson’s eyes remained. A moisture clung to him that I could feel dewing on my own skin. I held onto my picture, envisioning every possible element.
I took in the wisps of hair that trailed throughout his face, mapping his stoic features. I followed the jawline to his adam’s apple, his twitching grimace causing it to dip. I remembered the feel of heat from his chest and the way it rippled just before he changed, like the skin of a thousand snakes.
He pulled the knife up, his upper lip jerking above growing fangs. I wanted to reach out, to soak the fire he held in his soul. His eyes were focused, determined. The image was so vivid in my mind, I relaxed into the sight of him.
There was a hollow ache where I wanted to feel him against me. Droplets of water fell into his brown hair, darkening and flattening it against his forehead. He looked past me, like I was invisible to him even in the dreams that I conjured.
Another feeling caught my attention. A brushing heat against my back, movement in the back of my mind where I didn’t ask for it. I felt his breath tickle the hairs at the back of my neck.
Dominic had wormed his way into my thoughts, crowding into my view of Grayson. The wind picked up and the light drizzle blew sideways into a wild mist, clapping against Dominics chest.
"There you are," came Dominics voice, dark and deadly.
I wanted to slap him for invading my daydream, for tainting my memory of Grayson and the feelings that Grayson made me feel. I thought of the different ways I could erase him from my thoughts when he stepped forward.
He wasn’t talking to me, I realized, but to the hidden Grayson. The golden rings pierced the darkness before a black wolf tore from the cover of the forest.
My eyes darted open, my breathing quick and short. I held a hand to my chest as though the air had become too dense to fill my lungs. That was no memory I held, but why would my mind choose that scene to daydream about?
Julien’s hands were at my shoulders, his stare etched with alarm. I glanced at Jax who leaned away from me, the rain falling onto his youthful pale skin. A puddle formed above his upturned lip. Their encouraging nature had turned to concern and I knew something was wrong.
"What happened?" I questioned.
Looking around, I could see the sparkling sun dancing through the unnatural fall of rain. The water in the bathing hole chopped into rough water, like a storm had disturbed its peacefulness. I looked at them, confused.
"Well, you started out fine. But then your eyes popped open, glowing like an evil purple gremlin," Jax started. I gave him a slow-blinking look.
"Then the pool water started swirling in the air like a damned tornado!" His voice rose in distress.
"Really?" I asked in a tone that told him I didn’t quite believe him.
Julien squeezed my shoulders a little and my attention turned to him.
"Where did you go?" He asked, searching my eyes for answers I couldn’t provide.
I didn’t want to tell them about what I saw, or who I had summoned. The manifestation of Grayson’s memory still stuck to the back of my eyelids, his glowing eyes visible with each blink.
I shook my head slightly, "I think we’re done for today."
I didn’t like the way they looked at me and I wanted to escape as soon as possible. "Let’s try again tomorrow, ok?"
Julien’s hands fell away from me and he sat back on his knees. He watched me carefully for a moment before nodding cautiously. Jax stayed quiet. They were allowing me my secrets, for now.