Chapter 247: Painful Misunderstanding
Ryan’s POV
When Vivian had come back from the hospital, she had been hurting, as was to be expected. But the two of them had dealt with her pain together, and Ryan had truly felt that they were growing stronger as a result of that. But then, word of Bryce’s death had reached them, and all of the progress that he thought they were making had just fallen apart.
At first, Ryan had thought the man’s passing would not be too much of a problem. That he’d helped Vivian through that hurdle when he’d helped her get over feeling happy that her ex was dead. But that was not the case.
He had no idea what had gone wrong or how it had gone wrong, but overnight a giant chasm had appeared between the two of them, and he had no clue how to fix it.
’Let me take you out to dinner tonight,’
’No, I like staying home and cooking for the both of us,’
’Let’s watch a movie together,’
’Maybe some other time, I am tired tonight,’
’How about we go for a walk?’
’I walked a lot today with the kids,’
’How about we go to the bedroom to have ourselves a bit of fun?’
’Not tonight, Ryan, I am not in the mood,’
Those were the types of conversations that had now become a regular occurrence between the two of them. No matter what Ryan tried to do, Vivian always backed away. Had it been with just her words that she was refusing him, then maybe he would have been able to endure a little bit more.
But she even seemed to find his touch repulsive. Several times over the past few days, Ryan had had to physically stop himself from touching her when he’d noticed her flinch if he so much as twitched an arm in her direction.
He had talked to Mark about it, not being specific on the details, just saying that she was struggling and his friend’s advice had been for him to be patient, that she had been through a lot of trauma. Ryan knew that and he was trying to be understanding but at the end of the day he was just a man, and doubt had begun to set in.
***
What if Vivian had fallen out of love with him and had no idea how to tell him? What if she had never truly loved him that deeply? What if he had been just a rebound to help her get over Bryce?
Just thinking that made his entire soul ache. But given the way that things were going between them, Ryan could not dismiss that thought.
What if that truly was the case or maybe it was something even worse?
What if hearing about Bryce’s death had re-awakened Vivian’s feelings for him and now she was feeling guilty because she missed him and would never get the chance to be with him again? That sounded ridiculous, the man had tried to kill her. Ryan knew that much, but then he also knew of countless other women who had gone back to their abusive boyfriends even after they had laid hands on them.
What if that was something that was currently happening to Vivian? What if a part of her wanted to go back to Bryce but she could not do that since he was dead?
***
There was a part of Ryan that knew that he was spiraling. But he just could not seem to get his thoughts under control.
When he took in all of the ways that Vivian was now being distant and dismissive towards him. No matter which way he looked at it, all of them pointed to one thing.
Vivian Rose did not wish to be with him anymore.
The loss of her ex had somehow made her realize that she missed the man. If that truly was the case, Ryan had no idea what he was going to do with himself.
Vivian Rose was his world, in just a few short months. She had become someone very important in his life. There was no way he could stand the thought of losing her to the memory of a dead man. A dead man who had been horrible to her.
Had Bryce still been alive, Ryan would have hunted him down and beaten him up again, just to make himself feel better.
But he got the feeling that if he showed up at the morgue, where Bryce was currently being held and tried to attack the corpse, he’d end up in a mental institutions.
Yet no matter what solution Ryan tried to think of his problems remained.
What was he going to do if Vivian Rose told him outright that she did not wish to be with him?
They had already been apart once, and he had barely made it through that time. This time if she told him that she could not be with him, there would be no Mark and Amy to swoop in and save the day.
There would be nothing salvageable in him. Vivian had all of Ryan’s heart. If in her heart there was only space for a dead man, then there would be no place for Ryan at all.
If that truly was the case, then what in the world is he going to do? Would he stick around knowing that she did not care about him the same way that he cared about her? Or would it be better for him to just cut his losses and get going? Neither of those possibilities were particularly appetizing to him. But Ryan knew that things could not keep going as they were. A decision had to be taken and soon. The only question was which one would he choose, to stay, or to leave?
Whichever decision he would end up making, Ryan was only certain of one thing. Whether he left, or stayed by her side, if Vivian no longer had any feelings for him, then he would spend a lifetime with a broken heart.