Chapter 32
I was embarrassed by the way he made me feel, like I actually wanted to please him. I kicked away from him and thrashed through the water towards the shore.
I felt childish trying propel myself with a clawing motion that barely made me move an inch. I could stay afloat but I hadn’t quite figured out how to swim forward.
Dominic grabbed me by the armpit, dragging me along until he could touch. As soon as my own toes felt sand, I jerked away and sloshed my way towards the beach.
The others were spread out in the sand and I caught Julien watching me again. Dominic was right, I did need to clear things up with him.
I stood awkwardly for a moment, trying to force my legs to move towards him. They betrayed me, however, and I plopped down next to Jax with a sigh.
Jax lay spread out starfish-style in a pair of black boxer-briefs. I decided to pull my own pants off, the legs of my pants heavy and uncomfortable. I stretched out against the warm sand, taking in the sun on my elbows with Jax by my side.
Dominic eyed us when he exited the water, but said nothing as he sat on the other side of me. I could almost hear Grayson scolding me, telling me I was basically asking to be fucked by the lot of them for displaying myself in such a manner, his English accent thick in my ears.
Marek had strolled into the ocean until his hips disappeared, splashing the warm water against his arms and chest.
Julien sat alone, his legs crossed beneath him as he went back to writing in his book. It felt as though we had exhiled him, like he was an outsider to the little world I had created.
I watched him while he concentrated on his poems, wondering if they were still about me. If they were about me, were they sad or angry? I wished I could take this pain from him. Every time I saw the wanting look in his eyes, my heart broke more and more.
"You should just go talk to him," came Dominic’s voice, interrupting my thoughts.
He was leaning back in the sand on his palms, head tilted to the sun. His full torso displayed in a sculpture-worthy pose.
"Don’t act like you know what I’m thinking," I snapped, offended that he could act so close to me without even trying to get to know me.
"He does know what you’re thinking, it’s part of the bond," Jax retorted from beneath the hands that shielded his face from the sun.
My mouth fell open. "What do you mean? Like he can hear my thoughts?"
I was horrified at the thought. If he could read my mind, all sense of privacy would be lost forever.
"Not your thoughts, only your feelings." Dominic’s eyes were closed as he spoke, still absorbing rays of sunlight.
"I can feel how much you pity the boy."
My chest relaxed a little, my thoughts were safe, feelings I could control.
"Why can’t I feel yours?"
An eye peaked at me. "You can’t? Well, its probably because you’re not a werewolf."
"The gods have gifted you with some badass eyes and cool powers of your own, though. Maybe you just haven’t figured it out yet," Jax reassured.
I thought about the pull I used to feel for Grayson and how strong it had been. I knew when he was nearby or in danger without understanding how.
"So, you can feel my emotions?" I asked Dominic. He nodded.
"All the time?" His eyebrows raised, stretching his closed lids, and he nodded slower with compressed lips.
"Could Grayson feel me the whole time?"
Dominic fully opened his eyes now and turned his head towards me. I couldn’t tell what his expression meant but a low rumbling boom sounded behind us, diatracting him from his answer.
Jax lifted himself up and we all rotated towards the source of the noise. Black, angry clouds billowed on the other side of the island, lightning dancing sideways through the wall of darkness.
"It’s headed this way, we should get back," said Jax.
Dominic agreed and they called out to Marek and Julien while I wiped the sand from my skin. I folded my wet pants and picked up my shoes, following Dominic’s lead.
When Marek caught up, Jax ran over and pushed him. Marek pushed back and I smiled at their playfulness. Jax enjoyed rough-housing with whoever allows amd Marek was the most patient with him.
Julien walked up to me. A shy smile and puppy dog eyes greeting me.
"Can we talk?"
I sighed, knowing it was time, and nodded. Dominic gave me an approving look that ticked me off before heading down the trail ahead of us.
Julien and I took our time as we strolled together. His hand reached out and intertwined into mine. I gave him a small smile as guilt gripped me from the lack of fireworks at his touch.
"So it really is over, huh?" He asked.
I didn’t know what to say. There were no words that could ease this for him, but still I tried.
"I’m so sorry, Julien."
He turned towards me, "Why? There’s nothing you need to be sorry for."
"I betrayed you. I bound myself to Dominic and ruined the future we could have had."
His free hand brushed my cheek gently.
"You did exactly what you were supposed to do."
"I don’t want to lose you." Tears started welling up and a lump formed in my throat.
"You won’t." He sounded so confident, I believed it too.
"Whats going to happen between us?" I asked, hoping he held all the answers that I didn’t.
He turned back and continued down the trail, hand still closed in mine.
"I guess we try to move on and just hope we remain friends."
A part of me hoped he would have fought harder, yelled and screamed and demanded that I stay. But Julien wasn’t that type of man, which was also why I loved him.
"Won’t it hurt for you?"
He seemed to consider this for awhile and half-smiled.
"Yeah... but if there is no pain then there was no love. It’s kind of beautiful if you think about, you can’t have one without the other."
Forever my poet.
We shared warm smiles before he gave my fingers a squeeze and let go, tucking his hands into his pockets and walking ahead.
I took in a sharp breath, feeling better and worse at the same time.
Jax came running up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. His abrupt presence shocking me from my guilt.
"Don’t worry about him," he said, nudging my chin with his pointer finger’s knuckle. "He’s been rejected by a luna before."
My head tilted in surprise, "what do you mean?"
Marek trotted up behind us, patting my empty shoulder as he passed. Having his werewolf side calm down made me feel so much more at ease.
"In Blackwater. He was supposed to be alpha. His father had arranged a union for him but his luna was in love with another packs alpha."
"Is that why he’s here?"
"Yep, his dad wanted him to fight the other alpha and claim the girl for his own..."
"But he wouldn’t fight for someone who didn’t want him," I finished, watching Julien’s back as he walked ahead.
"He’s an honorable man," Marek added.
He was more than that, though. As if they understood, both men gave me reassuring shoulder rubs and smiles.
Back at camp, we pulled in anything we didn’t want wet or blown away. The wind had started to pick up and the sun hid behind the clouds.
Food was prepared and we all holed up in the bunkhouse to wait out the coming storm. Dominic sat on the edge of Jax’s bed while Jax leaned against the wall next to the floor.
Dominic’s bed was still in his other room and I wondered where he would sleep as I made myself comfy in mine.
The lighting flashed through the slats in the windows and doors and thunder cracked loudly above. The window flew open twice and Marek had to tie it to his bedframe to keep it closed.
After we ate, Julien told fables his mother used to tell him as a child while Jax carved and Marek twisted his twine together.
Julien paused when Marek finished his project and presented the finished product to me. He had weaved a skirt together with his corded rope, longer in the back and short in the front.
I tried it on and spun around to show off Marek’s work. The string had been dyed black with charcoal from the firepit and the fit was surprisingly perfect.
I thanked him profusely, the thought of not having to put my pants back on a huge relief.
The evening continued with an upbeat attitude until the storm began to pass. Nighttime had arrived and a tiredness began to settle over all of us.
I leaned back in bed and tucked myself in. Dominic stood to return to his room and part of me was saddened that he was leaving, I enjoyed the pack staying together.
He held his hand out to me. I stared at it confused.
"Well, come on. It’s time for bed."
I shook my head, "I’m not..."
His hand dropped. "We’ve been over this."
He must be joking. I gauked at him but he stood tall, waiting.
"No," I said firmly and a little too high pitched. I couldn’t help but smile at how ridiculous he was being.
"Have it your way," he said. A pang of relief and victory ran through me but was quickly interrupted as a hand grasped my ankle.
Dominic yanked me to the edge of the bed, grabbed me by the waist, and threw me over his shoulder.
I kicked and screamed at him but he held me firm. The others made no move to help me and only watched as Dominic carried me to his chambers.