Chapter 1129: Love Is Always Misspent (7)
Shui Jingmo gazed deeply at the woman before him who was once noble and elegant, but now appeared somewhat nervous and desperate in front of him. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in his heart.
People are not plants; who can be without emotions?
They had been husband and wife for a decade, living together day and night. Even without the substance of marriage, there was the affection of relatives.
He had always tried his best to treat her well. He wasn’t unaware of what she wanted, but he just couldn’t give it. So he kept his distance through detachment.
If he hadn’t met Xiao Xu, perhaps during such a long companionship, he might have accepted this feeling; but that ultimately remains a possibility.
𝘧𝓇ℯℯ𝑤ℯ𝘣𝓃ℴ𝓋𝑒𝑙.𝑐𝘰𝑚
He met Xiao Xu, and his heart ceased to belong to himself.
He could compromise with fate but couldn’t compromise with his own heart.
He owed Xiao Xu too much and owed Pei Ning too much as well.
In this lifetime, he really owed too much to these two people who loved him, which no matter what he did, he couldn’t repay or make up for.
He loved Xiao Xu but couldn’t leave with Xiao Xu.
He married Pei Ning but couldn’t give Pei Ning a complete home.
It’s all his fault.
He had already made too many mistakes; he had always been indecisive and ended up hurting everyone who loved him, including himself, as he never really felt happy.
"Pei Ning, all these years, it’s me who have wronged you." Shui Jingmo suddenly felt it was time to make a decision; continuing to wander like this was harmful to everyone.
Shui Jingmo looked at Feng Peining: "Pei Ning, you’re a wonderful woman. Being able to marry you is my fortune, but I just don’t have the fortune to enjoy it. If I could, I truly wanted to give you a complete home. But Pei Ning..."
He painfully closed his eyes, then continued: "I’m sorry, I... I can’t do it."
"Whether you resent me or hate me, it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have knowingly... married you and delayed you. Pei Ning, I’m sorry."
He once truly believed he could let go of everything in the past and start anew, but after marrying Pei Ning, he realized he was truly wrong. He couldn’t do it; he genuinely couldn’t do it. Xiao Xu’s place in his heart had never been shaken one bit by anything or by the passage of time.
So he ultimately let down Xiao Xu, let down Pei Ning.
And let down himself.
Although the answer was predictable, hearing him say it aloud still made Feng Peining’s heart feel suffocating pain. After all these years, now tearing the wound open bare, she discovered that inside it had already festered into pus; just a little more, and her tense nerves might completely snap.
"I... understand." Feng Peining didn’t know how she managed to utter these words. She only knew that saying them nearly exhausted all her strength, leaving her in a state from which she struggled to recover for a long time.
They stood there quietly for a long time before Feng Peining tightened her fingers, forcing herself to finish her remaining words: "I... plan to go back to Phoenix Island with Xiaoqi. From now on, you and I... will be like this."
Words of determination refused to come out; words of blessing even less so.
She didn’t know what kind of mood Ning Xu had when he died; she only knew that at this moment, she herself was equally uncertain between life and death, incapable of either love or hate.