The Most Random System

Humming a classic tune, Lin Li opened his phone.

A few group chats had entered the least active phase of the day—usually, those who stayed up all night gaming would disperse around five or six in the morning, but now it was past eight.

Those who stayed up late wouldn’t last until this time, and those who sleep wouldn’t wake up at this time.

Sigh, let’s enjoy the collection of Bangjie series illustrations.

「Zhang Haoyang: So hungry, so hungry, so hungry, so hungry, so hungry! I even want to break my teeth and swallow them right now ahhhh——」

「Zhang Haoyang: Hahaha, I am Zhang Baowei! I am Zhang Baowei! I’ve become the gluttonous lord hahaha!!」

「Zhang Haoyang: What’s this? Nose dirt? I’ll eat it!! What’s this? Chewed betel nut? I’ll eat it!! What’s this? Pocket lint? I’ll eat it!!」

There was actually a living person here.

Nope.

There was actually a sentient humanoid life form here.

「Lin Li: When a person is hungry and doesn’t know to eat, that’s called an idiot. A phone runs out of battery and doesn’t charge itself, yet it’s called a smartphone. Haoyang, does that make sense to you?」

「Zhang Haoyang: It’s not that I don’t want to eat, damn it!!」

「Zhang Haoyang: My whole family is going for a health check today, I can’t eat right now!!」

Lin Li suddenly understood.

He had also undergone a health check-up, and most routine checks required fasting in the morning.

「Zhang Haoyang: Doesn’t anyone think it’s absurd? We all know that skipping breakfast affects health!! Yet here I am, not allowed to eat breakfast before a health check. How can that be accurate?」

「Lin Li: Starved to madness, one.」

「Lin Li: Haoyang, do you know if you let a monkey randomly type on a keyboard and give it enough time——」

「Zhang Haoyang: It could eventually type out Shakespeare?」

「Lin Li: No, it would starve to death.」

「Lin Li: "Delicious Food Picture"」

「Lin Li: "Delicious Food Picture"」

「Lin Li: "Delicious Illustration"」

「Lin Li: "Delicious Food Picture"」

「Zhang Haoyang: ?」

「Zhang Haoyang: Damn it! Was that sarcasm? Lin Li! I don’t believe it, Immortal!!!」

「Zhang Haoyang: Hey, but Lin Li, do you know how righteous I was as a child and why my sister treats me so well?」

Zhang Haoyang’s sister indeed treats him well, sometimes even visiting him at school on weekdays to bring him a late-night snack.

「Lin Li: Tell me.」

「Zhang Haoyang: I can only say it’s well-deserved.」

「Zhang Haoyang: According to my family’s firsthand reports,

when my sister was little, she was confused about why I had an extra spout like a teapot.

Since we’re siblings, my sister didn’t hide her curiosity and told me she wanted one too.

As a little kid, brave and naive me, without speaking properly yet, grabbed a pair of scissors, took off my pants, and was ready to share half with my sister.

Luckily, before I could commit, my mom came back home.

That evening, my sister turned into a genius girl, almost reaching her fourth year at Beijing University by age seven.

I don’t remember much about this incident, but my whole family seems to remember it vividly; they have a fantastic memory.」

「Lin Li: ?」

「Lin Li: Your mom, chatting with her friends after that must have been like:

Your mom: Almost beat the eldest to death, only a daughter left.

Friend: What angered you so much... Hey, wait? Mrs. Zhang, isn’t your eldest the daughter?

Your mom: Haha, guess why I almost beat the eldest to death?」

「Chen Tianming: Your dad smoked a whole pack that night, couldn’t wrap his head around how having one son and one daughter almost wiped out his bloodline.」

「Chen Tianming: Being a parent is harsh; better let Musk handle it alone.」

「Zhang Haoyang: Now you see, my sister has to repay her lifelong debt as my provider. It’s karma for me. It’s what I deserve.」

「Lin Li: Fair enough, I acknowledge you.」

「Zhang Haoyang: But still so hungry so hungry so hungry so hungry——」

「Chen Tianming: @Lin Li, when are you coming to school?」

「Lin Li: Me? I’m not going, I’m heading to Pingjiang today, didn’t I tell you?」

「Chen Tianming: Huh? When did you tell me that?」

「Lin Li: 14 seconds ago, Tianming, your memory is terrible.」

「Chen Tianming: You bastard.」

「Chen Tianming: So you’re going with the class monitor?」

「Lin Li: Yes.」

「Chen Tianming: Damn, Lin Li, you got it good, even catching the chance for a date.」

「Lin Li: And the class monitor’s mom.」

「Chen Tianming: Damn, Lin Li, you are the bravest man in Class 4 of Year 1, consider me amazed.」

「Lin Li: Tell me something we don’t know, Tianming, why do you ask? Did you want to join me? Where’s your Qiaoqiao?」

「Chen Tianming: Qiaoqiao has her classmates, not sure if we can sit together.」

「Chen Tianming: I was hoping to have you as backup, just in case.」

「Fan Rou: But we had significant progress today. Guys, Qiaoqiao actually called me cute today, even though she got my name wrong and called me ’Fan Rou’, but that’s okay, I can change my name.」

Lin Li didn’t reply.

Because Lin Li was laughing uncontrollably.

Fan Rou is actually the name of a classmate in Yao Qiaoqiao’s class.

Tsk, Tianming still has a spark of hope.

Honestly, Lin Li is increasingly convinced that with a bit more time, Tianming can achieve a dream ending.

Come to think of it, he is the middleman between the two and hopes that if they get together, they’ll bow to him as a tribute.

For the remaining time, he just casually chatted with the only two awake in the group chat, while keeping an eye on each vehicle appearing at the intersection.