The CEO's Rose

Vivian’s POV

Vivian should have been happy. She had survived an ordeal that many people did not walk away from. Her ex had tried to end her, yet instead of succumbing to her injuries, she was alive and well.

Not only that, she had a loving boyfriend and the ex that had tried to take her life was the one who was now dead and gone. She should have been feeling like a warrior, a survivor. But instead she felt like a wreck that was barely able to keep it together.

There was no time limit for trauma, Vivian knew that much. There were people in their eighties and nineties who were still haunted by things that had happened when they had been toddlers. Unable to fully move on because the trauma had been substantial.

But the fact that she was being haunted by her relationship with Bryce after it was long over and the man was dead, was not sitting well with her at all. She had worked too long and too hard to get over the things that the man had done to her to suddenly be wallowing in a pit of despair now that he was gone.

But she couldn’t help it.

It was as though his death had cast a shadow over her that she could not outrun.

She had recently gone back to work, glad to be there in person to put her kids at ease. But every time she saw their little smiles, she found herself wondering what would have happened if Bryce had actually killed her. Or if he’d attacked her at the school and murdered her in front of the kids, scarring them for life.

When she hung out with Amy, she often found herself wondering what she would have done if the man had gone after her best friend as a way to maximize Vivian’s pain.

Would she have survived such a thing?

She thought of Ryan finding her already dead. His fragile heart broke and yet again. In between all of those what ifs that focused on how things could have unfolded. There was another thought that was really eating away at Vivian.

What if upon his death, Bryce’s darkness had come over to her? What if that was why she had felt so unbelievably happy at the news of his death? Sure Ryan had reassured here that her happiness did not mean that she was bad. But she just could not shake the thought.

Was she going to turn into one of those people who became horrid to others because they had not been treated well? The idea haunted her every waking moment, but in the night Vivian had to deal with a different kind of monster.

***

Nightmares were nothing new to her.

After Bryce’s attack, she had suffered from them a great deal, but they had been getting better. Now that she knew that he was dead, the nightmares had picked up again and this time they had taken on a disturbing theme.

When she had first come home from the hospital, her nightmares had been mostly about Bryce somehow coming back and hunting her down. Actually managing to kill her this time.

But with the news of his death they had shifted. Now when Vivian had bad dreams, instead of them being about Bryce killing her, their roles were reversed. She was the one who turned into a beast that she did not recognize and killed her ex.

Other times she did not kill Bryce, she killed Ryan instead. Or she’d wake up, drenched and sweat, the sound of Amy’s death scream filling her ears.

Again and again Vivian dreamt of things like that. Every single night, her dreams featured her as the monster, a creature that took comfort in tormenting others and she had no idea how to stop it.

***

After waking from yet another nightmare. In this one, she and Ryan had gone to Vivian’s Rose and while on the beach, she had drowned him. Holding him beneath the shallow water, not letting him come up for air despite how much he’d struggled, kicking up the sand and clawing at her arms.

After he died, she’d let the waves carry him deep into the waters. She’d woken up just as a giant shark had come out of the depths. Its jaws unhinging to swallow Ryan whole.

Now, standing out in the balcony, her robe tied loosely, Vivian was trying and failing to get herself under control. No matter how hard she tried, she just could not shake the feeling that the nightmares that she was having now were predicting what she would become in the future...a cold-hearted murderer.

"Are you alright?" Startling, she turned around and found Ryan looking at her. He was bare chested, his pajama bottoms hanging low on his waist. Once upon a time, just the sight of him looking like that would have made her mouth go dry.

But all that she could manage was a tired nod.

"I am fine, I’ve just had a lot on my mind, so I came out here to think," She answered, taking a step onto the balcony, Ryan made to reach out to her, but then she saw his hands drop and come to rest at his sides.

It hurt to see him so clearly repulsed by touching her, but she decided not to dwell on it.

"What were you thinking about?" He asked.

With a shrug Vivian turned back to looking down at the traffic below them. "It is not something I wish to talk about," There was a moment of silence, then Ryan’s voice came again.

"If you don’t want to talk about it, do you perhaps wish to join me in bed. Maybe a good cuddle is what you need...or perhaps something else," It was tempting...just thinking of switching her mind off and only thinking with her body for a bit, but in the end Vivian decided not to do that.

"You go on ahead, I’ll join you later," Ryan did not say anything to that, but when she turned back, he was no longer behind her, and Vivian let her shoulders slump in sorrow.

Could he feel it too? The darkness that she constantly worried was consuming her. Not having an answer to that question, Vivian took comfort in the fact that by going to bed on his own, Ryan was at least spared the burden of having to worry about her.