Chapter 40
Nights had slowly shifted from something I feared to something I looked forward to. Dominics presence was still my greatest threat but returning to the bunkhouse had eased the tension.
Dominic still insisted on possessing me like his favorite toy and had Marek make a new cot, just barely large enough for the both of us. The crowded space was warmed by their territorial bodies and deep breathing every night.
When we laid in our beds at the end of the day, Dominic would wait until I fell asleep. Then he pulled me into him, trapping me against his chest. This repeated most nights. If I fought to escape, he would hold tighter. If I squeaked and squealed, he would wrap an arm around my mouth, ignoring the feeling of my bite into his rock-hard biceps.
I eventually gave in to this sleeping habit, allowing the contact as long as it didn’t turn sexual. If this was the only way to keep him satisfied while also keeping my virtue, I would put up with it.
Besides the annoying addition of his unwelcome hands, our days settled back into a normal routine. Our mornings began together and our nights ended with each other.
Chores were completed: dishes, laundry, food gathering and prepping. Marek had knitted together two more skirts for me with his new past time hobby. Julien’s spirits returned and his evening poetry time with it.
I successfully avoided spending any alone time with Dominic. Having the others near made ignoring his desires pull at my stomach easier. I could resist him as long I had my pack to hold me together.
Julien no longer joined Jax and I in our training sessions, however. The depth of the unknown when it came to my power set him on edge just as much as it did for me, only I couldn’t stay away.
When Jax and I did settle by the edge of the bathing hole, I still struggled to have any control over the force inside me. Per Jax’s instructions, I brought up the feelings that allowed the energy to run through me.
Most days, nothing would happen. One day, I meditated with the memory of Grayson straddling me in his manor until a storm the strength of a hurricane brought down a tree, nearly crushing us both where we sat.
Another day, I felt a rolling radiation along my skin, like a hundred metal balls were magnetically stuck and moving around my every limb. When I opened my eyes, Jax had been staring me down like a meal in his werewolf form.
Each time disaster struck, I spent the rest of the day waiting for the calamity to calm. The trees didn’t flatten me, Jax didn’t rip my throat out. With time, the effects faded and returned to normal with Jax’s memory being muddled and unsure.
The days ticked by and we were slowly creeping towards the next full moon. Dominic’s eyes bore heavily on my body at every passing moment and I became more and more wary about getting caught in his web of cravings.
The training sessions were my greatest reprieve. The only space where it was only Jax and I. No dark thoughts or guilty pleasures, just the playful nature of my now best friend.
I dragged my fingers through the earth beneath me, arms stretched out beside me, like I was intending to make a snow angel in the grass.
A heaving lump rested under my head, each breath rocking me up and down. The shadows from the trees above waved over my shut eyelids from the gentle breeze.
"We should get started," came the friendly voice.
I felt his words vibrate where the base of my skull cradled on his chest. I frowned at the suggestion.
"What’s the point? We do the same thing every day and I’m no closer to understanding how this works."
"Yeah, that’s why we practice. These things don’t happen overnight,"
I sighed, knowing he was right but still not wanting to put in the effort.
"Do you really think I’ll figure it out?"
"Of course," he reassured. "You just need to give it some time."
Time wasn’t on my side. I needed to take charge before Dominic made his next move. We were both fighting for control over the same thing. Me.
"Do you think I’ll make it to the full moon?" I asked more quietly, the implication of my meaning weighing heavy in the question.
"If you want to, you will," he said simply.
I turned over from where I laid on Jax’s chest, my chin resting on his peck. His arms were crossed behind his head as we enjoyed the beautiful day together.
"I do want to, now. But when I’m alone with him, my thoughts aren’t my own anymore. Can’t I just reject him like Grayson did to me?"
He peaked at me from slits between eyelashes. I could sit in his charm all day.
"Not unless you’re secretly an alpha. Plus, that only partially breaks the bond, there are still rules to be followed. The Laws are pretty specific."
I wondered if I would ever learn their laws, or if I wanted to.
"I just don’t know if I’ll be able to resist him if he catches me alone," I confided.
"I believe in you."
I rolled back, not as confident in my will as he was. I stared up at the sky. White, whispy clouds hovered above. I watched as they moved quickly, gliding against the pale blue backdrop.
"When your free, do you think you’ll still choose Julien as your bonded mate?"
He asked it with a delicate curiosity, like he held a firefly in his hand, afraid to squash it but eager to see its glow.
"Why? Are you throwing your hat in the ring?" I joked.
A moment passed, stilling the time between us with his silence. When I felt Jax shrug I sat up to stare at him. He couldn’t be serious, could he?
"Do you...have feelings for me?"
I hadn’t thought of him as anything more than a close friend, but then again, I never had a reason to. If I had l known he thought of me as anything more than that, our relationship wouldn’t be as it is.
Of course I noticed how well built he was. Every guy around me held a working man’s body and flaunted it daily with their lack of clothing.
The humid heat clung to everything, enough to have even Julien to go shirtless most days. The strength, sweat, and bare skin was a constant temptation that I walked through everyday. But neither Marek nor Jax had hinted at any mutual attraction towards me. Until now, I supposed.
Jax could make me laugh even in my angriest state. He was the closest to my age and the only one I felt totally myself around. I could tell him anything and often did just that. But did that mean there could be something more?
He sat up with me to explain. "I mean, yeah. We all do. At first, you kind of leaned towards Julien so we all backed off. Well, except for Dominic, I guess. But you’ve been on all of our minds the entire time."
My mouth fell a little as I tried to hide my disbelief. Eyes darting to my fidgeting hands.
"Come on, Rebel. Even if we weren’t all trapped on this island with you, we’d all be begging at your feet. You’re... different."
"Why? Because of my funny colored eyes and talent for causing mayhem?" I joked in a self-deprecating manner.
His thumb reached out and brushed the side of my cheek, leaving a chill as it awakened my senses.
"No. Because you’re beautiful, inside and out. And you’re eyes are only a little funny looking." His smile lit up his face as he looked adoringly at me.
"Well then, I guess I don’t know who I’ll choose."
I cherished every moment I spent with Jax and could picture myself by his side, but I wasn’t sure if the same spark I once held for Julien would flare between Jax and I.
"I want to say Julien, or even you, but until the bond is broken... Dominic has too much control over my thoughts and feelings."
Him and Grayson, I thought but chose not to share. I couldn’t let him know how much Grayson still haunted my thoughts. It was the only secret I kept from him. He wouldn’t understand, I didn’t understand.
"I just don’t know my own mind anymore."
His body gravitated towards me slower and slower, like I was sucking him in.
"How would I even know if I had feelings for anyone else. Feelings for," I paused, wanting to say the words but afraid.
The green of his eyes was so vivid, so full of wonder. There was a mischievous grin, a cocky edge to his open mouth.
"For you," I finished.
His face was inches from mine now. I could see the texture of his clean jaw, the subtle curve of his cheekbones.
"Only one way to find out," he remarked.
Before I could react, he closed the distance and pressed his lips against mine.