Chapter 309
Long after that, the senators continued to spout incomprehensible nonsense.
I finally sent them away, using the excuse that I needed time to think things over.
'I'm in deep trouble this time. I didn't understand a single word of it.'
But the highly excited men simply left without the slightest suspicion.
They were completely certain I would easily solve their problem once again.
I still had no idea how I had ended up in this position.
"You truly are amazing. There are so many complex interests involved that I wouldn't even know where to begin, but it looks like you already have the answer."
The pure admiration in my wife's gaze was so heavy it made my stomach ache.
But what else could I do?
I was already riding the Back of a Lion, so there was only one thing I could say.
"...Of course."
"What a relief. If it weren't for you, the conflict between Hispania and Gaul would undoubtedly be far worse by now."
"Well... I'm sure Augustus would have handled it somehow."
"He would have, of course, but they wouldn't have followed him with the same deep, heartfelt agreement. Even if he managed it, it would have taken much longer. Isn't that why Augustus values you so highly?"
My wife seemed to feel an immense sense of pride that her beloved husband was such an incredible man.
Honestly, it made sense.
The number of people who had risen to this position without being a native-born Roman, let alone hailing from the Italian peninsula, was still vanishingly small.
On top of that, Marcus Augustus practically deferred to my judgment entirely on matters concerning Gaul and Hispania.
The man who was essentially the Emperor of Rome was acknowledging me.
It was an honor no other individual from Gaul or Hispania had ever enjoyed.
Of course, from my perspective, I just wished Lord Marcus would step up and handle it himself.
"I'll need to mull this over for a few more days. I might come up with a better plan."
"Alright. If anyone gets anxious, I'll tell them to trust you and wait."
Looking at my wife's pure, trusting smile, it became impossible to confess that I actually knew nothing at all.
It couldn't be helped.
Now that things had come to this, my only option was to scrape together a solution and somehow smooth things over, just as I had done every time before.
The very next day, I attended our regular gathering, hoping to catch even the slightest hint of a clue.
Spartacus and Surenas had arrived before me, and they offered a light wave in greeting.
I had built a strong friendship with the two of them, to the point where we now made sure to meet at least once a week.
None of us were native-born Romans, and we all shared a long history on the battlefield. Those commonalities made it easy to talk to one another, which naturally led to our close bond.
We had also fought alongside each other during the Xiongnu war, which made it even easier to grow close.
However, even they didn't know the truth of my current situation.
I had considered coming clean to ask for their help, but if the truth ever leaked out, it would be a catastrophe.
Besides, these two had been harboring a ridiculous misconception about me for so long that I couldn't muster the courage to correct them now.
"You're unusually late today. Did something happen?"
Spartacus asked, looking like a man without a single care in the world.
I had heard he spent his days in comfort, leisurely training his disciples. I was so jealous it brought tears to my eyes.
"Ah... Someone asked a favor of me."
As I took my seat, Surenas handed me a cup of wine with a rich, heady aroma.
"Did those two factions swarm your house again? You have my sympathies."
"...It couldn't be helped. They insist they can't reach an agreement without my mediation."
"I suppose that's true. You have the absolute trust of both sides, after all. Not to mention your outstanding judgment and the vast knowledge to back it up."
"Ha... ha... ha..."
Talking about it any further would only give me heartburn.
I quietly drank my wine. Taking my silence for humility, Spartacus let out a sound of admiration.
"The more I think about it, the more incredible you are. I spent my youth doing nothing but swinging a sword, so I'm still entirely out of my depth with these things. It was hard enough for me to formally join the military and cram strategy and tactics into my head. Your accomplishments, however, border on the miraculous."
"Well... Surenas is quite exceptional when it comes to administration and politics, isn't he?"
"I was a high noble who managed vast tracts of land back in Parthia. More importantly, I never possessed your transcendent martial prowess. In your prime, you could count the warriors in Rome capable of matching you on one hand."
"Honestly, even back then, I had no confidence I could beat Spartacus..."
No matter how I looked at it, this was not the atmosphere to confess that I was actually in the exact same boat as Spartacus.
Whether they knew my soul was burning to ash or not, Spartacus and Surenas kept heaping suffocating amounts of praise upon me.
Amidst this unproductive chatter, I finally managed to seize an opening and subtly slid the documents I had brought over to Surenas.
"This is the issue that sparked all the controversy recently. What's your take on it?"
"They've been arguing about it loudly in the Senate, so naturally I know it well. It involves mine development and excavation rights, tangled up with transportation routes, budget allocations, and the share of benefits meant for nearby villages and regions. I can see why it's giving you a headache."
Surenas truly was built differently.
Judging by his relaxed expression as he scanned the documents, he already had a grasp on how to best mediate the dispute.
Spartacus poured himself another cup of wine and brought it to his lips, chiming in.
"It's a difficult and highly sensitive subject. I remember seeing Lord Marcus agonize over similar issues several times while he was stationed in the East."
"Multiple nations were deeply entangled over there, after all. It's not an easy problem to solve."
If they both agreed it was such a complex problem, couldn't they offer an actual solution instead of just waxing nostalgic?
I desperately wanted to hear more details about Lord Marcus's past methods so I could use them as a reference, but the conversation started to drift away once again.
"By the way, Vercingetorix, your complexion looks a bit worse than before."
"I've had a lot on my mind lately... but rather than that, tell me more about Lord Marcus..."
"Why don't you take a break instead of just focusing on work? I feel like I've been cooped up in Rome for far too long myself, so I'm thinking of heading somewhere else."
"Even if we wanted to, we hold official government posts. We can't just leave whenever we please."
"That's why you use official duties as an excuse to relocate. In my case, I've decided to take up an instructor post at the Eastern Military Academy. The boy I'm teaching now is just about the right age to enroll anyway, so the timing is perfect."
The mention of an unexpected escape route immediately caught my attention.
Why hadn't I thought of this until now?
That was it.
There was absolutely no reason for me to stay and suffer in Rome.
I just needed to concoct an excuse and get myself reassigned to another province.
"Are there any vacant posts left there, by chance? My fatigue has been piling up lately, and I really think I could use a break..."
"Hmm, I highly doubt they'd let you go to the East. Ah, come to think of it, I did hear rumors of a plan to establish a military academy in Gaul. That region still lacks such an institution, after all. If it does get built, having you as the head administrator wouldn't be a bad idea, would it?"
"Thanks for the tip!"
I wasn't doomed to die a miserable death here after all.
When all was said and done, it seemed the gods truly loved me.
A perfect escape route had just opened up right in front of me.
I casually played along with their conversation for the rest of the gathering. The moment it ended, I immediately requested a meeting with Lord Marcus and waited my turn.
By a stroke of incredible luck, his schedule happened to be empty today, so I was able to secure a private audience without any trouble.
"Rumors about you have been circulating all over Rome lately. How have you been?"
"It is all thanks to the grace of the great Augustus. I am feeling quite fatigued, but I am barely managing to hold on."
"Your complexion is certainly darker than before. And... you somehow seem to be taking after Lord Caesar."
He hurriedly averted his eyes, but I knew exactly what he meant.
He had definitely said that while staring at my hairline.
Whose fault did he think this was? Still, seeing the faint hint of guilt on his face, it seemed he at least knew he was the cause.
This was actually a good thing.
If he felt guilty, my chances of successfully requesting an external posting by using my health as an excuse would be much higher.
"In fact, I came to consult with you precisely about that issue."
"Is that so? You must truly be unwell, then."
"Yes. I've been running nonstop for years now, and I believe my body is finally starting to give out. I used to be so confident in my stamina, but I suppose there's no fighting off age. Hahaha."
"Aren't you not even fifty yet? I thought we were around the same age?"
"Ah... Of course, I don't mean to imply that you are old, Augustus. It's just that my body isn't the same as it was in my twenties or thirties... that's all. Haha..."
An awkward silence briefly settled over the room.
Fortunately, he hadn't truly been offended. Marcus wore a peculiar smile as he slid a teacup toward me.
"Drink. Let's talk."
"Thank you. As I was saying, before my hair falls out any further... no, I mean, before my health deteriorates any further, I feel I desperately need to catch my breath and recover my strength."
"So, you want to take a break. Tell me, have you ever seen my daily schedule?"
When I shook my head, Marcus gestured to one of the walls.
A cold sweat ran down my back as I took in the massive schedule detailing Augustus's daily routine, posted right in the middle of the room.
Was that really a human being's schedule?
At a rough glance, his workload was easily more than double my own.
Looking at it objectively, I wasn't exhausted from the sheer amount of work. I was exhausted because I was constantly forced to play the part of a grand sage—a role I was entirely unsuited for.
Whining about being overworked and begging for a transfer in front of a man who maintained such a grueling, murderous schedule was utterly absurd.
Still, the water had already been spilled.
I threw away my shame, pasting a look of pure awe onto my face as I began uttering streams of admiration.
"You truly are the great Augustus. You are fundamentally built differently from ordinary men like me."
"Somehow, that doesn't sound like a pure compliment."
"Not at all! I am simply honored to witness the boundless passion and capability of the great Augustus. It makes me feel my own inadequacies all the more acutely."
Marcus watched my desperate, rambling flattery with a strange gaze.
For some reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that he already knew exactly what I was doing and was just stringing me along for his own amusement.
"Well... if you are truly struggling that much, it is my duty as your leader to lighten the burden on your shoulders, even if only for a short while. I am not some rigid old man who scolds his subordinates for resting just because I work hard."
"Thank you for your boundless mercy."
"However, it wouldn't do for a man as young as yourself to completely abandon his political duties and retire for recuperation. It would only cause unnecessary panic. If rumors of your failing health spread, it might severely agitate Gaul and Hispania. Ah, come to think of it, we were planning to establish a military academy in Gaul, but the post of head administrator is still vacant—"
"Please send me!"
I had just dared to interrupt Augustus, but I was so desperate to escape that I didn't care.
Thankfully, Marcus did not reprimand me.
He merely stared at me, the smile never leaving his face.
Honestly, looking at that completely unreadable smile could be terrifying at times.
But perhaps my desperate, soul-baring plea had actually worked.
"You'd be more than capable of handling it. Go, and foster the talents who will secure the safety of Rome."
"A-Are you serious? Thank you! I'll do my absolute best! I will not let you down!"
I never imagined my problems would be solved so instantly.
"You're much happier than I anticipated. Somehow, you seem even more ecstatic than when we won our wars."
"Pardon? Ha... haha..."
"I suppose it's because you'll finally be returning to your homeland after such a long time? Sentimental feelings like that come naturally as we age."
"Yes, that's exactly it! Haha... Just the thought of returning home with such a heavy responsibility makes my heart pound with excitement."
"Ah, I see. For a moment there, I wondered if there was some other reason."
There was absolutely no doubt—this man knew exactly why I was so desperate to flee Rome.
He was pretending not to know on purpose, thoroughly enjoying my reaction.
Lord Caesar used to show a similar tendency back in the day. I would never understand why such brilliant leaders shared such a terrible hobby.
The man, a living god who supposedly knew everything under the heavens, finally stopped laughing. He picked up a few sheets of paper from his desk and pressed them into my hands.
"Still, you must at least sort out the disputes you've been asked to handle before you leave. Since you're unwell and couldn't focus on them, I've drafted a mediation proposal of my own. I will leave it up to your judgment whether you use it or not."
I take it all back.
The great Marcus Augustus was the kindest, most compassionate, and absolute greatest ruler on the face of the earth.
I was terribly ashamed for ever misunderstanding this infinitely merciful man and assuming he had a twisted hobby of tormenting his subordinates.
Reflect on your sins, Vercingetorix.
"I humbly and gratefully accept the grace you have shown me, Augustus."
"Good. There is nothing more important in this world than health. Get some proper rest, and return to us fully recovered."
Marcus reached out, offering his hand for a handshake.
I could clearly feel the deep benevolence radiating from him, silently wishing for my continued health in a distant land.
I eagerly reached out and grasped his gracious hand with all my heart.
But just as I was entirely overwhelmed by emotion, his parting words pierced my ears like a poisoned arrow.
"I fully expect you to work hard for at least another twenty years. We can't have your health failing on you already. I'll be sure to handpick plenty of reading material for you to study while you're away. Plan to return to Rome in about three to five years. That should be plenty of rest, right?"
"..."
If it were at all possible, I would have traveled thirty seconds back in time and smashed my own skull in with a chair.
You foolish Vercingetorix! How many times are you going to fall for his tricks?
Looking back, I should have taken the hint and immediately retired the moment Caesar stepped down.
I had missed my chance to run away, and the moment I was handed over to Marcus, my luck had truly run dry.
Was it too late to just make a run for it now?
Shaking off the ridiculous fantasy, I took a breath and forced myself to look at the bright side.
Come on, he was just teasing me. There was no way he actually intended to work me to the bone for twenty more years.
No human being with a conscience would ever do such a thing.
It had to be a joke.
But it was incredibly strange.
How did Marcus Augustus manage to make a joke sound so terrifyingly genuine?
I suppose the future me would find out the hard way.